A/N: This is a modern AU
Esmeralda opened her mailbox and took out the letters inside. There were four of them, all colored pink, red, and white with heart-shaped decorations on them. Valentines! And there are four. I've got quite a lot of admirers, Esmeralda thought. I better read them.
Sitting at her dining room table, she picked up the first valentine. It was from Pierre Gringoire. It appeared to be a handmade card of red paper. The message inside read: I need a compass when I look at you because I keep getting lost in your eyes. Esmeralda almost giggled out loud at how corny it was. Pierre thought of himself as a poet, but she thought most of his writings needed a lot of work.
The next card was just a plain white piece of paper. It said: You're prettier than any song! It was signed, Quasimodo. A plain card, but a sweet message. Quasi had always been sentimental.
Esmeralda's eyes bugged out when she saw Phoebus's card. It was a large, red, heart-shaped card decorated with lace around the edges and covered with lots and lots of gold glitter. So over the top, she said to herself. She was even more overwhelmed by its garishness when she opened it and read what was inside: Did you fall from Heaven? Because you look like an angel. Esmeralda rolled her eyes. That was such a cliché line. Was that really the best Phoebus could come up with? And didn't he know that angels that fell from Heaven are demons? "That's not romantic, that's horrendous!"
She came to the last valentine. On the front of the card was a picture of a heart surrounded by flames. On the inside was a handwritten message in fancy, looping cursive:
Dear Esmeralda,
Be mine or you will burn!
Claude Frollo
"What kind of valentine is that?" Esmeralda exclaimed out loud. "It has such an entitled attitude, and how dare he threaten me with an 'or else' statement like that? The nerve of him!" Just then, she noticed the heart-shaped candies taped to the back of the card. "The one nice thing he's ever done," she conceded as she peeled the candies off and popped them into her mouth.
Ding! Esmeralda's phone notified her that she had gotten a text. As she picked it up, it dinged three more times in rapid succession. She had a total of four texts, one each from Pierre, Quasimodo, Phoebus, and Frollo. They all said the same thing: Will you be my date for Valentine's Day? Esmeralda considered all her options, and made her decision. She opened her phone to Messages and texted her response.
Four lonely men sat in their respective houses on Valentine's Day. Pierre put his pen to paper, but couldn't think of anything to write. Quasimodo sat forlornly in his loft. Phoebus scrolled through profiles on a dating website. Frollo stared moodily into his fireplace. All four of them sighed and said the exact same thing: "Why did she turn me down?"