Anneliese
Julian puts the car in park as we reach the airport. He exhales loudly, his breath fogging the glass windows. People don't think of LA as being particularly cold, even in the winter, but today it's below 40. It's going to be a shock to my system when I get back to Maine, where it's below zero.
"Thanks again for driving me," I say awkwardly, pretending to focus really hard on undoing my seatbelt.
It's so weird. The entire car ride here, we've been talking and joking like we always do, but as soon as we get to the LAX parking lot, I'm suddenly struck by how boyfriend-y he's acting. Most people don't drive a girl who they're not dating to the airport.
Except Julian, obviously, because he's a freakishly good guy and has known me forever. Usually, I can push aside the embarrassing crush I have on him in order for us to have a normal human conversation, but sometimes. Sometimes he hugs me a little too long, or gives me his jacket when I'm cold, or, like now, drives me to the airport, and then when the moment's over, it hurts even more to remember that we're Just Friends.
So I'm not looking at him. If I don't forget, I don't have to remember.
"Of course, dude," he says, "I always like hanging out with you."
Well, thanks, Julian. It would've been less obvious if he'd dumped a bucket of cold water on my head. Whenever he calls me "dude" or "bro", there's a part of me that thinks he knows, and he's just trying to let me down gently.
He smiles as he takes his seatbelt off, before glancing over at me still playing with mine.
"You need help with that?"
I can feel my face burning.
"I'm good, thanks," I insist, unbuckling quickly to prove it. Should I ask? Would that make it too obvious?
I can't help it. I don't want to say goodbye yet. "Hey, want to get a cup of coffee or something? My flight isn't for another few hours."
"God, I should've known you'd have a ton of extra time, you're such an airport dad! I should make your ringtone the Home Depot theme," Julian laughs, rolling his eyes, "but yeah, let's go."
We walk to the back of the car, and I move to pull my suitcase out of the trunk, but he playfully shoves me out of the way.
"I've got it Ann," he says, lifting the pink suitcase effortlessly, laughing when he sees the Elle Woods sticker on the luggage tag, "where'd you get this?"
"Oh, the Women in Stem club I'm in did a Secret Santa thing before break. They all call me Elle Woods. Cause I just look so much like Reese Witherspoon," I say with an exaggerated hair flip.
"Probably helps that you only own about three items of clothing that aren't pink," Julian teases lightly, slinging a companionable arm over my shoulders as he rolls my suitcase behind us.
"Four, actually," I say, wrapping my arm around his waist and leaning into his blue puffy vest.
Just friends, just friends, just friends, a voice in my head reminds me. I push it aside for now, letting myself focus on his body heat shielding me from the cold (Jesus, the Maine weather is going to hit me like a truck).
This is another thing I do. I ignore the part of my brain that understands these little moments don't mean anything, and then I play them on a loop in my head before going to sleep. It's pathetic, honestly. I doubt Marie Tharp spent this much time thinking about boys.
Should I even be hugging him like this? Is it too much?
You wouldn't be acting any differently if you didn't have feelings for him. You might even be more affectionate.
This thought reassures me, and I'm able to relax. For the next hour, Julian and I sit in a Starbucks, making outlandish guesses about the lives of the people walking through the airport.
"She's going to a wedding," I say, pointing at a woman wearing a leopard print coat.
"In January? Who gets married in January?"
"This woman's younger sister. . .um," I think for a moment, trying to pull a name from my head, "Lily. And her name's Petunia."
"Really? You couldn't come up with anything better than the sisters from Harry Potter? I suppose the groom's name is James?"
"No. His name is Gandalf, actually," I smile when I hear Julian snort, "but Petunia is in love with him, secretly, and she's going to try and stop the wedding."
"And Gandalf, does he love her too?"
"No, he's been having an affair with their mother the whole time," I say flatly.
"Oh, of course, because their mother was a famous actress before they were born, and Gandalf was her biggest fan as a kid!"
I snap my fingers. "Yes! And her name is Florabella. . .Florabella. . ."
"Florabella Florentine!"
I clutch my stomach, doubling over as Julian's laughter mingles with my own. I catch my breath as my phone vibrates with a text.
"Sorry," I say quickly, "it's my roommate."
Hey you! I'm so excited to see you tonight! Liana and I were thinking of grabbing dinner with you and Lia's roommate, are you free?
I smile fondly. Alexa never uses just one exclamation point. She did, once, and then sent me an apology text five minutes later for her "standoffish tone".
I'm typing out a reply when I get another text from her.
Also I know this is a HUGE favor and I totally won't be mad if you say no, but will you switch roommates with Liana this semester? She and I got so used to sleeping in the same bed over break and we think we're ready to move in together!
I look up at Julian and show him the text, asking silently if he thinks I should say yes or no.
He shrugs.
"My roommate had a girlfriend when I was in college, and it sucked. She used to sleep in our room almost every night, and that was when there wasn't a sock on the door. I would've switched with her if I could."
"I guess."
I'll do it. Just because I love you.
OMG YOU'RE LITERALLY THE BEST FRIEND I COULD ASK FOR!
"Have you met the girl you'd be rooming with?"
I shake my head and quickly type out a reply to Alexa, holding my phone out so Julian can read over my shoulder.
I'll meet Liana's roommate tonight, right?
Yep, her name's Erika! Thank you so much again for doing this Annie, and I pinky promise if the vibes are even a little off between you two tonight, we'll stick with the current arrangement! Love you and have a safe flight! 3
I put my phone down right after scanning the text, and play our people watching game with Julian for another ten minutes until an alarm on my phone tells me that now I actually need to go.
He stands to hug me, and I'm glad he can't see me inhaling his familiar scent as if to memorize it, wishing I could live in this moment forever.
We hug for about 3 seconds longer than expected between two childhood friends, but I won't see him for months. It doesn't mean anything.
Julian smiles at me as he pulls away, his hands still on my shoulders when he says,
"Have a safe flight."
"You know I have no control over that," I say teasingly, the words we repeat every time one of us is traveling are as familiar to me as lines in a play.
"Just try not to die. You know, listen to the flight attendant's speech, read the safety manual, put your own oxygen mask on before helping others."
"I will."
He hugs me one last time, quickly.
"See you in a few months," I say as I walk away.
"Bye, love you!"
"Love you too!" I say with a wave, the words sticky in my mouth.
I'm thinking about them all through the security line, all the way on my walk to the gate. The entire hour and a half I'm waiting to board. Love you too. Love you. Love. You.
It shouldn't mean anything. Julian and I have said those words back and forth to one another since we were kids. I say "I love you" to all my friends. I do love Julian, and I know he loves me, just not entirely the same way.
Could he tell? Could he tell I meant it differently?
He said it first!
He meant it platonically!
There's no way for him to know you didn't too!
This internal debate goes on for all three hours of my flight (Except, I did pay attention to the flight attendant's safety announcements). Oh well. At least tonight I'll have bigger things to worry about, like whether or not Liana's roommate and I get along.
Notes: One of my favorite aspects of Anneliese's character is that she is both super into science and unapologetically feminine, so I think she would relate to Elle Woods. Also, can you tell friends to lovers is my favorite trope?
As always, thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think!