"Thank you again, Guardsman. Dismissed." she said. Donnic gave her a wry smile.
"Careful, Guard Captain, or I'll start thinking you only want my company for my reporting skills." he teased.
"I think we both know I enjoy your company for far more than that." the words left her lips before she thought them through. Her green eyes widened in horror before he chuckled lightly.
"Glad I am to hear it." he murmured, bowing his head slightly before leaving her office. She didn't notice the smile spreading across her face.
"Aveline! I have a potentially problematic… what are you grinning about?" she hadn't heard Varric enter, without knocking, but she blinked as she registered his presence.
"I'm not grinning. What's the problem, Varric? Or should I ask what trouble have you caused now?" she drawled, schooling her features to sternness. The dwarf arched an eyebrow, turning his head toward the door that Donnic had just left through.
"Ahh, I think I understand now. You know what, Red? It's not that big a deal after all. I'm gonna leave you alone to… ponder." he answered cryptically. She frowned as he closed the door behind him. What in Andraste's name was he talking about? And why had he looked toward the Guardsman like…
Oh.
Oh, no.
She hurried over to the door, locking it behind him and sliding down against it as the realization hit her. This couldn't be happening. Not again. She hadn't felt anything like this since…
"Wesley." she breathed.
Her mind, her heart, flashed back to years before, of trudging through the Korcari wilds in an attempt to escape the Blight that would soon ravage her home continent, her brave, bold husband by her side. She felt the dagger, held between her own palms, thrust upward into his heart to save him from the poison that tainted his blood. Once she could have described the exact feeling of the blade entering his flesh and ending his life. It was a memory she had relived endlessly, even as everyone expected her to move on, to live her life as any young soldier, any young woman should. But now? That precise sensation had left her. Truthfully, her memory of his features was fuzzy. When had the memory of losing him lost its sharp, raw edge? When had she forgotten the warmth that rushed through her when he smiled? The way the room seemed to light up as he laughed? When had she allowed her walls, so carefully cultivated, to come down?
Donnic.
That small smile returned against her volition, and with it a wild torrent of dread and hope. For so long she had only focused on breathing through the agonizing pain of loss, the stinging edge of the dagger that she had used against her own heart as much as her late husband's. Her heart had been a labyrinth of agony, a haze she would rather not address. Slowly, the guardsman led her out of the fog without her realizing. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought she would make room for another. She thought that ship had gone down long ago, but somehow, it seemed Donnic had turned it around and dragged it back to the shore.
"I'm falling in love again." she breathed. Admitting it felt like a sword hilt to the jaw, throwing her off-balance even as the exhilaration of adrenaline kicked in. Slowly, she raised her head from her hands. She knew Wesley never would have wanted her to stay alone. Blocking herself off had been a defense mechanism, not something that honored him. She pushed herself to her feet, steeling her nerves and asking for a messenger to fetch Revin Hawke. To do this right, she would need a little help.