Jem had been a boy when he left London. Once these streets were as familiar to him as the back of his hand. He had roamed through them with his best friend when they were foolish children, believing they could bring justice with his father's knives. But whenever they catch a thief, they let him go out of pity. Because nobody who was lucky enough to have enough had to steal.
Jem recalled a letter he received from Will years later, telling him how he and his wife had caught a serial killer.
A woman they had both loved equally.
Jem remembered when she reached London. Looking for her brother. She had lost him to London and the two friends helped her look for him.
Just like Jem himself five years earlier, she was found by the Institute. The home that gave shelter to sages. It was not a well-known home, not one supported by the state. The institute was financed by some noble and wealthy families. The purpose was to take in promising children, give them a good education and guide them in life so that they would eventually be able to invest their income in the home as well.
On the contrary, Will had been sent to it by his parents, who were themselves investors. That was just a few weeks before Jem arrived.
A spoiled, snotty brat whose parents were trying to teach him about the value of real life, he was less than thrilled about spending his time with society's scum.
However, his mean words could never hurt Jem. He loved that Will treated him like everyone else. The other children at the institute mostly kept their distance from him, the governesses and teachers treated him like a fragile plant, even the young head of the institute's eyes darkened with pity every time she crossed his path.
The illness that accompanied Jem, which had already killed his parents, was no secret. Even if he had wanted to keep it a secret, the fair sickly skin, the bleary eyes, the colorless hair, everything about him would have given him away.
After he and Will first met, the black-haired heir kept sneaking up on Jem to ask him the most impossible questions about his past. He didn't mince his words and didn't protect Jem from his indiscreet ways.
Since Will was the only one who dared to ask, Jem was always happy to answer him. He never understood why the others were afraid to ask. He would have understood their curiosity.
"Are you going to die soon?" Will asked bluntly.
"I probably won't last three years," Jem replied just as matter-of-factly.
Death didn't scare him. He had come to terms with it the day his mother lost the light in her eyes. He had no family to be with, no friends, nothing worth living for.
"Why don't you just kill yourself then you won't have to suffer anymore," Will said another time.
"It's not my place to do Yama's work," Jem replied. Even if he accepted death, that didn't mean he was done with life.
After a while, Jem knew just by instinct when Will was sneaking up. "William," he always said before the other made himself known.
It took a while, but Jem realized that Will was probably the reason why he hadn't been brought into the diyu yet.
Even though Will had everything one could have, something in him was broken. Jem certainly believed that healing this was his life's work.
So the two not only became friends, they became brothers in spirit. Neither of the two boys had known something that was more true.
And as they grew older, and Jem had already outlived the years given to him, new worries crept in. What would become of his friend when his time came?
Because even though Jem knew how much Will loved him, he didn't let anyone else get near him. Nobody touched him.
That was until Tessa came into their life.
One night Will was mud-caked with the girl on the institute's threshold, and their duo became a trio. The brave young girl who went to drug dens and brothels to search for her missing brother.
Something about her attracted Jem. Not only did she understand him in a way no one had before, but she didn't let Will faze her. No matter how rude he was towards her, she gave it back to him right away. Not once had she asked Jem to break his friendship with Will. On the contrary, she too had recognized his potential. She knew that Will was not hopeless, no matter how hard he tried to convince her.
And she hadn't let Jem's illness unsettle her. She liked him just the way he was. She even understood the music that was so important to him.
Jem had confessed his love to her little after that. He had had little hope. Though he knew her strength, he didn't know if she could commit to someone who didn't have much time left.
But she did.
She loved him with the same steadfast strength that he loved her.
Suddenly his numbered days became a whole life that he was still allowed to lead.
He had never been so happy in his life as he was then.
But the luck didn't last long.
He quickly realized how much his love had hurt his best friend. Will had never said anything. Because he just wanted Jem's happiness. But Jem knew Will, he knew him well enough to soon realize that his best friend - his brother in spirit - burned with a similar love for Tessa.
A year before, Jem had received a message from his uncle. The only secret he'd ever kept from Will. When he told him about a possible form of therapy that could heal him, Jem's heart beat faster. However, when he learned that this therapy was only practiced in a monastery in eastern China, he let the thought go. For if he had left, he would have had to live in isolation among the monks. He would have left Will to himself and he just couldn't do that.
But now Will had Tessa. Although she loved Jem, she had developed a good friendship with Will. And Will loved her. Jem just knew Will could win her over. In time she would learn to love him too. The both of them could live a happy life. Filled with children, life and everything that Jem couldn't offer her.
So he decided to leave his happy life in London.
Because if he had stayed to be honest with Tessa, he would have become more and more needy within a year, until he could finally die as a burden and leave Tessa a childless widow at a young age.
And his friend would never get too close to Tessa because he would feel guilty.
But knowing how alike they were, he left them a letter explaining himself. He said Will should take care of her. They should be happy and forget him. He wrote of the therapy and the slim possibility of recovery. About joining a monastery and going into isolation.
It wasn't long before Will's first letter reached him. He told his friend how he and Tessa were doing.
With each letter, Jem felt so happy as if it were still a part of their life.
He was delighted to read of their marriage a few years later and the birth of their son James the year after. Which they named after him.
This gave him the assurance that they missed him as much as he missed them.
He was given new medication and entered a new therapy. His friend's letters gave him the will to go on living. He wanted to know how they were doing, to watch over them like a distant angel.
Eventually he recovered. But he couldn't go back.
It would break their hearts. As much as he loved her, Tessa belonged to Will now and she would be torn between her family and the family she could have had if she had waited.
So Jem stopped writing letters. He hoped they would forget him and enjoy their own happiness.
But Jem still received the letters from Will. A new one every week.
He always read them with tears in his eyes.
Then no more letters came.
It just stopped.
And Jem cried through the next three weeks. He knew Will had died.
Yes, he had been an old man. They all were.
But it broke Jem's heart never to hear from him again. Don't know how Tessa was doing. Or their children and their children. It all broke his heart.
And then came World War II.
A war worse than any before. And London was shelled.
He couldn't stand the uncertainty any longer and went back. To the city that was once his. The city where he was happier than ever. In which he found love and friendship that transcended life.
And his goal was to find her. He had to be sure that she was okay.
For he could no longer live in a world where both of his lights were extinguished.