"We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman."

-Leonard

As planned, I was at Leonard's and Sheldon's for coffee before work. While I was the only one already showered and dressed for the day, I still thought they were adorable in their robes and supporting the bed head glory.

"What time do you get up?" Leonard asked, sounding astonished as he took in my paper bag pants and blouse. His gaze lingered on my heels for a moment.

"Five,"

"Good lord," Sheldon scoffed. He went back to eating his cereal.

"Why?" Leonard asked.

I laughed lightly at them. "I wake up, I do Yoga, I go for a run, come home, and shower. I make my lunch for the day and make sure my apartment is clean."

"You run in the morning?" Sheldon asked in disbelief. "That sounds torturous."

"It's proven to be beneficial to your health to exercise an hour a day. I don't have time for it after work, so I do it in the morning." I sipped my coffee. "You guys could join me,"

"Absolutely not," Sheldon deadpanned.

"I have Asthma," Leonard said quietly.

"Worth a shot." I sipped my coffee again.

"On a better topic, have you chosen what field study you'll be researching?" Sheldon asked, surprising all of us when he sat down beside me at the counter. I grabbed my backpack off the ground and pulled out my tablet, and turned it on.

"Honestly, I've always been fascinated with Dark Matter. It's quite an interesting topic. Though I've studied Astrophysics at University, I didn't actually pursue anything in it until now, but I did keep up with all things scientific. Dark matter to me is like a good old fashion sex tape." I joked. Leonard snorted. Sheldon looked confused.

"A sex tape?"

"It's nothing, buddy," Leonard said, then sipped his coffee. I passed my tablet to Sheldon once I pulled up the document I was working on.

"So you're going to study dark matter? I didn't realize that was a major field for most Astronomers." Sheldon looked genuinely interested in what I had to say. It kind of warmed my heart. He didn't seem like the type who cared about what others wanted to say.

"As you know, all the atoms and light in the universe together make up less than five percent of the total contents of the cosmos, and the rest is dark matter and dark energy." They nodded their heads at me. "Well, Dark matter makes up most of the mass of galaxies, and galaxy clusters and is responsible for the way galaxies are organized on grand scales. Dark energy is the mysterious influence driving the accelerated expansion of the universe. What these substances are and how they work are some of the major challenges facing modern astronomers. I've noticed nobody at Caltech was looking into it. Even Raj said he wanted to avoid approaching the topic because it could be strongly controversial."

I'm no newbie to controversy, I thought bitterly.

"I've contacted a Smithsonian Scientist who is one of the leading scientists in the South Pole at the observatory, and he offered to send me some sample docs that he'd been working on. It's strongly believed that Dark Matter will be a main topic in the scientific community in a few years. They're making some breakthroughs and I want to be a part of that."

"We went to Antarctica for six months. Horrendous experience," Sheldon grumbled as he read the document. It was as if he hadn't heard anything I said. Furrowing my eyebrows at him, I turned to Leonard. He just shrugged.

"So, are you wanting to research the measurements of the cosmic microwave?" He asked.

"I'm not certain, but I do know I want to study something. The guy I emailed seemed like he needed someone back home to get people talking. I might work with him, and do some transcribing until I get a feel of the area. Raj is nice and all, but the lacking communication abilities is going to hurt us both in our work."

"Howard might be able to help, he worked on the Mars Rover for a bit, so he has contacts at NASA. Maybe he can see about letting you have access to the Chandra x-ray reports." Leonard put our cups in the sink, beginning to wash them.

"That would be amazing. I should ask him, but I don't want to seem too pushy. Doesn't he have a lot of work?"

"Howard?" Sheldon giggled. "He's an engineer. I doubt it."

"Why did it take you so long to get into Astrophysics?" Leonard asked. I froze. I knew people would be curious… But I just didn't think anyone would be bold enough to ask me so soon.

"I have a complicated past." I was being partially truthful. There was no need for me to be completely candid and spill my secrets. "Anyway, thank you for the conversation and coffee, but I need to get in early and get a head start."

"Oh, alright. You're welcome to join us again." Leonard smiled.

"It's much better than Penny's jabbering about nonsense. I accept this much more." Sheldon's lips curled slightly before he took his leave and left the kitchen and to the bathroom. I left soon after and went to work feeling a little out of sorts.

As the following weeks began to settle down for me. I got to access the Chandra X-ray reports and the south pole research transcribing was kind of interesting. I for one was very pleased with myself. I thought I would be wallowing in self-pity. Even my brothers called a few times to check in which was surprising. I didn't think Walker knew how to even call his family other than loose girls. It was a shocker.

I've gone to 4A for coffee every single morning, gone shopping with Penny, and now when the guys are having their comic book nights, Penny and I were having wine and snacks. Where I vividly made her give up the idea of trying to cook for us and started doing the cooking myself.

I was looking forward to meeting Bernadette, Howard's fiancee but from what I've been told she's been working long shifts and hasn't had the time to spend with her friends. Even to my surprise at learning that Sheldon had a girlfriend named Amy.

Penny thought it best I don't meet her just yet. After the stories, she told me I was thankful for the very very kind gesture. I've had a puppy before. I don't care very much to experience it all over again.

"So Leonard told me that Sheldon and you spend every day at lunch discussing the weirdest things." Penny gulped her wine.

"Weird as in why horses are better than donkeys?" I grinned. "Isn't that the same kind of things you've heard for years?"

"Exactly and I for one am glad I haven't had to endure those conversations with him since you've become friends." She did look happy about this.

"Penny, I doubt Sheldon and I are friends. We get along, yes, but I am not in Dr. Cooper's qualification for being in his category of friendship."

Penny shook her head. "No, I think he sees you as a friend. He invited you to dinner at the apartment twice this week from what I've been told."

"Leonard shouldn't tell you everything that Sheldon tells me." My mind going to the actual strange chat I had with Sheldon about locust mating season. I still am not sure how that came about but it did.

"I think he's just happy that someone is taking all the unbearable load of Shel-talk. He's had years of it. It's like a vacation for his ears." Penny filled our glasses. I wanted to defend Sheldon but it wasn't my place. If I knew where we stood, I might have. He wasn't unbearable. Sure a little odd but he was a genius. His mind was filled with so much knowledge, that he just wants to share it with his friends. It's understandable.

"I don't mind. I find what Sheldon says interesting. If only I can get Raj to talk to me out loud without him being drunk."

"You've talked to him while he was drunk?"

"Absolutely not! I think he tried to talk to me drunk before because he called my work phone. I ignored it. I won't do it. My professional opinion of him won't be compromised. If he says anything like the crap I hear from Howard I will literally hit him with a telescope."

Penny took a large sip of her wine. "That's so hot. I bet he would count that as sex."

"Jesus, Pens." I busted into a fit of giggles with her.

"On another topic... Leonard asked me out on a date." Penny fumbled with her glass, already having drained it. Seriously I was impressed with the relationship she had with wine. She would probably outshine my grandpa and his marriage with whiskey and he's Texan.

"Really? Did you say yes?" Leonard was in love with Penny, I didn't question it for a second. I could see it with every glance he gave her. It was all there in his eyes and how shy he was around her.

"I did." Penny didn't look sure.

"He loves you, you know?"

"I do..." She huffed.

"Then what's the problem?"

"There's just always so much pressure on us! Every time we get closer, something happens and I run. I don't want to run from him again. I really like him but he's..."

"Intellectual?" I offered.

"Did you just call me stupid?"

"That's not what I meant Penny." I sat beside her to make it easier. "He's a scientist. You're an aspiring actress. You may be on the same emotional scale but educated-wise, he's on another level than you. You're obviously scared that someone on the same scale as him might take him away from you."

"How the hell did you get that?" She asked startled.

"It's the same way I felt when I was dating a Neurosurgeon. He was way older than me, a lot more experienced, and beyond anything than I ever imagined for myself. I was 18, and out of my depths with him. Terrified he would find someone more experienced and more skilled than I was." I made a slip up without even realizing what I had confessed to.

"You dated a brain doctor?" Penny gaped. "Oh my God, how the hell did you manage that?"

And there it was, the realization. My heart constricted with all the pain returning.

"That's not important," my voice cracked against my willpower to stay in control.

"What happened, Sel?" Penny sat her glass down and faced me. Putting her hands on my shoulders. It was a smart action. I was an insane flight risk when it came to confessing how I felt. It made me extremely anxious, enough to want to run screaming.

"He met someone better, I didn't know how to convey my feelings and he got sick of it, end of story."

She didn't look like she believed me. "No seriously, what happened?"

"He betrayed me," I whispered. My nose stung and my eyes clinched. I was going to end up crying. What Luke did to me was more than just betrayal. He ruined my career. He ruined me as a surgeon and then he took my heart, the love I gave him and made sure to do more than just break it. He annihilated it until the thought of loving another seemed impossible.

Made it impossible for me.

"I was a Surgeon," I whispered, barely audible. "I was the best Surgeon. It was my life, my dreams. Then I made a slip and Luke was delighted to make sure I learned my place."

"You were a Surgeon?" Penny took my glass to put on the table. "What happened? How?"

It was hard for me... To tell her. Hardly anyone apart from my family knew what truly transpired but Penny was there and I was breaking. I needed a friend and she was proving to be a very good friend to me. I told her and to my shock, I was grateful for it. Because for the first time in a year, I allowed myself to crack. To grieve for my failure.

"Please don't tell the guys. I moved here for a fresh start. The magazines and articles... they say deceitful things and made me out to be a fraud. It's embarrassing." I wiped the tears away.

"Oh sweetie, I promise. Not a word."

At work, Raj managed to somehow be in my office more than I cared for. A second whiteboard was in place for solely his way of communicating with me. The other was full of equations and graphs that I wasn't sure what was happening. I was interested not invested.

I really needed to be invested.

"So tell me again what it is you're saying?" I pointed at the horrible drawing of a comet.

Raj went on to write another lengthy paragraph for me to read on the whiteboard. It went on for hours. My gaze continuously flickered to my clock. I couldn't wait for tomorrow. A Saturday, a wonderful, beautiful Saturday. My organizing day.

My office door busted open with Howard being the offender of my door's abuse. "Raj! Raj! You'll never believe it!" It looked like he'd been crying.

Raj looked at him expectedly. "NASA wants to put me on a rocket! A real rocket! To space!"

"Howard! That's wonderful!" I gushed. "That's amazing! Well done!"

"Thanks, Sel! I am so excited!"

"Have you told Bernadette?"

"Way to ruin the mood, Selene."