The Bates children were sitting around the kitchen table eating an early dinner. It was Valentine's day and their parents had dinner plans of their own. John had just finished putting their bags in the car and was hanging out with them waiting for his mother to arrive.
"Why does Gran have to come over," Johnny Bates asked as he reached for another slice of pizza from the box. "I'm sixteen, I'm old enough to be in charge. I can keep this lot in line."
"You can't keep me in line," his younger brother mumbled with a mouthful. Johnny narrowed his eyes at Robbie.
"A chore to be sure," John agreed as he winked at his middle child. "Many have tried, few have succeeded." Robbie grinned proudly.
"But why is Gran coming?" eight year old Maggie asked as she picked her slice, pulling off a mushroom.
"Because it's Valentine's Day and your father and I have a date," Anna answered excitedly as she finally came downstairs to join them. John let out a low whistle and Anna did a spin in response. "Will I do, Mr. Bates?" He waggled his eyebrows to answer her question.
"I still say I don't need a babysitter," Johnny grumbled, ignoring his parents' antics.
"She's your Gran, not a babysitter!" Anna leaned on the table to slip on her high heels. "If it were just a few hours, we could leave you in charge but it's overnight. Come on, you love your grandmother and spending time with her."
"Yeah, I know," Johnny conceded.
"You'll have fun, I promise," John said, lifting his chin so Anna could fix his tie.
"Not as much fun as we will," Anna smirked, running the silk through her fingers suggestively.. "If all goes to plan." Suddenly there was a pair of loud groans from the dining table.
"Oh, gross! You can just stop all…," Johnny frowned and waved his hand in the air at them. "All… that!" Anna looked at her husband and started to laugh.
"Parents are so gross," Robbie added, for once in solidarity with his older brother.
"What?" John feigned ignorance. "You don't like it when your mother and I talk sexy?" He stressed the last word knowing the reaction it would get.
"Ugh, no, don't say that word!"
"What word is that?" Anna teased her children. "Sexy? You don't like when we say the word… sexy?"
"Come on, stop!" Johnny covered his ears.
"But I like when you say that word," John played along, pulling Anna closer to him and holding her at the waist. They began to sway as they stared into each other's eyes. "It's so sexy the way you say it."
"Oooh," Anna replied coyly. "And you look sexy when you say it, you sexy sexy man."
"LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Robbie shouted as he stuck his fingers in ears and closed his eyes tightly. "TELL ME WHEN THEY STOP! LA LA LA LA LA LA!"
"We are going to need so much therapy," Johnny shook his head. His head dropped back and he slumped down in his seat.
"Ew! They're kissing!" Maggie screamed. She covered her eyes but they could see her peeking through her fingers.
John and Anna laughed as he released her to answer the knock at the door. Margaret Bates entered the kitchen with John in tow carrying her overnight bag. Little Maggie jumped from her chair to give her grandmother a hug.
"Oh, pizza!" the older woman exclaimed as she ruffled Robbie's hair and nodded at Johnny. "I hope you saved me a slice."
"You can have the rest," Johnny grumbled, pushing his plate away. "I've totally lost my appetite."
"Me, too," Robbie agreed even as he took another bite. Margaret looked to her son and daughter-in-law for an explanation.
"We're just having some fun teasing the kids," John laughed. "They get squeamish when we show the least amount of affection to each other and they make it too easy." He hefted his mother's bag and headed toward the stairs. "I'll just run this upstairs for you, mum, but then we'll have to get going."
Margaret lowered herself into a chair and pulled her granddaughter and namesake on to her lap. She took a look around the table and started to chuckle.
"I thought I came to be with my grandchildren," she started. "Where are they? These lovelies are too quiet, can't be them."
"Mum and dad were kissing!" Maggie whispered to her grandmother. The little girl looked positively scandalized.
"They're always doing that," Robbie complained.
"You should be happy to have parents with so much love," Margaret commented, grabbing a napkin and pizza slice. "Would you rather they fight all the time?"
"No," Johnny admitted. "But they're old. They don't need to be doing all that lovey dovey stuff."
"Who says I'm old?" Anna exclaimed, wounded. "I'll have you know that I'm in the prime of my life!"
"And dad's even older," Johnny went on. "It's just… wrong."
"And what do you know about it?" Margaret asked pointedly.
"I know enough," Johnny mumbled and snickered. "Like, I know mum and dad had to have had sex at least three times." He pointed his finger at his siblings and himself.
"Yeah, and that's just since Sunday," John quipped as he returned.
"OH MY GOD!" Johnny screamed. He looked positively ill. "No, NO! You can't say things like that and expect your children not to have some kind of psychological trauma!"
"Parents are so gross," Robbie added nonchalantly, popping the last bite of pizza in his mouth and then wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. "I'm gonna play video games now."
"Napkin, please!" Anna chided him. The boy grabbed one and flew away from the table in a flash. Little Maggie hopped off her grandmother's lap and chased after him. Anna covered her mouth as she laughed.
"Quick, John! Call children's welfare! The boy is so traumatized!"
"Clearly!" John laughed.
"I give up," Johnny said, letting out a frustrated breath and glaring at his parents. "I'll be in my room, Gran. Let me know when it's safe to come back out." John and Anna chuckled as they slipped their coats on. Margaret raised an eyebrow at her son.
"He just makes it too easy," John shrugged..
"Oh, I know," the older woman nodded. "You can't help it, anyway. Just like your father, you are."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, nothing bad, son," she assured him, looking over the slice of pizza she brought up to her mouth. "Your father was a healthy man, is all I'm saying. A very healthy, hot blooded… um, passionate Irishman."
"Very funny, Mother," John said flatly, half turned toward the door to leave.
"I'm not complaining," Margaret answered. "Quite the contrary. We were both… passionate."
"Sweet lord," John muttered. "Ok, Ok, I get it. You're just trying to wind me up like I did to Johnny. I grew up in that house, I know you loved him but…"
"But what?" Margaret asked, half offended. "It's just the truth! I didn't call him Mr. Two Times for nothing!" A weird choking sound came from John but Anna just laughed.
"Really? But if that's true, how is it that John is an only child?"
"Anna, please don't encourage her," John begged. "We should go now."
"Oh, my dear, it wasn't from a lack of trying, I can promise you that!"
"Oh my!" Anna laughed some more.
"Ugh, stop! That's not even funny!"
"That man could melt my butter, and make no mistake," Margaret sighed, seemingly lost in her memories. "God rest that man's soul." Then she added with a wink at Anna. "And God knows he needs it."
"Mother!" John exclaimed. "I lived in that house, too, I would have been able to tell when you were up to… well, you know." Suddenly the word he used to torture his son not five minutes before was now impossible to say.
"We were good at being quiet," Margaret explained. She took a bite of her pizza and gave an appreciative sound. "Lord knows we had enough practice at it. But there was this one time–"
"Ok, that's it," John said, marching toward the door. "Anna, I'll be in the car."
"Have a nice time, son!" Margaret called after him. She grinned. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do! Not that it leaves you many options, come to think of it."
"LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!" John covered his ears as he raced toward the door, leaving the two women in the kitchen struggling to breathe from laughing at him.
"Oh, dear," Margaret finally said to Anna once they managed to stop. "I hope I didn't ruin the mood. But he makes it too easy!"