Jem didn't know what he was so afraid of. No amount of time or distance could destroy what was between him and Tessa. The connection to understand each other was not something that could just go away.
Neither age nor the lives they had spent apart seemed to change the fact that they now seemed to be seventeen again.
The aching joints, tired legs and heavy chest could be ignored as long as they lay side by side in Tessa's small bed and talked late into the night.
Catarina hadn't returned, giving the two a little more time in their colorful bubble.
Tessa suggested that she most likely returned to the hospital to work a night shift.
Jem felt bad about kicking her out of her own apartment, but Tessa just waved him off. "She doesn't have many friends and all I know about her family is that she was widowed at an early age. Since she lost her husband, her job is the only thing that still gives her a certain passion for life. She would probably have left anyway."
Jem didn't remember how long they talked before they finally fell asleep, snuggled together as they had often secretly done before.
While everyone at the institute slept, Tessa would sneak into Jem's room to listen to him play the violin and then quietly talk arm in arm about their future.
They were wishful thinking, imagining a whole life they could have had together. A what-if about his illness.
Whenever Tessa fell asleep, he admired her face and wished he could have this life with her before picking her up and bringing her back to her own bed.
When he woke up that morning, he could admire her for the first time without having to let her go.
Even if he didn't have to let go of her, he knew that Tessa didn't belong to him the way she did then. She had been Will's wife. Had a lifetime of love with him. The life he had wanted back then. And while he didn't share it with her, he was glad he gave her the chance to spend it with a man as incredible as Will.
The good, self-destructive Will, who could love in a way more intense and deeper than anyone Jem had met in his life.
Jem couldn't even say for sure if Tessa still loved him the way she once felt.
But that was okay.
As long as she was back in his life.
"Jem?" she asked sleepily.
"I'm still here." He said it not only to reassure her, but also to himself.
"Why didn't you take me to my room?" she asked. Her eyes opened and she looked around in panic. "What if Sophie finds me here?"