Hating Everything is Better With You
by BloodySimpsonChibi
(Normally, I'm not a fan of Valentines Day. Still not really. But I figured I might as well use this holiday to upload what will hopefully be the first of many random ass oneshots. What I want to do this year is not only post more content but write for more series that I don't normally write for. Don't get me wrong, I love Bleach but I gotta show off my love for the other major series as well so I thought I'd ease into it in a stupid little crack-ship crossover.
REPEAT!: THIS IS A CRACK SHIP! PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY!
As for who the "lucky" characters are, well you'll have to read on to find out but if you know me, one of them should be obvious from the start.)
The young Shinigami rushed through the halls of his Squad's barracks, narrowly avoiding crashing into his allies multiple times. He had only been in this squad for about three months and was still wet behind the ears so to speak. His forehead was covered in sweat and his heart was pumping so violently that it felt as if it were going to burst. And yet, he refused to slow down. Clutched in his left hands were the papers detailing the report he was to give to his Squad leader and he was running late enough as it is which only served to further his anxiety.
Tardiness, among other weaknesses were not to be tolerated in this particular Squad.
After several minutes of panicked searching, he finally found the doors leading to the Captain's office. He stopped himself from crashing into the doorway and struggled to regain his composure. "Alright Toshi!" He said to himself. "It'll be alright. The Captain's not the forgiving type for lateness but as long as you give out the report nice and professional-like, everything should be-"OH SWEET SOUL KING NO!"
As he was giving reassuring himself that he wasn't about to be torn to pieces by the Captain as long as he gave the report well, he happened to look it over. To his dismay, the ink making up the words he was to speak seemed to have been smeared by his profuse sweating, leaving only an unreadable mess of black and grey on slightly moist paper. hyperventilating, he began to tremble at his knees.
"What do I do!? What do I do!? There's no way I can give the report now! I'm dead for sure!" Tears streamed down his face which he quickly wiped from his brow with a "hmph!" "No! I can't be a coward now! That's not what this squad stands for. Even if it means my death, I have to give the report right here and now!" With a giant gulp and a mental prayer to whatever cruel god or goddess had set his existence in motion, he opened the doors and stepped into the office. "C-C-Captain Soifon! I have come with the morning's report!" He then realized that his eyes were closed in fear and he forced them to open, knowing full well that he would most likely be staring right into the hateful onyx gaze of the Squad 2 Captain as she demanded the report he couldn't actually give.
Well Captain Soifon was indeed there in the office. Instead of sitting behind her desk, staring through Toshi's soul as he had mentally pictured her however, she was standing before her window fixing her haori in place. It took her a whole two seconds to glance toward the trembling newbie and while her tone in replying to him wasn't exactly soft, it still lacked the usual no-nonsense aggression he had come to routinely expect of her. "What do you want?"
"Oh..uh..I-I-I said I-I came w-with the m-m-morning's re-report!" He stammered. At this point, the massive amount of sweat he had produced had soaked into the paper, turning it flimsy and useless. The ink had now merged into a single black spot that seemed to Toshi like an endless void, one his merciless Captain was about to toss him into. He braced himself, knowing that the end was near and deciding to accept it as the one remotely brave thing he'd do in his pathetic excuse of a life.
"It'll have to wait. I'm busy at the moment." Soifon responded calmly.
"P-P-Please don't kill me Captain Soifon! I'm sorry about the report! I swear if you let me live I'll...huh?" Toshi questioned.
"I said you'll have to wait to give me your report." Soifon repeated with slightly more annoyance in her voice. "I'm off on a scouting mission to the World of the Living and I won't be back until later." She pointed to the stack of papers that rested on her office. "Better yet, you can just place the report onto of there. Let that fool Omaeda sort it all out." She cracked opened the window and climbed on top of the sill.
"W-Wait! Captain Soifon!" Toshi shouted. While he was glad that he apparently wasn't going to die at the moment, he couldn't help but find it weird that the Captain would go off on a scouting mission by herself. "D-Do you want me to prepare a team to h-help you?" He asked.
"No." Soifon stated flatly. "In fact, its best that you pretend you never saw me leave." She didn't raise her voice in the slightest but the quiet intensity of her words as well as her fierce glare ensured that Toshi would comply with her request.
"Y-Yes Captain!" Toshi slammed his hand toward his forehead in salute so fast he made himself see stars.
Soifon sighed and shook her head. "I swear the new recruits get worse every year." She muttered under her breath as she flash-stepped away from the window.
Toshi remained still in the office for several minutes, trying to make sense of what the hell had just transpired. Once he gave up on that, he placed the ruined report on the stack of papers and headed to the bar for a drink to calm his nerves.
Once Soifon was safely in in the World of the Living, she made a beeline for the roof of the nearest building. She felt around for any familiar spiritual pressures and found none.
Well, except for his.
She figured as much. Yoruichi was most likely at Urahara Shop with that annoying Kisuke and the substitute Shinigami was on vacation with his family. She sighed in relief that their would be no interruptions to this little rendezvous of hers as she focused on the one spiritual pressure she could sense. It was coming from the park. Not wanting to waste anymore time, she proceeded to flash-step toward the park as fast as she could.
It had been about three months since she had met this human and had anyone told her back then that she would be sneaking off to see him every few days from then on out, she would have most likely called them insane. Hell, she'd probably beat the crap outta of them for even suggesting such an idea. And yet, here she was, making her way past the streets and utility poles to see him. Not because she was ordered to by the Head Captain or anyone else either but simply because she wished to herself. Part of her wondered if maybe she had gone crazy, lost her touch as a Captain of the Stealth Force. She shook that thought away with a grunt. She didn't need the confusion.
"There he is." She thought as she spotted him leaning against a tree, a book in one hand while the other rested in his pocket. She flew past the pond resting next to the tree, causing the water to ripple and some fish which were feasting on insect eggs to scatter. There were several other people walking around the area but not a single one of them noticed the ripples nor realized that a Shinigami was in their midst. Only the young man acknowledged her presence and even then, it was only with a single unimpressed glance in her direction as she landed near the tree. "You're actually here." He commented without much emotion. "I was beginning to think you're weren't even gonna bother showing up."
"Are you serious?" Soifon scoffed, just the hint of humor in her voice. "Were you really that scared that I wasn't going to come? I must say, that's rather pathetic. I would have expected better from you Kujo"
"Good freaking grief." Kujo, first named Jotaro, sighed as he fixed his hat. "You're just as cocky as ever, aren't you Soifon? I wonder how that Stealth Force of yours gets any work done with a annoying bitch like you for a leader."
"Hey!" Soifon shouted. "What's with that attitude? I came here all this way to see you and you're still calling me a bitch?"
"Do you ever shut up?" Jotaro retorted, staring right into her eyes without so much as a hint of fear. Soifon returned the favor and the two stared each other down. Had anyone actually been able to see Soifon, they would be forgiven for assuming that a vicious fight was about to break out...
...only to wind up confused as the two smirked, chuckled a little bit to themselves and sighed. Soifon grabbed her haori and removed it with a single pull, leaving her in her Keisen which offered no coverage for her back, shoulders or thighs. She placed the haori on the ground and laid herself on top of it, her arms behind her head and one leg curled on top of the other.
"Not that it's any of my business," Jotaro asked as he slid down the tree and sat crosslegged in the grass. "But won't that Head Captain of yours get cross with you for staining your Captain's coat with grass?"
"If it comes to that, I can just say it happened while hunting a Hollow." Soifon answered without taking her eyes off the sky. "Speaking of which, have you seen any today?"
"Nada." Jotaro replied. "The last one of those ugly bastards I encountered was last Wednesday a few hours after you left. Star Platinum took care of him pretty easily."
"As I'd imagine." Soifon turned a sideway glance toward Jotaro, taking in the purple entity materializing from his body. It reminded her of the pictures of ancient warriors she would sometimes see in books as a child in training. This entity, Star Platinum, rested above Jotaro's head like a guardian angel. "You should be careful." Soifon said. "Whenever your Stand is out, your spiritual pressure increases slightly. That could attract unwanted attention."
"By unwanted attention, do you mean more of those damn Hollows." Jotaro shifted his gaze toward her. "Or one of your Shinigami friends?"
"Both if I'm being perfectly honest." Soifon answered. "It be one thing if it was a Hollow but if another Shinigami discovers you..." She trailed off.
"...I'm guessing I'll be targeted thanks to my Stand." Jotaro rationalized calmly. "Not to mention the hot water you'd probably get into afterward."
"Must you say everything with such a deadpan tone?" Soifon sighed. In reality, Jotaro's words had stirred up unwelcome feelings within her. "He's completely right, you know?" The voice of her Zanpakuto, Suzumebachi, spoke up within her mind. "If anyone short of Yourichi, Kisuke, or that Ryoka boy find out about him, he'll be sent straight to the Department of Research and Development!" Soifon shuddered to think of what that psycho Mayuri would have to say about Jotaro's Stand ability. She could just picture his grotesque voice in her mind cooing "My my, How interesting."
"Hmph! Its really no big deal." Jotaro said, once again fixing his hat. "If that happens, I'll just beat the living shit out of anyone who comes after me."
"Don't take this so lightly!" Soifon scolded. "Sure, Star Platinum could fend off a normal Shinigami, maybe even a lieutenant, but I highly doubt it's be able to stop a full-fledged Captain!"
Jotaro smirked. "Why not? It beat you didn't it?"
Soifon's face turned red. "That was a tie and you know it!" She hissed.
Jotaro was, of course, referring to the night that he and Soifon had first met. It was three months ago and Jotaro had just arrived in Karakura Town on behalf of the Speedwagon Foundation. There had been reports of strange things going on in the town. Buildings being damaged overnight, people losing consciousness for seemingly no reason and in some cases, people even vanishing all together. Given his experience traveling with his grandfather to defeat DIO, Jotaro as well as several members of the Speedwagon Foundation had come to the same conclusion.
Stand activity.
Jotaro had learned alot about the nature of Stands since the day he had defeated DIO, including that Stand users attracted each other like magnets. He figured just showing up in the town would bring any Stand users in the town out in the open where they could be dealt with properly. It was a risky maneuver, especially with no idea what kind of powers these Stands would even possess but to Jotaro, that was just all the more reason to do this. The faster this was taken care of, the faster innocent people would be safe.
Little did Jotaro know that on his first night there, he would attract a different kind of enemy.
The Sun had just gone down and Jotaro, having spent most of the day in transit, decided to take a stroll and explore the town for a bit. For the first 30 minutes, it was pretty uneventful. There were a few high school girls who instantly became smitten with him and fawned all over him until he got annoyed and told them to piss off. They did so but kept going on and on about how his "Bad boy attitude." made him even more attractive. He would see them again, he was sure and the thought made him sigh.
"Good freaking grief."
As he made his way near the local park, however, an uneasy feeling came over him. He felt as if he were being watched but no matter how many times his eyes scanned the area, he couldn't see any trace of anyone.
"Perhaps its an enemy Stand." Jotaro figured as he brought out Star Platinum. "Alright! If your a Stand user, you might as well show yourself!"
"Stand user?" A deep, grating voice spoke out from behind Jotaro. "I've never heard of such a thing. Is that what you call that strange being behind you?" Jotaro turned around and found himself face to face with a strange creature, the likes of which, he'd never seen before. It was a quadrupled beast, its body somewhat resembling a frog. Its face seemed to be obscured by a skull-like mask with pink lining its lips and red lining its eye sockets from within which glowed eerie orbs of white. Surrounding the mask was a golden mane of fur like a lion and while Jotaro could barely make it out from the shadow of the behemoth in front of him, he could see a hole in the center of the creature's chest. If this was a Stand, it was one of the most bizarre Jotaro had ever seen.
"Do you really not know what a Stand is?" He asked with no fear whatsoever reflected in his eyes or voice. "Isn't the ugly ass thing I'm talking to right now your Stand?"
"That's quite a sharp tongue you've got there boy!" The creature laughed. "But that's besides the point. I don't know what that entity is besides you and frankly, I don't care! All I know is that its producing the most delicious spiritual pressure I've ever tasted!" Without warning, the creature suddenly lunged at him. "Allow me to take a bite!"
"Star Platinum!" Jotaro shouted and his Stand wasted no time heeding his call. With his fist moving too fast for the human eye to follow, he smashed the creature's skull into tiny bony fragments, screaming "Ora!" repeatedly as it did so. By the time he was finished, there was nothing left of the monster's head but bits of bloody pulp. The now headless body fell to the floor and disintegrated into black dust.
"That's odd." Jotaro commented as he fixed his hat. "I've never seen a Stand behave like that before and I'm sure by now we would have heard whatever bastard it belonged to cry out. I'm beginning to think this thing wasn't a Stand after all. But then if that's true, just what the hell was it?"
Jotaro's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hungry roars all around him. Looking up and around, he realized he was now surrounded by monsters all too similar to the one he had just killed. Some of them were silent but others were shamelessly making comments about how they wished to devour Jotaro.
"What strange energy!"
"Is this a new form of Shinigami?"
"Who cares? Once we eat him, that amazing power will be ours!"
"Good freaking grief." Jotaro sighed. "Now there's a whole bunch of these damn things. This is starting to get real annoying!"
"If we pounce on him all at once, there's no way he'll survive!" With this one suggestion, the masked monsters rushed at Jotaro, ever single one.
"Oh well, I guess I have no choice." Jotaro waited until enough of the monsters were close enough and then shouted. "Star Platinum: The World!"
"Ora!" With a single cry, Star Platinum forced the wheel of time to come to a stand still. The monsters froze in the air, completely unaware of what had just happened. Most of them would quite literally be dead before they ever realized it.
With a flurry of fist and his enraged battle cry, Star Platinum cracked the mask of all the surrounding monsters to bits. Blobs of blood appeared from these cracks, giving Jotaro even more evidence for a theory he had already accepted as fact, that these things were not Stands but an entirely different spiritual being. One he had never seen before.
And very shortly, he was going to encounter another one.
"Time resumes." Jotaro said casually as the effects of his Stand's power released their grip on time's wheel. A circle of blood and mask fragments suddenly formed around Jotaro like the rings of Saturn and took the remaining monsters by complete and utter surprise. They all backed away as the gore of their comrades splashed on their faces only to vanish into blackness seconds later. Once again, their was chatter among the monsters, this time filled with dread and fear.
"Wh-What the hell just happened? What did that human do!?"
"I don't know but he somehow took out half of our entire troop! He's too strong! We must retr-
The monster stopped midsentence, bled from the middle of its face, and fell into two halves before disintegrating.
"What! What's going on now?" Jotaro thought. "I didn't make that attack!"
"That spiritual pressure..." One of the monsters spoke. "It belongs to a Shinigami!" The monster probably intended to say more but its head popped off of its shoulder before it could. One by one the monsters were cut down by some unseen force. Or, to be more accurate, a force moving to fast for Jotaro to make anything out of it but a blur. "Star Platinum: The World!"
Another "ORA!" and time once again came to a stand still. Now Jotaro could see the newcomer clearly as he had stopped time right as she was decapitating another one of the monsters. It appeared to be a woman with short black hair and a Eastern look about her. She was clad in a whit overcoat with a black robe underneath and wielded a sword with a yellow hilt lined by brown diamond shapes. The blade was currently separating the monster's head from the rest of its lizard-like body. Of all these things, however, Jotaro felt the most confused about the fact that the woman seemed to be dropping down from the sky, as if she were flying.
"Who is this woman?" Jotaro thought. "Is she a Stand user?" He looked out for any sign of a Stand near the woman and could find none. "No. I don't think so. If she was using a Stand to kill these masked freaks, I would most likely be seeing it by now." Jotaro studied her closer. "That being said, she's definitely not an ordinary person either. I need to get to the bottom of this. Time resumes." Jotaro spoke as the wheel of Time did indeed turn once more, allowing the woman to cleanly decapitate the monster. She vanished from Jotaro's vision again and what few monsters were left soon fell to pieces which vanished into the night. The woman reappeared behind Jotaro, either ignoring him or completely unaware of his presence. After taking a few seconds to recover her breath, she spoke to herself.
"I've never seen so many Hollows gather in one place before! And all after the same human. What could the reason be?"
Jotaro became confused and decided it was time to extract some answers from the woman. "Hey you!" He called out as he began to approach her.
The woman snapped toward Jotaro, her expression like a deer caught in headlights. "Did-Did you just talk to me? You can see me?"
"Yare, Yare, what a stupid question. I'm walking right toward you aren't I?" Jotaro answered. "And frankly, I'm the one who should be asking the questions around here. So talk! Are you a Stand user?"
"Stand user?" The woman asked quizzically before shaking her head and suddenly taking a defensive stance, holding her sword out before her. "Stay where you are! I'm the one doing the interrogating here!"
Jotaro said nothing but did comply with her order. Not because he felt threatened but because he felt that he was close enough to use Star Platinum if she decided to attack. He had a very strong feeling this was going to lead to a fight.
"Good. Now tell me, why were all those Hollow after you?"
"Hollow?" Jotaro asked. "Is that what you call those ugly bastards?"
"I already told you I'm the one asking questions here!" The woman sighed. "Although now that I've had some time to size up your spiritual pressure, I suppose I've already answered my own question."
"Spiritual pressure." Jotaro repeated. "One of those Hollows mentioned that earlier, right before you showed up. I suppose I should thank you for that although I could have handled them all myself."
"Handle them yourself eh?" The woman chuckled. "I suppose that would explain why so many of the Hollows vanished before I could get here." Her face returned to its fierce and hateful gaze. "Of course, the fact that you managed to take them out yourself can only mean you have some sort of power to go along with your unusual spiritual pressure." She pointed her sword as Jotaro. "You're coming with me!"
Jotaro let out a dry "ha!" and fixed his hat. "Funny. I was just about to say the same thing."
Within the time it takes for the human eye to blink, the woman vanished. Jotaro simply huffed and gave Star Platinum yet another command to halt time which it once again followed without complaint. Once time had ground to a halt, Jotaro became acutely aware of the slight pain in his left shoulder as well as the sensation of blood trickling down his arm. Careful to only move his eyes, he spotted the woman mere inches from him, her sword already embedded in his flesh, albeit by an inch. "She might be an annoying bitch but I will admit her speed is unreal." He grunted as Star Platinum ripped the blade out from his shoulder. "But it'll take more than speed to defeat me!" With its signature battle cry leaving its lips in rapid succession, Star Platinum delivered a barrage of punches to the unknowing woman. This continued until Jotaro sensed that his 10 seconds were drawing to a close. He willed Star Platinum to cease its attack and turned his back on the woman. "This outta shut her up!"
Time resumed and the woman was sent flying back at tremendous force, the weight and power of all of Star Platinum's punches hitting her at once. She barely made a sound as she flew through the park, over the lake, and finally hit the side of a nearby building, creating a giant blood-covered dent in the process. Jotaro turned around, realized he smelled blood, and looked down to she had left a trail of it behind. "Dammit! Looks like I overdid it." He looked back at the damaged building, the woman hanging from the the ruined wall like a victim of crucifixion. "I doubt she can give me any useful information now but I should still call the Speedwagon Foundation to tend to her." He turned to make his way toward the nearest payphone when he suddenly felt a surge of energy from behind. Turning back around, he saw her glowing with a strange white aura as she angrily peeled herself out of the wall.
"Shunko!" She screamed as the aura around her suddenly and violently ripped her white coat to pieces, revealing several spaces of her bare skin. Of course, Jotaro was less concerned about the fact that he could see her naked hips and more concerned about the fact that despite taking a unbridled bashing from Star Platinum, the woman was still conscious.
Conscious and extremely pissed off.
She vanished from sight and reappeared a few feet in front of Jotaro, her new aura dancing around her like wind. "That power...I still can't figure out what it is..." She locked eyes with Star Platinum who came out on its own upon her arrival, not wanting any risk to its master's life. "But I'm going to assume that strange being standing besides you has something to do with it. Is that the Stand you were talking about earlier?"
"It is." Jotaro confirmed, not seeing any point in trying to hide it. "Its name is Star Platinum and he's a manifestation of my fighting spirit. If you want another taste of its power, feel free to attack me again."
The woman smirked. "I must admit, you're rather interesting for a human." She held her sword to her chest and placed her left hand over it, causing Jotaro to cock an eyebrow. "I must say, I've never consider the possibility that I might have to one day use my Zanpakuto's true power to eliminate a mortal human. But you've proved to be strong enough to warrant it. You should feel honored."
"Zanpakuto?" Jotaro questioned. "What the hell does that mean?"
"You can think of it as a sword version of your so-called Stand. This is my fighting spirit!" She slid her hand over the blade with a quick motion. "Sting All Enemies to Death, Suzumebachi!" The sword began to glow, the light blinding Jotaro and forcing him to shield his face with his hands. Once he felt the heat of the light vanish, he looked back at his opponent and was shocked to see that her sword was gone. In its place was a stinger-like blade resting on the middle finger of her right hand. Its black and golden color scheme reminded Jotaro of a hornet. "Star Platinum, meet Suzumebachi!"
Before Jotaro could react, the woman vanished again. He let out a grunt of frustration before demanding Star Platinum stop time again. Once again his Stand obeyed but not before he felt a sharp pain in his other shoulder, this one worse then the woman's first attack. Jotaro shifted his gaze to the right and sure enough, the woman had managed to stab her new weapon into his flesh. What really caught Jotaro's attention, however was the strange black marking that was spreading on his shoulder. "That mark...just what the hell is this crazy bitch trying to do?"
Star Platinum delivered another barrage of punches to the woman and once again, she was sent flying away from Jotaro once time resumed. This time, she was able to stop herself midflight by digging her stinger into the ground. Not only that, but thank to the aura swirling around her, she had taken considerably less damage from last time. She smiled and spit out a bit of blood as she glared at Jotaro. "I'm getting close to discovering how your power works!" She taunted. "I can feel it!"
Jotaro heard the comment but didn't respond as he was too busy looking at his shoulder. The black marking finished forming, its end shape vaguely resembling a butterfly. A small trickle of blood emerged from the middle and Jotaro groaned as he removed his coat, leaving him in only his red muscle shirt. To his shock, his exposed shoulder still bore the mark. "Dammit! Its still there." He growled as he turned to the woman "I don't know what this mark means but it can't bode well for me."
The woman vanished again and again, Jotaro froze time, this time doing so as soon as she had left his sight. Within the space of frozen time, he noticed her heading toward his shoulder, her Suzumebachi pointed toward his mark. "She's trying to strike the same spot again." Jotaro realized. "But why? Could it be that the mark's meant to be some sort of trigger? Does she need to hit the same spot twice to activate her ability? Well I'm not keen on finding out what that ability is." Jotaro looked up at Star Platinum and noticed the same mark on its shoulder as well. "Shit! This mark's on Star Platinum too! This power, this Zanpakuto as she called it, it must be some kind of a spiritual weapon. I guess that's what the bitch meant when she said it was sword version of a Stand. Jotaro felt time beginning to move forward again. "Shit! I wasted too much time agonizing over this!" She saw the woman slowly begin to inch toward him. "I have no choice, I can't let her hit that mark!"
With a furious roar, Jotaro turned himself around and presented his other shoulder just as his Stand's ability released its grip on the woman and she stabbed the blade into his other shoulder. Star Platinum grabbed the woman's wrist and flung her away like a ragdoll as a new mark formed on both it and Jotaro's shoulders. She spun in the air and once again landed on her feet, her smirk now ever bigger. "I think I got it!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jotaro grunted as he held his newly wounded shoulder.
"Your ability. It took some time to figure out how exactly you were getting the jump on me. One second, I would already be leaving Suzumebachi's mark on you and the next, I was smashed into the building by what I can only assume was your Stand."
Star Platinum flashed her a grin at those words which caused her own to faulter. "Then it hit me." She pointed her stinger at him. "You're ability affects time doesn't it!?"
Jotaro's eyes widened. "Did she really figure out Star Platinum's ability all by herself? The woman's on a whole another level of dangerous." Nevertheless, Jotaro sighed and nodded. "That's right. Stay Platinum's ability is to stop time. It only works for a few seconds at a time, but when its activated, only I can move freely."
"Now it makes perfect sense." The woman smiled again. "There's no way a mere human could even hope to best my speed but even I'm not faster than time."
Jotaro forced himself to face the woman with a grunt. "Just so you know, the only reason I told you is because I think I've figured out your ability as well."
"Oh?" The woman turned her head. "Really? Well then let's here your theory."
"These marks," Jotaro gestured to the mark on his right shoulder. "Aside from hurting like hell they don't do much." He turned back to the woman. "But the last time I froze time, I couldn't help but notice that you were aiming straight for the first one you made. If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say the reason for that is that your Zanpakuto's ability will only activate once you hit either of these marks a second time."
Now it was the woman's turn to widen her eyes but this was for only a mere second before she chuckled slightly. "My my, you're a lot more astute than you look. I suppose there's no point in hiding it now." She brought the stinger up to her face. "Nigeki Kessatsu: Death in Two Strikes. Upon the first step, the Homonka is left on your body. Upon the second strike," Her eyes narrowed as her mouth curved into a carnivorous sneer. "You die instantly!"
"Hmm." Jotaro smirked as well. "So in other words, as long as I can keep you from getting that second hit in, I'll be able to win this fight."
"You sure are confident in yourself, human." The woman commented.
"This isn't exactly the first life-or-death battle I've found myself in." Jotaro explained. "And on top of that, you're far from the strongest foe I've had to face!" The memory of that awful night with DIO in Egypt crossed his mind and he shook his head. "Let's go!"
"Gladly!" What followed was a vicious cycle of blows and strikes between the two combatants. Jotaro would stop time and use his Stand to force the woman away before she could make a hit. The strange aura around her cushioned the blow of its attack however and the woman would be back on the attack before long. Every so often, Jotaro failed to keep her from landing a strike and a new Homonka mark would appear on his body, giving him a new wound to guard from her Suzumebachi. Things went this way for what seemed like forever until a strange beeping noise cam from the woman's robes.
"Huh?" She created some distance between herself and Jotaro, landing on top of a nearby tree and pulled a small-phone like device out of her clothes. Jotaro couldn't make out what she said nor could he hear whoever was speaking to her on the other side. The woman suddenly became angry. "You've got to be kidding me! Why now of all times!?" The woman sighed and placed the device back in her robes. "And when I was so close too." She jumped down from the treetop and locked eyes with Jotaro. "It would seem luck is on your side human. I'm needed back in the Soul Society."
"The Soul Society? Just what the hell is that!?" Jotaro asked. "Are they the ones responsible for all the strange things going on in this town."
The woman scoffed. "Who we are is of no concern to you!" She lifted up her weapon as it once again glowed. When the light vanished, it was a normal sword again. As the woman's outfit no longer held a place to hang it, she simply held it to her side. "I'll let you leave alive this time human. A word of advice, you should leave this town while you still have the chance and do not tell anyone about what you saw here tonight. If you fail to heed my warning and we meet again, you will not be so lucky!"
"Now just wait one minute. I still have questions and I'm letting you get away until you answer them!" But before Jotaro could finish his sentence, the woman was gone. "Dammit! Star Platinum: The World!"
Time stopped for the final time that night. Jotaro kept his eyes peeled during those ten seconds in search of the woman but could find no sing of her. "She must have known I would use Star Platinum to try and capture her so she fled without giving me any warning." Jotaro growled as time resumed. "Good freaking grief! This whole night has been one huge headache.
Of course, Jotaro ignored the woman's warning and remained in Karakura Town. He did not tell the Speedwagon Foundation about the attack as he felt there was not enough information to go on. He considered reaching out to his grandfather for help but decided against it. The old man was starting to come on in years and he most likely not be of much help in this situation. Nevertheless, Jotaro vowed to uncover the truth behind the woman, her Zanpakuto and this Soul Society she spoke of. Not to mention the Hollows.
Ahh the Hollows.
In the two weeks between when he met the girl and when they would cross paths again, Jotaro found himself under constant attack from these masked beings. It would seem that these things had an appetite for human souls and powerful ones like Jotaro's were particularly appealing. Of course, they were never strong enough to actually devour Jotaro's soul as Star Platinum would defeat them with ease. It was after taking out five of them at once that he heard a familiar voice curse at him.
"You complete and utter dumbass! Did you not hear when I warned you to leave this town!?" Jotaro looked up to see the woman from before standing on a utility pole, glaring down at him. "I'm beginning to think you actually wish to die."
"Yare, yare, will you shut up already, you annoying bitch!" Jotaro cursed back. "I can't hear myself think when your constant squawking!"
"S-Squawking!?" The woman's face reddened with both indignation and rage. "How dare you!" She forced herself to take a deep breath and made the same command to her sword as she did last time and as with last time, the command transformed it into a stinger. "Well, it doesn't matter. You failed to heed my warning and now you must suffer the consequences." She brandished the stinger next to her face. "This time, you will die!"
"Bring it on." Jotaro shouted as he brought out Star Platinum. The ensuring fight happened in very much the same way that the last fight had, ending with the woman holding her almost broken arm and Jotaro once again covered by the Homonka. This time, it was another man who stopped the fight, a fat balding buffoon who appeared from a door opening in the sky.
"Captain! There you are!" He exclaimed. Jotaro could smell his sweat all the way from the road.
"What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy!?" The woman screamed.
"But Squad 2 is receiving new recruits today! You have to be there for introductions!"
"Dammit all!" The woman cursed. Jotaro couldn't have known at the time but the woman intended to finish up in the World of the Living and welcome the newest blood to her squad before sensing his spiritual pressure. "Alright! Just get your fatass back to the barracks and I'll meet you there."
"But Captain-
"Now!"
"Y-Yes Ma'am!" The fat oaf nearly tripped on his own feet retreating to the other side of the doorway. He never even noticed Jotaro in the 20 seconds that he was here.
"Did I hear that right?" Jotaro inquired. "Did that fatass call you a Captain?"
"That is of no concern of yours!" The woman snapped "Now I'm warning you one last time! Leave this town or you will die!"
"Sorry bitch but Captain or not, I don't take orders from annoying women, especially flying ones with swords."
The women gritted her teeth in anger and vanished into the open doorway which in turn disappeared. Jotaro made sure no civilian was hurt and returned to his hotel room. "This is starting to get annoying." He thought. "If I don't beat some answers out of that woman soon, who knows what will happen to this town?"
Over the next few weeks, Jotaro and the woman continued to encounter and fight each other. It almost became a daily routine. Jotaro would kill some Hollows, the woman would show up and they would try to kill or capture each other until the woman was called away by this Soul Society she was apparently apart of. The fights always ended in a tie with Jotaro's Star Platinum and the woman's Suzumebachi countering each other perfectly. It would seem that things would last this way forever...until one night when things went wrong.
Maybe they were too focused on each other to noticed the Menos Grande. Maybe the damned thing somehow learned to conceal its spiritual pressure. But however it happened, both Jotaro and the woman were blind sighted by the fierce power of its energy beam.
"Gauk!"
"Gah!"
Both of them hit the nearby building with enough force to invoke a cave-in. As they both rose out of the rubble, his jacket and her haori torn to shreds, they stared up at that giant monster loomign over them.
"What the hell is that?" Jotaro asked with the slightest hint of fear in his voice.
"Its called a Menos Grande." The woman explained after spitting out some blood. "They're what happens when a bunch of Hollows fuse together. They rarely come to the World of the Living but when they do, its always a bad situation."
"So basically, your saying this thing is some sort of super Hollow eh?" Jotaro sighed. "Good freaking grief. Just when I thought Hollows couldn't get more annoying."
"Luckily for you, human." The woman took a step toward the monster. "I am a Captain-level Shinigami. It should be easy for me to- uggh!" She winced in pain as she gripped her bloody and bruised arm. It was thankfully not the arm equipped with Suzumebachi but the pain that shot out from it was enough to bring the woman to her knees. "Shit!" She rasped. "I took too much damage from that cero!"
"I guess that's what you call that monster's attack." Jotaro commented before grunting in pain himself. "Either way, it fucking hurts. That's for sure."
The woman got back up and staggered toward the approaching beast.
"Wait!" Jotaro shouted. "Where are you going?"
"What does it look like you fool?" The woman replied without facing him. "I'm going to take it out!"
"Are you insane? You're much too injured! There's no way you'll be able to make one hit on it in your condition, let alone two!"
"So what do you suggest we do!?" The woman snapped. "Wait until it comes close enough and try to cut its feet?"
"Actually, I am hoping that big bastard comes closer." Jotaro confessed. "I need it in Star Platinum's range."
The woman scoffed. "What do you hope to do with your injuries? Punches alone won't stop that thing."
"Maybe not but I wasn't talking about that." Jotaro forced himself up. "Its just a theory but I once enveloped myself in Star Platinum's essence in order to fly. Everytime I think about it, the same thought crosses my mind. What if I were to envelop someone else in Star Platinum? Would they be spared of The World's power?"
"What are you one about?" The woman asked.
"I'm suggesting that I envelop you in Star Platinum and then use the World. If my theory checks out, you could move through frozen time and eliminate that dammed thing."
The Menos, nearly on top of them now, roared into the night.
"A-Are you serious?" The woman asked. "W-What if it doesn't work?"
"Then we can at least say we died fighting." Jotaro suggested. "So what do you say?"
The woman thought for it a moment. She didn't like the idea of borrowing anyone else's power, let alone that of a human with a shit attitude like him. But as she felt the warmth of a Hollow's reiryoku and looked up at its gaping maw filled with the next cero blast, she knew she had no other options. Begrudgingly, she turned to Jotaro and quietly uttered "alright."
"Star Platinum!" Jotaro commanded, causing his Stand to appear beside him. The ethereal warrior shouted its battle cry before rushing at the woman and dispersing into a purple aura with surrounded her entire body. She felt a strange surge of power around her, unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was similar to the sensation she would get from releasing Suzumebachi but at the same time, totally different. Just then, the night sky brightened as the Menos prepared to fire its cero.
"Now! Star Platinum" The World!" Jotaro called out. At once, the entire world came to a standstill. The trees stopped rustling. The nearby birds were frozen in midair and the Menos had just fired its' attack which remained near its mouth. Time was frozen once again and this time, the woman was conscious of it.
"This is unreal." She thought. "To think that a ordinary human like him possesses such power...shit that's right! There's a time limit!" The woman jumped up at the monster and held her Zanpakuto toward it. "Suzumebachi!: Nigeki Kessatsu!" She plunged the stinger into the blackened flesh of the Menos, drawing blood which froze in place. A Homonka mark formed within the red as the woman tore it out.
"Hurry!" Jotaro called out from the ground. "You only have three seconds left!"
"Death in Two Strikes!" The woman unleashed a battlecry of her own as she stabbed her stinger into the middle of the Homonka. Time crawled back to its usual pace and the Menos's cero was just about to shoot out from its jaws when a giant Homonka suddenly consumed it without mercy. The beast howled in agony as it vanished into thin air, leaving the exhausted woman to slowly fall back toward the ground.
"I did it." She thought. "We actually did it."
Jotaro forced himself through the pain and ran after the woman, catching her right before she hit the ground. Star Platinum reformed itself back to its master's side before vanishing altogether. The woman looked up wearily at Jotaro, blushing slightly at the realization that she was in his arms. "I...I suppose your power has some uses, human."
"I suppose it does." Jotaro replied. "Of course it was your power that destroyed that damned thing so I suppose I should thank you, even if you are a annoying bitch."
"Stop calling me a bitch." The woman demanded.
"Then stop calling me human like I don't have a name. I do and its Jotaro Kujo."
"Jotaro...Kujo..." The woman repeated softly.
"That's right and unless you want to me to keep calling you bitch, I suggest you return the favor."
The woman closed her eyes and sighed but reopened them as she smiled. "Soifon. My name is Soifon."
That day, the two enemies became acquaintances, bonded by a brush with death.
Soifon still made it a point to visit Jotaro but no longer tried to get him to leave. Instead she simply spoke to him, trying to take a page from the social book of her mentor Yoruichi. She wasn't very good at small talk but neither was Jotaro and before long, the two found themselves explaining their worlds with each other. Soifon wasn't sure how she ended up casually explaining the role of Shinigami and the Soul Society but Jotaro took it in stride. After Stands came into his life, he wasn't surprised by all that much anymore, not even the revelation of the afterlife. Soifon, on the other hand, found Jotaro's tales rather bizzare and would refuse to believe them had they come from anyone else but him. To think that really was such a thing as vampires
The weeks turned to months and the visits became more friendly. Jotaro stayed away from Kisuke's side of town so the Gotei 13 had yet to know of his presence. Soifon did her best to make sure it stayed that way, as hard as it was for her.
And now here she was, laying besides the human she had come to admire and perhaps...
Soifon shook her head madly. "What's wrong with me?" She thought.
She and Jotaro sat in silence for several moments, just enjoying the crisp smell of the autumn air and each other's company. Then, like all good things, it had to come to an end." Soifon, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"In about two weeks, I'll be leaving back to my home town for collage." He stated simply. "I don't know when I can come back."
"Oh." was all Soifon uttered. "I see."
"And don't worry about the Soul Society." Jotaro continued. "I won't blab about it to anyone else. I don't think most people could handle the truth about the afterlife anyway." He got up and stretched his limbs. "Its been real fun Soifon. I'll try to come back as soon as I can. Later." Jotaro held his hand up as he walked on.
"Wait!" Soifon suddenly shot up and flash-stepped in front of him, her expression worried and pleading.
"What is it?" Jotaro asked in a slightly annoyed voice.
"Just...Just don't forget to visit ok?" She demanded sharply. "And don't take too long either! I wanted you to meet Lady Yoruichi!"
Jotaro smiled as he fixed his hat. "Good freaking grief, you really are an annoying bitch, you know that?"
"And you're a self-absorbed asshole." Soifon said as she cupped her hands around his face, brought him closer to her, and gently placed her lips upon his. Jotaro was taken aback by this action but didn't resist. Once she was finished, she locked her gaze sternly into his. "You promise?"
"I promise." Jotaro nodded and pulled himself away from Soifon's hands before walking off. The Shinigami watched as he left the park and went back to sit under the tree, her face red and steaming.
"D-D-Did just...kiss a human? What the hell is wrong with me!?" She screamed out as she frazzled her hair. It took her a few minutes to regain her composure but once she did, she sighed loudly and leaned back against the tree with her arms under her head. "Oh well. What's done is done. At least no one I know saw that."
"Of course," Suzumebachi sighed. "You finally get a man and you just let him walk right out of your life!"
"Shut up." Soifon thought. "Just let me rest here for a moment before I head back. I need to have complete composure before I return."
"Whatever." Suzumebachi huffed.
As Soifon closed her eyes and sighed with content, she was blissfully unaware of the black cat sitting on top of the branch above her, wondering with devilish glee how it was going to break the news to Soifon that her little secret was out.
The End
(So...that's about it. I know this is a weird as hell pairing but that's what crack ships are all about right? I do apologize if the ending seemed kinda rushed but I intended to upload this on Valentine's Day and lets just say I underestimated how many words would actually go into this.
Well in any case, I hope you enjoyed and lets hope that this is the first of many one-shots for me, shipping or otherwise! BSC out!)