SOUTH PARK BELONGS TO TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE
This fanfic is the continuation of another story of mine called "Coon and Friends Return". If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, in order to know what is going on here.
"I don't see Kyle anywhere." Sheila observed through the window of the co-pilot seat, squinting like a hawk.
"He texted to me, he said he'll be here in a minute. There's a lot of traffic." Ike replied.
"He'd better be..." He heard her mutter.
Yes, if Kyle missed his little brother's high school graduation, he could say goodbye to his life. Sheila would make sure about it. It was a very important moment for the family, so he had to stop goofing around and get his ass in there.
Only Ike knew the truth. If Kyle had been drinking and wasting his time with anal things, he would have been upset not to find him there, but he knew he was late because at that moment he was disguised as the Human Kite and solving a little problem. He wasn't that far away: he was under their feet, to be exact, keeping the Crab People at bay. The other guys, Stan, Kenny, Wendy, Token, Timmy, Tweak, Clyde, Craig, Scott, Jimmy, they were with him as well. So Tricia Tucker and Karen McCormick were also most probably wondering why their older brothers were not there with them in such an important moment.
Ike smirked. They would be there soon. Kyle told him. It hadn't been that much of a fight, actually: the Crab People were such weaklings the problem with them was their number, rather than their strength. It was all under control, Craig, Kenny and him would be there in time. He just had to help him lie to their parents in the meanwhile.
"Huh, listen to this, Gerald: the Freedom Pals save ninety people from a collapsed building." Sheila was looking at the screen of her phone with a scornful smirk. "That's just nice: taking the police and the firefighters' jobs."
"Well, they are much quicker and a lot more efficient. They are superhuman, you know." Gerald said, and Ike was glad they had such good publicity.
"And doesn't that scare you? Years ago, we were worried about robots replacing us; now it is those...freaks!" Sheila replied.
"I thought you liked them. You said we needed people like them."
"Maybe at first, when South Park became a pit of crime and indecency, but now people rely too much on them. Don't you see, Gerald? Soon they will start taking too many liberties, since they are the 'heroes'. Also, who does anything in this world without being paid? Who goes around with their face under a mask? No, no. I don't like them. Not one bit."
Ike couldn't help smiling at that. Of course, even the best received negative reviews sometimes. Just the other day, he had seen a video on YouTube by the PC children, in which they analyzed the Freedom Pals and decided they were problematic (oh, the opprobium!). He hadn't watched it, just seeing its thumbnail was enough not to take it seriously. Who did? They were just kids who had too much free time. There was no problem. The public opinion was overwhelmingly good. One just couldn't please the whole world.
They arrived to the school. Ike hopped out and put on all that attire that he found ridiculous but made his mother tear up. He had to take a million photos with her, with his dad, with both of them (and again Sheila nagged about Kyle not being present to share the torture), with his friends, when they spotted them. They almost got to the ceremony late.
He and his classmates were escorted to their seats. Both his mom and dad were recording. His father exchanged comments with Karen's father, who was dressed, like his wife and older son, with his best attire (who would have told). It seemed Kevin had been given permission from jail to attend. It was a very important moment for the McCormicks: only Karen had managed to graduate from high school, and Ike had been told she had been accepted in a good university. Of course it was a very special moment.
The anthem was sung, Sheila kept looking around nervously—or maybe more furious than nervous. Kyle still wasn't anywhere to be seen.
The representative of the Student Body started her speech. Ike didn't listen to her. Most probably no one did. He looked around, made faces at his friends, glared at Firkle Smith for tapping his cigarette and letting the ashes drop on his gown (to which he responded showing him the middle finger), took a few selfies.
Then, he felt it. A breeze, coming out of nowhere. He turned his head and looked into the distance. A human figure, carrying two other people, had just descended from the sky and ran to hide behind the school, out of everyone's sight. Ike smirked. There they were. And yes, soon after that Kyle, Craig and Kenny showed up, dressed for the occasion, and joined their families.
"Sorry, I'm so sorry. There had to be an accident or something like that, what a nightmare!" Kyle excused himself, sitting in the seat his mother had reserved for him.
"You should have left earlier." Sheila reprimanded him. But she soon forgot it, because this was no moment to reprimand him—she had the rest of the year to do that.
The others didn't seem to have any problem joining their families. Kyle felt a bit of jealousy about that. He was the one who was being still treated like he was ten. But he forgot about it too, because Ike was now a grown man, and he couldn't feel prouder.
The two brothers exchanged a look. Kyle put his thumb up to tell him everything went fine.
Karen also noticed Kenny's coming and her smile grew so wide.
They got just in time for the diploma handout.
"Jessica Adkins. Miguel Aguirre. Brooke Atkinson..."
Everything was going so desperately slow. Ike puffed and swung on his tip toes, checked his phone, and was reprimanded for it.
"...I couldn't take that street. It's a wreck after the zombie nazi attack, remember?" Kyle was whispering to his mother.
"Yes, they should make those Freedom Pals pay double for the things they break...But that's no excuse, young man. Ike was here punctually for your graduation." Sheila shook her head.
When they finally heard Ike's name, it felt like eighty years had passed.
"Ike Moisha Broflovski."
"Oh, my little boy!" Sheila changed completely, becoming a sobbing mess when she saw her baby climbing the stairs to receive his diploma. Maybe for a moment she didn't believe he would make it, since he paid far more attention to social media than his studies, but there he was! And soon he would go to college, and find a great job, and a nice house, and would get married and give her many grandchildren!
Kyle didn't go that far, but he still clapped until his hands burnt so much he could no more. It didn't have to be easy, being the Freedom Pals manager and a high school student, but he had managed perfectly. Ike was so amazing and he was so, so proud of his little brother.
Kenny and his family went even further. When the name "Karen McCormick" echoed through the yard, the McCormicks stood up and wooed so loud all people present turned their heads toward them.
"THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! THAT'S MY BABY DAUGHTER!" Carol yelled, clapping like she wanted the break her own hands.
"TO ALL OF YOU WHO SAID NO MCCORMICK WOULD EVER GRADUATE FROM SCHOOL, FUCK YOU AND EAT MY ASS!" Stuart shouted, shaking his fist in the air.
"YEAH, AND IF YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY, SUCK MY DICK!" Kevin joined him, placing a hand on his groin.
Only Kenny was silent, he preferred to save his sister a bit of embarrassment and just clap and whistle enthusiastically. Surely Karen was thankful for that.
Compared to them, the rest of the families seemed like church mice, even dull.
"That was a little embarrassing, guys..." Karen dared to say when she reunited with her family.
"Who cares? High school graduation only comes once-in-a-lifetime, honey. We are so proud of you." Carol placed her hands on her daughter's face and filled her with kisses. She reeked of alcohol.
"You're the first in the family to make it to college." Stuart nodded, embracing her.
"I'll try not to disappoint." Karen smiled, returning the hug dearly.
"You've never disappointed us, sweetheart. You've done much more than all of us together...Especially more than your idiot brother Kevin."
"Look who's talking, the jobless, drunk piece of shit!" Kevin protested, and seemed about to give his father a slap.
"Don't start, you two! It's Karen's graduation! Behave like human people for once, for fuck's sake!" Carol protested.
They were back at it again, as it usually happened every time Kevin and dad were in the same room together. Kenny shook his head and took Karen aside.
"Congrats."
"Aw, thank you, Kenny." Karen gave him a hug. "I was worried you wouldn't come. Where were you?"
"My boss' an asshole. But here I am. Do you really think I'd miss your big day?" Kenny smiled sweetly at her.
"...Y-You know? I should feel relieved this is over...But now I've realized...This is just the beginning...Now I'm an adult. In a few months I'll go to college...It's a completely new thing, and it's so far away from here...I'll be alone..."
"Don't be scared. You've showed you can do anything you set your mind to. You can face college, adulthood and anything in your path."
"You only say so because you're my brother." Karen smiled.
"Of course, but I really believe it. By the way, now that you mention college...I got you a present for your graduation." Kenny handed Karen a closed envelope. When she opened it, she found a good amount of dollar bills.
"B-But Kenny..." The girl counted them with her eyes wide open.
"College is expensive, so I want to contribute."
"But Kenny...This is too much money. This must have been months of work for you...I can't accept it!" Karen tried to return it, but Kenny shook his head.
"It's yours. If I kept it, I'd probably spend it on alcohol, girls and shit. You'll make a much better use of it. Just...don't tell Mom and Dad, or Kev. Just in case."
Karen sighed and wrapped her arms around Kenny to hug him tight.
"I love you so much..."
Kenny smiled. If she had known that just a few hours before that body she was hugging had been torn by the claws of a big Crab Person...
...Yes, 'Guardian Angel' would always be there for her...
"So, everything okay down there?" Ike asked Kyle when they were too left alone for a second.
"Fine. No problem." Kyle interrupted himself to make a gesture at Craig, who was posing for a photo with Tricia. 'Another one for Tweek', Mr. Tucker was saying...Even though it seemed his children had had enough photos. Craig's face was practically shouting that he preferred dealing with the Crab People than posing for one more photo.
"I got the news about a fire in the cinema, but Fastpass and Call Girl are already there. They understand you're not..."
"What are you guys muttering?" Sheila, of course, had to meddle.
"Just video game stuff." Kyle smiled.
Sheila gazed at each of them for long.
"Yes, I am very sure of that..." She said before getting into the car, off to celebrate Ike's graduation at City Wok.
"Don't be so suspicious, Sheila. They just talk about their common interests, like all siblings do. At least Kyle's not kicking Ike anymore." Gerald said to his wife as he started the car.
"Yes, I know, they are spending so much time together lately—I should be happy that they get along..."
Sheila didn't finish the sentence. She didn't get to share with him that big 'but' inside her head...
Thanks to Fastpass' speed and Call Girl sending the victims and the cinema screens messages that got the people out of there, the fire in the building caused no casualties. Their intervention was applauded and, while Jimmy was used to it, being a stand-up comedian, Wendy still blushed at it, as if she was still a newbie and hadn't been doing this for two, almost three years. She grabbed her partner and they both ran away with the speed of the lightning, their job being done and escaping from those who usually pounced on them with too intimate questions, allegations and even wanting them to advertise their products.
Jimmy stopped near Stark's Pond and there he felt free to remove the helmet that covered his face.
"Phew! First the c-crabs now this. And I thought were we-we-were too many he-heroes!"
Wendy didn't reply and Jimmy turned towards her, just in time to see her bend down to vomit.
"Oh. S-Sorry."
"No, it's not the...speed." Wendy replied, spitting. "I haven't been feeling very well lately."
"Have you had a d-doctor check you? Maybe it's a flu."
"Maybe...Mornings have been a nightmare lately..." Wendy told Jimmy, letting her hair loose and removing her eye mask. "And I feel so, so tired."
Jimmy went quiet then, eyebrows furrowed.
"And..."
"Yes?"
"H-Have you felt your tits are sw-swo-swollen?"
Wendy looked at him like he was some kind of pervert.
"I mean, I have observed they d-do look bi-bigger..."
"And what does that have to do with anything?..." Wendy asked, a hand on her hip, definitely not going to answer to that observation.
"No, it's just...Do you know Mercedes, the Ra-Raisins girl?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, one day her ti-ti-tits started growing so much we thought she-she had underg-go-gone surgery and eight mon-mon-mm-months later, she was squeezing a baby out of her va-va-vag..."
Wendy raised her eyebrows. "Are you suggesting that I might be pregnant?"
"Ha-Have you and Stan used protection when you...?"
"Of course we have! I don't let him touch me without a condom first!"
"Well, co-condoms are not 100% effective. 80-90% actually. It can break, acci-accidents may ha-happen...That's why I combine different methods, just to be safe, when I'm with a girl."
"I am pretty sure none of that has happened! ...That I know of..." Wendy's expression changed, and she crossed her arms. "...The truth is...my period is coming late..."
Jimmy pressed his lips and opened his eyes much. Yes. Wendy thought the same: it looked...pretty grim.
"...I should get a test...Just to...be sure...Because if I am...I shouldn't be acting the heroine!"
"Yeah, and Stan ne-needs to know he's going to be a dad."
"Sure...But don't say a thing! Promise me, Jimmy! This is between you and me! Don't tell anyone, ANYONE! Not even the other Pals! Don't even let Timmy hear it inside your brain! Understood?"
"Of c-course! Who do you think I am?" Jimmy held his head up high and swelled his chest with all decency.
It was not that Wendy didn't trust him (although screwing lots of girls surely didn't make him a gynecologist). It was just that...If this was confirmed...It would be so big...She couldn't fight with a baby inside of her! She couldn't keep defending South Park any longer, being a mother! So young! She had barely finished her studies! She had barely had the time to get a stable life...She and Stan hadn't even talked about getting married...Now they had to, hadn't they? Like, if it was confirmed...Thinking about it made all the typical symptoms show, making her head spin.
A child! Her!