Eyes looking up towards the doorknob, you could feel a knot tying itself in your chest as you fumbled with the keys fruitlessly.
Countless worried ideas and thoughts went through your mind. Did your brother get injured? Was he hurt? Dead, even?
…Maybe even giving up university for good?
You didn't dare let that thought stay in your mind for more than a few seconds, banishing the overly hopeful, rose-tinted memories of sharing a room, the both of you agreeing to stick together no matter what. Thankfully, that had mostly stuck true despite the distance, though you still missed him regardless.
Countless extremely late nights were spent just talking together, chatting or just watching a funny cat video. There was only so much to talk about from what you'd heard, University being the furthest thing from the 'fun' your mother described. Learning, knowledge, education and countless others there to befriend and 'hint hint' fall in love with.
Asriel rarely missed a night, always giving an understandable reason before or shortly after. With the internet going down, it became impossible to communicate quickly without a phone. Though before, hearing his daily struggle and blatant tiredness in the occasional video or call certainly didn't exactly help either, clearly noticing how he was progressively getting less and less sleep, usually due to a mixture of revision and talking to you.
Neither of you wanted mum listening into your conversations, which you both knew would happen if you tried it through the landline. It wasn't that hard to listen in on calls to the house phone, after all. Your own phone wasn't trustworthy, either - Knowing mother, she probably paid for some wiretapping spy-like device.
While that was a bit of an exaggeration, though admittedly not a lot in your opinion, it was never, ever worth the risk. Goat Mother was like some sort of demon at times, only able to be 'dissuaded' from the most absolute of punishments through methods most unholy, most foul…
Methods that would assuredly cause the church to perform another 'cleansing' on her, part of the mess of pranks that some in the town dubbed 'The Incident'. Though, personally, you preferred to refer to it as a 'little bout of tomfoolery'. The flurry of pranks during 'The Incident' caused residents to believe your mother was possessed, your very own written depiction of her unholy punishment methods getting her exorcised of the 'vocal demons' clearly plaguing her on the frequent.
While nobody was hurt, the mess had your mother doubling, then tripling down on her discipline methods. Soon, 'The Voice' was used more frequently, with her employing psychological warfare on your unprepared spirit, the longest night in aeons soon spent staring at the ceiling as your daydreaming intensified. Intense, unfathomable punishments such as going to bed twenty whole minutes earlier became more common, including the most intense punishment of all - The disgusting snail pie. While she acted like it was a normal meal, you knew the truth deep down - It was quite literally a method to torture your spirit, to punish your crimes and fill your mouth with slippery, slimy disgust.
When it came to the incident, akin to other times, her usual refusal to blame it on you fully, outside of 'teenage hormones and mood swings' certainly played a massive role in the multi-pronged attack on your former feelings of joy. Why, it felt like she had hired a team of crack, expert-level geniuses similar to the numerous 'Kris-Friendly' TV shows you and Asriel used to watch, where some kid would be given access to a bunch of 'experts' and in order to do the ultimate prank. Though this time, it was solely to find the most mentally harmful ways to get inside your head.
Admittedly, though, guilt had absolutely eaten at you at the time, only worsened by how your actions had seemed to strain the relationship your parents held even more, combined with how it finally annihilated Asriel's 'extremely risky last-ditch' attempts at avoiding University. From what you'd gathered he was close enough to talking his way out of it, at least until you both could go to the same place together. Asriel was always nice like that.
That 'incident' was one of many reasons your parents were divorced.
Why Asriel had been forced to leave home to go to a far-flung University.
Why, despite all the 'training' from Asriel, you still had no proper friends.
All of it was your fault.
Despite his desperate bonding attempts to 'help you flap your berdly-wings' before he left, his attempts to make some final great memories while helping you out…
You'd paid back his kindness by messing everything up.
Friendless, unhappy and a loner…
Only Susie, somehow, managed to bring you out of the constant 'nigh-depressive' state. The feeling had previously only been held back during the nightly talks with your brother, returning full-force once he had to go. Now, at least, you were quite happy. Cheerful. Giddy.
Excited? Absolutely.
Holding the keys to the 'castle', though admittedly it was more like a countryside cottage a Lord would spend holidays in, you slowly shoved it into the lock and unlocked the door.
"Welcome home, honey!"
Looking over her book as she sat down on her usual reading chair, your mother looked towards you with a mild smile. She seemed happier, somehow - Though you couldn't exactly piece together the specifics, it was probably something to do with why Asriel was back early.
"Did you have fun with your friend today? Oh - Asriel's upstairs, hehe."
Chuckling a little bit as she immediately used her psychic mind reading to check your thoughts from just a glance, she thankfully used said information to answer your desired question before you could make yourself sound stupid.
Just choosing to nod as you began to walk towards the stairs, your mother's smile seemed to get bigger, a contemplative look on her face as you moved.
"By the way, I just finished making a pie. It will be cool when you two get up."
It was quite obvious your mum wasn't particularly waiting for any response, nor did she really expect one. Just one of the very few positive 'side effects' of being the quiet loner-type. Still, at least now with your new friend(s), you'd no longer get forced to go to 'friend-meets' and other uncomfortable events your mother made you go on.
Walk quickly turning into a jog, followed by an outright sprint, you went straight for the first door that you assumed Asriel was behind - that of your room. Rushing upstairs, you shoved the door open, your mouth in a slight smile, though internally you were absolutely beaming.
"H-Howdy, K-Krissssss!"
Reaching out to hold you in one quick moment as he stuttered, you could clearly tell he was taken off guard by your sudden entrance. Those soft, fluffy white arms moved into the usual, rare hug, a light sob leaving your brother's muzzle slightly. Held tight, you happily relaxed as you held him close, your hand moving to lift up his shirt a bit so that you could hold your head in his chest fluff.
For more than a few moments you both basked in each other's presence, gentle smiles on your face as you held each other tightly, feeling your body gently shaking in your brother's hold. In fact, you held each other tighter than ever before, a clear indication of how you both utterly missed one another.
None but those you trusted entirely would be allowed anything approaching this complete and unmistakable sign of trust that held you in 'tickling position' - Not even Dadsgore or Mumsriel, as they'd both betrayed the both of you. Mother forcing Asriel off to University combined with Father's inaction had clearly left the both of you struggling. Perhaps 'betrayal' was a bit dramatic, though you still didn't trust them as much anymore.
You remembered the late night chats, Asriel struggling to keep up with the ever growing workload - growing rapidly as others unloaded their work onto the smart, all-too-caring goat. Though, like the caring brother you were, you could only comfort and offer him the occasional bit of, in hindsight useless, advice. Your words only seemed to worsen his situation, from the sound of things.
"I missed you…"
Whispering it out quietly, loud enough so your brother could hear, you couldn't deny the feeling of satisfaction that filled out your body, words causing him to almost glow from nearly visible, audible joy. It seemed, despite all this time, he'd somehow become more protective and attentive instead of what Toriel seemed to think.
Admittedly, though, you knew Asriel had quite a jealous streak at times. After all, there's a reason your friendship with Noelle never properly worked out…Outside of the blatantly obvious part you played in pushing her away after Asriel left, that is. Regardless, his jealousy made you feel quite warm, a sensation of soft joy at the clear care, love and usual intense focus your big brother had for you.
"G-Golly, uh, Kris - I thought you'd be out playing with your, uhm, friends. F-friend. Toriel said that, anyway."
Clearly seeming quite confused with what words to say, you went ahead and tried to correct his confusion the best way you knew how - By answering quick and swiftly! Brothers like you had to stick together, you knew that Asriel would be doing the exact same if your positions were reversed!
Explaining it as quickly as possible as he held you in his fluffy chest, you sobbed a little as you mentioned how much you'd missed him. It'd been so long, messages, calls, texts and the occasional video nowhere near enough to make up for the goat-shaped hole in your goat-shaped, horned heart. At that, he chuckled a little bit, moving back and kneeling onto his legs, eyes staring into yours happily, a bright, caring smile on his face.
"You w-won't have to worry about that anymore, Kris, alright? I'm h-here for you, n-now and forever."
Surprise flooded through your system as he spoke - Surely he couldn't mean…
Were you dreaming?
Today had been far, far, far too good, better than you could ever have possibly deserved.
You'd given up on friendships, withdrawn, hid yourself off, all because the best brother a human-goat could ask for left you. At any moment, you expected to wake up back in class, prepared to hear the mocking laughter of Berdly and the 'struggling-not-to-join-in' Noelle. She was nice, though it was clear not even she was immune to having a laugh at him, though now and again you admittedly shared a game with the blue bird. Not friends but 'fellow gamers', as that arrogant bird would put it.
"I-I've withdrawn from University - I'm staying here, Kris. I won't ever leave you again. I promise."
Opening up your hand as flatly as possible, you brought it back and slapped yourself in the face as hard as you could manage.
Still there.
Pain shot into your system, yet Asriel still stood there watching, stunned into visible silence as he began to try to intervene. Channelling your dark-world learnt reflexes, you moved to the side gently, balling your fit and punching yourself in the stomach.
Still there.
Were you drugged? Has Ralsei put something in your tea?
Did Asriel decide to partake in a little bit of tomfoolery? After all, you hadn't given him the 'greeting-prank' you'd been boasting about for the past two weeks, that you'd yet to properly activate. This couldn't be real, it can't be - Shuddering, shaking, you began to look around frantically as you doubted your surroundings entire-
Slap.
"Golly. Kris, are you alright?"
Guilt broke inside your body faster and more thoroughly than any one of your mum's 'talks' could ever hope to achieve. Asriel had come back from whatever he was doing and the first thing you do after a hug is have a panic attack? What were you thinking? Tears were already starting to enter your eyes, a light sob started to leave your mouth as your brother moved to hold you into a tight hug, clutching you tightly with that same, soft, caring smile.
Your brother was withdrawing from University, coming home, returning and your response is to become a nervous mess - Would you make him want to leave again? You know he could, why, if he just asked, you were sure anyone in the town would happily let him stay. Could you blame him if he did - In fact, could you honestly say you'd give up your friends for him again?
…Actually, you weren't willing to answer that question. At all.
"A-As, I'm sorry…"
Pushing your 'muzzle' into his fluffy chest-fur as he held up his shirt, you began to quietly sob once again. Blame and self-hatred coursed through your system, your actions leading to your brother yet again suffering, though, you knew this was just another moodswing. That brought about by 'teenage hormones' as mother put it, said hormones being part of the reason for the aggressive return of 'The Voice'.
Yet again, you caused the family turmoil, deep down you could barely even bring yourself to pin it on said hormones - Mother and Father already struggled to pay off all the bills properly. Well, Mother did, Dadsgore somehow managed to make every rent payment, through methods you still weren't sure of, though held his position of eternally being tight for money of all kinds. Assumedly he was better with money then he seemed, despite his inability to say 'no' or have any kind of spine when it comes to others.
"W-Well, it's not your fault, K-Kris. U-University's n-n-not a good place…"
Looking up towards your brother as he stuttered, your mind started to notice the subtlety of his movements, form and hunched posture - A stark contrast to his pre-University confidence. By now, you were finally starting to pay attention to the stutters, the shaky movements he made, the way his fluffy left paw held onto you with a shudder, before slowly beginning to brush your hair back. In fact, he seemed to be more of a mess than you, his eyes filled with a kind of strange intensity that unnerved you to look at, his entire self on display before you helplessly.
Opening your mouth, a growing desperation to find out what happened to your formerly proud, infallible old brother, you spoke out loud. Dancing around it and waiting for him to 'spill the beans' never worked online, nor in your memories really, so you went straight to the point.
"Explain."