Jack Harkness had retreated into his office. Today's events lay heavy on his soul, and he needed time to think. Owen had acted extremely unprofessional when opening the rift to bring them back without the proper equation from Tosh. He would have to deal with him later. Right now, his mind was still lingering in the 1940s dance hall. Meeting his namesake had rocked him to his core. He felt a strong connection to this remarkable man, whom he'd never given much thought to before today.
A gentle knock on the door. When he didn't respond, the door slowly opened, and Toshiko Sato entered hesitantly.
"May I come in?" she inquired shyly.
Jack nodded with a slight smile on his lips. He felt she was the only one he could deal with right now.
„I can't... I can't stop thinking about the Ritz. I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Meeting him... I never thought..." he trailed off into silence. He ran his fingers over the stopper of the decanter he had taken from the cabinet.
Tosh looked at him with compassionate eyes. While she still didn't know the circumstances of how Jack took the other man's name, she had seen the instant bond between the two men back in the dance hall. She understood his inner turmoil and that the day's events had a lasting effect on him.
When Jack motioned for her to join him for a drink, she simply nodded and moved closer. He took two glasses and poured brandy into them. Tosh had rarely seen him drink anything other than water, but today's events clearly demanded something stronger.
When he held out one of the glasses, she smiled and accepted it. „He would have been so proud that you took his name, because here you are, saving the world." She raised the glass in a toast. „To Captain Jack."
"To Captain Jack," Jack raised his glass as well.
They just stood there for a while, reminiscing about the events at the Ritz.
Jack cleared his throat after Tosh had finished her glass. „It's been a long day, Tosh. Go home. And tell the others to call it a day as well. Despite what Owen did, the rift has been quiet so far. I'll keep my eye on it. No need for all of you to hang around here too."
"But," Tosh objected.
"No offence, Tosh," Jack said, a little harsher than he had intended, "but I could really use some alone time right now."
Tosh looked at him for a moment, searching his eyes to see if being alone tonight was really a good idea.
She finally sighed and backed down. „All right, but I'll take the remote rift controller with me, just in case. And you promise to call if the rift acts up."
Jack smiled. „Promised."
„Okay. Good night, Jack," Tosh said as she walked out of his office.
Outside, he heard murmuring as his team talked and prepared to leave for the evening.
Jack sat back in his chair, pouring himself another brandy. He was exhausted from the emotional toll the day had taken on him.
Jack Harkness
It had always been just a name. A name with no deeper meaning. A name he chose because it sounded nice. A name he had been going by for over a century. A name he had made his own. A name that meant more than two words on a death certificate. A name of a human being. A life cut short by tragedy. A life spent in hiding and denial. A name of a hero that nobody really knew. A name that deserved to be honoured.
When Jack first arrived in London in 1941, all those years ago, for that ill-fated con with the Chula warship, one of the first things he'd done was choose a cover name. He'd done it dozens of times before while working for the Time Agency or later while running cons.
Choose a recently deceased person's name, change the records, and blend in.
He'd thought it was clever to use one of the recently fallen soldiers as a cover identity. If you wore the rank of Captain, it was easy to hook up with hot guys in uniforms. He and John Hart had been absolute pros at blending in and getting laid at the Time Agency.
He'd never wasted another thought on the beings whose names he'd stolen. It was all about looking through death certificates and finding the best name.
Jack Harkness
He'd always been fond of the name. Jack was ideal because it sounded close to his given name. Always choose something familiar to avoid confusion while under pressure. And the name Harkness had always had a badass ring to it.
In his mind, Jack Harkness was the daring maverick Javic Thane had always aspired to be. One of the reasons he chose to keep the name.
Another reason was to remember his adventures with Rose and the Doctor. They'd known him by this name, and through them, he'd transformed into someone he liked. At least sometimes. And it would make it easier to locate the Doctor when the time came.
Meeting the real Captain Harkness after all this time of thoughtlessly misusing the name had been such a privilege.
A good man. A role model for his men. A hero. Someone to look up to. And he had chosen the name to get laid.
He felt so ashamed.
Was he even worth carrying the name? Maybe dropping the identity and starting fresh would be the most sensible thing to do.
But he knew he couldn't and wouldn't.
He'd been going by this name for over a century. It wasn't just a borrowed name anymore. Not for a long time. Yes, he attempted to fly under the radar, but it would be too difficult and raise too many questions.
Keeping the name and remembering the real Captain Jack Harkness was the right thing to do. The man deserved to be paid this kind of respect. He had to try his best to honour his name.
While his thoughts lingered on the evening in the dance hall, his mind began to nag him about one moment in his conversations with the real Jack. He tried to ignore it at first, but it was futile.
Is Toshiko your woman?
No. There's no one.
Why did he tell the American he had no one in his life?
No one.
Really?
Then what was he was doing with Ianto? So far, neither of them had attached a label to it. When you give something a name, it becomes a reality. Something real creates expectations.
Friends with benefits?
Jack groaned as he ran his hand across his face. To be honest, no matter how hard Ianto tried, Jack knew the young man was made of a different material.
That's why, almost two months ago, Jack insisted on 'just this once' after that fateful night at the Ferret. He wasn't interested in relationships. Especially not within Torchwood. He'd been burned far too many times.
He'd sworn himself off relationships after Lucia Moretti, which had served him well for the last twenty-five years. Flirting and one-night stands with strangers were fun, but relationships were complicated and painful.
The night he'd spent with Ianto had been incredible, but that was it. Or so he thought.
The incident with Suzie occurred four weeks later. The whole team had been badly shaken. Jack had taken it the hardest. How could he have missed her taking the wrong turn? Her descent into oblivion. Her askew view on life and death. He should've noticed. Ianto had stepped up and offered a distraction when Jack was at his lowest. Just like Jack caught Ianto from falling after the Ferret.
They had hooked up a couple of times since then, having not discussed expectations or where this was going. Just like Jack's usual one-night stands with strangers after a long day at work. But Ianto was no stranger. He was one of his employees. And his friend.
Jack genuinely cared about everyone on his team. He'd picked each and every one carefully. It's funny to think that Ianto was the only exception. Ianto had been determined to worm his way in, and Jack had let his hormones decide for him, despite his better judgement. Thinking with his dick resulted in a cyber woman in his basement; thank you very much.
Jack had forgiven Ianto for his actions, probably long before the rest of the team had. He'd made terrible mistakes in his life, and he'd been fortunate to have people forgive him. He needed to step up if he wanted to be a better person. When Gwen asked if he'd ever loved someone this much... it put things into perspective. Yes, he had. Again and again, until he realised he had to stop. Loving someone that much always ended in a broken heart. Or two.
This is why he told Captain Harkness there was no one.
He was such a hypocrite.
If he meant what he'd told the Captain, this couldn't go on. It was unfair towards Ianto. Using him for sex when feeling down was selfish. Ianto had made it clear he was fine with the arrangement, but his devotion to Lisa said otherwise. He needed more than casual sex in his life.
Jack had a reputation for being an incurable flirt with no intention of settling down. He didn't mind the preconception and was glad when people didn't try to dig deeper. He'd been married and in relationships before; not all of them had failed. They hadn't lasted long and had been ill-fated, yes, but it wasn't because of his lack of commitment.
Jack Harkness could do commitment.
The question was whether he wanted to. With his immortality, he was bound to outlive his partners, regardless of the circumstances. And with Torchwood in the mix, worrying about old age was pointless anyway.
Is it worth the heartbreak to be in love?
Was he in love with Ianto Jones? No, he wasn't. That was ridiculous. Having sex five times in two months will not make you fall in love with someone. But he couldn't deny his feelings for the young man. The feelings he had tried to ignore since their first night together. The kind of feelings that, if he let them, could grow into something more.
You should live every night like it's your last.
Make tonight the best night of your life.
Ianto had been completely guarded before the incident with Lisa, trying to stay under the radar. He'd seemed to withdraw even further after Lisa died. Only since they'd started sleeping together had Ianto begun to open up.
Ianto understood what it meant to work for Torchwood. He had made it clear more than once. He wanted to make the most of the time he had.
Not with words, mind you. Ianto was more subtle in this regard. The way his personality had changed the last few weeks. A gradual shift in behaviour, small gestures.
Let it be a bolder colour choice for his shirts, stepping up and confidently asking to be considered for field assignments, or engaging in conversations during lunch break. The team also noticed the changes and recently invited him out for drinks. Ianto began to emerge from his shell, and Jack had to admit that the little smiles and exceptionally dry sense of humour were kinda hot.
Ianto deserved a full-fledged relationship. On the other hand, Jack was too afraid of the inevitable heartbreak and, for a long time, hadn't allowed himself any deeper connection.
Is life worth living if you don't live at all?
He wished he had an answer for that. For as long as he could remember, he'd felt incredibly lonely. One-night stands with strangers may satisfy your sex drive, but they don't satisfy your heart. He didn't want to admit it, but the last few weeks had been good. Really good. Despite his efforts to convince himself that it was nothing special.
He could give it a shot. If it didn't work out, Ianto would look for someone better and less complicated.
Jack shook his head. He'd been alone for far too long, and throwing his principles out the window was a recipe for disaster. He knew it, but...
You're alive, right here, right now.
Good enough advice for the Captain, but not for Ianto and himself? Hypocrite indeed. Jack sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, his resolve crumbling.
He'd talk to Ianto.
Just not tomorrow.
First, they needed to be sure that Owen's opening of the rift had no further consequences. Everything had been quiet so far, but Jack was sceptical.
Maybe over the weekend.
Yeah, he would speak with him on their day off on Saturday. That sounded like a good plan.
Jack looked up as he heard another soft knock on the door. He noticed Ianto standing on the other side, patiently waiting to be let in. Jack jumped to his feet and walked over to the door.
„Didn't I tell you to go home? It's been a long day for all of us."
"I know," Ianto admitted, fiddling with his rolled-up shirt sleeves. "I just thought we both could use some company tonight." He smiled as he looked up. „Glad to have you back, sir."
Ianto had a keen sense of his emotions.
Jack smiled too.
"Come on in."
Thirty minutes later, the phones started to ring and all hell broke loose.
~ end ~