The truth behind the lie
* A bit of a darker chapter
Emma rolled over with a low groan the next morning, the slight throbbing in her temple serving as a reminder of the cider from the night before,
"Damn that stuff was strong" she murmured to herself, throwing some painkillers down her throat, she didn't want to admit that her emotional state the night before might also have had an effect on how she was feeling that morning, it was far easier to just blame the cider, it had definitely been strong and was the cause of her next problem, as she had been feeling a little woozy and more than a little emotional when she had left Regina's house the night before she had decided to leave her car behind and carry on running on foot, of course that meant that she would have to return to Mills Mansion that morning to retrieve it.
Thankfully her decision to park on the street made that a much easier feat than it would have been if she had chosen to put her bug on the drive, she didn't even pause to look back at the house before she started the engine and moved off intent on creating as much space between herself and Regina as she could until she had managed to get her head straight, but if she had have paused to look back then she might have seen Regina standing in one of her big upstairs windows sadly watching her go.
Two Coffees and a large burger later Emma was feeling much better, her headache was gone, and she was able to fully emerge herself in her work forgetting about the night before at least for a little while, her forceful reminder came in the form of a phone call,
"Storybrooke station, Sheriff Swan speaking how can I help you?" she asked putting on her best professional voice,
"Good afternoon, Sheriff, I'm calling from the mayor's office, mayor Mills kindly requests your presence at a meeting with her this evening" Regina's receptionists voice filtered through the phone,
"Please inform mayor Mills that I am so busy today that I'm going to have to decline her kind invitation, but if she has an important message feel free to call back and leave it with my deputy" Emma replied sweetly, the receptionist thanked her for her time then hung up and Emma still none the wiser as to what Regina actually wanted carried on with her work until the phone rang a second time, she began to repeat her introduction when she was abruptly cut off,
"Emma, I need to talk to you" Regina stated,
"I've already told your receptionist that I don't have time to talk, anything work related you can discuss with David, and he'll pass on any messages I need to know about"
"Please Emma" Regina pleaded, but the dial was already ringing in one long monotonous beep, Emma had hung up.
She answered the phone to the mayor twice more before she refused to answer the phone anymore assigning that task to Mulan who was working in the station with her that day and instructing her to tell Regina that she was too busy to come to the phone if she called again, which to Emma's immense frustration she did.
Emma couldn't face going home after work that evening, so she changed at the station and went to the rabbit hole instead, it was a Sunday, but she didn't care she was determined to get bladdered anyway.
She went back to work nursing an even worse hangover the next day but that didn't stop her returning to the rabbit hole again that night,
"I think you should call it a night sheriff" the barmaid smiled kindly after Emma's what was it her seventh or Eighth bottle of beer? She didn't know truth be known she'd stopped counting after her fourth,
"I can handle another" Emma insisted swaying gently where she stood,
"I don't doubt that you can" the barmaid winked "I just don't think you should try, should I call you a cab home" she offered,
"No, I'll walk" Emma sighed conceding defeat and taking a slightly wobbly walk towards the door,
She fell asleep fully clothed on the sofa that night knowing but not caring that she would pay the price the following morning.
The next day was a bad one, Emma had forgotten to set her alarm so she woke up late feeling terrible, she didn't even have time to take a shower before changing and racing from the house, she was glad that it was her turn to patrol that morning because her lateness might go unnoticed and by the time she had to show her face in the station she had already recovered from the night before if anybody had known that she was late beginning her patrol that morning they didn't say so when they greeted her early that afternoon, the only redeeming factor of the day was that Regina seemed to have gotten the message and had finally stopped calling the station to try to talk to her.
Emma didn't have so much luck when she turned up late the following morning still looking the worse for wear despite the shower that she was forced to take despite waking up late from another night out, because she stank and her hair looked rank, and the coffee that she had drunk on her way to work,
"This has to stop Emma" David insisted looking at her with concern in his eyes, "look at the state of you, I don't know what's happened since Saturday and I won't pry but I am here if you need someone to talk to"
"Thanks" Emma murmured her embarrassment flooding her cheeks red,
"I think you should just go home for today, you can't work like this, take a sick day and catch up on some sleep, and Emma" David added his concern giving way to a stern look that made Emma feel a little like a child being told off by her father "please don't go to the rabbit hole tonight, whatever this problem that you're struggling with is you won't find the answer to it in there or at the bottom of any bottle" he said wisely,
"I won't" Emma sighed turning to leave "and thank-you David" she added over her shoulder "for understanding and not judging"
"We've all got our demons" David smiled "you just need to find a more constructive way of battling yours"
"And I will" Emma promised pushing the door that she had just walked in through and exiting the building again.
An incessant knocking woke Emma from a peaceful slumber later that day, she blinked slowly her eyes adjusting to the dark, she must have slept for hours for it to be so dark already, the knocking had stopped so Emma moved to roll over and snuggle deeper into her blankets not quite ready to be up and awake yet but before her eyes could drop closed the knocking sounded again,
"Damn it" she groaned swinging her legs out of the bed and padding towards the rickety old stairs "this had better be good"
As she made her way to the door Emma had to admit that she was feeling better for her long sleep even if the banging was incredibly irritating to her, so much so that she threw the door open without checking who was there, but whatever she was going to say to her evening visitor got stuck on the end of her tongue and she saw who was standing there and she immediately regretted her haste in opening the door,
"Finally," Regina sounded relieved "can I come in?" she asked pushing past Emma and into the apartment without waiting for a reply, Emma inwardly groaning closed the door in her wake,
"We need to talk" Regina said turning to face Emma from where she stood next to the tiny kitchen island,
"We really don't" Emma sighed shoving her hands into her bed shorts pockets with a casual shrug,
"Then will you at least hear me out?" Regina asked "I've owed you an explanation for a long time and I'd very much like to give it to you"
"You don't owe me anything" Emma replied glancing down at her feet unable to meet Regina's eyes,
"Please Emma" Regina pleaded,
"If I hear you out, will you leave and stop trying to call me at the station ten times a day?" Emma asked,
"Yes, I will" Regina readily agreed,
"Fine" Emma sighed "but I need a coffee first" she said turning her back on Regina to place a cup under the machines spout adding some instant coffee and hitting the button to boil the water "can I get you anything she asked as she retrieved the milk adding a splash to her coffee once, she'd removed from the machine,
"A coffee would be lovely thank-you" Regina replied, and Emma nodded, silently making another.
Then Regina settled on the sofa while Emma took one of the nearby armchairs placing her mug onto the coffee table not too far from Regina's,
"I know you feel betrayed Emma" Regina began,
"I feel betrayed because I was betrayed" Emma said a little more harshly than she had intended, she felt a little guilty when she saw Regina flinch back at her words,
"I know" Regina replied, her doe eyes round and sad "but please believe me when I say that I didn't mean to hurt you that way"
"Why would I believe anything you say?" Emma asked defensively, averting her gaze from Regina's, "You lied to me"
"Because we aren't kids anymore, we live in the same town, we practically work together, my son loves you, because I want more than anything to make things right with you and you still feel something for me, and I don't think it's all hate" Regina listed "they're all good reasons so take your pick"
"And what makes you think that I feel anything good towards you" Emma asked glaring back at her through narrowed eyes, how could she be so presumptuous, the mayor of this town certainly seemed to think a lot of herself, but that Emma thought that was Regina Mills for you,
"Because we were getting on so well together and because of this" Regina spoke quietly her eyes growing softer, as she shifted forwards in her seat and reached out towards Emma the feather touch of her fingertips grazing against the exposed skin near Emma's throat making Emma's breath catch and her palms sweat, damn body betraying her again she thought as Regina gently lifted the chain around her neck freeing the little silver swan pendant from its hiding place wedged against Emma's breastbone,
"You're still wearing it after all this time" Regina murmured her thumb tracing the outline of the swan sending shivers through Emma's body, "and I have to believe that that means something good" she finished her eyes moving up from the pendant still resting in her palm until they found Emma's.
"Yes, well it was the only real thing that I had from those few days we spent together" Emma replied gruffly, quickly breaking the eye contact and shuffling back deeper into her chair so that the chain fell from Regina's gentle grasp landing back in place with a light bump against Emma's chest, "And it reminds why I should never trust anybody ever again" she added for good measure,
"You don't really believe that do you" Regina asked eyes wide with horror, the hurt clear in her eyes,
"Well, it's true isn't it" Emma retorted "The rest it was all just one big lie" angry tears gathered in her eyes,
"No Emma" Regina almost sounded pleading again now, "You didn't know that I came from a wealthy home, you assumed that I was like you, and I let you believe that because I wanted it to be true" Regina clenched her fists as she spoke her own tears beginning to fall now,
"You wouldn't have wanted that if you actually had to live it" Emma responded darkly,
"I know and I'm so sorry I hurt you Emma, that's always been my biggest regret, but wealth doesn't always equate to happiness, I may not have been a care kid like you, but we weren't so different you know" she added softly,
"Come off it Regina, you were a rich kid playing make believe but your make believe was my life" Emma shouted suddenly standing up and yanking her chain off, throwing it on the ground in front of a shocked Regina "I've changed my mind, that's just an illusion of something that I wanted to be real, I don't need it anymore" Regina flinched renewed hurt flashing across her eyes as she bent to pick up the chain and Emma immediately regretting her actions and harsh words stormed off towards the kitchen slamming open palms onto its surface, fuck why was this so hard.
"No" Regina replied from the sofa behind her, her voice barely above a whisper so Emma had to strain to hear what she said next, "I was rich girl with an awful mother who was trying to force me into a marriage of convenience with an old man" Regina shuddered at the memory "one designed to further her own wealth and power with no consideration for me or my feelings, you were my one bright shining light in the middle of all of that, because of you I found the strength to stand up to her and I got away, I tried to find you, you know" she whispered her head dropping as fresh tears began to flow,
"But you were sixteen years old" Emma gasped horrified, bile rising in her throat,
"I know" Regina murmured sadly,
"Sixteen Regina" Emma repeated struggling to comprehend what she had just been told "I don't know who's sicker" she continued "your mother for trying to sell you off like that or the old bastard who was happy to take you as his bride, my god Regina" suddenly overcome by her nausea Emma turned away and wretched over the trash can, she didn't miss Regina's next words though ones that sent tears flowing with the vomit,
"You were the only real thing I had to cling on to" Regina whispered, "I had always hoped that I'd find you again one day"
Emma continued to sob and vomit it felt like her stomach was turning in on itself and that the past few days of abuse were expelling themselves from within her all at once with the help of the repulsion that she was feeling towards Regina's mother and the man that Regina had been promised to at sixteen years old, she was still clutching the edges of the trash can body heaving painfully when she felt gentle hands pulling her hair back then once one hand had all of her hair securely out the way the other moved to rub gentle comforting circles on her back,
"I'm so sorry Emma, I really never meant to drag you into my mess back then and now I'm probably even more repulsive to you than ever" Regina whispered, and Emma sobbed harder, Regina truly believed what she was saying, and Emma couldn't let her, none of this was her fault
"It's not you that I'm repulsed by" Emma choked out "Never think that Regina, you were a kid, it's your mother and the sicko that she promised you to that repulse me, but not you, never you, not even when I thought I hated you" she shuddered and straightened herself up placing a lid on top of the bin to hide its contents from view before moving to the sink to freshen herself up a bit and sip her way through a small glass of water then she turned to face Regina who was watching her with quiet concern tears still wet on her lashes, she was holding her hand out palm up with something small and smooth resting in it, Emma moved forward for a better looking, gasping as she recognised the item for what it was and reached out to take it turning it over in her hands tracing her thumb over the crudely etched E on ice skates,
"You kept it all this time" Emma breathed in awe,
"Of course, I did, it's where I draw my strength from" Regina replied reaching out to take it back,
"Wait here a second" Emma replied excitedly getting caught up in the moment as she hurried off up the stairs and began to rummage around in her bedside table retrieving the item that she was searching for from within its depths, returning to Regina's side moments later and holding it out for Regina to see,
"You kept yours too" Regina smiled her heart swelling with happiness at the sight of her own stones second half, she raised her half to meet its twin bringing them together seamlessly for the first time in over twelve years,
"I'm so sorry Regina" Emma whispered renewed tears dripping from the end of her nose and splashing onto the stones that they held between them, "I've been so hateful for so long, can you ever forgive me?" she asked,
"There's nothing for me to forgive Emma" Regina replied, "I had days to tell you about my situation before my mother showed up, I didn't because I wanted to pretend that it wasn't real, the only reality that I wanted existed inside that safe bubble with you and I didn't want to burst It so I kept it all to myself, if I had have told you maybe you would have understood sooner, so don't be hard on yourself over this Emma, give yourself a break, you didn't do anything wrong you were hurt and felt betrayed because I chose to deceive you rather than face my reality and I'm sorry that it's taken this long for you to learn the truth, it's so unfair that while my betrayal cast such a shadow over your life, your strength and courage freed me from the shadow that had hung over mine. Because of you I didn't marry that awful man, I found the courage to escape from my mother's grasp and seek help, I got to safety and I was finally truly free for the first time in my life, I so wanted to find you Emma but I had no idea where to even begin to look, mother knew of course, back then she knew exactly where you lived but she wasn't going to tell me anything and by the time I found out for myself it was to late, years had gone by and you had grown and left without looking back" Regina sighed sadly, "And then I met Daniel and he was sweet, warm and funny, he wasn't you" Regina added earnestly "But he was my choice and I was his and then I had Henry, none of that would have been possible without you" she said suddenly moving closer to Emma and taking her hands inside her own, dark eyes still filled with earnest locking with green "Which is why it's so incredibly cruel that you had to suffer all this time how you have, it's me who needs to seek forgiveness not you" she said giving Emma's hand's a gentle squeeze, Emma taking an unsteady breath replied,
"Or" she swallowed and sniffed "we could both just agree that we were kids both trying to escape from sucky situations and that we are probably both owed a shit tonne of apologies from somebody but not from each other and start a fresh" Emma stated giving Regina a small watery smile
"I'd like that" Regina replied returning the smile and holding Emma's gaze until the blonde sniffed again and shifted her eyes to the coffee table where her necklace was sat its silver chain snaking in on itself,
"I can't believe I broke it" she choked out new tears springing into the corners of her eyes,
"It's not broken" Regina smiled reassuringly then dropping Emma's hands she moved to retrieve the necklace,
"You just pulled the clasps loop open, I've done it loads of times with my own chains when I've caught them on something" Regina shrugged "it was an easy fix, I bent it back for you when I picked it up off the floor" she was back level Emma now holding the necklace open ready to fasten around Emma's neck, "now lift your hair out of the way" she instructed moving into position behind Emma so that she would be better able to drape the chain around her neck and secure it into place the same way as she had first done it over twelve years before.
"There" she smiled stepping back to admire her work when she was done "back where it belongs"
"Thank-you Regina" Emma beamed so grateful that she suddenly pulled the surprised brunette into a hug, it was the most intimate physical contact that had taken place between the two since they had met again a fact that Emma seemed to recognise a split second later,
"Sorry" she mumbled stepping back to afford Regina some space "I shouldn't have done that"
"Don't be sorry" Regina smiled "I didn't mind at all but and please don't take this the wrong way, I know that my timings abysmal, I'm really going to have to get going now, my sister is watching Henry which means he's probably scoffed half a pizza for tea" she groaned and rolled her eyes "and no doubt he's eaten way to much sugar, so he'll probably be bouncing off the walls wearing nothing but his underpants and that helmet you gave him brandishing his sword at Zelena the dragon" she sighed and Emma burst out laughing,
"Well, I guess I know where the kid gets his creativity from" she laughed,
"Yes, well keep laughing and you'll be the one cleaning up the mess and settling him into bed tonight" Regina prodded Emma playfully in the ribs with her finger making the blonde laugh harder,
"Ask me nicely and I might just do that" Emma shot back completely straight faced once she had managed to regain to her composure, Regina contemplated Emma for a second with longing in her eyes and then shaking her head slightly she moved towards the door,
"I should really go Emma" she sighed a little regretfully "It's been a heavy evening and we both need some time and space to come down from that" she said,
"Yeah, your probably right" Emma agreed shoving her hands into her pockets with a heavy sigh of her own,
"But I do hope that you'll come by and visit us soon" Regina added throwing a small smile over her shoulder as she exited the apartment,
"You can count on it" Emma grinned moving to watch after Regina until she was out of sight before closing the door behind her.