Zuko

I went down to the dining hall and the servants brought my food to me, but I couldn't eat. My stomach was in knots. I sat silently and closed my eyes. I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there, but by the time I thought of it, my food was cold. I couldn't get the vision of Sam in Ozai's hand, him draining the life from her, out of my head.

These were times I wish Uncle were here. He always knew what to say.

Sam hadn't come to eat so I thought she must still be angry at me for not listening to her. I should have. Had I gone with her, it wouldn't have happened.

But then again she had gone behind my back. But she had been apologetic about it. She seemed to really be upset with what she had done.

But she also accused me of not trusting her. I trust her. Right? Yes, I had trusted her implicitly. And she still disrespected my wishes. That hurt more than anything. Can I trust her again? Maybe that is part of the problem. Maybe she was right and I never fully trusted her. As much as I love her, I don't trust her. Why? Because I don't trust anyone I thought wryly. I stopped to think about it. No, I do trust her. With everything in me. I need to show her that.

I stood up, leaving my food untouched. I wanted to talk to her. I need her near me. I started walking back to the bedroom. I slowly opened the door and scanned the room for her. She was still here. Sitting at the window, her knees to her chest and she was crying. I cleared my throat and she looked up at me. She wiped the tears from her eyes and unfolded herself.

"Sam." I said simply. What did I want to say? I should have thought about it before coming in here. It didn't matter. She held her hand up to me and stood, closing the distance between us. She reached out and took my hands into hers.

"Zuko, I…I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust. I'm sorry that I went to see Ozai. I'm sorry that I deceived you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I never stopped to think about how it would make you feel. I was selfish. And careless with your feelings. I hope you know that I love you more than anything. I would never try to hurt you or betray you. Please Zuko-" it was my turn to hold up my hand to stop her. Her voice was starting to get shaky and she was speaking frantically. Her palms were becoming sweaty.

"Sam, please. Don't." I said simply. She stopped and her eyes widened like saucers. I realized how that sounded. "No, Sam. I don't mean it like that. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have shut you down. I should have heard you out. And…I do trust you, Sam. I struggle with trusting people. Ever since I was a kid. Trust doesn't come easily to me. But you are one of the few people that I trust with my everything. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I don't."

"Zuko, you have nothing to be sorry for. I was in the wrong. I should never have gone behind your back like that. I put myself in danger. And put you in a precarious position with having to confront your father like that. I had no idea how manipulative he is and…I guess I thought you were exaggerating a bit." I admitted sheepishly. "I didn't think he was THAT bad of a person. How could he be, with a son like you?" She was definitely going for brownie points here although I knew she meant her words, "I know now that you are right. He is dangerous. I will never do this to you again. You have my word, my love." she put her hand on my face and rubbed my scar with her thumb. There are very few people who I allow to touch my scar. Sam is one of them. In fact, she is the only one that I actually like touching my scar. It always felt soothing when she did that. Almost like she was brushing it away. I leaned my face into her touch. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes, of course I can." I took the hand on my face and kissed her palm. I reached out my own hand to touch her face. I brought her close for a kiss. She kissed me passionately. Desperately I thought. She wrapped her arms around my neck and plastered her body to mine. She lifted her left leg and wound it around my body, bringing herself even closer. I grabbed her shirt and peeled it off of her and did the same to mine. I wrapped my arms around her body and lifted her up, carrying her over to the bed. I laid her down and I leaned on top of her. I kissed her lips and she reciprocated in kind.

"My God, I need you." she said, running her hands down my arms.

She grabbed the waist of her pants and, lifting her hips, she slid them down. I helped her take them off the rest of the way. Her hands found my own pants and we took them off as well. I slid myself inside her and we both gasped at our connection.

She slid her hands down my chest and around my ribs to my back. She ran her nails down my back and I arched it at the sensation. I kissed her and bit down on her bottom lip. She moaned in response.

This was not going to be gentle. It was desperate. It was rough. It was visceral.

After we finished, we laid in the bed on top of the covers, still naked from our intimacy. She was laying with her head on my shoulder and I was running my hand up and down her arm. I shifted on the bed, wincing.

"Did you have to scratch me so hard?" I snickered.

"Did you have to bite me so hard? My lip is still swollen," she said back rubbing her lip.

"Hey it was payback. I'm pretty sure my back is bleeding." I said, jokingly.

We laid for a while longer until I heard her stomach growl. It was only then that I realized how hungry I was myself.

"You know, we never did eat dinner." I said. "We should go eat something." I shifted again but to get up. We both put on our night clothes and walked to the dining hall. We asked one of the servants to get our food from earlier. It took a little extra time because they had to warm it again. They brought it to us and we finally ate.

Sam

Things went back to normal again after the encounter with Ozai. I had my next session with Azula, and I had intended on bringing him up. Even though the whole ordeal had been a disaster, I was determined for it to not have been for nothing. My patients were brought to me at the palace for our meetings. It gave them a chance to get out which, I felt, would help with their mental state. I sat in the room where I met with them, waiting for the arrival of Azula. The guard arrived with Azula in her chi-blocking cuffs. Although I wanted my patients to be comfortable, this was not something we couldn't chance with Azula. I had no choice but for her cuffs to remain in tact. She sat down across from me and, like always, refused to look at me.

"How have you been, Azula?" No answer. I stared at her for a few minutes and she didn't respond. Finally, I decided to break the ice. "Did you know I was at the prison yesterday?" Despite herself, she looked at me surprised.

"No, I didn't," was all she said. Well, at it least it was words.

"Yes, I went to visit your father." She looked at me again, in surprise.

"Why?" She asked.

"Well, I wanted to meet him. To understand what you and your brother went through."

"What we were put though? My father loves me! Zuko is just a fool." Azula said. Zuko had mentioned before that Azula often had this reaction. I saw right through it though.

"Yes, he seems like the loving type." I said sarcastically. "He mentioned you, you know." Her eyes lit up like headlights. I couldn't help but feel bad for her. "He said that you're a firebending prodigy." To my surprise she didn't look pleased but…annoyed? "What do you think about that?" I asked her.

"Did he say anything else about me?"

"Not really. Why? Is there something you hoped he would say?"

"I know it will never happen." she scoffed.

"What won't happen?" I am finally getting somewhere with her. She went silent again and I didn't think I'd get an answer until she finally spoke.

"It wasn't until he decided to be Phoenix King. He said he wanted to make me Fire Lord for my loyalty." I didn't know much about this but Zuko had mentioned it to me when he told me how he took the throne. I thought I may have to ask him for more details.

"But?" I urged.

"But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, he just wanted me out of his hair."

"I see. And that hurt you, huh?" She grimaced and finally all of her frustration and hurt burst out.

"Of course it did! I did everything for my father! I fought for him! I hunted down my brother and uncle. I even killed the avatar for him! And he just decided to leave me behind. Like I was expendable." I saw a tear trying to escape her eyes. This was the first time she showed any vulnerability to me.

"I see. What can you tell me about your mother?" I never asked her this before. Mostly because she never talked. But I thought it was a good segue.

"What do you want to know? My mother thought I was a monster."

"Oh? Why do you think that?"

"Because! She always like Zuko more than me! She spent so much time with him! But she always thought I was a monster. That there was something wrong with me!"

"What makes you say that?"

"I heard her say it once. 'What is wrong with that child?' She had said when I was little. That really stuck with me. I didn't realize until many years later that it really affected me."

"Do you want to know what I think?" I didn't normally do this but my circumstances were different than in the non-bending nations. I had too bend my rules a little bit. No pun intended I mused. She looked at me, eyebrows raised and her eyes wide.

"I think she loved you but she didn't understand you. And I think that she understood Zuko because he was a lot like her."

"Yeah, I am more like my father. Isn't that just grand?" she said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that, Azula. I think that you are your own person. And I think you are more like your mother than you want to admit. And I think you suppress that part of yourself because it wasn't desirable to your father, whose affection you craved. I think that you saw the consequences of being like your mother in how he treated Zuko, and that scared you. So you fought against it and, in a way, you have forgotten that part of yourself."

Azula's eyes were closed and tears were running down her cheeks. I knew I was getting somewhere with her. I knew this was the breakthrough that I had been waiting for. But I couldn't push it too much. If I pushed too hard, she will shut down and she won't talk to me at all. So I decided to end our session early.

"Alright Azula, well I think we talked enough for today unless there is something else you would like to add?" Azula stayed silent but shook her head. The guard came and escorted her back to her cell.

After she left, I went to our office. I knew Zuko was finishing his meeting with the military officials that he had cut short yesterday. I continued looking at the scrolls I had started yesterday and worked for a while. After a few hours, Zuko came into the room. He smiled, walked over and leaning down, he kissed me. He sat down across from me when he spoke.

"How were your sessions today?"

"Well, the sisters are still doing remarkably well. I think we will be able to reevaluate them within the next year."

"And Azula?" He asked. He tried to pretend he wasn't interested, but I saw through it.

"It went well." His head shot up and looked at me, shocked. Every time he asked me I would tell him how frustrated I was. I gave him a brief, general idea of how it went. I did tell him that I had mentioned Ozai and that really opened her up. I think our sessions will be better going forward.

Zuko's brow furrowed in thought, "Maybe it was a good idea for your to see Ozai." he admitted.

"I think so. But only time will tell." I said. I didn't want to talk about meeting Ozai anymore. It was too fresh and I didn't want to open the wounds.

Zuko looked up at me. I knew he wanted to tell me something, but didn't know how to say it.

"What's on your mind, my love?"

"Well, you know how I said I have an annual visit to all of the prisons?"

"Yes?"

"Well, those visits are next week. I will be gone the whole week, traveling to all of the prisons. The only one I won't be going to is the Boiling Rock. That one I have to plan a special trip because of it's sheer size. Due to the nature of this, I will be traveling alone." It took me a second to realize what he meant.

"You mean, I can't come with you?" I said, disappointed.

"I'm afraid not. I don't want you near the prisons. They are not a pleasant place to visit and I don't want you near any of those criminals." It made sense. It was at Zuko's insistence that I meet with Sun, Jun and Azula here at the palace, and not at the prison. He didn't want me near them at all. I leaned back in my chair, defeated.

"I'll have to go a whole week without seeing you?" I asked upset. I had never been separated from Zuko for that long yet. I wasn't sure how I'd survive.

"I'm afraid so. You will be fine though. You will be too busy to think about me. I have some smaller projects for you to work on to keep your mind occupied." I did appreciate that. I hadn't started my own projects save for the girls, so I thought it would be nice to do.

"When do you leave?"

"Well, it's already Thursday and I want to get a head start on them, so I will be leaving tomorrow morning. I will be taking the airship so I can travel faster. So I'll actually be gone for a week and a half." he admitted. I didn't like this one bit, but I didn't have much of a choice. I knew this would happen, when he goes somewhere and leaves me behind. I thought I would go mad with boredom and loneliness.

"Can't you send someone else to review the prisons?" I grumbled.

"I wish I could. But you know how I don't trust anyone else to do it." Yeah yeah I thought annoyed.

We finished our work in our office, went to dinner and decided to go to bed and relax so he could be well rested for his trip tomorrow. And so we could spend some quiet time together.

I laid in my favorite place - my head on his chest. I traced his veins and he stroked my free arm with his hand. We laid silently together until we both fell asleep.

The next morning, I felt someone shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw it was still dark. I rolled over and saw that Zuko was standing over me, dressed.

"Zuko, what are you doing? You aren't leaving NOW are you?"

"I'm afraid so. The sooner I leave, the sooner I'll be back." he said. He leaned down over me and kissed my lips. I reciprocated. He pulled back but I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist, not wanting to let him go.

"Please be safe, my love. Come back to me soon," I said, my tears soaking his tunic.

"I'll think of you every day, my fire lily." That was the first time he called me that. I loved it. He wrapped his arms around me and we held each other for a long while. A knock came at the door and we reluctantly pulled apart. "I'll be home before you know it." he said. He kissed me one last time and then he left the room.

I climbed back into bed, cold and alone.