Hi there, long time no see. I've not written a fanfiction in the last 6 years and that's probably just as long as I've had this fanfic idea in my mind.
I'm really weary of sharing this story but decided to do so anyway.
Let me know your thoughts on reviews, I'm planning for this to be quite a long angsty fanfic, and thought starting it at christmas time was fitting since we're nearing the holiday. Hope you all enjoy the story with me :)
It started a cold, stormy night. Just as most torrid love affairs do.
The raindrops falling sounded like hailstone against the palace windows, the air was cold yet there was a warmth through the atmosphere that was almost palpable. The smell of ginger in the air, the fireplaces roaring and the ridiculous amount of garlands that Snow White had spread into every corner of the palace did nothing to uplift Regina's mood. Christmas didn't feel worth celebrating without her son with her.
Through the years Regina had learnt to make their own little traditions; from their matching pyjamas, to drinking hot chocolates on Christmas morning. Christmas was a holiday that had meant nothing to her until her little prince came along with his wonderous eyes and bright smile, her heart felt full just from the memory of him. Now that the only thing that has ever truly mattered in her existence, the very backbone of her life, had vanished; it seemed pointless to join the festivities.
Still, she found herself walking towards the main hall. She had promised Snow she wouldn't seclude herself tonight, and in all fairness, she didn't really want to spend the night alone. Not when the memory of her son was still so vivid in her mind. It just made her everyday life all the little bit more painful. Constantly wondering how he would be spending the night. If their little traditions would have been transferred on to Emma, since she shared her memories with her, or if these memories had morphed into her own and they're now celebrating their own little traditions. The ones he believes he has always done with Emma. The ones he used to do with her. Wondering what he would think of her now, hellbent on revenge although this time to his family's benefit. If he would be proud of her for defending Snow and Charming's baby to be, if he would be disappointed that her only care is to destroy a sister she doesn't truly even hate.
It was all just too much.
Her magic flowed off her body like second nature as it opened the hall's door for her. Heads turning and conversations muting as they all became aware of her presence. She looked around for a corner where to hide and remain unnoticed just like she had done so many years past. Again, in her own home. Bitterly remembering what it felt like to be newlywed to a man twice her age and trying to become a small version of herself. Such a contrast to who she had been as the Evil Queen; all outfits and looks, boisterous and loud, owning every room she walked into. Now a mix of the two; the clothes she wore once with a beaten down personality. Not knowing who she is or where she fits.
She hadn't meant to dampen the mood. Although, in all honesty, she didn't really care. Conversation continued as she settled into a corner of the room. Nodding at her stepdaughter as she caught her eye and appreciating the distance she was allowing her. Snow was the culprit of her presence here, she had insisted for Regina to join them and after all the verbal lashing Regina had delivered, she gave in anyway. Snow knew better than to come gloat. Her eyes perused the room and they settled on the eight feet tree that was being surrounded by a bunch of Merry Men. The tree was nothing compared to the one she used to set up for henry. Orange garlands and bits of holy decorated the tree. No Christmas lights and baubles in a land without electricity.
A tug on her side pulled her out of her perusal. Big brown eyes met hers, so much like Henry's had been at that age that she couldn't help but flinch.
"I sit here?" asked Roland. She just patted the chair next to hers in response. She kept an eye on him as he climbed the chair with all the strength a four-year-old could muster. The tentative friendship she had with the little boy had not been extended to the child's father. While the dimpled-smiled boy was sweet and polite, his father irritated and disgusted her. He contradicted any war plans she made and belittled her in front of all the other peasants. Not that she cared what he thought of her, but there was a special kind of hatred for those who made her feel unwelcomed in a castle that was hers through marriage. Why should she earn her place here when it had been already forced upon her at eighteen-years-old.
"Papa come sit!" Regina's gaze scanned the room to see Robin approaching his son's calling. She started to stand so that the thief could steal her seat.
"No need for that, your majesty, I can stand right here." He only got an eyeroll as a response. The audacity of him to assume she was going to give him her chair, albeit that was her plan.
"I'm sure Roland would prefer to sit with his father. If you'll excuse me." She kept her head high and avoided Roland's confused look while she walked away. Robin's reproaching glare drilling into the back of her skull. It was better to keep it this way, as sweet as the boy was, Regina had no interest in loving someone else's son. She already had one of her own that she had been forced to share. Clearly 'closed adoption' meant nothing to the likes of the Charmings.
The night went through. Peasants and royalty sharing one table: merry men, fairies and dwarves sitting beside princes and dukes. Her own misfortune to be sitting between a merry man and the one-handed pirate, as if titles didn't matter in this land. As if they were back in Storybrooke. They feasted on turkey, vegetables and mashed potato, the traditional Christmas meal made her feel nauseated, everything she ate, everything she saw would just remind her of the life she had lost. The sacrifices she made to build that life, for it all to be gone now. For it all to be for nothing. Her turmoiled thoughts bringing that familiar rage to her heart. It was then when one of the thief's men made the mistake to splash hot gravy on her arm as he reached across the table. He missed the fire in her eyes as rage filled her darkened heart, but he didn't miss the fire on her hand.
A commotion broke while she towered over the frightened man. Looking at him now, she realised how young he looked. Closer to Henry's age than she had realised. The fire extinguished but the weariness surrounding her didn't. She pushed her chair back and stormed out of the main hall. Snow's "Regina!" getting lost in a crowd of murmurs.
She sprinted out, determined to get away. Her corset felt suffocating, the Christmas decorations all along the corridor seemed to be looming towards her, making her feel trapped, needing to escape.
A hand caught her wrist and had her whole body turned around by force. Coming face to face with the indignant face of the thief.
"Let go of me you filthy thief!" her words spewed like venom off her mouth
"You will apologise to young George", his hand still clasped around her wrist
"Let. GO!" a blast threw him back a couple steps, with enough force to push him away but not enough to kick him down.
"You infuriating woman! Is the price of dropping food being burnt alive?!" he wasn't shouting yet, but his voice was loud enough to echo around the corridor. She wanted him to shout at her, she wanted to be filled with ire.
"The price is whatever I say it should be. Wouldn't expect a lowlife like you to understand that kind of power."
His face was burning red, but no words came out of his mouth. She needed to push him more.
"I would hope your son learns better manners than the men you lead." And there it was, the straw that broke the camel's back. Robin stumbled forwards while raising his hands. She had the impression he was probably about to try to strangle her. Good. Then she could kill him.
His hands went to her face instead as he pulled her towards him, and his lips met hers. A surge of emotions filled her body. Rage and surprise mainly. But her lips parted to allow him entrance to her mouth. She felt her body go weak and one of his arms envelope her around the waist while his other hand held her face in place.
By the time he pulled away -which could have been hours- she was staring at him gobsmacked.
"That ought to shut you up." She could tell he was more shaken up than he wanted to let on. Two could play that game.
"I've had better."
Robin welcomed the challenge of proving her wrong. The pull towards one another so strong, it was inevitable that they would come together like pieces in a puzzle. The rain falling still sounding like hailstone against the windows.