I can remember it like it was just yesterday.

The rain.

The sirens of police and ambulance vehicles rushing to the scene.

It was absolute chaos.

Burning buildings.

Loved ones screaming, crying, rushing... Trying to find their friends, families, significant others...

While I stood in shock and silence watching mine laying lifeless in a pool of their own blood.

It was like I was in a trance. I don't know when I found it in me to move, walk towards the green being who laid lifeless on the ground, his eyes glossed over like marbles… The green hues that I loved to stare into were gone.

I don't remember sitting on the ground on my knees in the rain, with his head in my lap.

I don't remember losing control of my powers and destroying what was left of the city around me – around us.

I don't know how many times I tried to revive him, holding on to that last strand of hope that maybe my powers would be strong enough to bring him back.

Deep inside I wished I could have been a Necromancer – even if meant bringing him back for a short while. Just to hear his goofy laugh, his stupid jokes, his voice.

My Beast Boy. My Garfield.

He was gone.

That was a year ago today, but it still feels like it was just yesterday.

I rubbed my eyes and wiped away the stray tears that had seemed to escape my eyes, turned over and reached for the laptop that laid underneath my bed. I opened the laptop and pressed on the power button, listening to the laptop buzz to life. I sat up in my bed, bending my legs so the back of my laptop could prop against my knees the air from the laptop fans gently brushing against my legs. Using the track pad, I clicked on my browser and opened up my g-mail.

I was thankful that no one could see the e-mails I had sent to him, the secrets I had bled out in those e-mails. The words I never had the heart or the courage to say… It's funny how you finally have the courage to say the things you have always needed to say when you're speaking to a tombstone. In my case, it was an e-mail address that I have flooded with so many e-mails I have lost count.

Clicking on the white 'Compose' button, I began typing out the e-mail address I had typed out numerous times in the past year. Those silly stupid e-mail addresses that we made because you wanted to make sure you had a way to get in touch with me if and whenever the team disbanded. I absolutely loathed the idea of them at the time when we were creating them, but I can't bring myself to hate them now. They make me feel close to you, even though I know you will never read them.

New Message

To: herbuffbeastman
From: that1gothgirl

Subject: A Year Without You
'December 4, 2022
8:42 PM

Garfield,

I know it's absolutely stupid of me to type your name every time I send these e-mails to you, it is your e-mail address, but… I find comfort in typing out your name. Knowing that as long as I remember your name, there will always be a piece of you that will live on.

You don't know how much I miss your physical being, your warm presence. Your annoying laugh that would echo through the tower halls, the smell of that god awful tofu that you always tried to force us to eat. The meetings that you would force each team member to attend to convince us to go vegan and to stop eating your friends because you could feel a small piece of them each time you transformed. I always rolled my eyes and blocked you out when you would go on your tangents about how animals are friends and not food… I wish I would have listened a little more closely now.

I miss you calling me Rae. I miss your obnoxious pick-up lines. I miss how you would try to cheer me up with your goofy smile with your fang peeking out onto your bottom lip.

Most of all, I miss you.

I cannot believe it has been a year since your passing. You never deserved to die the way you did, but you were always adamant about going out in a blaze of glory… Dying a hero. In which you did, by the way. I could never repay you for the way that you saved my life, but in a selfish way I wish that you would have let me die with you.

You have been gone a year today, but it feels like time has just slipped through my fingers like sand in an hourglass. I feel so guilty being alive while you're laying cold in the earth. Is this my punishment? For denying you when you asked me on dates or outings? For not watching those stupid movies or participating on game nights? If this is my punishment, I will continue to serve this sentence for the rest of my life.

In truth, I have always loved you, Garfield. You never made me feel like an outsider, like a loner. You never turned away from me or called me weird. Even when I insisted of drowning in bleak ocean of demonic life that Trigon cursed me with. I never wanted anyone to be hurt because of me, I never wanted YOU to get hurt because of me… But I lost control. You tried to calm me down. I know Cyborg tried to stop you, to keep you away, but you were too stubborn. You trusted me too much. And that trust costed you your life. I remember yelling at the top of my lungs with you in my arms, but after that my mind goes blank.

Now you're never coming home. The way you would obnoxiously yell for the team when you would walk through the front door will continue to haunt me to the day I take my last breath.

I refuse to let your memory die.
I love you Garfield Logan, with every last breath in my lungs, with every beat of my heart, with every ounce of my being.

Love,
Rae'

I wiped the tears pouring out of my eyes and quickly hit send before I could go back and delete every word I typed.

Authors note: This one-shot kinda came to me while listening to "The Ghost Of You – My Chemical Romance". I hope you enjoyed this and remember, our loved ones are on borrowed time and we will never know if there will ever be a tomorrow.