Bella couldn't accurately describe what she was feeling; but what she could process was how amazing it felt to experience some type of romance again. To be wrapped up in a kiss so heated in the arms of a man, it felt so exciting; so foreign because of how long it had been.
How far do I let this go? Bella wondered. She didn't want to stop, but she knew there would be no going back if she had sex with Carlisle. Can I handle this?
Yes, Bella thought, I can handle it.. I think.
The feel of Carlisle's forceful tongue massaging her own as he pulled her closer against him with a hand on her lower back swayed her thoughts. When he moaned into her mouth Bella felt her arousal heighten and she reached for the button on his pants.
Carlisle pulled back for a second with a quiet sigh that he tried to suppress as his eyes closed. He gently grabbed Bella's hand to keep her from undoing his pants and put some distance between the two of them, not letting go of her hand.
"I'm sorry.." Bella said quietly, putting her other hand on his forearm. She breathed heavily a few times.
"I, um.." Carlisle was flustered. "I just.." he took in a deep inhale through his nose and Bella could see the strain his jaw. Carlisle was the master of self-control. Still, right then in that moment he struggled.
"I want to," he confessed. Something about the way he said that made Bella think of Edward when they were in a similar situation long ago.
Edward. Guilt. Carlisle. They all went hand-in-hand in a mental love triangle that Bella couldn't quite escape. She knew Carlisle had to be feeling something similar.
"I know," Bella told him.
Carlisle raised his free hand to her cheek, and she leaned into his palm. Bella's eyes closed for a few seconds and they opened back up when his thumb danced in circles just below her eye.
She guided his thumb to her lips and kissed the pad of his finger. Bella wanted him to touch her.. the way only one other man had.
Carlisle toyed with his sense of morality in his mind. He had gone through so many stages of life; so my phases of the world. Inside he knew the progression of feelings the two of them were feeling for one another weren't bad. But there was still a very old school part of him with wrongs and rights that was holding him back - not to mention Esme. She was the only person he had ever been in this situation with.
The feeling of Bella's lips against him, however, left him feeling in a way he hadn't in a long time.
Carlisle leaned in and kissed her again, his hand was still on her face. Bella pulled him against her and felt that raw aggression taking over her. In her relationship with Edward she was used to taking the lead, as he was often just as hesitant as Carlisle. There was something about their embrace that was familiar and comfortable, at least to Bella.
She pulled him down on top of her in an oversized loveseat where his hand dropped to her waist as they kissed so hard and passionately that Bella swore she almost struggled to breathe.
It was funny, even as an immortal, Bella's face felt hot, adrenaline passed through her core and into her limbs and she was completely at Carlisle's mercy. Her leg rose high up against the outside of his hip and she felt his arousal as their hips pressed up against one another's.
When Carlisle suddenly pulled back and pushed up onto his hands, Bella opened her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Someone's here," he said in between a pair of breaths of his own. Carlisle forced himself up off the couch. "It's Rosalie."
Bella adjusted her clothing and tried to focus. "Huh?" She felt like she was in a daze. It had been a decade since she'd been in that position and it was difficult to just.. stop.
Carlisle reached his hands down and helped Bella to her feet. Their eyes locked again and he wanted to say something but he couldn't think of anything.
Bella wanted to say something, too. In a normal world she imagined their encounter wouldn't have seemed abnormal or even special. But to her, in their world, it was. It was special and unique and it meant something. More than anyone outside of their family unit could understand.
"How is.. how is Rosalie the only one here?" Bella finally spoke.
"I don't know," Carlisle confessed. He glanced down at the bulge pushing at the front of his pants, causing Bella to do the same.
"You should.. go upstairs.." Bella could literally feel the embarrassment radiating out of Carlisle. "I'll just talk to Rose at the door when she gets here."
Carlisle opened his mouth to speak but rather gave a barely-visible nod. He hurried toward the stairs, leaving Bella alone in the living room flipping through the television stations as Rosalie entered the home.
"Ughhh.. I couldn't handle sitting in all that traffic with Emmett," she complained, plopping onto the loveseat where Bella had just made out with Carlisle. "I love the man but he kept cracking jokes and I was the punch line. If I didn't get out of that car I would've punched him."
Bella snickered but put a hand on the side of her face. She wasn't quite over what had just happened - or what almost happened.
It's Carlisle. Bella couldn't fully get past that this man who held a significant role in her life in a much different way was now someone who she had developed feelings for. It really was a difficult hurdle to navigate mentally.
"What?" Rosalie asked, breaking Bella's thoughts.
"Huh?" She responded.
"Something's wrong," Rosalie suspected dryly. "And you haven't found a station to watch yet." She motioned to the television and then waved her fingers. "I'll pick something."
Bella tossed her the remote. "Nothing's wrong. What happened with Emmett?"
"He'll make it up to me later. He just.. being a dope. With the traffic they're in they won't be home for at least a half hour."
Bella chuckled at her word choice and the two of them sat in silence as Rosalie thumbed through the channels. It gave Bella's mind time to rewind and replay the few minutes prior to Rosalie's arrival.
What would have happened in that half hour if Rosalie hadn't exited the car?
She put a hand on her neck and then drew her fingers across her lips. Bella wanted Carlisle. She was having a hard time just sitting there with all of the big, pent up feelings brewing inside of her.
Rosalie's phone buzzed and she glanced at it. "Alice.." She shook her head and typed away at the screen.
Alice. Bella put it together for the first time, or at least she had her suspicions. Did Alice know? Could she see it?
"Hey, where's Carlisle?" Rosalie asked nonchalantly.
"Carlisle?" Bella felt her stomach knot up at the sudden mention of his word. When Rosalie looked over at her she cleared her throat. "Upstairs.. I think." Bella glanced toward the staircase and knew he could probably hear their conversation. She wished he would come down. She needed to talk with him but she also knew it wouldn't happen with other people in the house.
Rosalie settled on the movie Christmas Vacation and continued to text Alice. "I'll pause it until they get here." She looked at Bella with a smirk, "I plan on letting Emmett make it up to me halfway through anyway. I'm going to give him the silent treatment until he apologizes."
Bella couldn't help but laugh at Rosalie and Emmett's banter back and forth. She knew in the end Rosalie would end up getting what she wanted. If she did and they left, that just might free up some time with Carlisle if Alice was aware of their transforming relationship.
"I'll go check on Carlisle," Bella offered, hoping Rosalie wouldn't say anything. She didn't; so Bella took the staircase to the second floor and found Carlisle sitting in a little home office.
When she appeared his eyes lifted to meet hers from where he sat behind his desk. He motioned for her to close the door and so Bella did with a quiet click as he rose to his feet.
"I'm sorry that I kissed you like that," Bella whispered. "Maybe I shouldn't have."
"Are you really sorry?" Carlisle said back quietly, rounding the desk.
Bella shrugged and toyed with how to word her response in her head. "I just.. I like how things have been.. and I don't want to ruin it or make you feel weird. I don't want you to feel like you're doing something wrong. I should have asked you before I just kissed you. I should-"
Carlisle pulled her to him and initiated a kiss this time. His eyes closed at the same time Bella's did and her arms wrapped around the back of his neck.
"Rosalie's here-" Bella whispered, pulling back but Carlisle's lips crashed back against hers. She went with it.
What does it matter if Rosalie knows? There were so many questions swirling around in Bella's overworked brain.
"I'm not used to this," Carlisle finally broke off the kiss and continued to speak quietly. "I've only started something like this once before."
"Me, too," Bella said right away, sighing through her nose just after as she longed to kiss him again.
Carlisle's chest heaved up and down as he breathed in and out seemingly involuntarily.
An overemphasized *beep* from somewhere outside caused him to close his eyes for a moment. It was as if he was trying to go back to neutral. There was another beep and the crunch of tires on snow and gravel as headlights became visible through the partially open blinds in the office.
Carlisle reopened his eyes and looked at Bella. Bella looked back at him and she knew whatever was happening was, yet again, to be continued.