WHEN THERE'S LOVE TO BE HAD
CHAPTER THREE

It happens later that week. Her phone rings mid-morning, and she groans when she sees a precinct number on the caller ID, but still she answers, even if they're probably calling her in.

She doesn't expect Esposito's panicked voice, since the unflappable former Army Ranger is one of the calmest people she knows. But as soon as she hears the words "Rodgers" and "hospital," she's grabbing her coat and running out the door.

Esposito meets her in the ER waiting room at Bellevue Hospital, where he'd taken Rick before calling her, and explains what happened.

"He followed the guy over the fence," he says, recounting the two of them chasing a burglary suspect, "and he caught himself on the top, and landed wrong. I was ten feet behind him and heard the pop, and he just went down."

Kate sinks into a chair, ignoring the chaos of the room around her, and feels the panic start to fade. She'd assumed the worst with Rick being rushed to the ER, but he just fell wrong...maybe he'll be okay.

"Officer Esposito?"

She raises her head when an exhausted-looking doctor approaches them, and she stands to join him, shoves her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.

"You brought in Officer Rodgers, right?" the doctor clarifies, his eyes flicking to Kate. At Esposito's nod, he continues. "He's going to be fine. He did have a pretty nasty scratch on his side from the fence, so we stitched him up and gave him a tetanus shot just in case." He glances down at the clipboard in his hand.

"He'll end up with a scar, but that's all from that. I'm afraid he does have a broken ankle. At this point it doesn't look like he'll need surgery, but he does need to stay off it for at least a few weeks, maybe longer if it doesn't heal. He'll need to follow up with his doctor about that, and probably see an orthopedic surgeon to assess whether or not he'll need surgery."

Kate breathes a sigh of relief. A cut and a broken ankle. God, it could have been so much worse. "When can he go home?" she asks.

The doctor drops his clipboard to his side and offers a shrug. "I want to keep him here to make sure there's no infection in the cut, but I don't see why he can't go home in a few hours. I can take you back to see him."

Seeing Rick asleep in a hospital bed, attached to machines keeping track of his vitals and his ankle suspended in the air, takes her by surprise. He looks so helpless, so vulnerable, and her eyes well with tears that she blinks away so Esposito doesn't see. Her fellow officer must sense her distress, though, because he pats her on the shoulder and gives her an encouraging nod.

"He's okay, Kate," Esposito reassures her. "Nothing he won't recover from, and he'll come back even stronger. Look, I gotta get back to my shift. I'll check in later, but call me if you need anything, okay?"

She nods and, after a brief hesitation, surprises both of them by pulling him in for a tight hug. "Thanks, Javi," she mutters when she steps away.

He just gives her a knowing smirk. "No prob."

"I could've stayed at my place," Rick mutters the next day, as Kate wheels him out of the elevator and towards her apartment. "You don't need to babysit me."

Kate pinches his earlobe, relishing the yelp it draws from him. He'd ended up staying in the hospital overnight, more to satisfy the doctor's worry about potential infection than his, and he's cranky from the lack of sleep. And, presumably, some pain, since it's been a couple hours since his last meds.

She'd known it would be near impossible to get him to his third floor walk up, but she has an elevator that works most of the time. So she'd borrowed the key to his apartment, put a bag together, and taken him to her place.

His sour attitude is affecting her, so once she gets him inside she just pushes him directly to her room. Being able to shut the door will be an advantage when he wants to rest, or when she has to go back to work after the week off she'd almost had to beg for.

She parks the wheelchair next to the bed, locks it in place, and manages to lift Rick out of it with minimal jostling of the large cut on his side - and ankle, of course.

"Here," she snaps, grabbing the pain meds and water from the nightstand and shoving the bottles in his hand. "Take this and get some rest. I'll be out on the couch." She starts to turn away but his hand around her wrist stops her.

The gaze he's giving her is so grateful, so bright, that she almost forgets that he was biting her head off just a few minutes ago. She can't resist reaching out and brushing her fingers through his hair.

"Thank you," he rumbles. "Sorry I got cranky."

She sighs and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. "That's okay," she assures him. "I'm sure we'll get on each other's nerves plenty while you're here."

Rick chuckles and squeezes her wrist before letting go. "Well, I appreciate you letting me recover here."

"Of course I would." She props herself on the edge of the bed. "No way would you get up your stairs, not yet. And I wasn't about to make you stay with Espo," she adds, earning a laugh. His eyes start to droop, so she takes the prescription bottle from his hand and pours out a couple pain pills for him. Once he takes them, he leans back, drops his head against the headboard, and closes his eyes.

She stays for a few minutes, just watching him, until she sees the rise and fall of his chest slow and eventually even. She stands, pulls the covers over his chest, and lets him sleep.

Neither of them sleep much the first night. Rick initially insists that Kate sleep in the bed with him, but when she accidentally elbows his side, causing him to jerk awake in pain, she relocates out to the couch. She gets up often to check on him, though, hovering at the bedroom door, watching him sleep. She wakes him in the middle of the night when he starts whimpering, forces him to take his pain meds, but once the drugs kick in, he drifts back to sleep.

In the morning she has him sit up so she can inspect his cut, and she winces at the jagged wound as she cleans and re-bandages it.

"If you wanted me to rub you down," she teases when she helps him clean up with a sponge, "all you had to do was ask. This whole getting injured thing wasn't necessary."

Rick chuckles and leans forward so she can wipe his back. "I'll remember that next time," he retorts. They fall silent until they're finished, and before Kate can take the bucket to the bathroom he curls his fingers around her wrist. "Hey," he says in a soft voice, "thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Kate gives him a small smile and presses her mouth to his. "That's what friends are for."

He sleeps for most of the day, and she takes advantage of the silence, spreads her mom's case file across her coffee table and settles in front of it, coffee in hand. If he knew that she was using her downtime to continue investigating and not resting, he'd be pissed, but she'll be able to hide it from him until he's mobile. She's so close to a breakthrough, she can almost feel it. Something isn't right about the coroner's report, but she can't put her finger on it.

With a frustrated groan, she leans forward and covers her face with her hands. She tries to blink back the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but it's a battle she can't win, and within moments they're streaming down her face.

"Beckett?"

Rick's voice cuts through the fog of grief and she lifts her head, wipes her cheeks as she stands. She gives the mess a cursory glance, considers putting it away, but Rick won't see it, so she leaves it. She takes a deep breath as she approaches her bedroom, tries to put on an encouraging smile to mask the evidence of her tears.

As soon as Rick sees her, she realizes she should've known better. He misses nothing when it comes to her.

His brows furrow and he straightens his shoulders, attempting to sit up further. "What's wrong?" he asks, holding out his hand, beckoning her to him.

She lets out a long sigh and sits by his hip, careful not to jostle him. "Nothing," she lies. Judging by the way he levels his gaze at her, he doesn't believe her, but she doesn't offer anything about her failure with her mom's case. She shrugs a shoulder. "It just hit me, I guess."

Rick sets a tentative hand on her thigh. "What did?" he prods in a gentle, soothing voice.

"Everything." She sighs. "It's been a long fucking week. Getting my dad to rehab, then this. It's just…" Her voice trails off, and Rick gives her leg an encouraging squeeze. She lifts her gaze to his, draws courage from his bright, hopeful gaze. "I was really worried," she admits, "when Espo called me. When he said you were in the hospital, I freaked out." She covers his hand with hers. "If I lost you-" Her voice cracks and she shakes her head, unable to continue, her tears returning.

"Hey." Rick slides his hand out from under hers and he pushes on the mattress, winces as he tries to sit up. "Fuck," he mutters when he falls back to the bed. "If I could fucking sit up without wanting to chop off my damn leg…" He huffs out a frustrated sigh. "Goddammit. The thing is, I'll be okay, Kate. I might limp for a while, and I'll have a gnarly scar on my side, but I'll heal."

"I know. And it could have been so much worse. I'm grateful, I am. I'm just tired." Kate stands and moves to the other side of the bed so she can lie next to him. She curls against his side, her head on his chest, and when she feels his arm curl around her shoulders and hold her close, she finally lets herself relax.

She wants to tell him everything: she can't imagine her life without him, she loves him. But she just listens to his slow, steady breaths, and allows him to lull her to sleep.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Kate asks the following Monday, as she straightens her uniform shirt. "Because I can call Montgomery-"

"No, please don't," Rick almost groans from his spot on the bed. "I'll be fine, I promise."

She hesitates, but she tugs on her belt. "Okay. I'm only working a half shift, and Espo will come by in a couple hours. I gave him a key," she adds when he raises his brows in question.

"Too bad I can't drink yet," he jokes, "otherwise I'd have him bring a keg and we could make a party out of it."

Kate narrows her eyes, but still, she hesitates before walking out. She knows Rick well enough to catch the slight hitch in his voice, the underlying tension that he tries to hide with humor. He's weaning himself off the painkillers, and although Esposito will be there, he's nervous about being alone for even a short time.

By the time she's returning home from her shift, she's almost vibrating with nervous energy. Esposito kept her updated through the day, and while she's a little weirded out that two people are in her apartment without her, they're both her friends, so she knows she has nothing to worry about.

She's greeted by the smell of pizza as she approaches her door, and her stomach growls in anticipation. Between worrying about Rick and assisting on a homicide all day she's exhausted and starving, and she doesn't even mind that there's loud music and yelling coming from her bedroom.

She follows the noise and stops at her bedroom door, crosses her arms when she finds the guys leaning against her headboard, two open pizza boxes between them. "When did I get a Playstation?" she teases, motioning to the controllers in their hands.

Rick's face lights up when he spots her, and he drops the controller onto the bed. "Hey, you're back!"

Kate ignores the knowing look Esposito gives her, but she resists the temptation to greet Rick with more than a smile. She doesn't think he'd report them, but she won't take the risk. "Yes, I'm back," she repeats, "and curious why there's pizza on my bed."

Esposito climbs off the bed and grabs the boxes. "Sorry, Beckett, it was my idea. I brought over my Playstation, too, so he doesn't get bored." He and Rick share a fist bump, and he jerks his head towards the console. "I'll leave it here. You need to practice," he jokes.

Rick lifts his middle finger. "Asshole," he laughs. "I'll kick your ass soon enough."

Kate follows her friend through the living room and takes out a couple slices of pizza for herself before putting the rest in the refrigerator. "Thanks, Espo," she says as he grabs his coat. "I owe you one."

"It was fun. I'm off tomorrow so I'll come by again."

Kate barely suppresses a relieved sigh. "That would be awesome, but I don't want to take up your time."

"Don't worry about it." Esposito pauses with his hand on the doorknob, then turns back to Kate. "Also," he adds, "I won't tell anyone about you two."

Kate blinks at him. He can't possibly mean-

"Don't try to deny it, Beckett," he continues with a smirk. "It's obvious."

"We went through the Academy together," she reminds him. "We're friends."

Esposito just grins. "Like I said, my lips are sealed. See you later."

Kate groans and leans her head against the door when she shuts it behind him. She believes that he won't say anything about her and Rick, but she has no idea how he knows, or at least suspects. She grabs her pizza on her way back to her room. "Espo might know about us," she says as soon as Rick looks up at her.

"Well, shit."

Kate stops at the foot of the bed and crosses her arms after setting her plate down. "'Well, shit' is right," she snaps. "He said he won't tell anyone, but how would he know? Did you say anything?"

"No." Rick shrugs. "It might not matter that much, anyway."

"Why not?" she prods after a long pause.

"I'm going to quit."

Kate can only stare at him, at his revelation. She expects him to break into laughter, to tell her he's joking, but he doesn't, just continues to explain.

"It's not just that we're breaking a dozen rules every time we have sex. But I was telling Espo about that book idea, you know, the serial killer?" He doesn't even wait for her nod. "And he helped me flesh out some of the story, and I want to finish writing it."

"I-" Kate pauses when her voice cracks, and she clears her throat. "I don't know what to say," she finally admits. "You haven't been on the force all that long. And all that hard work in the Academy, you'd throw all that away?"

Rick nods. "I don't see it as throwing it away," he argues. "I wouldn't quit right away, anyway. I can't afford to, not yet. But I'll come back from my injury and learn as much as I can on the job."

"Oh."

"There's another reason," he adds, shifting to sit up straighter. "I hate sneaking around and hiding our relationship."

"We're not in a-"

"We are," he interrupts. "You're the only person I've been with since before the Academy. I'm not seeing anyone else. So unless you are-"

She shakes her head, her mind jumbled with confusion. Somehow, they'd become exclusive without even talking about it.

"We might not go on dates, but we're in a relationship, Kate. We have been this whole time. And, frankly, I want to keep it up. But it's only a matter of time before the higher ups find out, and one or both of us gets fired. I'd rather leave on my own terms."

Kate swallows around the lump in her throat. Between her mom being killed and sending her dad to rehab, she'd convinced herself that she was too damaged, too heartbroken for anyone. She hadn't let anyone get too close, for fear of another loss. But somehow, Rick just bulldozed his way into her heart, and he doesn't seem interested in leaving.

And, God, she might die if he ever does.

"Can I tell you something?" she finally manages to ask.

Rick gives her a soft, encouraging smile. "Anything."

She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders, draws strength from the warm look in his eyes. "I think I have feelings for you," she admits. When he just grins, she moves to his side of the bed. Every step gives her a little more confidence, and by the time she sits next to him, she knows without a doubt that telling him is the right thing to do. "Like, strong feelings," she clarifies.

Rick holds his hand out, and when she places her palm against his, he rubs his thumb along her knuckles. "Yeah, so do I."

As the days pass and he begins to heal, Kate has to be more careful with her mom's case file. She tells Rick that she's not spending all of her free time on it, and his presence in her apartment, plus his increased mobility, makes it harder for her to hide it from him. So most nights, she sneaks out of bed after he falls asleep, and spreads the file on the coffee table.

She manages for almost two weeks, until one night when she's so focused, she doesn't hear Rick call her name, get out of bed, or hobble into the living room on his crutches.

"What are you doing?"

She jumps at the sound of his sleepy voice, narrowly grabbing her coffee mug before it topples over. "Jesus, Rick," she breathes, twisting around to look at him. "You scared the shit out of me."

"You know, a couple times this week, I've woken up in the middle of the night. Not for long, but just enough that I realize you're gone." He maneuvers to her side of the couch, but he doesn't join her, just props himself on his crutches and levels his gaze at her. "I've been assuming you went to the bathroom or something, and I fell asleep before you came back to bed. But now I wonder if I've been wrong."

She sighs. The look on his face is mostly unreadable; he's usually very expressive, especially around her, but he has mastered the ability to mask his emotion when necessary. Only the hard set of his jaw tells her that he's more than angry.

He's furious.

"Rick-"

"Don't," he interrupts, shaking his head. "Don't give me an excuse."

"It's my mom," she argues. "I can't just give up."

He maneuvers himself onto the couch, pain flashing on his face for a brief moment as he lowers himself down. "I wouldn't want you to. But you're not just working the case," he continues, motioning to the strewn papers. "You're obsessed. And if you're not careful, you'll run yourself into an early grave."

She squares her shoulders and levels a glare at him. How dare he suggest that she take it easy on the case, on finding her mom's killer. "It's the whole damn reason I became a cop," she snaps, crossing her arms. "If I want to investigate during my free time, that's my business. And if you want to be with me, like you claim to," she adds, the words falling out of her mouth before she even realizes what she's saying, "you'll just have to deal with it."

His nostrils flare. "I'm not telling you not to investigate," he says slowly, "but you need balance. A couple hours at a time, not all fucking night. Especially when you have an early shift."

"What do you expect me to do, Rick?" Even as she argues, she knows he's right, that she's working at a pace that will burn her out. But she can't imagine giving up on her mom, letting her killer go free...the thought makes her nauseous.

"Come to bed."

"No." She shakes her head and stands. "I'll help you back to bed, but I'm coming back out here. I'm close to something," she continues. "I can feel it."

"Okay, so I'll help." He leans forward slightly, but she can see the pain all over his face as he aggravates his injuries. He reaches for the crime scene photos, but as soon as he stretches his arm he winces and grasps his side.

"Shit," she curses, pressing her palm over his hand. She notices the tears shimmering in his eyes, the familiar rapid blinking when he tries to stop them from falling. Her other hand rubs circles on his back, and after several moments she feels him start to relax under her touch.

"You're the most stubborn person I know," he eventually mutters. He lifts his gaze up to hers. "You don't know when to stop. It'll make you a great detective."

She narrows her eyes. It sounds like a compliment, but his tone is anything but. He sounds dejected, almost resigned to his fate. "Why does it sound like there's a 'but?'" she asks, squaring her shoulders, preparing herself for the worst.

He shrugs. "No 'but.' It's who you are. You'll be extraordinary, Kate. And I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm in love with someone who will always put the job first."

"I won't-" His words sink in and she freezes. She blinks a few times, processing, before she can respond. "In love with?" she responds, her voice barely audible, even to her own ears.

"Yeah." He motions towards the case file in front of them. "If you won't let up on this - which I won't ask you to do anymore - then I'll just have to do it with you."

Kate can only stare at him, her mouth agape. She's known for weeks that she loves him, suspects that he's felt the same way even longer. But having a suspicion, and hearing the words come out of his mouth, are completely different things.

Eventually she clears her thoughts, and she takes the pictures from his hand and returns it to the table. When he gives her a questioning look, she presses her palm to his jaw and her mouth to his. As tempted as she is to straddle his lap, when he tries to twist and pulls away with a sharp inhale, she leans back.

"Shit," she mutters, "I'm sorry."

He waves off her apology. "Not your fault," he insists. His cheeks flush and he looks up at her. "I'm afraid making out is still off the table."

She manages a chuckle, and she stands, grabs his crutches. "Come on," she says, "let's go back to bed."

"'Let's?'" he repeats. "You're coming too?"

She glances at the table and back to Rick. "It can wait. Right now, I'd rather be with you."

She does return to the living room after he falls asleep. But this time, she gathers the reports and photos, puts them back in their folder, and puts the case away.