Once again, the ghosts did something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters. Just some fluff that entered my tiny little brain.
Corsets And Candles
"I swear it should not be almost eighty degrees in the middle of fall," Sam groaned as she took her laptop outside to sit at a nearby table.
"Don't knock it Sam. This is great!"
"What?" Sam looked up to see Trevor nearby. He was standing near a section of the woods, bathed in light. His eyes were closed and he was enjoying himself.
"What are you doing out here?" Sam asked.
"Enjoying the light. There's a shaft right here through the trees. at this time of year. It's one of the few areas of light where Hetty won't go," Trevor explained as he looked at her. "Being outside and all. And most of the other ghosts are too busy watching TV to bother me."
"Oh yeah," Sam realized. "Hetty just discovered this new program Corsets And Candles. It's set in the Gilded Age."
"I know. She bought everyone else's TV time," Trevor grumbled. "I just didn't feel like her lording it over me again so I went out here and found…This…" He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun. "Aahh…Warmth feels so good…Especially when you don't have pants."
"This has been an unusually warm Fall," Sam admitted.
"Global warming has its upsides," Trevor admitted. "Especially since I'm down a lot of backrubs thanks to Hetty's tricking me."
"Didn't you kind of trick yourself?" Sam asked.
"That's it," Trevor groaned. "Kick me while I'm down. Why did I listen to Hetty? I should have known better. I admit it. That woman's a shark. If she was at Lehman Brothers, she'd have been CEO in no time."
Sam paused. "I think Hetty taught you the right lesson for the wrong reason. Yes, she was manipulating you for her own selfish needs, but…She was right. You do care about your friends. Friends are important to you. That's what you value more than anything."
"That's a little corny don't you think?" Trevor gave her a look.
Sam went on. "Trevor when I first met you, I thought you were just some arrogant frat bro who thought only about himself. But as I got to know you…I've noticed that there's a lot more to you than you pretend to be. You have a side to you that's kind and selfless. And I think that's more important than all the back rubs in the world."
"Definitely corny," Trevor smirked. "But it's nice of you to say."
The light faded from where he stood. "And the shaft is over," Trevor sighed. "But it was nice while it lasted. I mean it's no warm chair but I'll take what I can get."
"So ghosts like light?" Sam mused.
"Of course, we do," Trevor walked over and sat down across from her at the table. "It permeates our entire being. It feels so good…Oh well. At least I got some sun today."
"I learn new things about ghosts every day," Sam admitted. "Maybe I should be paying more attention to that? If only to tell Jay about it. He's obsessed with ghost stuff. Maybe he's right? The wrong person did get this power."
"I'm glad you did," Trevor smiled. "I mean…Despite the uh…near death thing. Again, my bad. Total accident."
"I should be working now," Sam told him. "On my new idea for the business."
"So what's this latest plan to get people to Woodstone?" Trevor asked. "Maybe I can help? Come on. Run it by me."
"Well, I had a few ideas," Sam said. "A wine and cheese tasting night. Try to get local people to come to Woodstone and see the place."
"Local people visiting Woodstone Mansion?" Trevor remarked. "I hate to tell you this Sam, but this place kind of has a reputation. And not just the haunted stuff. From what I've heard and seen the Woodstones burned a lot of bridges over the years. Most locals want to stay as far away from this place as possible."
"This is a chance to change that," Sam told him. "We could have a high tea. Ooh! How about a Winter Wonderland fondue party? Or a dinner party? Or a cocktail party?"
"Basically, your idea for advertising is throwing a bunch of parties?"
"Pretty much," Sam admitted.
"You're not completely wrong," Trevor pointed out. "I mean parties are great and if you do them right, they can be memorable. I'll give you that. But they have to be epic parties. And can you afford that right now?"
"It doesn't have to be an epic rager," Sam told him. "Some wine. Some cheese. Some nice music…"
"Sam, do I have to remind you about the last party you threw here?" Trevor looked at her. "On Halloween? Complete and total bust!"
"That was because it was last minute," Sam told him. "If we plan things right, we might be able to throw something together…In six months. Or more."
"Uh huh," Trevor folded his arms. "You know I can help you plan a party, right?"
"I'm not looking for a recreation of a scene from Animal House, Trevor," Sam gave him a look.
"Hey! I threw a lot of classy parties in my day too you know?" Trevor told her. "Granted my ragers were more memorable. But I've done my share of sophisticated evenings too! I mean you can't have a wild party with strippers if you're entertaining your bosses and their wives. Especially if some of those wives used to be strippers."
"Seriously?" Sam looked at him.
"That happened a lot more often than you would think," Trevor shrugged. "Honestly I'm shocked that didn't happen to David."
"Okay so this bed and breakfast thing hasn't exactly been going the way I thought?" Sam groaned.
"I have to admit Sam," Trevor remarked. "Since you opened the B and B, things around here haven't been boring. Weird but definitely not boring."
Meanwhile Hetty and the other ghosts were watching TV. "This show is so boring," Sasappis groaned. "Why did we sell our TV time for this?"
"For a lot of backrubs," Alberta reminded him.
"It wasn't enough," Sasappis grumbled.
"You are free to not watch and leave!" Hetty bristled.
"There's nothing else to do!" Sasappis told her.
"Then be quiet!" Hetty ordered. "And bask in the glamor and culture of a superior time."
"I would not call the Gilded Age a superior time from my point of view," Alberta told her. "The Jazz Age? Oh yeah, that was fun!"
"It's not all bad. I have to admit the costumes are fantastic," Isaac remarked as he sat next to Hetty. "And Lord Devonshire is easy on the eyes. But this is show is a tad slow in the plot department."
"It's boring! All these people do half the time is make conversation while making googly eyes at each other," Alberta groaned. "And the other half are people talking about land deals. Why did I sell you my TV time again?"
"Look I admit this isn't quite up to the level of Downton Abbey," Hetty sighed. "And I confess to a novice the land contract negotiations between Lord Devonshire and Emmet Mountjoybatten were a bit complicated. And a tad dry."
"Dry?" Sasappis looked at her. "They spent almost an entire episode the first season reading an entire contract from start to finish. Including twenty minutes on the terms and conditions."
"And we're only just starting the second of three seasons," Isaac groaned. "Thank God they only made three seasons!"
"The first season of a show is just setting everything up so you can get to know the characters and such," Hetty told them. "This is the first episode of the second season! Where Clarissa Mountjoybatten comes home from boarding school to a ball held in her honor where her father intends to wed her to Lord Devonshire. Now things are really going to get interesting!"
"Did I miss anything?" Trevor asked as he walked in with Sam. "I ask knowing that I didn't."
"Bunch of boring rich people doing boring rich things," Alberta told him. "That's it."
"Why did you let her buy out your TV time?" Trevor asked.
"For the backrubs, duh!" Pete remarked. "Who doesn't want a few hundred extra backrubs?"
"See Trevor?" Hetty smirked. "Even Peter understands that wealth is everything."
"Hetty, don't you think that your obsession with wealth is one of the reasons you're stuck here in the first place?" Sam asked.
"Nonsense Samantha," Hetty waved. "Without wealth, what is one's purpose in life? Oh. I'd forgotten to whom I'm talking to. Now quiet. Clarissa is just about to meet Lord Devonshire!"
On the screen was a huge beautiful Gilded Age ball taking place. "Lord Devonshire," An middle aged man spoke up. "I introduce to you my youngest daughter Clarissa who has returned from Paris. With her are her cousins Rosalind Mountjoybatten and Edwina Edington-Eddington."
"Lord Devonshire," A lovely young woman wearing a beautiful ballgown stood in front of two other women in ballgowns. "I have heard so much about you."
A very handsome man stood before her. "And I you, my dear. I look forward to having you for dinner."
"You mean at dinner?" Clarissa asked.
"No," Lord Devonshire suddenly bared large fangs. "For dinner!"
Hetty blinked. "What is happening?"
Suddenly several of the guests also revealed giant fangs. Lord Devonshire strode towards Clarissa. Only to be knocked back by an arrow in the shoulder.
"Ooh, that's gotta sting," Peter winced. "I should know."
A scruffy man wielding a crossbow came out of the shadows. "Sorry your lordship," He said sarcastically. "The lady already has plans!" He started shooting more arrows at the monstrous guests.
"What the devil is Gameskeeper Grimbsy doing there?" Hetty shouting.
"It looks like he's shooting vampires with a crossbow," Alberta remarked.
TWACK! TWACK! TWACK!
"Yup," Alberta nodded. "That's what he's doing."
"Ladies," Clarissa said to the girls as she pulled out a wooden stake from her dress. "Let's show these people what we learned in Paris!"
The girls ripped off the bottom of their dresses to reveal sexy shorts and thigh high boots. Then they started attacking every vampire in sight.
"Oh my," Pete blinked. "Season Two has taken an unexpected turn."
"Hetty you were right!" Thorfinn laughed. "This did get interesting!"
"Sometimes it does take a full season to get into a show," Sasappis snickered.
"WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS?" Hetty shouted.
"Well, those people are all vampires," Trevor explained. "And those chicks are running around killing them all…"
"I MEANT FIGIRATIVELY YOU BARE BOTTOMED BABOON!" Hetty shouted.
"Oh, right I remember now," Sam realized. "The ratings weren't good so they decided to turn this show into one of those vampire TV series."
"WHAT?" Hetty snapped. "That information would have been useful before I bought everyone's TV time Samantha!"
SQUISH!
"That's an interesting way to use a serving spoon," Pete winced.
"Gadzooks," Isaac winced. "I've seen battles that weren't this bloody!"
"Hey is it me?" Sasappis pointed. "Or does that one vampire look a little like Creepy Dirk?"
"Oh yeah," Thorfinn nodded. "He does! Obviously Creepy Dirk does not have fangs."
SHOCK! THRWWACK!
"RARRR!"
"And neither does that vampire now," Pete winced. "Ooh! Eyeball! Eyeball! Gross!"
"Where did Clarissa get an ax?" Trevor asked.
THWWAACK!
"There goes Lord Devonshire's head," Sasappis quipped.
"Now this show really getting good!" Thorfinn cheered.
"OH MY GOD!" Hetty recoiled in horror.
"Okay this show has officially jumped the rails," Isaac blinked.
"Technically the term is jumping the shark," Sam corrected. "It means when a TV show does something wildly different and uncharacteristic to change it's popularity."
Sasappis blinked. "Why shark?"
Trevor explained. "Because it refers to an episode of a TV show when a lead character actually did jump over a shark."
Pete realized something. "Oh right. That episode of Happy Days. Fonzie did jump over a shark. I remember watching that."
"How do you jump over a shark?" Sasappis asked.
"You use water skis," Trevor explained. "Wait isn't that the same show that introduced Robin Williams as an alien, had a teenage ghost who kind of dated Fonzie, had the gang hang out with celebrities all the time, and had Fonzie go blind and get his sight back within one episode?"
"It is," Pete nodded. "Gosh when you put it that way…Jumping a shark sounds pretty typical for that show."
"WHO CARES ABOUT THAT TV SHOW?" Hetty shouted. "I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH THIS ONE!"
THWACK!
"Look at how far that head flew!" Thorfinn laughed. "Right into the punch bowl!"
"I gave up over eight hundred back rubs for this?" Hetty shouted.
"Eight fifty," Thorfinn spoke up. "Three seasons of this show. Remember?"
"Just figured out why there isn't a fourth," Isaac remarked.
"Sorry Hetty," Alberta shrugged. "No refunds."
"AAAAAHHHHH!" Hetty screamed in frustration. "Well, it least this show can't get any worse."
On screen Clarissa and her group were surrounded by vampires. Suddenly the sound of Irish music was being played. "It's the Irish Vampire Hunting Brigade!" Clarissa cheered as several people doing Irish step dancing stormed in.
"It just got worse," Sasappis quipped as the Irish dancers gleefully killed off vampires while dancing.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!" Hetty stormed out of the room through the walls.
"Why leave?" Thorfinn called out. "Show finally getting good!"
"I guess even Hetty makes mistakes with her backrubs," Sam remarked.
"I feel better now," Trevor grinned.