Thanks for being patient. Life, right? Hope this is worth it for ya.
December 4th
I should have invited you.
The drafted message stared at her in the thread that had gone silent since the Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for you! đź’•text and the you too, beale response.
Chloe dared herself to send the message.
It was pretty innocuous in her mind, friendly even. She could play it off if Beca thought she was being weird.
Beca wouldn't know that Chloe missed her.
That she couldn't stop thinking about her.
That yesterday, on their last day of filming, when she should have been focused on their final scenes, she caught herself flipping through her script instead. With what she told herself was aimlessness, she finally turned to a page with a tiny dot of merlot, burgundy turned brownish by time and oxygen, dark against the stark white.
That she had a new playlist - one with Beca's fingerprints all over it - playing in her ears, and that she wasn't even reading the words on the page.
That even tonight, through the haze of drunkenness, her mind kept spinning, rotating itself back to focus on a young producer, dressed in a tight, all-black dress.
Because when she woke up the morning after the premiere, she knew that she was a goner.
She wanted Beca.
Not as a friend or as a contractual partner.
Like, wanted wanted.
Kinda maybe totally obsessed with, to be honest.
But she couldn't say anything - she couldn't just tell her, because how awkward would it be if Beca didn't feel the same way?
So she pulled up the videos from the day before, grinning as she watched her friend look all grumpy and jittery in the background of the camera's focus.
Stepping forward.
Wrapping an arm around her.
Pulling her close as she leaned towards the interviewer to tell her that-
"Chloe! Where do you keep your dishtowels?"
Chloe looked up, across her crowded sitting room, past where the fake boom operator and the real boom operator were locked in a heated round of the Real vs. Fake Flip Cup tourney.
Further still, to where her Coriolis co-star was leaning her head through the dining room doors.
"It's in the- oh, jeez, hold on, I'll grab it," Chloe replied, jumping up and pocketing her phone.
She'd had some drinks.
She probably shouldn't send anything anyway.
December 6th
I keep getting naked in front of you on purpose and you haven't gotten naked in front of me ONCE and it's not fair because I want to at least see your nipples before I suck them into my-
Chloe didn't even finish typing that one before she deleted it.
One glass of wine, two hours of doom-scrolling, and about six thousand words of steamy fanfiction were apparently all she needed to almost tell Beca that she wanted to pin her down and make her beg for mercy or more or both.
She navigated out of her messages to her home screen, but there they were, cuddled up in the backseat of a sleek town car, cropped awkwardly from a screenshot from Beca's IG post.
(If Beca was allowed to change her background, I am too, she had reasoned to herself when she changed it. She didn't even know if Beca knew that she saw it when they were in the car after dinner last month. She wanted to bring it up, but they were talking about Beca's emotional state, and that was way more important.)
She clicked on the IG app, went to search and found Beca was already at the top, waiting patiently for Chloe to select so that she could read the post-premiere caption that she'd already revisited 100+ times.
"we clean up pretty good, eh? — what a day. so proud of this woman beside me and all that she's done and will do, no matter what anyone says. therealchloebeale thank you for letting me in your life, you're my superstar."
Beca had posted it late that night, and yet the first phone call Chloe had gotten the next morning was from her manager Gail.
And the next morning.
She was quiet for a few days, and then the texts started coming in, in spite of Chloe's silence.
Chloe, give me a call when you can. We should comment on this whole "Beca Mitchell" situation. What are your thoughts on doing photoshoot together? I can have Jessica call around!
I'm sharing a link to a positive "It's All Good, Baby" review!
*link*
Do you think Beca Mitchell would consider extending our agreement? I'm fielding a lot of positive calls about the two of you! Reminds me of the Chlo-cago days!
Chloe, give me a call when you can!
Did you read the Gerwig script for the fall project? Apparently Pugh got double-booked, so you have a good shot at it! Shoot for the stars!
Jessica just told me Beca Mitchell came to the set. You should have told her, because she could have had some photos done!
Can you tell Beca Mitchell to post about Y?
Just realized that we don't have anything lined up for Q1 or Q2 yet, how the time flies! Thoughts? I think a break would be well-earned but ill-timed!
Chloe sighed as she remembered them all.
And then she reached over into her bedside table and grabbed her vibrator, only to disrupt Binxy from where the kitten was cuddled up against her side.
"Sorry little one, but momma's gotta take matters into her own hands," she sighed as Binxy jumped up and dashed away, skittering across the wood floor and into the hall.
Chloe thumbed a button, and a familiar bzzz filled the room.
She closed her eyes and attempted to clear her mind.
And when she couldn't shake her thoughts away from Gail and her impending career decisions, she reached back into the nightstand drawer and felt around for the MP4 player.
Because as much as she had issue with "Anastasia Steele, The Character"…
anastasia steele The Playlist was- well.
That one had proven itself very inspiring.
December 8th
I really wish you were here with me. Or that I was there with you instead.
She almost sent it, because Las Vegas was not her thing- or, it wasn't anymore anyway.
Last year - maybe even six months ago, if she was honest with herself - she would've been partying it up with young musician's other famous friends, probably partaking in the free favors.
Instead, she was nursing a watered-down vodka cran in a crowded booth, hiding her phone and the text she hadn't sent.
"Emily!" someone shouted, and Chloe looked up to see the birthday girl herself step back into the room.
She excused herself from deep in the booth and worked her way through the group, sliding through and wrapping her arms around the younger woman.
"I think I'm gonna head out," she shouted over the music. "Thank you somuch for inviting me."
"Thank you for coming!" Emily Junk replied with a self-conscious laugh. "Really. It's so cool that you're, like, even here. I know that you said that we're friends-"
"-because we are!" Chloe cut in.
"I know, I know," Emily relented. "I just- it's just really cool of you to come. Hey, did you talk to Beca about coming over to A Capella? I know that I'm technically not supposed to know that they met, but Cynthia Rose has been putting off our writing sessions because she was waiting to see if Jesse can get Beca to-"
In a flash, Chloe glanced around them, seeing more than a couple phones up, recording the glamorous party.
You never know who's listening in, in a town like this.
Wait, we're in Vegas.
Whatever, L.A. is a state of mind.
She winced and pulled Emily away from the other party-goers, just slightly, back towards the door.
"I've been trying to stay out of it…" she said, but then she trailed off.
She knew that Beca had met with Jesse after she'd had sent Beca's song last month.
All Beca had said before she went away for Thanksgiving was that the meeting had gone well but that there was some legal stuff that needed to be worked out.
Chloe didn't know how much she was allowed to ask about.
So she didn't ask at all.
"I just really want to work with her," Emily practically whined. "I know the other artists do too."
Chloe bit her lip.
"If it comes up, I'll ask her what she's thinking," she said finally, and Emily's expression brightened.
Somebody shouted, and out of the corner of her eye, Chloe could see the sparklers of the approaching bottle service. She gave the young musician a quick hug before pushing her forward.
"Go," she said. "Happy birthday!"
Emily started to say something back, but one of her friends caught her by the arm and hoisted her forward, into the middle of the celebration.
Phones went up, flashes on as they all started taking photos and videos, and Chloe watched with a practiced smile.
She finished her drink in one go after they sang.
And then she slipped out and into the lobby, pulling her phone out and navigating to the messaging app.
She clicked out of Beca's thread and into Jessica's.
Hey, Jess, she texted. I think I'm going to take off tonight instead. But enjoy the rest of your night! You should just wait and come back on the jet tomorrow.
Then, she clicked over to her contacts and found the car service that they used.
She'd have to pay a premium, but that was okay.
She just wanted to get out.
Because clearly she wasn't a Vegas girl anymore.
December 11th
Hey, you're like the only person I know that's definitely not going to be talking about the Golden Globes tomorrow, and I just really don't want to deal with it this year. Can you please come over and watch The Pacifier with me tomorrow? Also I got you xmas presents!
This time, Chloe didn't hesitate in pressing send.
She'd spent the last two days in a non-work whirlwind, which was unusual for her. She got all her presents and did some other shopping for her holiday trip to Portland, thankfully not putting it off any longer than needed.
Then she'd gone to dinner with Stacie and Bree again last night, because the pair was about to leave on a three-week trip to Singapore. They'd stayed up late at the couple's place, laughing and joking in a freeing way that Chloe had desperately missed.
Chloe had given them tight hugs after she gave them their presents - a twin pair of coaches whistles, individually engraved, which was a long inside joke about how both of them claimed to be in charge, always.
They asked about Beca.
Chloe tried to dodge the question.
Stacie pushed, and Chloe admitted that there was possibly something there - on her side, but also in the way Beca looked at her, in the things she said.
Aubrey expressed concern, typical worrywart.
But Chloe wasn't too surprised when Stacie gasped excitedly and pulled out her phone.
She scrolled over to something, then switched over to the other couch, falling into Chloe's shoulder as she held the phone out.
It was pulled up on a gallery of photos- photos of her.
Of them.
Photos that Stacie had apparently been holding onto, since the day Lodge came to the studio.
"You have to look at these other shots," Stacie gushed. "I didn't even sell one, did you know that? They were, like, too personal. Look at that one! Like geez, get a room!"
Chloe's phone buzzed in her hand in the present, today, here, and she checked her messages.
i still have to work this week including tomorrow, but i can come over after? Beca had sent back.
The dots popped up, then went away, then popped up again.
or i could come over today?
Chloe felt her deep smile etch itself into her cheeks.
Out of habit, she clicked back to the home screen, but all she found there was her and Beca in a different picture now, one that was just hers and no one else's.
One with breathless grins aimed at each other as they crossed an L.A. sidewalk.
She clicked back into the text.
I mean, are you doing anything? she sent.
Then, thinking better of it, she added, Because I'm not busy.
But then she just kept on thinking, and she started texting again.
I don't really have dinner or anything, she wrote. We could go out? Or I could go pick up something.
She stopped herself from rambling any further, but only barely.
It was like she couldn't help herself. She missed Beca, with a kind of visceral pull from her chest, and now that she knew that she wanted her, that she wanted to be with her, she couldn't even type out a simple message without getting all giddy.
She just wanted to tell her!
But not tell her.
She couldn't tell her.
Because they were basically (self-proclaimed) best friends.
Whatever, she'd deal with that. She'd figure it out. This romantic connection was better, if they were both into it. She just needed to make sure Beca was on-board, and then she'd go for it.
But the larger issue was that the whole point of all this - the Sundance weekend - was still looming a month away.
And even though the relationship had probably already served its purpose of keeping Chloe in the news, she wanted to make sure this all went according to plan. It was the only way to make sure that Beca didn't feel like she did anything wrong, if things went all cattywumpus.
No, better to wait until after Sundance.
That way, if Beca didn't feel the same way, they could take some time apart and then be friends later.
Chloe would get over it.
Probably.
She glanced back down at her phone and saw that Beca had texted her back.
yeah, i could come over, Beca sent back. i could just pick something up on the way?
Chloe giggled out loud, but then she sighed.
If Beca comes over here, I'm gonna do something weird, she thought to herself. Like, I'm not going to be chill. I'm the opposite of chill right now.
She chewed on the edge of her lip.
Actually, can we go out? she typed. I'll buy. And I promise we'll go somewhere low-key.
sure, Beca sent back quickly. it'll be good to get out. just deal me the deets.
oh god that was lame, came next.
Then, before Chloe could text, one more came through, i'm turning into you.
Chloe let herself laugh, loud and carefree.
Nobody made her laugh like Beca Mitchell did.
God, I wish I just wanted to screw her and get it over with, she thought desperately.
But this feels like a whole heck of a lot more.
"This is your idea of low-key?"
Chloe winced as she pulled into the crowded parking garage next to the old movie theater.
It was an eclectic-looking building, with juts of decorative steel and weathered dark wood. There were only a few small theaters in it- tiny old things, with sardine-packed seats arranged into eight rows instead of twenty. There was also a large outdoor screen that stretched over a sprawling dirt patch, filled with second-hand couches and shoddy cafe table arrangements.
But neither of those types of places would be their destination tonight.
Chloe glanced over to Beca in the passenger seat of her SUV. Red shirt, blue jeans, and a black leather jacket covered in patches.
Perfect for karaoke.
Not that she knew what she had dressed for, but Chloe had, when she put on her faux black leather pants and red and pistachio striped sweater shirt that matched her floral-sleeved bomber jacket.
They matched, just a little.
Chloe pretended it didn't make her irrationally happy.
Which was easy to do, when Beca was grinning at her with her eyes all crinkly, like she knew she wasn't going to like what Chloe was proposing.
And honestly, she probably wouldn't.
"We're not going to a movie."
"Oh, so that packed movie theater that's literally the only thing open for miles, that's just a ruse?" Beca shot back with a smile.
"It is," Chloe nodded.
"Enlighten me, then."
Chloe took a deep breath.
"I've been here before, on Sunday nights, with Stacie and Aubrey…" she said slyly.
"Uh-huh…"
"… and it's not a movie… it's karaoke."
Beca laughed out a single, loud bark of a laugh.
"No way, Beale!"
"It's, like, super fun," she tried to explain. "And they have the best pad thai I've ever eaten. I already called in the food because I know you trust me."
"Of course," Beca laughed.
"-and we don't even have to stay long!" Chloe went to wrap up the sell. "Because they're chill, but someone will inevitable post about it, and then the crazies will start showing up. So we get in, we hang at a table in the back and listen to some fantastic singers- who knows, you might even be inspired. We eat, we sing like two songs tops, and then we're gone! And then you can have your presents, because they're in the back! Pleeeeeease pleasepleasepleaseple-"
Beca sighed and brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose, and Chloe stopped pleading.
"Did Jesse put you up to this?" Beca asked.
"What? Jesse Swanson, from A Capella?" she replied excitedly. "No? Why would he want me to take you to karaoke?"
"Nothing, forget I asked," Beca blew out in a huff. "Karaoke. God, Beale, you have the most ridiculous hobbies."
But she was smiling.
That was the thing that Chloe was holding on to, the fact that Beca was smiling through whatever she was thinking about - her apprehension, maybe? Her excitement? Chloe couldn't tell.
She knew that Beca Mitchell wouldn't be caught dead in a karaoke bar, most days.
But today, she was smiling.
Maybe today was different.
"One hour, tops?"
Chloe felt herself nod like a bobblehead and tried to reign in her neck.
"And you'll sing?"
"Oh, totes," Chloe agreed. "I'll sing whatever you pick out for me. I mean, it'd be really fun if we sang one together too-"
Beca laughed dejectedly.
"Get a couple drinks in me, then we'll see," she sighed again. "Besides, my Christmas presents for you are so cheesy that I probably should be drunk when I give them to you, so yeah. Sure. One hour. I don't want to have to, like, fight a crazy stalker or anything."
"Okay but that would be so hot," Chloe breathed out before she could stop herself.
Shoot, she thought. I'm making it weird.
Or am I being normal, flirty Chloe?
Is it still normal if I really mean it now?
Did I mean it the whole time?
She surreptitiously wiped the sweat off her upper lip. She wasn't used to this! She hadn't, like, pursued someone in a while. Especially someone that she was trying to feel out, but with a longer timer.
Like, on a film set, she could flirt and hook up right then and there, maybe within two days, if that was something that she felt like doing.
It was all on a pretty fast turnaround, because it wasn't like they would be around each other for long.
But knowing that she had serious feelings for Beca and that she planned to act on them sometime later, like in a month, Chloe felt like she didn't even know what to say to Beca.
Another benefit to karaoke - I don't have to talk.
Which means I might not hit on her as much.
When Chloe finally looked over, Beca just grinned as she shook her head.
"You've been spending too much time with Stacie," the producer teased as she pushed open her door. Chloe tried to hide her silly (and slightly deranged) smile as she did the same, rushing around the car to catch up to Beca.
And she really wanted to, like, touch her.
Not like that!
But it'd been weeks since they'd been together, and Beca didn't even hug her when she got in the car.
She cleared her throat, and Beca spun around.
Her jacket flew open, and her hair fanned out, the wide curls bouncing lightly as she spun. Her dark eyes shone with the dimming, dissipated light of a cloudy L.A. dusk.
And that smile- that one that she got, that wasn't a smirking or grimacing, but actually smiling, all her teeth peeking out between cheeks pulled taut.
God, Chloe thought. What a smile.
Keep it casual, Beale.
You can do this.
You were born to act.
Beca tilted her head when Chloe still hadn't said anything, and the actress coughed awkwardly.
"We should hold hands," she said finally, purposefully off-handedly, like she hadn't been the one to stop Beca in the first place to say it.
"Ya know, so it looks legit," she tacked on.
You were born to be super weird and make awkward passes at your best friend that you're kind of in love with.
Wait.
Holy hell.
Did I just think love?
Chloe distantly registered Beca pursing her lips.
"Sure," she said easily, holding her hand out for Chloe to step up and take.
"I got no problem holding your hand, Beale."
Yep.
That's love.
That's ooey-gooey, heart-pounding, soul-shaking love.
Chloe could feel her pulse thudding against her ears as she stepped forward, reaching out and slotting her fingers between Beca's.
"So are you warmed up?" Beca said casually as they walked towards the building.
"Because I'm thinking we hit 'em with some Brittney Spears."
"Baby can't you see? I'm callin'. A guy like you should wear a warning. It's dangerous; I'm fallin'."
The crowd erupted into cheers, and all the sound echoed around the wide lobby bar. The wood-panelling might have soaked up some of it, had the crowd not been especially pumped, and Chloe immediately slipped into Performance Mode, letting the sultry guitar dictate every slide and twist of her hips.
She threw a wink towards their table in the back, and she heard the now-somewhat-drunken Beca Mitchell howl in excitement.
It'd been a little over an hour, but Beca didn't seem to mind the wait for the karaoke queue once she starting getting into the swing of the place. The pad thai was even better than she remembered it, and thankfully their table had been tucked away, so while Chloe was sure that people knew that they were there, no one had approached them or bothered them with photos or anything.
Though that was probably going to change, now that she had called attention to herself.
Especially like this.
"Too high, can't come down," she continued to sing as she gave a little twirl. There were a few people crowding the front tables - more now, and all with their phones out and definitely recording, but whatever. She was allowed to cut loose every once in a while, especially since she hadn't in a long time.
And she wasn't even blitzed out of her mind this time.
But as she transitioned into the chorus, throwing in a few extra hip pops and body rolls for good measure, she realized how much fun she was having.
She swore she didn't have this kind of fun before, when she was getting wasted every weekend with Hollywood's elite.
She was stone-cold sober, and she was having the time of her life.
This fun was different.
She was different.
And her company was different, too.
But her company wasn't stone-cold sober. Beca might've been apprehensive when they walked in, but Chloe knew she was having fun now too- maybe more than she'd had in a while.
She'd finally relaxed after shot number two and serving number three, laughing when Chloe teased her about how she was a lightweight.
"It's cheaper," Beca grinned earlier. "Plus, I'm old now. I'm ancient. I'm 26."
"And what does that make me?" Chloe shot back with a scoff.
Beca narrowed her eyes.
"Timeless," she had exhaled excitedly.
Onstage, in the heat of her performance, Chloe turned towards their table to wink or wiggle or just look at her date again, but their table was empty.
She glanced around the room nervously just as the second verse was about to start- but she didn't have to for long.
"It's getting late to give you up," a second voice picked up over the speaker, and Chloe spun around to the karaoke host stand to see Beca frantically climbing the stairs. "I took a sip from my devil's cup. Slowly, it's takin' over me."
The crowd doubled in excitement, and any phones that weren't out already were taken out then, pointed squarely at the couple as they sang together.
Chloe smiled broadly as Beca spun, shirking her jacket off her shoulders and dipping forward, towards her, with dark wild eyes and that grin that stretched from ear to ear.
Chloe took the highs, and Beca ran the lows, and together they made it through the next chorus of the song with incredible skill. Chloe danced towards her, and Beca grinned even bigger as she groaned out a growling, rough ad-lib in the vamping section.
The music cut, and Chloe hit the line, "Taste of lips, I'm on a ride!"
The music came back, and the last chorus started.
Chloe felt herself move outside of her own volition, behind Beca, pressing her body against Beca's as they moved together.
But Beca just spun away with a low chuckle into the mic.
"Intoxicate me now, with your lovin' now, I think I'm ready now," Beca hummed, and Chloe had to move her mic away so Beca wouldn't hear her moan.
She stared as Beca's lips as she took the high option on the repeated phrase, and with one more burst of modded strings, the song came to a close.
"That was Chloe Beale and Beca Mitchell!" somebody said, and Chloe blinked.
Oh em gee.
We're still at the karaoke bar.
The karaoke host stepped between them, handing them their jackets as she wrapped an arm around both of their shoulders.
The crowd banged their tables and screamed.
Oh em gee.
There are other people here.
"So as much as I would love an encore performance, you two lovely ladies should probably take your leave," the host warned through a slightly manic grin. "It's about to get buck wild up in here."
Chloe nodded, still feeling like she was in a trance.
"Seriously, I wouldn't even do selfies or autographs or anything," the emcee continued quietly, off-mic. "I would just bail. There's a side door right there."
Something moved quickly in her periphery, and Chloe glanced over to see a large security guard pushing someone back, away from the small set of stairs to the raised stage.
"Oh, shoot," she huffed out, and she felt the karaoke host and Beca turn to look too.
"Okay!" the host shouted, pulling her arm from around Beca so the mic was back at her lips. "What we're not gonna do is be crazy! These two amazing performers have a plane to catch, so everybody say 'thank you'!"
A chorus of shouts and grumbles came back in response, and Chloe felt a tug on her arm as she was pulled across stage, to the side where the karaoke host had gestured earlier.
A burst of cold air hit her as they stepped outside.
"Wow!" Beca shouted. "God, that felt good! That was so fucking cool!"
Chloe laughed breathlessly as the younger producer started to do a quick-stepping skip towards where they had parked.
"I've never done that," Beca went on excitedly.
"Never?" Chloe teased back.
"Not once," Beca replied with a giddy grin. "Not even a little. I love music, and I can sing fine, whatever-"
"That was more than 'fine,' Ms. Mitchell," Chloe cut in, and Beca just laughed.
"Says you, maybe!"
"Uhm, did you hear that screaming crowd?" Chloe retorted. "That was all you!"
"Oh, and that had nothing to do with an incredibly hot and talented redhead who was eye-fucking the entire crowd?" Beca scoffed, letting out a loud, long sigh. "That was insane!"
Incredibly hot.
She called me incredibly hot and talented.
Chloe, baby, you knew she was attracted to you, her brain tried to remind her.
Shut up and let me enjoy this! she scolded back, and the other voice fell silent.
"I never knew why people did that. I used to hate performing," Beca went on as she stumbled into the car. "You know, when I met with A Capella and Jesse, and I tried to explain, he didn't get it at all. He didn't know why I didn't like being a deejay after a couple years. Being onstage, it's, like, so exhausting, but that didn't feel like that at all. That was way better. I get it now."
She laughed loudly.
"I can't believe that I have to tell that little prick that he was right!"
"Who, Jesse?" Chloe asked, attempting to sound casual as she started the car and made her way out of the garage.
She really wanted Beca to keep talking.
You should stop her though, her conscience cut in. She's obviously drunk, and she hasn't told you about this before. You're taking advantage of her.
"Yeah, from A Capella," Beca confirmed with another chuckle. "They're really cool over there. Did I say thank you for setting that up? Because thank you. They're way less pretentious than those fuckin' nerds at Residual. And they're smart too. They're so fucking smart, and I just- yeah. They're good people."
Chloe grimaced as she finally let her conscience speak up.
"You don't have to tell me. Especially if you're, like, not allowed to tell me," she said as she turned onto the main road, starting their journey back to Beca's.
"I'm not telling you nothin'!" Beca went on. "I'm talking to myself. Had a lot to say, but wound up talking to yourself. Do you know that song? Because that's like exactly what you're going through. And me too, kinda. It's like I'm at this age where I want to be so mad at younger me."
Chloe tried to follow each of Beca's thoughts, but they were all jumbled together, so she just picked up on the last one.
"Why?"
"Why am I mad at Baby Beca?" Beca sighed. "Because she signed a fucking four year non-compete with those dicks. And for what? What did I think would happen? I mean, I couldn't afford a lawyer, but that should be fucking illegal!"
A non-compete?
With Residual?
But if she signed that…
"So you can't go work with A Capella?"
"Not as a producer," Beca replied. "But boy-wonder over there has a plannnnn."
That caught Chloe off-guard, and she took a deep breath as she focused on the road in front of her.
She really, really wanted to ask Beca what she meant. Because non-competes were no joke, so Jesse had to have a good idea of what Residual's non-compete agreement would prohibit Beca from doing.
Like producing, apparently.
What had happened, what had they talked about, what was the plan?!
But her heart wouldn't let her.
She didn't want to jeopardize the future that Beca had in music - especially if it meant that Beca was going to be working with people who didn't treat her like crap - by asking Beca to explain something that she clearly wasn't supposed to be talking about. She'd been on enough hush-hush projects to know that one word to the wrong person could put the whole thing at risk.
And she desperately wanted to be the right person for Beca.
"I owe it all to you," Beca said somberly, and Chloe glanced over to see Beca was staring at her with dark, wide eyes. "I can't tell you what we're doing, but you did this. This is all you, and I get that now. I get everything now. It's actually kinda funny. They're gonna leak the song."
She stopped talking as she burped, holding a hand to her mouth as she lurched forward slightly.
"Are you okay?" Chloe asked suddenly. "Do you want me to stop?"
Beca waved her off, and silence descended over the car.
Chloe was white-knuckling the steering wheel as she held her tongue.
They were going to leak the song?! The song that Beca sang with her, the one that she loved and had listened to probably ten thousand times?
And Beca was cool with that?!
Didn't Residual own it? And wasn't Beca all, "this can't get out"? And now they were just going to put it out there?!
"They already have someone to blame, b-t-double-u," Beca over-enunciated. "So neither of us will get in trouble or anything. It'll probably come out after Christmas. Apparently it's aaaall part of the plan."
And Chloe couldn't hold back any longer.
"Well I don't know what this 'plan' is, and I know I don't get to know, but if it means more people get to hear that amazing song, I'm on board with said plan," she said quickly. She pulled up to a stoplight and turned to face Beca.
The producer had slipped her leather jacket over her arms, backwards, like a blanket (or a Snuggie…) and pulled her leather-covered hands to her face, so the sleeve tubes were pressed against her cheeks, smushing her face together.
"Plan," she murmured.
Chloe swatted at her arm, and the producer grinned as she laid her arms out to her sides.
"I'm just really proud of you, you know that?" Chloe said seriously, still smiling at Beca across the console.
"Green light," Beca interrupted, and Chloe huffed as she resumed focus on the road.
"I believe in you, and I support you, and I-" Chloe said, and then she stopped.
Because she was about to say, "I love you."
In absolutely the wrong way.
In that way that people said it when they were, like, four years in, when everyone knew it to be true and knew that the other one would say it back.
Casually, like a universal truth.
"I love you, and a sauna is hot, and isn't this a wild world, how crazy is it that we found each other?"
But they weren't four years in.
They weren't even four months in.
And half of that time was fake, or at least contrived.
"I can't wait to see what you do next," Chloe said instead. She slowed, pulling off to the side of the one-way road and then into the parking garage under Beca's building. She veered out of the drive lane and put the car in park, turning to Beca and donning a small grin. "I'm going to be there every step of the way."
"Okay, Sappy McSapperstein," Beca teased, and Chloe stuck her tongue out in response.
"Imma go get your presents."
"Wait, can I come up?"
"Nope," Beca said loudly as she opened the car door. "Messy. No way."
Chloe felt her expression transform into a powerful pout, and Beca yelped and covered her eyes.
"I won't fall for that stupid beautiful pout!" she exclaimed. "Stay here!"
Beca dashed out of the car before Chloe could stop her. She crossed to the sleek, modern elevator lobby and disappeared inside, leaving Chloe with her own thoughts.
The I love that Beca feels comfortable enough to relax around me, even if she has to drink a little thoughts.
The post-karaoke, Beca has a sexy voice thoughts.
The Beca might have a new job soon thoughts.
The Beca thoughts.
They were all-consuming, wonderful things, things that made her feel like she was seeing colors that didn't exist before, like her memories were bright and beautiful instead of sepia-toned and burnt around the edges.
Her heart felt like it was going to burst in her chest as she thought about all the awesome things that Beca had going for her, that would be available to her when she was out of an environment that took her for granted.
She was just so proud.
That Beca that she had re-connected with in August, that angsty but also shy and lost woman, she was starting to fade away. Even last month, when Beca had come to visit her on set, and she was so hurt because of those jerks - that was different than who she had been before. Because being sad was better than being dejected, or apathetic, or angry. Being sad meant you could admit something was wrong. And that's what Beca had known then, that something was wrong. Something that could be fixed.
And now, it seemed like maybe she was ready to fix it.
Just like she was, Chloe realized with a start.
She'd been starting to make the career change before Beca came into her life - she knew something was wrong, and she wanted to fix it - but now, here, she finally felt like she was on the right path with her projects. She knew she was going to figure it out and do the things that were right for her.
She didn't have this manic, tendril-like desperation to get out and change anymore.
She was just going to do it.
And Beca was a huge part of that.
For believing in her - especially when she didn't even "get" movies - and for sticking up for her and pushing back against this media machine that Chloe felt like she was always fighting.
For making her see that Gail wasn't serving her needs that well.
For being there, when everybody else had other motives.
Beca helped her tap back into some part of her that she felt like she lost along the way, and she loved her.
I'm in love with her.
The door at the elevator lobby opened back up, and Chloe glanced over to see Beca returning, awkwardly and poorly trying to conceal something grey and decently-sized with her coat.
She turned before she got to the door and opened it sideways, holding her present off to the side so Chloe couldn't see.
"So I didn't wrap it, obviously," Beca said, and then she huffed. "God, this is lame."
"I bet it's not," Chloe chastised softly.
"Well, then buckle up, buckaroo, because you're about to be proven wrong," Beca sighed loudly. "I chugged some water upstairs also, by the way, so I'm not gonna die. Okay I'm just gonna start talking."
Chloe nodded and mimed zipping and locking her lips, and throwing away the key, and she held back a laugh as Beca rolled her eyes playfully.
"I didn't know what this was going to be when I agreed to it," Beca started slowly. "I didn't know why a beautiful, seemingly wonderful woman like you needed a fake relationship. Now I know it's because you're a total weirdo."
Chloe felt her eyes bug out, and she mimed desperately looking around for the imaginary key, the one that she had used to lock her lips, but Beca just held her pointer and thumb up, like she was holding it.
"Nuh-uh," the producer teased.
Chloe exhaled roughly through her nose, like a snort, and Beca chuckled.
"Yeah, you're weird as hell," she sighed. "And that's really cool. I meet a lot of fake people, and you, Chloe Beale, you are about as authentic as they come. I'm really glad we got to know each other."
She pulled the present from behind the other door, and Chloe finally saw it.
It was a planter, small, like it was for a big succulent or a small snake plant, and it was a pig.
It was stone and shallow, which meant that it would probably not be the best for a couple of her smaller plants, but pig!
It was shaped like a pig!
Laying down and looking up, like a fat little angel!
And as Beca handed it to her, she saw there was something in it-
She pulled it forward and saw there were tiny bottles of Maker's Mark in it.
Four of them, little shooters, with little wax tops.
"Before you squeal or aw or something, I want to say something else," Beca said quickly. "You- uh, look, I'm just gonna say it, I'm just going to think the words and then say them out loud. You changed my life."
Chloe lowered the pig planter and looked up at Beca with wide eyes.
I changed her life?
"Yes, Chlo, you changed my life," Beca rolled her eyes.
Did I say that out loud?
"You changed the way I think about things," Beca went on. "You made me famous, which - yeah, whatever, right? It's like you said, it doesn't really mean anything on its own. But it gave me the balls to be me again. I'd been, like… drowning. Work was killing me, and my coworkers were so lame, and Amy was Amy, and I just let myself be stepped on and stepped over, over and over again. It was pretty dark. I wasn't, like, happy. And I didn't know what to do about it. You pulled me out of that."
She heaved a rough breath.
"You're, like, a really good friend," Beca said finally. "A best friend. My best friend, And now I'm considering this massive career change, and honestly, i'm going to need you around, which really sucks."
Chloe let out an involuntary squeal in protest and grabbed for the imaginary key in Beca's hand, but Beca yanked it away.
Chloe didn't give up, though, and after a moment of leaning forward and wrestling with Beca as the producer yelped, she wrapped her hand around the producer's and "grabbed" the key, beginning the process of un-restraining her lips.
"I just mean it sucks because it feels really uncomfortable, I like having you in my life!" Beca rushed to say as she shielded herself from Chloe's rage.
But Chloe wasn't angry.
She took a deep breath and let it out.
"You're my best friend too," she said- hoping her tone wasn't too resigned.
Because yeah, they were best friends.
But she wanted to be more.
"And thank you," she said, gesturing to the gift.
"Oh, those? Whatever," Beca shrugged. "I just grabbed this stuff over the last couple weeks because it reminded me of you. The Maker's reminded me of the premiere, of how you should, like, let loose sometimes. Not party, but, like, stop being so hard on yourself. Plus they were cute, and that just seemed like a thing you would like. And the planter…"
She shook her head as she looked away and smiled.
"You can't get a pig yet, so, I don't know, I got you a stand-in."
Chloe stared at the gifts in her hands, feeling the pricks of tears in the corners of her eyes.
She tried to blink them away.
It was like Beca had reached into her chest and gave her heart a hug.
"I don't know what to say," she said aloud to Beca, and the producer scoffed.
"That's a first," she teased.
"No, seriously, like why are you so sweet?" she whimpered. She knew there were tears streaming down her face now, and she made a move to wipe them before Beca got all weird about it.
"You're welcome," Beca said quietly, and Chloe glanced over to see Beca was giving her that grimace smile, the "I'm uncomfortable but I'm dealing with it, aren't you proud of me?" smile.
Chloe sighed roughly as she wiped her eyes again.
"Your presents are in the trunk," she said with uneven breath, and this time she let the resigned tone come through fully.
"They're not nearly as personal, and I'm mad at myself about it."
Beca narrowed her eyes a bit before she turned away and went to the trunk. Chloe opened it from the front seat, and then looked up, dropping the visor mirror so she could check her eye makeup quickly.
Great, it's a mess.
She wiped under her eyes and at the outside corners frantically, desperately trying to smudge the dark makeup away.
She was making little to no progress when Beca returned to the open passenger door with the golden wrapped gift, complete with a bright white bow.
"Why is it so heavy?" Beca grunted as she set it on the passenger seat. "What the fuck, Beale?"
Chloe giggled, because the box almost looked bigger than she was.
Which obviously wasn't true, but when Beca had to stand on her toes to look over it at Chloe, she giggled harder.
"Well open it!" Chloe urged, and Beca sighed.
"I already have a microwave," she teased, and she started untying the bow and ripping off the paper.
Chloe laughed as she pulled the paper away, lest the envelope that was tucked in there got lost, and Beca laughed loudly when she saw the Snuggie Sherpa box revealed.
"It's not blue like mine-" Chloe tried to explain, "-but I promise it's just as comfy."
Beca's laugh echoed in the concrete parking garage around them as she doubled over, and Chloe tutted.
"I looked for an extra small, but apparently it's one size fits all," Chloe huffed. "It's probably going to be huge on you."
"It's perfect," Beca got out between laughs. "I love it."
Something like relief flooded through her as Beca's laughs faded into a dreamy smile.
"Seriously," the producer said. "I'll probably wear it all the time."
"Here," Chloe followed up quickly, tossing Beca the envelope that was tucked inside the wrapping paper. "This is the real gift."
Beca's smile turned quizzical as she took the envelope from Chloe's hands, and Chloe watched as she opened it slowly.
She opened the card, sliding the resort confirmation to the side so she could read the message.
Glad I wrote that before I realized I was in love with her, Chloe thought quickly.
She had agonized over what was too much and too little, but she ended up just saying that her life was better with Beca in it after explaining the gift.
"You got me a trip? To the Maldives?" Beca asked skeptically. "For next week?"
"I… did, yeah," Chloe winced.
"With flights and stuff?"
"If you want to go - like if you don't have other plans, I mean - you can take the jet that I use for my travel," she said. "I already told Jess, so she's already expecting you on the 21st. And so is the resort, and the restaurants and the spa and stuff. But we haven't really talked about Christmas that much- I knew you were staying in town and getting dinner with Fat Amy, so I just figured… anyway, it's for two, so you could take her with you. You two deserve a break. And I know we never, like, actually paid you to date me, so I'm just trying to say thank you-"
"Chloe, this is too much," Beca cut in.
Chloe watched the producer as she grimaced, working her jaw over itself.
Well, might as well try to explain.
"It's- ugh," Chloe scoffed. "It's not. It's a thank you. You changed my life too. In fact, all that stuff you said about me, I feel the same way. I was really scared to do all the new movie stuff, even though I acted like I wasn't, okay? My friends were supportive, but I don't think that they didn't really think I could do it. Like, Jessica didn't want me to, and Aubrey was worried that I was throwing away a good thing. And we both know Gail didn't believe in me at all- and then she was going to make me do this fake dating thing, and I knew it could go so badly."
She looked away as she thought about it - about Gail setting her up with some jerk who thought he was entitled to all of Chloe, like Chicago, like the way that he became.
And then she looked back at Beca, leaning halfway over a giant Snuggie box.
"And I thought of you - this cute, awkward, gay producer-"
-that I'm totally in love with-
"-and I knew I could trust you," she went on, ignoring the invasive thought. "I don't know how I knew, but I did. You've been a steadying force for me. I'm glad I trusted my gut."
She sucked in a deep breath and reached out, placing her hand over Beca's on the box.
"So thank you. Please take this gift, because it really doesn't mean that much to me except that I'm giving it to someone I-"
-want to see smiling for the rest of my life-
"-really care about," she finished, eyes locked on Beca's dark, stormy eyes that were shining with unshed tears too.
God, Chloe thought to herself.
How am I going to stop myself from kissing her?
She looked away and sucked in another deep breath before she jokingly added, "I mean, Fat Amy is the best. We wouldn't even be friends without her, like she deserves this."
Beca chuckled softly, and Chloe was pulled back to her gaze, to those deep blue eyes, the depths of which she knew she couldn't fathom.
"Fine," Beca hummed. "Thank you. I have a suspicious inkling that Amy will make herself available for an all-expenses paid trip."
Chloe let herself giggle in response.
"I don't know how to thank you," Beca said stiltedly. "This is, like, insanely generous."
"I'd take one of those world-class hugs," Chloe replied slowly, metered, paced and casual and only a little bit desperate.
"Oh, sure," Beca replied sarcastically. "'World-class', huh?"
She moved to walk around the car, and Chloe opened her door and met her halfway, by the hood.
"Thank you," Beca said seriously, and Chloe felt herself swallow as the producer reached out, wrapping her arms around her.
Immediately, Chloe went into sensory overload. Her body folded into Beca's, pressing every inch of herself into the smaller body, pulling tightly and gripping firmly on the hemmed leather of her jacket. Her bomber was thinner, and she felt Beca run a comforting hand over her upper back.
She pressed her face into Beca's hair- no hair spray this time. Just sweet, and floral, and a hint of that perfume that drove Chloe crazy enough that she'd found herself googling woodsy amber perfume.
She breathed in again.
And Beca.
She smelled like Beca.
She pressed a kiss into her hair, holding her there a moment longer before stepping back.
"Anyway," Chloe said forcefully. "If you want to move the reservation, just let me know. I can fix it so you can go anytime. Otherwise, just have fun. You deserve it."
Beca shook her head.
"I don't think I deserve it at all - any of it," she scoffed as she walked back around the car. "Maybe the Snuggie."
Chloe smiled as she made her way back too.
"I-" Beca started to say, then stopped. Her expression was more pensive than before, and Chloe felt her head cock sideways. "I'll always be here for you. It's no problem. You don't have to keep thanking me or giving me really awesome gifts or anything. I want to be here. And this isn't like a post-amazing-gift thought either, I've been thinking it for a while. We're friends, okay?"
Chloe felt her smile turning into her "so happy it's sad" frown again, and she nodded through a fresh wave of tears.
"Okay," she agreed. "Same. Merry Christmas, Becs."
"Merry Christmas, Chlo."
December 25th
Chloe pressed post.
She gave it a second to load, then clicked over to review it.
The photos were all there- another one from the backseat that she'd begged Beca to send her, where she was teasing Beca, and Beca was rolling her eyes.
Another from the street too, when Chloe was holding the door for Beca, grinning madly at her.
And her favorite- Beca with a curious Binxy on her chest, the dark cat stretched up, rubbing her nose against Beca's cheek.
And then she checked the caption.
"Got the best present this year," it read. "I don't care what bought us together - I'm just happy you're mine."