Chapter 12

December 23. The de la Vega hacienda, the garden.

Victoria took a deep breath. She didn't want to hurt Diego. Lots of things became clear. Her heart went out to him. "Why have you never told me you're in love with me? I am the woman you have feelings for and who loves another man. And don't you lie to me! I know it is me!"

Relieved, Diego let escape his breath. So Victoria had not discovered through the kiss that he was Zorro. Zorro had again made a narrow escape. Although, Diego wasn't sure he felt any relief about it. Maybe this was his chance to discover whether Victoria had feelings for him.
His brain worked like wildfire, weighing his options on what was best. "That's correct."

Victoria gave him a pitiful glance. "Then why did you never say anything?"

"Would I stand a chance?" He hoped she would say yes.

Victoria couldn't speak. She just stared at him. frightend, her eyes wide open.

"Victoria, yes, I have feelings for you. I didn't mean for you ever to find out. It doesn't change anything. I will never bother you with it, I promise."
Diego uttered while thinking, come on, tell me, it does change how you see me, please.

"Oh, Diego, don't you understand that everything has already changed? I thought you were my best friend. And now..., now we can't be."
Victoria had to swallow to keep tears from rolling out of her eyes. She refused to let him see how it affected her.

"Why not. I've been hiding my feelings since I got back from Spain. You didn't notice a thing before. We forget it ever happened..."

Victoria hadn't really listened to what Diego said. She was too upset. She had lost her friend. "But I do know. We can't undo the fact that I know. And that changes..., well..., everything!"

"No, it doesn't have to. Victoria, listen to me. Nothing has to change. We can carry on as we always have. I value our friendship. And I know I don't stand a chance against Zorro. That is fine. I want you to be happy. I'm not asking anything from you other than friendship."

"How on earth can you be in love with me?" Victoria sounded hysterical.

"Is that so crazy to believe? You are a beautiful, strong woman. Not only are you attractive, but you also have a powerful character."

Lost for words, Victoria kept staring.

With an agitated voice that sounded contemptuous, Diego uttered. "Or do you think I'm not a man enough to be in love with a woman like you?"

What should she say? Victoria remembered once she had hoped Diego would notice her. He never did, and so she forgot about him. And here he was, talking about how he suddenly had romantic feelings for her. Victoria uttered. "No, of course not. I am a woman. You are a man.
But why me? You know I am in love with Zorro, and he is the only one for me."

"Why does the sun rise in the east? Why is the ocean blue? I don't know how and why I fell in love with you. I only know I did."

"Oh, Diego. I am sure there is someone out there for you who is worthy of your love. I am not that woman."

Diego had such a disappointed expression on his face, it pained Victoria.
It was a legend that eyes were the mirrors of the soul. And for a moment, Victoria felt like she saw into Diego's soul, straight into his heart. His gaze cuts her heart to pieces. Victoria wanted to escape the pain it was causing. It was too intense.

Diego said with a broken voice she never hears him use. "I know you love Zorro, and I respect you both."
Diego had regained his usual self. "Victoria, tell me once and for all. Is there any chance, no matter how small, that you can ever develop feelings for me other than friendship? One word from you, and I will forever remain silent on the subject."

Victoria was eager to say yes. Actually, nothing more than that.
The memory of a ring hidden in a drawer in her room and a promise held her back. Victoria wanted to wrap her arms around Diego and reassure him everything would be fine. But that would be a lie. Yes, he meant a lot to her. Yes, had she never met Zorro. Had he shown the tiniest bit of interest in her at any point before she made her promise, she could have developed feelings for Diego. However, it was too late for them. They had their chance many years ago and missed it.
She loved Zorro. She had not only promised Zorro to wait for him and to marry him. Furthermore, she had also made a promise of secrecy. And so Victoria couldn't even tell her best friend the truth about why she was going to hurt him now.
"I…, I…," Her voice faltered. "I am sorry. I just can't...,"|
Victoria cringed in pain. It tore her apart that Diego was giving up on her so easily. He hadn't even tried to fight for her. He simply accepted she preferred someone else. It also proved how shallow Diego's feelings were. The love between her and Zorro was so much stronger. None of them was ever to give up on the other, no matter what.
"I think I better go. Please, tell your father I'm sorry." Victoria turned and ran to the stables to saddle her horse. She dared not look back to where she had left Diego. Too afraid that if she gave it a second thought, she would forget the promise she made to Zorro.

Diego was left alone in the garden, watching Victoria gallop away. He felt the urge to go after her. But couldn't bring himself to it. He felt empty and lonelier than ever before. That one small kiss could trigger so much.
He should have refused to take part in the stupid traditions. Make up some ridiculous tale on how he couldn't participate in the game. He had been foolish enough to think he would succeed in hiding his feelings. Diego had trained for years not to show his real feelings. Never let your most guarded secret out. And it had taken one second to fail.

Music and laughter came out of the hacienda. Diego did not want to return to the party noise. All he wanted was to be alone. Alone and forget that all the hopes of the past few years had been dashed away in minutes. Victoria had no feelings for Diego. She had turned him down. By rejecting him, she unknowingly also rejected the man behind the mask.

"Diego!" From afar, he heard his father's voice. "Diego! Where are you?" Diego took a run and jumped over the wall surrounding the hacienda. He reached the cave, where Felipe was busy sweeping the floor.

Surprised, the boy looked at him.

"Saddle Toronado, will you?"

Felipe made a Z in the air, gesturing to Diego, wanting to know why Zorro was needed.

"I'll explain later."

Worried, Felipe watched Diego leave the cave.

.

Toronado did not mind the night ride and seemed to enjoy the outing. Zorro rode until he noticed that the animal was beginning to get tired. He was nowhere near tired enough for his liking. Diego did not believe ever to fall asleep again. Just as he did not think he could ever laugh or feel happiness again. Diego also knew that Toronado couldn't do anything about him losing Victoria. So he let the horse continue walking instead of galloping. Unintentional, he had ridden to Diabolo's canyon. It made Diego wonder, or perhaps it would have been better if Gilberto had succeeded in his evil plan. Then he could have died thinking Victoria could have loved Diego.
That was a happier death than dying on a broken heart without any hope.
A fast death was better than living on in constant pain. No, it was wrong to think such a thing. His father needed and loved him. And Felipe, too, was enough reason not to wish himself dead.
His eyes were watery.
Zorro was sitting by the edge of the ravine crying his heart out.

When the first strokes of daylight touched the horizon, Diego had made up his mind.

Don Diego would continue living. He was going to travel to Monterey. Try to see the governor see reason and convince the man changes were needed. It would do him good to be away from Los Angeles for a while. Seeing Victoria day after day was too painful. He needed to try and forget the only woman he could love. Victoria had proven she only had feelings for the mask and not for the man behind it. It was as he always feared things would end. He should have known and prepared himself for the pain that tore him apart.

Today Zorro was to make his final appearance. After that, Zorro will cease to exist.

.

Once at the tavern, Victoria walked straight to her bedroom. She pulled open the drawer of her dressing table, dropped to her knees and grabbed a wad of silk from the back. Hidden in the cloth was her engagement ring. Victoria slid it on her finger and shed tears.
Victoria needed the ring to remind her of the union between her and Zorro.
The discovery she had made tonight felt so surreal.

Diego de la Vega had feelings of love for her!

Victoria wished she had never made the discovery. She had been perfectly content with the idea that don Diego only saw her as a good friend.
The world had seemed so clear and uncluttered then.
Don Diego was her friend. Every time Victoria had felt shivers, strange surges of jealousy, and a quickened heartbeat, she dismissed it as nonsensical aftereffects of the time when they were both children. As a teenager, Victoria had a crush on the handsome don.
After all, the man she really loved was Zorro. He was the man of her dreams.

The flood of tears was unstoppable. Victoria didn't try to hold them in.
She had always thought not to have a chance with Diego. How could she have known or even guessed? He had never tried to charm her. He had never done anything to let her know he harboured feelings for her other than friendship. Not even once, not even at all.
Why hadn't Diego told her anything? He had loved her since he had returned from Spain. So he had said.
So why had Diego never shown her anything? If he..., If she had known earlier...,

Would Diego have stood a chance?

Maybe at first. Before Zorro had started to make his advances. He had charmed her and singled her out again and again. He set her heart on fire and made her hope for a future with the man she loved. Zorro had asked her to marry him. And she had given Zorro her word that she loved him and would wait.

Surely she could not break her promise?

Victoria cried. Her life could have looked so different had Diego dared to tell her earlier. Could he have made her happy? Victoria wasn't sure she wouldn't have been happy had something developed between her and Diego.
She loved the man, the myth, the legend.

But for the first time, Victoria could no longer deny what she had kept hidden for years. Deep in her heart, Victoria had never considered Diego merely a good friend.

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