Roy pulled into the station for his next shift, only slightly surprised not to see Johnny's Rover in the lot. The man ran perpetually behind, so Roy was sure it was only a matter of time before he came flying in, talking a blue streak to explain his tardiness.

As long as he showed up before Cap called for roll call, all would be well as far as Roy was concerned.

The closer it came to shift change, the more concerned Roy became. It wasn't like Johnny to not show up at all. Roy hoped nothing had gone wrong. He could only imagine Johnny injuring himself while out in the wilderness and being unable to contact anyone.

"Where's Johnny?" Cap questioned Roy.

"I don't know, Cap." Roy answered. "He was planning on taking off for a camping trip when we were leaving the other day. Haven't heard from him since."

Cap frowned. "Seemed like he was in pretty bad shape after that last call. I hope he's okay. It's not like him to just not show up."

"I know." Roy huffed irritably.

Finally, when it was apparent Johnny wasn't going to show, Cap called in to arrange for a sub. Roy was more worried than angry about the situation. That last call had absolutely shattered Johnny, and Roy had the feeling that Johnny hadn't been wound too tightly for a while before that.

He was trying to keep from imagining the worst and he was failing.

Eventually a sub showed up, and the squad went about its business. They ended up running a steady stream of calls all day, most of them not terribly serious, and Roy hadn't had much time to think about Johnny.

On the last run, Roy was refilling some supplies when Dixie showed up for her shift. "Johnny taking some vacation time?"

The worry suddenly occupied Roy's mind again. "Johnny didn't show up today."

Dixie looked baffled and concerned in equal measure. "That's not like him."

"I know, I know." Roy was thoroughly exasperated. "I don't get it."

Dixie frowned slightly. "I hope he's okay, wherever he is. He's been looking a little rougher around the edges than usual lately."

Roy looked up from the box that held the supplies. "You've noticed, too."

"Of course." Dixie answered. "He's about as transparent as glass."

"Yeah, he is." Roy shook his head. "Dix, you don't suppose…"

"Don't you dare." Dixie told him firmly.

Roy let out a short sigh. "You know, he'll share every trivial thought that passes through his brain. I just wish he'd share the, you know, less trivial stuff."

"That's not his style and you know it." Dixie pointed out. "You know he hates to worry people."

"Yeah, well, he's worrying the hell out of me right now, Dix." Roy replied sharply.

"He'll show up." Dixie told him. "And he'll probably have some wild story to explain his absence."

"He'd better." Roy replied. "I'd give anything to hear one of his weird stories right now."

"If I know Johnny, he'll be right back at your side driving you up the wall in no time." Dixie assured him.

Roy hoped like hell Dixie was right.

He picked up the box of supplies and met his temporary partner for the trip back to the squad when the bay doors suddenly banged open.

Roy could scarcely believe his eyes. "Johnny?!"

Johnny's eyes were wild and unfocused, but he seemed to recognize Roy. "Roy, you've gotta help me."

"Sure thing, Junior." Roy hoped he sounded soothing. "Anything you need."

"Got a guy in the back of the Rover." Johnny's words rushed out in a torrent. "Busted ribs, broken wrist. Couldn't get any vitals 'cause, you know, I wasn't supposed to be workin'."

Something seemed very wrong with Johnny. Not only was he agitated, but he looked as if he had been literally dragged through the mud. His hands were bloody and burned, and he seemed unsteady on his feet, as if he could fall over at any moment.

"We'll get someone to take a look at him." Roy told him. "Let's get you checked out, too."

Johnny immediately backed away. "I'm fine. Get the guy. And tell the girl to come in, too."

Roy was baffled. "Is the girl hurt?"

"No, no, no." Johnny told him, waving one hand. "She's fine. I'm fine. It's the guy that's hurt."

Roy knew it would be pointless to argue with Johnny right now. He turned to his temporary partner. "See to him. I'll go check out the Rover."

Roy made his way back out to the bay, spotting Johnny's Rover parked at an angle next to the squad. If there was someone back there like Johnny had said, why wouldn't he just bring them in with him, or have the other passenger help him?

He had a bad feeling he already knew the answer to that question before he even opened the back of the Rover.

Sure enough, the Rover was empty, aside from a pile of camping gear that had been haphazardly tossed in the back.

Something terrible had happened to his partner, that much was obvious. Roy hoped there was a logical explanation forthcoming.

He returned to the emergency room to find it had exploded into complete chaos, and right at the center of it was one Johnny Gage, yelling and fighting off anyone who dared to approach him.

Roy slowed down as he approached, hoping like hell he could manage to get the other man settled down enough so that someone could start looking him over. "Hey, Johnny."

Johnny paused for a moment, long enough to notice Roy speaking to him. "Hey, Roy. Did you find the guy?"

"Yeah, I found him. The girl, too." Roy assured him, hoping it would help ease Johnny's agitation. "They're being taken care of. Now, how about you let someone get a good look at you?"

Johnny's eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he finally nodded. "Okay. As long as you're in there with me."

"Sure, Johnny." Roy was willing to say anything at this point to get Johnny into a treatment room.

Johnny finally went willingly into a treatment room and eased himself onto the exam table, with Roy at his side. Roy did his best to stay out of the way while Brackett and a small team of nurses examined Johnny. "Can you tell me what happened, Johnny?" Brackett asked gently.

Johnny looked very confused. "Don't know. I did some climbing, hung out with this group that was camped the next site over. Burned myself. Don't know how that happened."

Brackett lifted his head and glanced at Roy before asking his next question. "Johnny, did you take anything while you were camping? Any…medications, drugs, that kind of thing?"

Johnny's confused expression smoothed out, replaced by his usual lopsided grin. It occurred to Roy that he hadn't seen that expression in a while. "Oh, yeah. Smoked a joint or two, dropped some acid."

Brackett's expression was so incredulous that it would have been hilarious under any other circumstances. Somehow, he managed to recover from the revelation enough to ask his next question. "Do you remember when you did that?"

Johnny frowned and shook his head. "Days are all kinda running together, you know?"

Brackett turned to one of the nurses. "Get a blood sample and run it up to toxicology. Tell them it's critical."

Roy laid a firm hand on his partner's shoulder to keep him calm long enough for the nurse to draw the sample and quickly leave the room. Brackett continued his line of questioning. "Johnny, did you fall, maybe hit your head and knock yourself out?"

Johnny's brow wrinkled, the way it did when he was thinking hard about something. "Maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Why are you asking me all these questions, anyway?"

Roy could see that Johnny was getting wound up again. "Johnny, they're just trying to help you. It looks like maybe you've been hurt, maybe worse than you think you are."

"I'm telling you, I'm fine." Johnny insisted. "Roy, tell them to leave me alone."

"Maybe we can take a little break." Roy offered, glancing at Brackett in hopes of getting some kind of approval.

Brackett nodded affirmatively. "Once we get the results from toxicology, we'll have a better idea of what we're dealing with. In the meantime, Johnny, stay put and let these folks get some x-rays of you, okay?"

Johnny huffed and rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't respond, and Brackett motioned to Roy. The two men left the room and Brackett closed the door behind him. "Roy, did you know about Johnny's drug use?"

Roy honestly felt that Brackett was making a mountain out of a molehill, at least with respect to the pot. "If you're talking about the pot, yeah. Some guys have a couple beers after work, Johnny smokes a joint."

"And the LSD?"

That had been a bit of a surprise. "No sir, can't say I knew about that."

Brackett folded his arms over his chest. "LSD can induce psychosis, you know that."

Roy shook his head. "I don't think the LSD caused whatever is happening to Johnny."

Brackett studied Roy. "You think there's some other explanation?"

"Come on, Doc." Roy argued. "You see he's all banged up. Something happened to him out there."

"It could have been a bad trip." Brackett pointed out. "And if he's still under the influence, it would explain his behavior."

"I find it hard to believe he would have dropped acid knowing he was due to be back on shift today." Roy was unwilling to accept Brackett's explanation. "Johnny's a lot of things, but he's not irresponsible."

Brackett never took his eyes off Roy. "I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me."

Roy was reluctant to say much more, knowing that Brackett would put two and two together. "Something's been…I don't know, off about Johnny lately."

Brackett frowned. "Off how?"

"I don't know how to explain it." Roy told him. "Ever since we first started working together, he's always talked my ear off and said some off the wall stuff. It's just the way he is. But something's changed. He's just…a lot quieter. Took me a while to realize it."

Brackett's frown turned to a more thoughtful expression. "You guys take a lot of hits. Hell, Johnny's been concussed so often that he knows the protocol better than I do. That could be a factor. We don't know all the effects repeated concussions can have on the brain."

Roy paused for a moment, debating if he wanted to say anything further. Finally, he decided he had to, for Johnny's own good. "He's been talking to himself a lot lately, only I'm not sure if he's talking to himself or if he's talking to someone else. I mean, he makes these weird jokes about voices in his head, but maybe…maybe it's not a joke, you know?"

The more Roy talked, the more he started to put the pieces together. Something was terribly wrong with his partner, but it wasn't because of drugs or injuries. Something hadn't been right with him for a good, long time. "God, I can't believe I didn't see it before, Doc. I just never put it all together. Now look at him."

Brackett's expression softened. "People can put a good face on things for a long time. He probably just didn't want to worry anyone."

"He's my partner, Doc." Roy argued. "I spend almost as much time with him as I do my own family. Hell, he is part of my family. How could I not notice something was so wrong with him?"

"You couldn't have known." Brackett told him.

"I should have known after that last call we went out on together." Roy replied. "He was kind of in shock, upset that he'd lost the guy. But it wasn't his fault. Nobody blames him. He sure as hell blamed himself, though. Maybe that's what finally broke him, you know?"

Brackett let out a heavy sigh. "Maybe when he's a little more lucid he'll be able to tell us himself."

Roy fell silent, staring at the treatment room door. "What if that never happens?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Brackett told him. "We'll see what the tox screen says, then tend to his injuries."

A nurse strode briskly up to Brackett and handed him a folder. "Tox screen on your patient."

"Thank you." Brackett flipped open the folder, studying it carefully before nodding. "Looks like you were on the right track, Roy. No LSD in his system. Pretty high levels of THC, but that can stay in the body for a long time. I doubt that's a factor."

"So, either he's got some kind of injury, or he's lost his damn mind. Great."

Brackett looked up from the report. "If it's an injury, he'll recover. And if it's some form of mental illness, that can be managed, most likely. There's been some great strides made in treatments. I don't think it would be a bad idea for Johnny to undergo a psychological evaluation."

"He'll never agree to it."

"He might not have a choice in the matter." Brackett replied. "Especially if he wants to be cleared to return to work."

Roy dreaded Johnny's reaction. Despite his usual willingness to talk about anything and everything, Roy knew there was a reason Johnny had kept this to himself. Not just because he didn't want to worry anyone, but because he didn't want to lose his job.

But Johnny couldn't be out on calls in that condition. It was dangerous. Johnny probably knew that, too.

"Son of a bitch." Roy muttered to himself.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear." Brackett told Roy. "But it's the truth. I'm going to go back in and evaluate Johnny further. You're welcome to come in and be with him. It might make the whole experience go a little more smoothly."

"In a minute." Roy realized he had left his temporary partner hanging, and he felt bad for having stuck him with taking care of Johnny in the first place.

He returned to the base station, where the other man waited for him. "Nick, I'm sorry. Didn't think I'd be so long."

"No problem." Nick assured him. "Already arranged for a replacement. Go stay with Johnny. I think he needs you more than I do."

Roy let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, I owe you one."

Roy returned to the treatment room, where Johnny was in a state of agitation again. "Roy, tell Brackett I'm not crazy. I don't need to be in the psych ward."

"Doc, can you leave us alone for a minute?" Roy asked Brackett.

Brackett nodded, guiding the staff out of the room and closing the door behind him. Roy took a deep breath, knowing that what he was about to say had the potential to upset his partner.

"I'm not crazy, Roy." Johnny told him again.

"No, you're not." Roy answered. "But something's going on with you, and it's been going on for a while."

Roy could see Johnny's jaw set in the way it did when he was about to really dig his heels in on something, and it was clear Roy wasn't going to get anything out of him that way. He decided to try another tack. "Why don't you tell me about your trip?"

Johnny's eyes flicked to meet Roy's. "Do you mean camping or…the other thing?"

"Either one."

Johnny looked down at his now cleaned and bandaged hands. "Started out pretty good. Peaceful. Got camp all set up, smoked a little something, crashed for a while. Went climbing."

"Is that how you hurt your hands?"

Johnny shook his head. "No, that was later. Maybe when I was tripping. The people camped next to me had this huge fire going. Almost like a bonfire. The flames were…something. It was like I couldn't resist touching them. Anyway, lots of stuff happened that I can't really explain. Don't think you'd get it."

"You're probably right." Roy agreed. "But go on."

"Woke up feeling kind of fried." Johnny continued. "Had some coffee, got to talking to a couple of the folks at the next campsite. Decided to go climbing with them. They do this free climbing stuff, you know, no equipment or anything. It's nuts. But they convinced me to give it a try."

Of course they did, Roy thought.

"And it was going great. Made it to the top. The view was unbelievable, Roy. You should have seen it. Nothing like it. So we sit up there for a while, have some smoke. Then, you know, we have to get down, right?"

Roy had a feeling he had some idea what had happened. Whoever Johnny had been climbing with hadn't gotten hurt, Johnny had. How Johnny's brain had come to the conclusion that it was his climbing buddy that had been hurt and not himself, Roy had no idea.

"So we start climbing down, and again, I'm getting the hang of this, right? Making my way down, the feeling is incredible. Scary as hell, but really freeing. But then there's this…this weird little voice in my head, telling me to just…let go."

Roy wasn't sure he quite got what Johnny was saying. "What do you mean, let go?"

Johnny shrugged. "Just that. Let go. Let yourself fall. Accidents happen."

A chill went through Roy. The idea that his partner was not just falling apart, but might actually be suicidal was more than Roy could take. "Johnny, how long has this been going on?"

"Which part?" Johnny seemed confused.

"I don't know." Roy replied, willing himself to stay calm. "The voices, the suicidal thoughts…"

"Oh, no, I'm not suicidal." Johnny told Roy confidently.

"But you just said…"

Johnny cut him off. "No, see. I don't want to die. Not really."

"Okay." Roy was having a hard time understanding Johnny's unique brand of logic. "What about the voices, then?"

"I don't know." Johnny replied. "They just kind of…showed up. Most of the time it's like static, you know, like the handy-talkie, and I can kind of tune it out. But they've been getting kind of loud lately."

"Like after that last call we had?"

Johnny shook his head, his eyes downcast. "Before that."

"God, Johnny. I feel like an idiot. I had no idea."

Johnny managed an ever so slight smile. "I did drop some hints."

"The jokes that weren't jokes." Roy sighed. "Yeah, I know. Now."

The smile faded from Johnny's face. "I'm still not going to the psych ward."

Roy took a deep breath. "They just want to evaluate you, maybe see if they can do something for you. Don't you want that?"

Johnny was silent for a long moment before responding. "What if they want to put me away?"

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"But it might." Johnny answered quietly.

Roy sighed. "I'm not a doctor. I'm just a paramedic. I don't know what they'll want to do."

A knock on the door brought the conversation to an end, and Brackett walked in with yet another folder. He turned on the light box and put up the x-rays. "You've got a couple of broken ribs and a hairline fracture in your wrist. That should heal up pretty quickly."

He turned back to face Johnny. "You're required to undergo a psych evaluation, given the circumstances."

Johnny nodded. "I know."

Brackett laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder. "We'll get those ribs wrapped up, the wrist splinted and casted, and then we'll set up that psych eval."

Silence was the only response until Brackett left the room. Johnny then let out a long breath. "I'm sorry, Roy."

"For what?"

Johnny shrugged. "Being…like this."

"It's not your fault." Roy told him. "I'm just glad you're alive, okay? We'll figure out the rest of it, don't you worry."

Another knock on the door brought in an older woman with a brisk manner. "I'm Doctor Mueller, clinical psychologist." She introduced herself to Johnny. "I'll be doing your psych eval."

"I'll just wait outside, Johnny."

A curt nod was the only response, and Roy slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him. He spotted a couple at the base station desk talking to Dixie, and his curiosity got the better of him. "Hey, Dix."

"Roy." Dixie gestured to the couple. "These two are looking for Johnny."

He turned to them. "And you are?"

The guy started first. "I'm Jerry, this is Lisa. We're…sort of friends of Johnny's."

"Yeah." Lisa chimed in. "He was camped next to us."

Suddenly it clicked. "Did you two spend any time with him?" Roy asked.

"Oh yeah." Jerry answered with a little laugh, nudging Lisa. "This one spent the whole night with him."

"Stop." Lisa scolded him before turning to Roy. "We dropped acid together, spent the night together, and went out climbing with him the next day."

Roy's wheels were turning. "Jerry, did you get hurt while you were climbing?"

Jerry looked puzzled. "No. Might have slipped a couple of times, but I didn't fall or anything."

"What about Johnny?"

Jerry and Lisa looked at each other, then Lisa spoke. "Johnny went out on his own later. Said he wanted to get one last good climb before he went home. We went out for the day, and his campsite was still set up. Figured maybe he was staying another day, but we didn't see him again. We tried to invite him over to party with us later that night, but there was no answer."

"And it was dark, so we couldn't really go out looking for him." Jerry continued. "Not to mention most of us were already tripping balls by then, so no one was in any shape to go find him."

The picture of what had really happened was starting to come together. Roy had a vision of Johnny alone, hurt, maybe hallucinating. Somehow, Johnny's addled brain had filled in the blanks and came up with an entirely different version of events.

"We went out looking for him the next day." Lisa continued. "Found him on an outcropping. He was conscious, said he wasn't hurt badly and could manage to get down on his own. Of course, we weren't going to let him. He seemed kind of out of it, you know?"

Roy could imagine. Maybe Johnny wasn't hallucinating, but if he had been out there overnight, he was probably dehydrated and disoriented.

"But we helped him back to camp, and he swore up and down he'd be able to get back on his own. Told us he'd get himself checked out when he got back."

"How did you know to find him here?" Roy asked.

Jerry and Lisa looked at each other. "Johnny said he was a paramedic with the county. Didn't say which one, we just kind of assumed."

These two were smarter than Roy had initially given them credit for.

"How is he doing?" Lisa asked. "Can we see him?"

Roy glanced at Dixie. "He's still…being evaluated."

Lisa looked a little disappointed as Jerry put an arm around her. "We're heading up to Yosemite in a couple weeks. You tell Johnny he can come join us if he's up to it."

"Sure, yeah. I'll let him know you asked about him."

With that, they left, and Roy let out a long sigh. He caught Dixie's concerned expression. "Roy, what's going on?" She asked.

"Johnny's wires are crossed." Roy answered. "I think that's the guy Johnny said he had in the back of the Rover."

"And let me guess." Dixie broke in. "You went to look and there was no one there."

"Right." Roy replied. "I really wish I understood how the hell that man's brain worked."

"Me too, Roy." Dixie answered quietly. "Me too."