NOT WHAT SHE IMAGINED
Shmi's spouse is very different from what her imagination suggested when she dreamed about whom she might end up married to.
Shaak is a Jedi
She'd heard the stories about Jedi, of course. And it's not that they're false, per se. There isn't really a "typical" Jedi, she learned quickly. And Shaak...
It isn't that she can read Shmi's mind-she can't, not really. Not unless Shmi meditates and sends the words to her. It's more reliable between two Jedi, she is told. But she does know how Shmi feels. Hiding her anger, or her disappointment, or her fear simply doesn't work. It might work with a random Jedi who barely met her, or an inexperienced Padawan. But not with a master, not with someone who knows her well. Not with Shaak.
So she doesn't hide it, even when she wants to. Even when it means putting Shaak through pain she wants to protect her from. She hates it, and doesn't believe Shaak when she tells her all truths come out anyway eventually. A person can take a secret to their grave-hard as it is. Being with a Jedi makes it harder.
Even less important is that Shaak can do things Shmi can't. So what? Watto flew. Threepio spoke millions of languages. Gardulla shrugged off poisons that would kill Shmi a dozen times over. And Shaak lifted things with her mind and deflected blaster bolts with a lightsaber. None of that would faze Shmi-she has her own skills that Shaak doesn't share.
What makes Shaak intense, what makes everything she does intense-including loving Shmi-is that she takes being a Jedi seriously. And because she's connected to that cosmic Force, the Force responds in kind. When Shmi meditates or prays, it doesn't change her except to the extent that she is convinced herself. But Shaak can come home bone-tired after a mission, spend five minutes in secluded quiet, and arise rejuvenated-and not just physically. The price is that sometimes, it goes the other way. Only taking, not giving is how the Dark Side takes hold. But in either direction, Shmi is an outsider-she can only be next to Shaak, not with her.
Shaak laughs with her when Shmi speaks of this. "The Force still works through us, you know."
"I don't understand."
"Even if you could consciously touch the Force, our connection would be unique because you are unique. The Force is a conduit; it's what's on either end that matters. You're not an outsider-you're just less in control of the conduit. What goes across it is the same."
"I'd have some idea of what you feel like with others."
Shaak shrugs. "No, you'd have some idea of what others feel like with me. Probably the wrong one. Who knows how Master Yoda perceives things?"
Shmi does try to imagine that, but fails. "I just worry. It's such a huge part of your life. If it breaks you, I will never stop thinking you'd have been better off with a partner who shared it with you."
Shaak laughs again. "Hmm... let's see. We all should choose our loves based on how well they can protect us with the Force. Not that there's a way to know even that little-not always. Do we base it on experience? Talent? Raw power? Your son might find the last idea appealing, but I don't think it'll work for most of us."
Shmi growls. "Always seeing the big picture."
"Thanks."
"You don't know if you're the right person for me-now, in the future, ever. It's something you take on faith."
"But you don't have to take things on faith."
A montral twitches. "Really?" Shaak drawls.
Shmi raises her eyebrows. "The Force is real. You can-"
"Oh, yeah-" Shaak flicks a switch with a wave of her hand and the ceiling fan activates. "Cause and effect. I can do this. Should I, though?"
"Huh?"
"One of the greatest dangers to a Jedi is the very trap you speak of. To see that the Force works for you, and that therefore, you do not need faith to perceive its will. So you try to do so objectively-and you can't, because it's too much. Then you lose faith altogether, and out comes madness and delusion. Jedi, even Jedi masters lost their connection to the Force, committed crimes, had to be isolated for the rest of their lives-all because they no longer took things on faith."
"So you think you are doing the will of the Force, but don't know it."
"That's right, love."
"And if you're wrong?"
"About what?"
"Any of it."
"If the Force actually wants me to be evil?" Shaak smirks.
"I guess that's one way of putting it."
"Then... I have defied it, I will continue to defy it, and it will be a good thing-for me, and for the galaxy."
"For you? But-"
"I don't serve the Jedi for a cosmic reward in the afterlife. That's not faith, that's business."
"And that's how you see our love?"
Shaak nods. "Exactly like it. I know you love me, and that I love you. Go to the med center and a brain scan on the two of us will prove it. That's the Force letting me do this." She stretches out on the floor and then lifts herself into the air on her hands. And then on one hand. And then on the index finger of one hand.
"But are we right to love each other? not only won't be answered by a brain scan, it can't and shouldn't. We take it on faith that we are-or that we aren't, and then we go our separate ways. That's how following the will of the Force works. I believe loving you is the right thing. I believe following the Jedi creed is the right thing. I do not look for evidence for or against either-I just act accordingly."
Shaak laughs and pulls Shmi down into her embrace. "You've been around Jedi too long to think it's all about lifting rocks."