Miss Balamb Garden
Chapter Three | Tripped Guilt
What with all the social interactions Seifer had been gifted with, the very interactions he'd been trying to avoid, it had been a long day. An especially long day since he hadn't seen Fujin or Raijin since yesterday afternoon, and so his spirits were lifted when he finally found them inside their common area that night. They were both seated at the square dining table with a large sheet of paper in front of them.
"Ah, there he is!" boomed Raijin good-naturedly, raising a large hand in greeting when the door panel slid open and Seifer stepped in.
"EVASIVE," was Fujin's greeting.
"What d'ya mean, I'm evasive?" retorted Seifer, walking over to them. "You guys went to bed early and then left at some ungodly hour this morning."
"PATROL."
"Cid wanted us to do an extra patrol, ya know. Nothin' interesting though."
"Right. Did you see the genie ants?"
"Oh, yep, thanks bro. Got some good shots when I came back this afternoon. Take a look!" Raijin plucked up the camera on the table and began clicking through the gallery. Seifer spared them an obligatory glance; he didn't enjoy staring at insects nearly as much as Raijin did.
"Nice, Raj. Here, I got these."
He tossed a few packaged buns onto the table where Raijin whooped and eagerly swooped upon them. It was common practice for Seifer and Fujin to sneak extra food whenever they popped by the cafeteria. Raijin's appetite was insatiable. The cafeteria could probably survive off him and Zell alone.
"Guhhhh." Seifer kicked off his boots and flopped onto the couch nearby the table, grabbing the television remote.
Fujin eyed him. "ALL GOOD?"
His eyes remained glued to the screen in a dull, tired manner. "Eh. Alright. Wait till you hear this. The messenger girl and her cheer squad are putting on a - "
"PAGEANT."
Seifer frowned, flicking his gaze to her in surprise. "You know?"
"Uh yeah, we've been kept in the loop, ya know," said Raijin, fiddling with a bright blue marker. "Zell was talkin' 'bout it too."
"Yeah, well, did he mention that this beauty pageant is for dudes and that they decided that I should be a contestant?" Seifer said scathingly.
"Uh…"
Seifer didn't pick up on the fact that Fujin was looking a little uncomfortable. He continued on his barrage, eyes fixed back on the ice hockey game between two home teams in Galbadia.
"Maniacs, aren't they? Didn't even think to ask. Like who thinks of these things? And why didn't they try to talk to me first about it?"
There was a pause, then Fujin asked tentatively, "PARTICIPATING?"
"Ya, so you doin' it?" Raijin added.
"Hell no," snorted Seifer. "It's ludicrous." When the hockey commentator's voice was the only sound in the room for a prolonged moment, he turned his head to check that they were both still there.
They were. Raijin was doodling on the paper, not meeting his eyes. Fujin looked uncharacteristically sheepish.
"Right?" said Seifer uncertainly. This was not the reaction he'd been expecting. Where was the disbelief? The disdain? The hysterical laughter over how stupid it all was?
Fujin cleared her throat, then simply said, "ORPHANAGE."
"Wha - I know it's for the orphanage. That's not the issue. It's a beauty pageant. That's for girls, but now it's for guys. They didn't even ask me - they just decided it," he shook his head in a 'tut tut' manner. "And get this: Squall is a contestant. Of course he is. It's always about Commander Puberty Boy."
There was silence again. For a bit too long. Seifer was starting to get the itchy feeling that something wasn't right when Raijin lifted his head awkwardly and spoke.
"Seif… ya know… I'm a contestant too."
It was as if all the air had been extinguished from his lungs. Seifer stared at the pair of them. The betrayal that cut through him in that instant ran deep, although he couldn't quite explain why it felt so piercing. Raijin may as well have run through his heart with Hyperion.
"…What?" was all he could manage.
"RAIJIN. PAGEANT. GIRL," input Fujin.
"I think I'd make a pretty good-lookin' girl, ya know."
Seifer was utterly baffled, his mind unable to comprehend how they could be sitting there in their shared common area announcing this to him without a single qualm. "You… you… you're doing it?"
Raijin nodded, seemingly more relaxed now that Seifer knew. He smiled easily, "Bit o' fun, ya know. And a good cause. Can't say no to a good cause."
And as Fujin and Raijin began to launch into their thoughts and speculations about the specifics of the pageant, Seifer felt oddly faraway from them, as if he was viewing them from the wrong end of a telescope.
That was it then. He was really alone. If Raijin and Fujin were on board this cross-dressing contest and couldn't see what a clown spectacle it was, then nobody else would. It was just him. Him against the world.
"Guess we're rivals in this one, eh, Seif?" Raijin was saying jovially. "Unless you're really not doin' it. In which case you can help me!"
"Help… you?" Seifer was still dazed.
"Fu is helpin' me out, ya know. You can help too if you're not gonna compete. See?" He held up the poster they'd been working on, and, looking at it properly for the first time, Seifer could see it was a mind map drawn around the words "MISS BALAMB GARDEN".
Oh dear Hyne, it has a name.
"REALLY NOT COMPETING?" Fujin asked, fixing her one beady eye on him.
"I… I didn't say I wasn't," Seifer mumbled. What the hell am I saying? Close the gap of opportunity. JUST SAY NO.
But for some reason, he couldn't.
"…I told Matron I'd think about it," he finished lamely.
"COVERT," Fujin said sharply to Raijin, snatching the poster and rolling it up away from Seifer's eyes. As numb as he was with surprise, he was rather impressed at how quickly she reacted.
"Uh oh, we can't go sharing our game plan then," said Raijin seriously, standing up as Fujin also got to her feet and gestured imperiously at him. "We'll work in my room then, ya know. See ya Seif."
And without further ado, the two of them disappeared into Raijin's dorm, leaving Seifer on the couch still in a state of shock. And betrayal.
Me against the world.
It bothered him throughout the night. And then all morning. And then all through the afternoon. All day.
Which was saying something, when the initial months since his return were plagued with sleepless nights and fitful dozes. Nightmares of Squall falling off the parade float, Rinoa crying and pleading for him to let her go, the screams and cries of Esthar's citizens as monsters poured down onto them. Seifer always woke in a cold sweat after these dreams.
But now something different, something entirely laughable, was making a guest appearance in his already-shattered mind.
And it was really irking him.
"But it's for the orphanage."
"Knew he was heartless."
"It's for charity. It's for Sis."
"Seifer, it would mean so much if you'd participate in the pageant. Please think about it."
"Seif… ya know… I'm a contestant too."
"Maybe he's self conscious."
"Maybe he just can't stand losing. Again."
"Knew he was heartless."
Heartless.
Heartless.
Self-conscious.
Losing.
These thoughts swirled around and around in Seifer's mind in some sort of furious cycle, making him increasingly agitated and foul-tempered.
He wasn't heartless. Nor was he self-conscious in any way - just didn't want to do it.
But no, everyone had to weigh in on their opinion and pity him, poor Seifer and his giant man-ego, unable to deflate it to help orphans like some weird twisted redemption arc he had to undertake. Not Squall and Raijin though. They were the ones brimming with compassion and kindness.
Well, he did care. And he didn't give a rat's ass about dressing up as a girl either - who the hell had time to be embarrassed about that? (Actually he was sort of curious how it'd all feel.)
Seifer was pissed that there was so much pressure on him, only for it be backed off as if they'd known all along he was a lost cause. This indignation, combined with the tiny bit of guilt and obligation that pricked at him, and probably his sleep deprivation too, caused him to open his mouth when he rounded the corner and saw Selphie approaching from the library walkway.
"FINE!" Seifer yelled without preamble. "I'll do it."
Selphie's sprightly nature meant she was hardly caught off guard, but even she gave a start and stopped walking a little ways before him, as if keen to keep some distance.
"H - huh?" she squeaked, totally wrong-footed.
Seifer was still too exasperated to be embarrassed. "I said, I'll do it," he snapped.
Selphie tilted her head to one side. "Do what?"
"The freaking pageant!"
Her expression became uplifted. "You will?"
"Yes. I'm in," he gruffed. "You happy? Now tell everyone to quit guilt-trippin' me - "
But Selphie jumped up and down, waving her arms in the air in celebration.
"Woohoo, I'm THRILLED! I knew you'd come around, Seifer! High-five!" The brunette skipped over, hand held high with a beam splitting her face, and when Seifer just glared at her she grabbed his hand and made it slap into hers.
"This is awesome," she jittered away, "I need to go tell the board that you're finalised - "
"There's a board?"
" - yay, go Seifer, I'm so excited!"
She flashed another huge grin at Seifer who remained unmoved (well, maybe it was a little mollifying to see her so pumped) and then bounced off to who-knows-where, leaving him rooted to the spot already regretting his decision.
"I think it's awesome you're doin' it, ya know. A real man."
"BRAVE." Fujin lifted her glass, her yellow eye serious. "CHEERS."
Seifer scoffed, but clinked his glass with hers and Raijin's, and there was a moment's pause as the three of them downed their drinks. Jubilant music reverberated around the marble halls and everyone (well, mostly everyone) was dressed in their best, drinking and chattering.
The trio were at a SeeD inauguration ball, hanging about by the side where the appetisers appeared first so they could call dibs. These events happened sparsely enough that they attended them whenever one was held. Sufficient entertainment without too much effort.
And free booze.
Raijin was swathed in a tidy dress shirt and navy pants that Fujin had ironed for him ten minutes before the event; Fujin herself in a flowy pants suit that suited her petite frame quite nicely.
Seifer wasn't wearing his SeeD uniform. None of them wore it unless it was strictly necessary. He didn't think he'd put it on since his own inauguration ball. Normally he would have thrown on a button shirt and dress pants, but tonight he was sporting a loose shirt with a garish Chocobo and floral print on it. He was attracting quite a few stares, not least because he was wearing the exact same shirt as Irvine and Zell who were sitting a few feet further down with the rest of the gang.
Fujin had arched an eyebrow when Seifer came out of his dorm, to which he just shrugged and said by way of explanation, "Lost poker. Chicken-wuss' idea."
Actually, as Seifer sat there idly swirling his glass, he found he didn't mind the shirt. Comfortable. Breathable. Good-quality material. Should ask Wuss where he got 'em from.
Casting a disdainful look around him, Seifer scoffed at the young SeeDs in their brand new starched uniforms. You could almost smell their freshness. "Geez, are we running a daycare? These graduates look like they still belong in the sandbox."
"Probably not that much younger than us," commented Raijin, also glancing at them. "But you're right, ya know. Those uniforms hang off 'em. Skin and bones!"
The classic ballroom music ended then, to be replaced with a techno-pop song that instantly attracted the attention of the younger ball-goers. Fujin was among them as she jumped up, head bobbing to the music.
"DANCE," she said in that commanding way of hers. Seifer had to suppress a grin at her deadpan enthusiasm.
"Alright, leggo," Raijin said agreeably, standing up to join her. "Seif?"
Seifer folded one arm over the other and sat back. "No thanks. I'll watch you guys."
"Selphie's wavin' at ya over there. You should go join 'em."
"WALLFLOWER," added Fujin sagely with a twinkle in her eye.
"Hell, I don't mind bein' a wallflower."
"Think those girls wouldn't mind a piece of ya," Raijin winked and nodded his head surreptitiously to a group of young girls who were eyeing Seifer with interest.
The blonde smirked, "It's the shirt."
"I need in on these poker games, ya know."
"COME ON," urged Fujin, and the pair of them waved at Seifer before joining the spacious dance floor. Seifer stood as well with a little resigned sigh, knowing he couldn't ignore Selphie's insistent waving any longer. The techno song with its static moves (why did everyone seem to know them? Was he getting that old?) was drumming in his ears.
"What's up?" he called loudly to the group when he reached them, dropping into a seat that Irvine drew up. Squall and Rinoa were sitting together; Selphie was perched on Irvine's knee grooving and beaming; Zell was standing, nodding his head and tapping his foot in beat with the music.
"Love the shirt!" trilled Selphie. "Can I take a photo of the three of you?"
"One of a kind design," grinned Zell, "You're missin' out, Squall!"
"Thank Hyne I missed that game," mumbled Squall, who was dressed in his regular clothes sans leather jacket.
"Rai wants in on the next one," Seifer remembered to add, to which Irvine gave a nod of acknowledgement.
"Gosh, Fujin is a great dancer," commented Rinoa, watching the dance floor. "Has she always been this good?"
"Yeah. She was really into that reality dancing show."
There was a moment's silence as they continued to appreciate Fujin and Raijin's current duet number, known as, according to Selphie, the "Choo Choo Train" dance move.
Zell almost choked on his drink when he heard this. "You made that up! Because of your train obsession."
"I really didn't!" insisted Selphie. "You can look it up."
Several heads craned over her phone screen as she showed them. Even Squall and Seifer peered over.
"Damn, she's right."
"Anyway," she said triumphantly, putting her phone away. "What do we all think about Miss Balamb Garden now, huh? Tickets are already selling quickly!"
"How lovely," came Seifer's dry response.
"We're also taking bets on who the winner will be," Rinoa added slyly.
"Lemme guess…" Seifer put on a mock-thoughtful voice. "You're putting yours on lover boy."
She beamed, "You know it!"
"Say, you shouldn't let your prejudices cloud your judgment, darlin'," drawled Irvine with a chuckle. Rinoa flicked her gaze to him instead, expression now shrewd and beady.
"You don't reckon Squall can win?" she demanded.
"I don't want to win," muttered Squall.
"Squally's a beautiful man, no doubt about that - "
"Shut up."
" - but if you'd take my advice, you need to feel yourself a bit more. Relax. Release the inner swan. Shine your beautiful soul. Smile with your eyes." Irvine batted his eyelids at Squall who pointedly ignored him. Seifer and Zell sniggered.
Rinoa and Selphie were giggling. "Ohh, that's good advice! You'll be irresistible, Squall!"
"What would your advice be to Seifer then, Irvy?" Selphie wanted to know.
But at this point Seifer was only half-listening. Across the hall he'd noticed Quistis. Easy to spot usually, but impossible to miss tonight with a small throng of adoring new SeeDs tailing her. She looked like she'd been trying to walk over to them but had been stopped halfway by some dark-haired dude who looked like he couldn't believe his luck. Quistis stood there with a patient smile as he jabbered on.
Over the SeeD's shoulder she glanced up and met Seifer's gaze. Quistis' face tightened in the tiniest grimace and he flashed a mischievous grin back. Then her eyes dropped back down to being kind and gracious to the dork.
"…and scowl less. Ladies love a rebel, but they need a softie deep down."
"Seifer. Soft?" scoffed Zell.
"Huh?" Seifer said absently. Quistis had finally managed to shake off the SeeD and walked two steps before being intercepted by another one who promptly spilt his champagne on the floor in front of her, narrowly missing her skirt. Seifer curled his lip.
Bloody Trepies.
"This a great idea!" Selphie was saying exuberantly, and Seifer finally tore his eyes away from the train wreck of Quistis and the spill-happy Trepie. "Advice and guidance being given to our candidates. You need a female mentor, Seifer."
"A what?"
"A female mentor. Someone to show you the ropes of being a lady. A fairy godmother of sorts! Obviously I can't help since I'm a judge."
"And I'm helping Squall so count me out," input Rinoa.
"Right. Well, I put in a request for a hot supermodel." The girls made noises of distaste and Seifer raised an eyebrow, looking around, "What? It's a beauty pageant."
"That's not all there is to it!" said Selphie in tones of outrage.
"It isn't?" he said dubiously.
"Have you never watched a beauty pageant, Seifer?"
"Hm… I'd have to say… no. When in the hell would I have ever done that?"
"I dunno, doesn't Fujin watch Miss Universe sometimes?"
"She probably does but I don't exactly drop everything to join her."
"Well, that's one up on you Raijin has."
"The beauty pageant isn't just about looks," explained Rinoa seriously. "There's also a talent portion, a speaking portion, a strength portion - "
"Geez." This was sounding depressingly complicated. Seifer could feel his attention and concentration waning as it often used to in class. He took a swig of his drink without much vigour.
"I wonder who we could ask to be your lady mentor," mused Selphie, placing her chin in her hand.
"She'd have to be a real classy lady if you want to have a shot at this," said Irvine.
"Someone beautiful and graceful," nodded Rinoa.
"And someone who's not afraid to hand your ass to you when you're acting out of line."
Seifer gave a derisive snort. "Yeah. Right. Who would that be? Half the Garden still pisses their pants at the sight of me."
"Oh, you'd be surprised, Seifer."
Selphie's eyes twinkled when she looked across the room and saw Quistis walking over quickly, evidently making haste her escape.
"You know what?" she said slyly. "It should be someone clever. Very clever. Perhaps a child prodigy."
Rinoa cottoned on immediately and chimed in, "Someone who speaks well and has experience talking in front of an audience."
"It wouldn't hurt if they had a lot of admirers too. Used to being in the spotlight."
And it seemed as though everyone's gaze was drawn to a single figure, a spotlight shining on her as she finally reached them.
"Ahhh," said Zell in comprehension.
Quistis' eyes narrowed suspiciously, slowing down in her tracks as she regarded them all. "Why are you all looking at me like that?" she asked warily.
A beam split Selphie's face and she reached out to tug the shoulder of Seifer's shirt.
"I think we found your fairy godmother, Seifer."