DISCLAIMER: Wicked isn't mine.

AN. August 2021 I asked people to vote on tropes for a Fiyeraba Christmas fic, akin to those on the Hallmark Channel, Netflix and such places at this time of year. It took longer than expected, but this is the result.

There's a few little surprises in this fic that I hope you enjoy.

An Autocorrect Arrangement

By Vinkunwildflowerqueen

Chapter 1

If Elphaba heard another Lurlinemas carol, she was going to scream.

It was bad enough that they started playing them at the beginning of November each year, but did they have to be played everywhere? And all the time?

The pub was crowded and loud, even for a Friday night this close to Lurlinemas. People were already finishing up their work before the holidays, meeting up with friends and having festive drinks with colleagues. Not to mention the tourists, who flooded the city at this time of year for shopping or to admire the Oz-renowned Lurlinemas decorations. They were easy to spot- they were the only ones who still did a double take when they spotted a green-skinned woman in a famously green city.

But even through all the chatter, laughter and noise, Elphaba could swear that We Wish You A Happy Lurlinemas was being channelled directly into her eardrum. Probably out of spite. In Elphaba's experience, the universe tended to have a weird sense of humour.

Oz, she hated Lurlinemas.

While most people counted down towards Lurlinemas Day in anticipation of presents, time off work or festivations with family and friends; Elphaba counted down for that blissful moment of knowing it would be another year before she'd have to face it again (well, ten months at best considering the commercialisation of the holiday, but that was a whole other rant).

Only one more week, she consoled herself, as the song playing over the speakers changed to another, yet no less torturous carol.

"Excuse me, ma'am," said a deep voice, as a presence moved beside the booth where she sat. "Are you aware that the penalty for being a buzzkill the week before Lurlinemas is a hefty fine?"

Elphaba's mouth curved into a faint smile as she turned towards the newcomer, her eyes tracking up the emerald coat of the police uniform until she reached his eyes.

"How hefty a fine, Constable?"

"Uh, it's Senior Constable," Fiyero corrected her, dumping his coat onto the seat on the other side of the booth before sliding in, his voice reverting to its normal cadence. "And I think the fine is something like a batch of those delicious chocolate chip cookies you make, but Lurlinemassy."

Elphaba squinted slightly. "What makes them 'Lurlinemassy'?"

Fiyero shrugged. "If they were fairy shaped? Or tree shaped? You know, Lurlinemas."

Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, sorry I'm late," Fiyero apologised. "Had to finish some paperwork before clocking off, and it took longer than I thought."

"Because you were procrastinating?" Elphaba guessed, knowing how much he hated paperwork.

"No," Fiyero insisted. "Corin was distracting me."

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Sounds about right. Maybe I should bake cookies for Micah, for having to put up with you two."

Fiyero waved a hand dismissively. "Micah knew what he was signing up for when he became a Sergeant. But anyway, sorry I'm late. I did text you."

Elphaba nodded, unlocking her phone and pulling up her messages. "Ah, yes. I did get your message. 'On my way. Heroes a picture of a cutie dog I say to keep you company hill you wait.' Is it so hard to proofread your messages before you send them?"

Fiyero scowled at his phone as he pulled it from his pocket and dropped it onto the table. "Stupid autocorrect," he muttered and Elphaba laughed.

"It was a cutie dog, right? With its little jacket?"

"Are you calling it a 'cutie dog' to try and convince me that you meant to actually write that?"

"You can't prove that I didn't," Fiyero shot back, making Elphaba laugh again. "Alright, I'm getting drinks and food. What do you want?"

When Fiyero returned with their drinks and resumed his seat, he removed the jacket of his uniform and loosened his tie with a grimace.

"So, did I interrupt your usual Lurlinemas brood, or has something happened?" he asked her.

Elphaba wrinkled her nose and Fiyero's face softened. "Work?"

"No," Elphaba shook her head. "Not this time, anyway."

She faltered, sighed and then pulled a card out of her bag and slid it across the table to him.

"Happy holidays from our family to yours," Fiyero read aloud. "With love and blessings from Dr Burkhard Horne, Mrs Dr Nessarose Horne, Emeril and Gunna. Wow. Your sister sure knows how to write a heartfelt holiday card, huh?"

Elphaba chuckled, tapping one long green finger on the baby girl on her sister's lap in the photo.

"It's her first Lurlinemas. And this is the first picture of her I've seen since the birth announcement in the Post three months ago."

Fiyero winced. "I'm sorry, El. How long has it been now?"

"Emeril is two and a half now, so… about eighteen months?" Elphaba said, trying to shrug nonchalantly.

As if she didn't know exactly how long it had been since she'd seen her family. As if every one of the past five hundred and thirty-two days and every unanswered text, voicemail or email hadn't felt like a knife in her gut.

"Who even sends holiday cards anymore?" Fiyero complained. "Even my grandparents don't."

"I think Burkhard sends them to his patients," Elphaba replied. "I basically got a form letter with some holiday well-wishes."

Fiyero winced and took another sip of his drink, instead of replying. Elphaba didn't blame him. Even in their respective lines of work, she doubted either of them knew what the right thing was to say here.

"So, you're off work these holidays, right? When's your last shift?" Elphaba asked, changing the subject before he could, taking back the card and slipping it into her bag.

Fiyero nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Not working this year. My last shift for the year is next Saturday. Are you working?"

Elphaba shook her head too. "No. Not by a lack of trying though," she said, her lips curving wryly. "I offered but Runasaid that I 'deserve a break', whatever that means."

Fiyero grinned slowly. "Might it have something to do with you getting in trouble for yelling at the judge last week?"

Elphaba glared at him. "You're not supposed to find that funny, Senior Constable."

"You're not supposed to yell at a judge, Elphaba," Fiyero shot back and then wrinkled his nose. "That doesn't work as well when you don't have a rank. Social workers should have ranks."

Elphaba scoffed. "Yeah, I'll suggest that. Anyway, I finished up today. I don't go back until January tenth."

Their food arrived not long after, and conversation paused as they dug into their food.

"So, what will you do for Lurlinemas if you're not working?" Fiyero asked, circling back to their original topic. "I assume you're not going back to Munchkinland?"

Elphaba shook her head. "No. Galinda invited me to spend it with her and Boq, but it's their first Lurlinemas as a married couple. I don't want to intrude on that."

She shrugged. "So, I'm just going to stay in the city."

"Alone?"

"I'm used to that," Elphaba brushed off his concern. "Honestly, it's fine. You're going home to the Vinkus?"

Fiyero nodded. "Yep," he said through a mouthful of burger.

Elphaba grimaced at him, and Fiyero swallowed with an apologetic grimace. "Sorry," he said. "Yeah, going home. Leave the twenty-third and come back on the third. Then I get four days of night shifts," he said glumly.

"But you like going home, right?" Elphaba pressed.

"Sure," Fiyero shrugged, taking another bite of burger. He noted Elphaba's pointed look, and didn't elaborate until after he'd swallowed.

"It's home, you know? I don't want to move back there any time soon, but I like it. And it means getting to see Noak in person instead of a video call. I love that kid, but Oz, he rambles. And my odds of understanding it all goes up about twenty percent when we're talking in person."

Elphaba laughed faintly, even as her chest twisted painfully.

"So, I probably won't see you again until next year then," she said. "Unless you want-"

She was cut off as Fiyero's phone chimed on the table between them, the screen lighting up.

"You need to get that?"

Fiyero shook his head as he glanced at the screen, clearing the notification. "Nope."

He flashed her a grin. "I think it's in bad taste to check a dating app while out with friends."

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "What happened to 'Dilaydot13'? It hasn't been a month yet, has it?" she teased him.

Fiyero narrowed his eyes at her. "Dilay broke it off the other day, actually. She wasn't a fan of when I had to cancel a date for the dozenth time because of work."

Elphaba was sympathetic, but Fiyero hadn't dated anyone for longer than a month in the whole time she'd known him. For what reason, she didn't know. Fiyero never said anything beyond "it didn't work out" or "I just wasn't feeling it."

"That sucks," she offered instead. "Right before the holidays."

Fiyero shrugged. "We'd only been dating for like two weeks. We barely knew each other."

"I think dating is a bit generous," Elphaba teased him. "That would suggest you're trying to find a long-term relationship, wouldn't it?"

"Don't judge me, Miss Thropp," Fiyero scolded her. "You don't date either."

"I'm not judging," Elphaba insisted. "Teasing is not judging."

Fiyero pointed his fork at her, a fry on the end of it. "Don't think I didn't notice you deflecting my comment about your love life."

Elphaba rolled her eyes again. "Oz, why did I become friends with a police officer?" she asked herself. "Don't interrogate me. Being single is not a crime."

Fiyero waved the fork in her direction, before popping it into his mouth. "No judgement," he echoed her own words back to her. "Just an observation. You know, pot, kettle, et cetera."

Elphaba shook her head and took another bite of her own food.

Neither of them lingered long at the pub once they'd finished their meals, both worn out after a long week of work, especially at this time of year. Without much discussion about it, they slid out of the booth and pulled on their outerwear, pushing their way through the crowds towards the door. As they finally stepped out into the street, Elphaba winced as the icy air hit her, but couldn't help but sigh with relief as the refrain of Lurlinemas carols blissfully faded away, even as it was replaced with the blaring of traffic.

"Thank Oz," she breathed, closing her eyes.

Fiyero chuckled from behind her, tightening his scarf around his neck. "One of these days, you're going to have to tell me how Lurlinemas carols hurt you."

Elphaba opened her eyes, offering him a half-hearted smile. "You've only known me for a year. There's time."

Fiyero shrugged in acceptance, surprising Elphaba by pulling her into a brief hug. When he pulled back, he shrugged at her. "Normally, this when I'd say 'if I don't see you before then, have a good Lurlinemas'. But because you're you, I'm just gonna say 'talk to you soon'."

Elphaba's smile was more genuine this time. "Talk to you soon," she repeated and headed off with a wave as she turned in the direction of home.

Even after a year and a half, Elphaba's soul thrilled at the contentment she felt in the Emerald City, a contentment she'd never felt back in Munchkinland. Sure, she didn't have her family, and she had few friends, but there was nothing terribly new or surprising about that. She couldn't deny that there was a pain that lingered in her bones every moment she was awake, like she'd fallen down a flight of stairs. But despite that, she was happy. And that meant a lot to her. Happiness was something Elphaba only had mild experience with.

Home was a tiny studio apartment on the outskirts of Goldhaven that was up four flights of a steep, narrow staircase and was quite frankly a pain in the ass to get groceries up to her apartment. The kitchenette was tiny, and every inch of the place was crowded with Elphaba's many books. But it was warm in the winter, got plenty of sunlight, and Elphaba had loved it from the moment she first saw it.

She wasn't surprised when her phone rang just when she'd been home just long enough to shower, change into her pyjamas and make herself a cup of tea. This was all part of her Friday night custom.

"Hi, Glin," she greeted her best friend upon answering, carrying her tea to the living room and placing it on the end table as she settled herself in her favourite well-worn armchair beneath a blanket.

"Hey! Question- what do you think about 'Lovie' for a girl's name? Too perky?"

Elphaba stilled. "Uh. Is this a pregnancy announcement? Is that seriously how you're telling me I'm going to be a fake aunt?"

Galinda giggled. "Okay, firstly- not fake aunt, just aunt. Secondly, absolutely not. Boq and I have only been married for six months, and despite what his mother thinks, we're in no rush for kids," she said firmly. "Besides, I wouldn't tell you that kind of news over the phone! I'd at least video call you, if I couldn't tell you in person."

Elphaba's responding "Phew" was not entirely sarcastic. "Thank Oz for that, because at this rate, your kids are the only nieces or nephews I'll get to know."

Elphaba didn't have to be able to see Galinda's face to know the expression she was making. "I'm sorry, Elphie," she said gently. "My offer to send screenshots from Nessa's Timely page still stands, you know. She hasn't blocked me."

Elphaba shook her head as she leaned her head back against the cushion, even if Galinda wasn't actually there. "Don't," she refused for the millionth time. "It just… if Nessa wanted me to know them, she could still send me photos. Or news. Anything. My number and email haven't changed."

Having just screenshots of her niece and nephew would just hurt more than not having any photos of them.

"But yes," Elphaba said brusquely, changing the subject. "It is perky. Why do you ask, if you're not pregnant?"

"I have a new client, they're throwing a party for their daughter, and that's the name they all decided on. Lovie. And I thought it was sweet, but not sure if I'd consider actually naming my child that, you know? And Boq was no help when I asked him."

Elphaba laughed, reaching for her tea. "No, Boq is going to let you name your children anything you want," she agreed. "Business is going well then?"

Galinda sighed happily. "So well. Especially at this time of year, you know? So many holiday parties, not to mention all the people who want to get married over the holidays. But I am looking forward to January being a little slower. Oh, did you see the video I posted on VidPort about folding napkins into pine trees? It's gotten way more views than I expected, but I imagine that's due to the holidays."

"I haven't seen it yet, but I will," Elphaba promised.

Galinda's social media, originally started to accompany her event planning business, had blown up overnight it seemed and suddenly Galinda was rambling to Elphaba about sponsorships and views and monetisation of the channel. And while Elphaba personally couldn't care less about how to fold napkins into pine trees, Galinda was her best friend and that was what you did for your best friend.

Galinda's tone softened. "Busy at work?"

Elphaba took a sip of tea before answering. "Always," she said heavily.

Her job was never easy, but especially around the holidays.

Galinda paused. "Are you sure-"

"Glin, I really don't want to intrude on you guys for Lurlinemas," Elphaba cut her off tiredly. "I'm fine, okay?"

"It's not intruding, Elphie," Galinda insisted. "Never. But I hate the thought of you being alone for the holidays, and Boq agrees."

"I'm really okay. It's just another day."

Galinda sighed. "Well, what about dating? Are you seeing anyone?"

Elphaba laughed. "No," she said firmly. "And I am also fine with that."

"I was talking to Milla the other day, and she was telling me about this new dating app, DateDash or something?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "I've heard of DateDash. Fiyero uses it."

Galinda's tone immediately perked up. "Oh, Fiyero. He's single?"

"Currently. As far as I'm aware."

"He's gorgeous."

Elphaba chuckled. "You've never met him, how would you know?"

"I subscribed to him on Timely forever ago after you started mentioning him," Galinda replied nonchalantly. "Besides, I would have met him if he hadn't been working the last few times I've visited, right?"

"I guess," Elphaba allowed. "I still don't understand why you looked him up."

"Because you don't have many friends," Galinda replied bluntly. "And when you kept mentioning a guy, I thought maybe it would go somewhere. Besides, his privacy settings are so tight, subscribing to him was the only way to see any information on him."

"We're just friends, Glin," Elphaba said wearily, for the hundredth time. "I'm not dating anyone. You know that I hate it. Especially with apps, where guys think a great opening line is 'are you green all over? Maybe I should check.' Ugh."

She'd received so many variations of that line in the brief window where Galinda had convinced her to try dating online that she'd lost count.

"Try not mentioning you're green?" Galinda had suggested after Elphaba had decreed it a failed experiment. "Black and white pictures, you know? Let them get to know you first."

Elphaba had tried that too, and it had gone slightly better. Less green-related pickup lines (still no better quality ones though), but nothing had come of it that time either. She'd given up fairly quickly, much to Galinda's despair. Galinda's desire for all her friends to be happily paired off only got worse over the years as she and Boq got more serious.

"I just worry about you, you know?" Galinda said gently. "I want you to have friends and a social life. I still think if we hadn't been forced to share a room at Shiz we never would have been friends."

"Oh that is true," Elphaba agreed immediately. "But I'm not lonely, Glin. I promise. I have friends- you, and Boq. And Fiyero. People at work."

Galinda hummed unhappily, which Elphaba took as acquiescence and changed the subject.

"How is Boq, anyway?" she asked. "Someone at work gave me a Lurlinemas card the other day, which I think was one of his."

"Oh, really?" Galinda asked excitedly. "Which one?"

Elphaba frowned slightly. "Uh…"

Reluctantly, Elphaba tossed the blanket aside and got up, digging through the pile of mail and junk on the kitchen counter she was yet to deal with until she found the card.

"It says-"

"Wait, I'm putting you on speaker," Galinda said hastily. "Okay," she said a moment later, her voice a little fainter. "Go, Elphie."

"On Lurline's wings, our hearts will sing. Songs of love, songs of joy, wishes and hopes for all to enjoy. Wishing you and yours a Merry Lurlinemas this year," Elphaba read the printed message inside.

"Oh, yeah. That's mine," came the voice of Boq, a little sheepish.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Galinda gushed, and Elphaba had to smile.

"I've read far worse," she agreed. "How is work, Boq?"

"We're already finalising cards for Valentine's Day," Boq replied. "But I actually find those the easiest to write. I just pretend I'm writing them to Galinda."

"Ohhh," Galinda cooed in response, and there was the audible sound of kissing over the line.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Guys, I'm still here," she reminded them. "How long is the sickingly sweet newlywed stage supposed to last?"

"Sorry," Boq apologised, although he certainly didn't sound sorry. "Hey, El. I, um… I saw Nessa today."

Elphaba's heart quickened slightly.

"Oh?" Elphaba replied, trying to sound casual as she returned to her armchair.

There came another sound across the line, like something being hit lightly.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Galinda audibly hissed.

"I guess she- or your dad- ordered some produce from the farm for their holiday party catering?" Boq continued, not answering his wife. "I dropped it off this morning, and she was in the kitchen. She, uh, she invited Glin and I to the party tomorrow night."

"I don't need her pity invite," Galinda responded immediately, and Elphaba could picture the scowl on her face.

"I think she wasn't sure if she should, because…"

"You should go," Elphaba said as Boq trailed off. "Boq, you've known Nessa and I since we were all kids. You and Nessa were friends all through school. Don't let that end because of what's happening with Nessa and I now."

"But-"

"And Glin, I appreciate what you're doing, but it sounds like Nessa is still wanting to be your friend. If she's extending an olive branch, take it."

"If our friendship is so important to her, then why didn't she invite us to the party originally?" Galinda demanded.

Privately, Elphaba thought that Nessa might have cut Galinda and Boq from the guest list as payback for Galinda not inviting Nessa to her wedding in Gilikin back over the summer. That Nessa had seen the snub as Galinda and Nessa taking Elphaba's side. Which it had been. But still.

"That's a question for Nessa," Elphaba said simply. "But you should go. At least you can see the kids. And could be a chance for you to network for the business."

Galinda paused and then sighed. "Fine. We'll go," she said decidedly. "And we'll tell Emeril and Gunna that their Aunty Elphie loves them."

"They are not calling me 'Aunty Elphie'," Elphaba said immediately. "But you could tell Nessa and Burkhard 'Happy Lurlinemas' for me."

"Really?"

"Nessa and my father are the ones who cut me out," Elphaba said firmly. "They're the ones who decided I'd done something unforgiveable for not lying about the past. It's on them. Not me."

And Elphaba was still hoping that eventually, Nessa would thaw. Would come around and realise that family was more important than pretending to be the perfect family. But she wasn't holding her breath for that any time soon.

It would be a Lurlinemas miracle. And Elphaba didn't believe in miracles.

AN. Thank you to those who nominated me for this years Greg Awards, hosted by Fae's Flower. It was a lovely surprise. Voting is open til Dec 30!