Chapter 1

The more you hate something about someone, the more you can't escape that hate. It eats you from the inside out.

Splash!

Rustle!

The transparent blue mirrored surface was scattered into waves and ripples as the students jumped and swam around. The swim coaches' voice mixed in with the noise of the freshmen. As much as he shouted he could not be heard over them. The students were trying to cool off, it was hot and uncomfortable for everyone and the students would do anything to escape the heat of the sun that was barrelling down on them. Mr Thiwat or Type to his friends swam like a fish.

The teacher nodded towards me as I looked to him for permission to jump into the pool and it didn't take me long before I dove into the water and started to move freely with a smile spread across my face. I felt at home in the water, growing up on the coast gave you a comfort with swimming and it was a compulsory course for everyone who was studying Sports Science.

The students who could swim were relaxed and having the time of their lives. However there was the small portion of the students who couldn't swim, they had to be more diligent and practice harder. It was compulsory that all of the students, who couldn't swim, must be able to swim by the end of this semester. If they didn't they failed the class and no one wanted that. I am good at acting like I am an injured puppy and started to pretend I was drowning. "Ai'Type, if you want to learn basic swimming skills, you need to learn from Champ!" My friends joked with me as I continued to pretend to drown.

"If you don't know how to swim, you don't need to hold on to the edge of the pool for dear life you stupid fuck." I snapped back.

"Every freshman has to be in this class" My high school friend Techno told me. Techno and I first met at the Fourth Colour Sports event, which took place every year. I was in science class and Techno was in the Art class. Our classed ended up being paired with Ai No's. In the beginning I wasn't familiar with him but when we got to fifth grade there weren't enough football players and the school tried to recruit everyone they could. Ai No and I were both recruited. We had the best time winning championships and awards together. No and I started to figure things out the older we got and both decided to study Sport Science. Techno and I have been friends ever since. "What a tragic scene!" I tease Ai No; he has to be embarrassed that he can't swim when he is so athletic on the football pitch. I turn to look at the people learning the basics to see them arguing.

"Do you want to play against me?" One of the boys who I have never seen win anything shouts.

"Freaking moron, why do you know I will lose? Don't be silly." The boy with dark skin joked and kicked at the edge of the pool. Everyone could see the fear in his eyes.

"I'm not stupid. I'm still on the school team."

"Long limbs do not mean you have the brains Ai'No." The friend pushed the water towards No and tried to hide the fact that felt more comfortable in the cool water than on the football pitch today.

"Do you want to go play ball with me?" No asked.

"I'm too lazy to go. You know I can't play well. I can only play for fun." I replied with a serious tone in my voice which seemed to amuse my friend.

"Then you can be an instructor or the team manager."

"Oh, can you hear what I'm talking about, are your ears clogged?" I replied. Why did No want me to play so badly?

"I would win anyway." He said, thinking of these four-color games, it was a serious matter. He has one of the most competitive personalities I have ever met. He is worse than me and that says something.

My position on the field is a guard; it's my job to make sure that no one gets to our goal. "Well, I know you're protecting my back." Ai'No announced. It seemed that those who worked out on the pitch every day weren't that comfortable in the water. He clung to the side of the pool so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"If I'm bored then I will leave."

"Believe me, you won't be bored. Go in. Let's watch more guys playing this time. I have a set of management plan." No continues to tell me. It's obvious that as long as it's about football, Techno knows everything, so everyone wondered why he didn't choose football major. As for that reason, I can never bear to listen directly. "When choosing a college, I pressed the wrong number." I can't imagine the look on people's face when he told them that story. After meeting, I asked the reason why he was so freaking stupid "Ai'Type... What about after the freshmen welcoming activities this evening can we go to find something different to eat?"

"No, I'll take dinner back to the dorm to eat. I'll bring food to my roommate and I will make up for sponging off of him for so long." I explained to No I was feeling guilty about all of the snacks that he brought home and I continued to eat with him.

"Speaking of your roommate..."

Grunt.

Rustle.

"Ah... Puff... Ai'Type! Ah... Help me" Before Techno finished, he pushed away from the side of the pool but was still using his feet to cling on. Anyone with half a brain would have let their feet sink and move to a part of the pool they could stand in. He realised he made a mistake when his arms started flailing about in the air and he was making loud gurgling sounds. I watched as he made his way back coughing and trying to get the pool water out of his eyes and ears. He's definitely swallowed a lot of the pool water. His eyes and ears were flooded.

"Ha!" I couldn't help but let out a loud laugh as I watch him grip to the side for dear life.

"Hooei! Ai'No, don't catch me, don't move" I shouted as No started to cling to my neck and hair. "Argh you fuck!"

"Sink, sink! Cough, cough!" No screamed that he was still going to drown, but his head was still over the surface of the water. He almost pushed my head under the water in his panicked state.

"Don't move, you fool!" I screamed at him. No felt that all the students in the class were looking back at him, and the teacher was nervous as she swam towards them.

"What's wrong?" The teacher asked with concern littered in her voice.

"This one was being stupid, teacher." I said sadly, teasing the man who was still holding his hair. He was back to holding the edge of the swimming pool with one hand. He wasn't laughing though. He smiled shamefully and slowly let go of his friend's wet hair. Before he let go, he swept his friend's hair back and forth, trying to make up for the mess he had caused. The female teacher smiled at the cute scene between the two friends.

"In the future, there will be lessons to teach you how to help the drowning people." The teacher announced. "I have a way that I will teach you where the drowning person holds on..." She paused and turned back to No. "How about you? Are you okay? You should be wary. Swimming is not a joke!" She looked around and after seeing that all the other students were OK, she continued to talk and swam into the other lane.

"I'm sorry." No apologised to me still breathless from coughing.

"Yes, you should apologize to me! I've just had my hairs ripped off with that fucked up stunt you pulled." I shout at him. "Next time I'll kick you in your spleen." I shook my head as I spoke, swearing that the next swim I would be as far away from him as possible. Who would have thought that the man who was a whirlwind on the ground would become a wooden man in the water? "What did you ask me just now?"

"I forgot." He replied.

"Great, too much chlorine makes you have Alzheimer's." I snap back. Techno was still holding his head and thinking about what important thing he was going to say. All of the freshmen classes are together with classes from other years. It's not often that they got to meet each other. In class at least.

"What is it?" Techno asked himself silently. "I remember I had something important to tell Ai'Type, I heard something right before we came to campus. But what is it?" He continued to ask himself silently. "Oh, I feel so skinny after seeing Champ's bulky figure." No told me as we made our way into the showers.

"Hahahaha, my neighbourhood has a boxing camp, so I go to kick and play, which is how this body shape effect came about."

"No wonder, it's like the muscle guys in the gym." No complained. As we made our way into the dressing room, I stood drying my hair. I brought my hands up to the crown part of my head just to check that my friend has not given me a bald spot. Everyone make a sound of laughter around me. But they aren't laughing at me some are talking about girls; some are talking about naught things. A group of people nearby haven't jumped the topic of figure yet. They are looking at each other with their clothes on.

Let's go back for a minute and talk about Champ. Champ is a classmate in a professional class. He's not as tall as No and I, but he must be heavier than us. It's no surprise to anyone to find out that he was at boxing camp. If there ever was a conflict, the other side would surely lose without the fight even starting. "When it comes to the gym, I will never go." I started to complain.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid of butt pain." I replied. I continued to put on my vest. "It's not bragging. I'm just handsome. All of a sudden, everyone is staring at me. But I can't help it. When they take a bath, I dare not bend down to pick up soap." I continued to explain. "It's just that talk about men doing things in the back door. I don't want any of that crap. I'm scared to death... "

"Hahahaha." Everyone started to laugh as the words left me. I shook my head in frustration; I didn't understand what everyone was laughing at. It's not funny but instead of my friends understanding I was being stared at with hostile eyes. I genuinely felt like a girl who is in a changing room that's being invaded when I am at the gym and all of these people stare at me. What can I do? I don't like it! "Err! I am, freaking remember it!" At that time, many people were still laughing. Suddenly, the man with Alzheimer's turned his head and started to speak to me loudly. So loudly it made many of the guys in locker room turn back to see what happened. I could only look back at him dejectedly.

"What's the matter with you? Do you have a bad brain after drinking too much chlorine or something?" I asked him.

"No, no, no, it's important to you, Ai'Type." This time there were no jokes but I stood shaking his head and almost blurted something out, but seeing No look at me with a curious look on his face stopped me from saying anything as he grabbed my head and neck and pulled it to the other corner of the room.

"What's the matter?" I asked incomprehensibly.

"I want to ask you if you have moved out of the dorm yet."No asked me. I looked him with confusion.

"Move dorms? Why would I move the dorms?" I asked in doubt. There was no reason for me to move out of the dorm. No always said that he would come to live with me, but he didn't end up moving with me because his family lived near the university. He would never find trouble for himself or move to the dorms, so the fact that he was asking the question was even more suspicious.

"Your roommate, is it someone named Ai'Tharn, is it?" He asked.

"Well yeah he is. Ai'Tharn, what's wrong with Tharn?" I nodded, remembering that there was nothing wrong with the man's handsome face, so I continued to listen to Techno.

"I heard big news that will shake your chest, and make your teeth go on a fucking frenzy..." No started to tell me with passion in his voice.

"Hey, I think he is an okay guy and quite nice. He's a drummer. Just waving a drum stick can attract the girls." I told him before continuing. "Besides, don't forget that he's a mixed race..."

"It's not just that..." No, pulled my head closer so that I could feel his warm breath blow into my ear. The next words must be very important. They must be the last words I want to hear. "I heard people say that..." Techno nodded quickly this time, embarrassed to say: "I heard he's gay."

"..." I froze. I stood still like a statue, with my eyes wide, my mouth wide open and my brain analysing what he just said. "He is gay", this gay was a breathing, living creature in MY Dorm! Anger surged through my veins; I repeated what No said in my head. Tharn is gay, so... "I want to move dorms!" I told No trying to come to terms with the shock pulsating through me. There are only a few people left in the dressing room and they look back at the direction of the angry voice. If anyone saw my current appearance, they must be thinking... how can this smiling man get so angry...

Bang!

I quickly put on my vest and school uniform and as soon as I was dressed I rushed out of the locker room. The students all turned around and asked Ai'No to go with them but he was also trying to get dressed quickly to follow his friend. He didn't need to know where I was going and he hoped it was going to be the Student Dormitory Service Centre. I was on a rampage by the time he got to me so it definitely was going to end in a disaster. "I'll move out of the dorm, anyway!"

"Well, I told you that I can't move you." The woman behind the desk told me. "There are too many students this year. You don't know how lucky the freshmen are to live in dormitories. Many senior students had to move out from their dorms just to give the freshmen the right to live in the dorms first." The dormitory aunt was getting angrier the longer I shouted at her. She was red faced as I clenched my fists; she was interested in watching the TV, but was also conscientiously explaining.

"But I'm moving. Doesn't anyone want to change dorms, Khun Paa?"

"Oooei, if there is someone who is willing to move then go find them and bring him here instead of standing here shouting at me!" She tells me.

"But this is the student service centre, isn't it, Khun Paa?" I was still arguing without giving up. No matter good or bad, I had to try and get out of the room. It also allowed me to be out and stay away from the room! I cannot be in the same space as a gay! Err, also the transgenders! I don't want to be anywhere near them either!

"Ai'Type, calm down."Techno ran in to try and stop me.

"I can't calm down. Urgh, I thought he was straight playing with girls. Who ever thought...?" I can only grind my teeth to stop the anger from coming out of me. I can't help it.

"But if there's a contradiction, you can move." Khun Paa advised me.

"I have a problem with my roommate!" I shout at her. Her eyes widened with my deep voice booming, and her brows furrowed that she looked worried.

"If there is any contradiction, it must be serious, otherwise it will not work." She told me.

"He is a freaking..." But the moment when I wanted to blurt out the truth, I stopped; with my brain running fast and not knowing what to do I just stopped talking. I wasn't childish enough to uncover the truth that his roommate didn't actually do anything wrong. I don't know whether the bastard was out of the closet or not. I'll see if his behaviour hides it later. "Well, auntie, I can't stand him."

"If there's no reason, I can't move you. If it is because he doesn't care about hygiene or help clean the dormitory then I can't and won't listen to such things. The two people living together should communicate and understand each other. They also should try and work problems out together" Khun Paa said this and I couldn't help but clench my fist tighter. I realise that to move out this way was not working.

"Then what shall I do?" I ask her pleadingly.

"The simplest thing is to find a person who is willing to change his dorm and then come here to report and carry out it." With that, she turned around and went on watching the TV series. I couldn't believe that she was leaving people standing in front of her.

"Well as I said calm down first. In fact, he didn't do anything to you. You can live with him." No told me as we walked away from the Aunt who was still watching her show and hadn't even acknowledged the next student in line.

"Live with him your fucking father! I can't stand to live in a dormitory with him!" No thought I was obviously biased and I couldn't help but frown.

"I ask you, why do you hate people like that? I can understand that you don't like things like that." He asked me confused. "It is slightly creepy, but you can't be hateful..." Techno still can't understand, because he also has many friends who are transgenders. He has also pinched the nipples of transgender and gays to make them scream like women. He thought it's no surprise to have friends who are gay. He keeps telling me that if you hate gays, your life is going to be really hard, they are everywhere, male lovers everywhere. The question stunned me, my eyes narrowed.

"Hate is hate." I tell him not wanting to tell him about my past. "I don't know and in any case, I will never live with anyone that allows another man to invade his ass." I turned to enter the dormitory and decided to knock on every door. I went one by one to ask if anyone wanted to change dorms, although I couldn't help but think that if anyone had no real conflict with his roommate, they wouldn't want to change dorms! After knocking on the dorms doors for an hour I was pulled to class by friends and dragged to welcome new students. I hadn't had much luck in speaking to people as they were all in classes. At the end of the day, it was after eight o'clock and after I returned to knocking on each door for more than an hour, Techno told me that no one wanted to move. Why did the new friends not want to move here and there? As for the elders, they all live with their sworn friends. Therefore, the career of changing dorms was a totally unproductive one. At about nine o'clock, I was so tired that I had to sit and wait for my roommate who hadn't came back yet. I was determined to tell him that either he or I had to move out. He had studied here in high school, so there must be some students in the dormitory building that he knew and was able to change rooms with. The clock struck midnight and 3am when he still hadn't come back. 5am came and...

Squeak.

The door opened and I heard someone's voice speaking to Tharn. "Oh, you just came back. Did you eat? I have something to eat." Tharn opened the door and entered the room, when he saw me sitting on the bed still in my school uniform he raised his eyebrows. I was hoping that he could tell from my facial expression that I had been waiting for a long time. He put the bag on the Japanese table, which contained the food bought from the convenience store. Tharn felt a little bit out of place and I could see that but I couldn't help but think if he is really a good man or if he is being so good on purpose.

"Ai'Tharn, I have something to ask you." I try to pretend that I want to be in a dorm with him and let him put down everything in his hands including the music player.

"What is it?"

"Are you gay?"

"..." Tharn turns around and looks at me quietly. He's not surprised by the question. It's not like the person who did something wrong and was caught. Looking at him it was like he was ready to be asked one day, which makes me anxious.

"Say something?" I tell him as he quickly jumped from the bed and calmly replied.

"Yes." The answer stunned me again. Looking at the person who was taking food from the bag, it seemed that the conversation was very common for him which made my heart sink.

"If you are, I can only tell you directly that I hate gays."

CRASH

Tharn stopped holding the plastic spoon as he looked at the items he had dropped and me who was looking rough; I had stubble on my chin and probably bags under my eyes before he asked "So?" Tharn didn't know that I found out about it so quickly, and didn't expect that he could be so directly disliked for being gay. As long I didn't get angry, he wouldn't say it, but he asked so directly, so I also answered very directly.

"Either you or I have to move out." I told him, the answer showing that I don't want to live with anyone who has an abnormal sexual orientation. Naturally, Tharn looks at me discontentedly.

"Why, is it just because I'm gay that you hate it?"

"Well, I hate it." I told him that I could endure everything except him being gay. I looked at Tharn seriously and the way I looked at him led him to respond icily.

"I'm gay, but what did I do to you?"

"You didn't do anything, but I don't want to live with a gay!" My voice which was getting louder made him visibly upset. Tharn suddenly threw the spoon with his hand and turned back to answer me.

"Then you move out, because it's not my problem, it's your problem!" He told me.

"I would have moved a long time ago, but no one wants to change dorms with me." I replied with desperation and anger running through my voice.

"Since you know it's impossible to move, you want me to..." Tharn hesitated as he considered how to finish what he was saying. At first, I thought this roommate was very good, but now my idea has completely changed. I didn't expect that his temper would be broken so easily; I couldn't help but clench my fist and reply angrily.

"But you have classmates studying here. Just ask them to change their dorms." I pleaded with him.

"Why should I make things so complicated?"

"Ai'Tharn!" This time, I raised my voice, both pairs of sharp eyes seemed to tear each other to pieces, and the sound became fierce. "Again, I won't be in the same room with you. I hate gays. I hate you all to my bones. I will never be close to you." I felt my anger growing inside of me and with each word I became louder. I will tell you, I feel sick when I breathe the same air!" This time, Tharn slapped the table heavily and stood up abruptly to come into my face. We were stood a hair away from each other and his eyes were calm, but there was a hidden danger. It seems that he had changed from good to evil, and his mouth turned into a sneer.

"Then I'm sorry for you but I am not moving out so you will have to live with me for another year."

"I said I couldn't live with you!"

"But I won't move!" Tharn's voice rose again and we stared angrily at each other. "If you don't want to live with me then you move. But listen to my words. I'm fine here. I won't move, even if I don't want to live with a narrow-minded person like you."

"You have to move!" I grabbed the other man's collar and said disgustedly, which made Tharn even angrier. All of a sudden my collar was also lifted up. His handsome face was pushed close, his deep eyes were cold, and he took a few steps forward before the cold voice came out.

"Who the hell do you think you are, you're biased! I don't know what kind of faggots you have met, but the people around you must be mentally retarded." He was yelling at the top of his lungs now. "You think you can drive me out. Even if you use your stupid logic to judge people, you still can't get along here! Remember, I'm always right... I'm not moving!" The drummer tried to talk with patience. It's true that Tharn didn't meet a man who was hateful, but he didn't think that his roommate, who he originally liked, would become so unreasonable. If I did something else, other than discriminate against people like him, Tharn could have probably can stood for it. So Tharn got closer to my face, looked at the angry man in front of him, and began to feel farther away from the person he thought was his friend.

"What are you doing?" I immediately scolded and tried to push Tharn away. He tightened his grip on the collar of my shirt; my whole body went rigid and stiff. I began to feel unsafe when he was dragging me.

Crack!

One by one, my fists fell on Tharn's face. He was so scared that he looked back, but his eyes came back and looked at me coldly: "Congratulations, because you have another year to live with this fag."

Fall!

"Oooei!" Tharn pushed hard to my chest, causing me to take a step back for several times, hitting the edge of the bed and making a loud noise. As soon as Tharn grabbed the towel, I started shaking, but his eyes were fixed on me and I still wanted to fight back. At this time, he immediately turns around and exits the door, only to hear the roar from behind. "Ai'Bastard, remember for me, I will move dorm!"