Prompt #6: Holiday gratitude jar
Gratitude Jar
~oOo~
Unlike last Christmas, this Christmas they are under the same roof. It means a lot that she would show up for this, and with Noah too.
This year, the squad is also joining this Christmas. But, there is no differentiation in family. Blood or not, depth and type of love. Every person in this room with him holds some piece of his heart, and some of them are changing their place.
They hadn't talked in a while. Maybe a few texts here or there since they had last worked together in July, but really nothing personal. Most of it was work-related, even though he had tried to maybe go past that, she had just seemed to shut him out.
O: Rollins needs your help on a case, can you meet her please.
E: Sure Liv! How are you? Can we catch up soon?
O: Did you get everything you needed for your case?
E: Yes, thank you. Coffee sometime?
Yes, he was completely and utterly in love with her, and he had told Tia that when he got drunk. Why couldn't he say it sober? And to the one person he needed to? And at the right time?
Maureen and Kathleen stop by to help him plan Christmas and make sure his apartment and life has not completely been destroyed with him by himself. It is as they are talking about the guest list, that he realizes maybe he can try again.
"Okay, so we have the four from your squad, the ten of us, and then were you wanting to invite Olivia and Noah again?" Maureen asks.
He swipes his hand over his face, stands up to take his mug to the sink, while two of his daughters stay seated at the island he just left.
Not looking at them, he says, "I don't know, Liv and I haven't talked a lot lately. I don't want her to feel weird about it or any pressure."
"But you want her here for Christmas, right?" Kathleen adds.
"Of course I do," he replies quickly.
Then after looking at her dad, to her sister, and back to her dad; Maureen says, "Yes, you both have a lot to figure out and deal with, and you are two of the most stubborn people alive. But, if you don't reach out and invite her to Christmas then I will."
He has no choice now, either he does it, or Maureen and Kathleen do and which one would look better to her or mean more to her. Especially for the fact that he loves her. But, does she even care that he loves her?
He waits two days before he gets up the courage to call her. Part of the reason he felt more reason to do it now was after he heard yesterday that Rollins was leaving SVU. He needed to make sure she was okay. Not that she would tell him, but hopefully he could hear it in her voice.
He finally clicks her name in his phone, puts it up to his ear, and prays that she picks up.
"Hey." She sounds tired, but not upset to be hearing from him.
"Hey, back at ya. How are you?"
"I'm fine, El. Just busy. Trying to figure some things out." That's vague, and she is covering something in her tone.
"I'm sorry about Rollins. If you need anything let me know."
"Thank you. It is bittersweet. I am sad to see another friend leave, but this is a good opportunity for her. Her, Carisi, and the girls are happy. And she will be around." He could deep dive into her words, but right now is not the time or the place.
"That's good. So, Liv…" he hesitates. "I was also calling to see if you and Noah wanted to come for Christmas this year? It will be the kids, grandkids, and my squad. Don't feel like you have to, and you can just let me know again, but we would all love for you both to be there."
Her pause isn't long, but to him it feels like ages before she responds.
"We would love to come, El!"
A few more details, and he hangs up the phone, and he couldn't be more excited for Christmas to come.
~oOo~
About a week and a half later and it was Christmas, and this time everyone was going to be there.
The Bensons were not the last ones to arrive, that would be Jet, who has tried her hardest to avoid as much of the social interaction as possible. By the time she has gotten there, everyone has stepped into their areas and roles.
Kathleen, Bell, and Olivia deep in conversation; Bernie, Maureen, and Liz in the kitchen; Noah, Kieran, and Seamus running around; Whelan, Reyes, Stabler, Carl, and Dickie slammed into the living room to watch whatever sports game is on; Eli in the corner on his phone; and now her standing in the middle of the apartment wondering which group would best fit her at this moment.
Luckily, she doesn't have to think about it too long before Kathleen looks up and gets everyone's attention briefly.
"I think everyone is finally here! Now before some of you start grumbling and rolling your eyes in a huff, this Christmas is a little different, because we have a lot of new faces. I for one am grateful that you all are here, and with that, I think we should do a little activity after dinner."
It is then that some Stablers, and honorary Stablers alike, roll their eyes.
"I have this jar, and each of you will get a piece of paper. Don't write your name on the piece of paper, but do write something that you are grateful for. Then fold it up, and put it in the jar, and then we will pull them out and read them after dinner."
~oOo~
It shouldn't be this hard to write down something she is grateful for. She doesn't need to overthink this. But, what can Olivia do but overthink lately. She goes for something that she does feel, remembering that it is okay to be honest, but where she could back out of its true meaning if she has to explain.
Elliot has a difficult time figuring out what to write too. The two of them are always so in sync. He wants to write down so much, however it is a family activity. But, there is no harm in being honest, it is anonymous right?! Hopefully, it stays anonymous.
~oOo~
Not a single person around the table wanted to move or eat anymore, which was probably a good thing, since there was not much left except a few cookies.
Somehow Kathleen was able to pull herself from her seat, and make her way to grab the jar that had since been filled with gratitudes. She pulled first, and then passed it off to her dad, Bernie, Olivia, and on around the table till everyone had a small slip of paper in their hands.
One by one they read the slips of paper they had drawn, not their own, and had read what everyone was grateful for. As they all went, the activity seemed less burdensome or annoying, and became heartfelt and emotional.
It was there with all of them, they could see it in the glassy eyes paired with genuine smiles, there was something that each of them could give to each other this Christmas, and wasn't any physical item. They were all together enjoying each other's company and getting to have love, joy, peace, and hope as a family.
~oOo~
After helping get the kitchen cleaned up, Olivia grabs her glass of wine, and sits on a stool at the island. From where she is sitting she sees a room filled with laughter, games, joy, and some leftover wrapping paper from a few gifts that were probably opened this morning.
Across the room Elliot lets his gaze slowly drift over to her, seeing that she is content just getting to be here and he is thrilled she is here. Seeing her peaceful and joyful and happy is EVERYTHING to him.
Remembering that he had gotten her a little something, he sneaks behind the tree and grabs the box wrapped in shiny red paper.
Slowly he makes his way over to the kitchen, he leans on the edge of the island, beside her, taking in the view of the family that she is looking on at. But, also looking at her, taking in the fact that the woman he loves is here celebrating Christmas with him and his family this year. He sets the box on the counter.
"I am glad you could make it, Liv. It really would not have been the same without you and Noah here. Merry Christmas!" He pushes the box closer toward her.
Her gaze shifts over to him, and she softly smiles, a slight blush coming to her cheeks. "Thank you and thanks for inviting us, I am glad we could come this year. And you didn't have to get me anything."
"Me too. It made it so much more special. Now open your present."
She looks at him again, making sure he really wants her to open this gift. After a slight nod, she delicately tears the paper and opens the box to reveal a snow globe — inside of there are two New York-style coffee cups sitting side by side.
"Thank you." She looks at him, not necessarily sure what to say, or convey in this moment, without showing too much. "I didn't get you anything."
"You both being here is the perfect present." He doesn't know if he should keep talking, but she seems happy and smiles at him again, her eye contact briefly fleeting.
"Your gratitude note, what did you mean when you said you were finally hopeful for the possibilities that lie ahead?"
This time she looks at him a little more awe-struck, he had known the note was hers. Of course, he had recognized her handwriting, just like she had recognized his handwriting on the note she pulled out of the jar.
What does she say to this, I am hopeful for healing, hopeful for continuing to build a family, hopeful for getting the love she deserves with the man that is still staring back at her waiting for her answer.
Finally coming up with a response that is both honest, and hopefully not too revealing for the current situation they find themselves in, a holiday with their family, and not alone. "I think I am hopeful for the thing you are grateful for El…to be in love."
It might be something like a Christmas miracle in his mind, but now he is incredibly hopeful too. Their eyes meet each other teary but bright, knowing that there is hope for them, love for them, and they are finally allowed to have it, deserve to have it.
He grabs her free hand, and takes another leap, intertwining his fingers with hers. A feeling of home washes over him, one he hasn't felt since last Christmas, but this time it means more. This time he brings their hands to his lips and seals this as for now type of kiss.
Not wanting him to let go, but wanting to be present in this one magical moment, she takes their hands and pulls him to the stool beside her, close enough that their hands can rest on her leg.
Right now she would give anything to somehow use that gratitude jar to encapsulate this moment, like the snow globe he gave her.
When it gets shaken, the glitter falls gently over a beautiful frozen picture of time. Allowing it to settle in new ways, ways that make whatever gets shaken next worth it because there is something about the beauty of the snow falling, stars aligning, fresh starts, doing it together, and being in love.
The author of this A Merry SVU Season story will be revealed in January