Tessa didn't know how, but she knew it was time to let her family know. Her illness had reached a point where it could become dangerous.
She couldn't remember the story of her trip down memory lane, but she trusted Jem when he told her it had been scary.
Throughout the conversation, Jem sat next to her and held her hand for support. Without him she would never have had the heart to do it.
She invited her children over for afternoon tea to talk to the two. It would have been too much for her to have to inform the whole family. But she was sure that the two would pass it on at her request.
Both Lucie and James had never heard of the disease, which didn't surprise Tessa. She only knew about it because she had been a nurse for enough years to have experienced the disease herself.
She wished there was more research on this. If not to heal her, then at least so she could know what to expect.
"I don't suppose you want to come back to the Institute?" James asked after Jem and her explanations.
She smiled at her son, then at her daughter.
Both of them had concerns in their eyes. Both of them already had gray hair on their heads, signs of a life lived to the full on their faces. How is it that Tessa remembered her birth so well but forgot how long her children were seniors? It was always a shock to see how old they were. And every time the realization hit her, she hoped she could die before either of them did.
She brushed his hair back from his face, as she had often done when he was young. "No. I know you mean well, my boy, but I can't live there anymore. Not without Will."
Jem squeezed her hand. She knew he felt the same loss whenever they walked the hallways of their old home. With every visit the two have made over the past few days, they have fallen into an amicable silence, trying to sense Will's spirit.
This had always been the home they shared with Will, without him it felt wrong.
"I can understand that, Mother." And she even believed him. Though he had never been able to understand the relationship his parents had with Jem, he did understand the love of two spouses. He was his father's son when it came to fully forgiving his heart. She believed that if something happened to his beloved Cordelia, he would not be able to sleep in his marriage bed either.
Lucie looked back and forth between them. "But not me. Mama, if it's dangerous for you to be here, you should go to the Institute. There are so many people who can keep an eye on you to prevent you from just sneaking away."
"Lucie, she's not a pup who just runs into traffic."
She knew they meant no harm and were only worried about their mother, yet their statements hurt her.
Lucie wasn't wrong, but Tessas couldn't accept that, after everything she had been through, she had to be treated like a child again. For her own safety, should she refrain from ever leaving the apartment alone again. Then James' statement that she just ran into traffic like a puppy wasn't even that far fetched.
She wondered if she would be pulled back to reality when she met the automobile, or if she would have to die in confusion, not knowing where up and where down was.
"Could you forgive yourself if she should die and we could have prevented it with the security measure?" Saying exactly what was on her mind had always been one of Lucie's best qualities. If you didn't want to hear an answer, you shouldn't ask her.
James was about to reply when Jem gently interrupted. "That's enough, kids. Tessa is sitting here next to you, please don't talk about her like she's not there. She's forgetful, not hard of hearing."
Whether she showed it or not, good Jem always knew exactly what statements hurt her.
"I'm sorry, Mother," both said in unison. She recalled a similar scene in their youth when they were arguing over a girl who seemed intent on manipulating James. Lucie thought she was a dangerous witch, James thought she was just misunderstood.
Jem squeezed her hand again, as if noticing her drifting off again.
She gave him a grateful smile. "I know the situation is scary and you're just worried." She looked lovingly at her daughter. "But I just can't go back to the Institute. I would get completely lost in time, keep forgetting that Will is gone and have to deal with his loss all over again." She didn't say she'd rather die because she didn't want to scare her children any more. But that's how it was. If she had the choice to die three years earlier, on her own terms, that was an obvious choice for her.
She was old, her life behind her. She was ill and was useless for anything. Death was inevitable. At a certain age you stop looking for ways to best survive and enjoy whatever life is left.
"You don't have to worry. Tessa is not alone, I will stay with her."
No matter how many times Jem has said that over the past few days, it's always been wonderful to hear it again.
"All right, Uncle Jem," Lucie finally relented. "But only if you promise to let us know immediately the next time Mama goes missing."
"And you two have to come to Christmas dinner tomorrow," James added.
It was a good move on his part. He was probably afraid she wouldn't come after skipping the party two weeks ago and if Jem hadn't been by her side she probably wouldn't have gone either.
But after everything that had happened, she knew how important it was to enjoy every moment with her family while she still knew who she was.
"Deal", she said.