"Hey kids, what are you doing over there?"
"Ejaculating."
The moment Verne heard that, he spit out the water he was drinking. Did the kids really just say that? In front of their parents who didn't seem to realize what just happened?
"Where did you hear that word?" Verne asked, clearly shocked. If the parents weren't aware of the word, then Verne certainly would be the one to lay down the law.
"We went out to that amusement park with someone…and they said that angry human did a lot of ejaculating." Spike spoke up. "Okay first, please stop using that word, second of all, who brought you there?"
"We made a pinky promise not to tell who took us if they took us, and we don't break pinky promises." Quillo now spoke up. Or was it Spike again? Verne could honestly never tell the difference. Regardless, the porcupine kids using that language was unacceptable, and Verne was ready to get to the bottom of this.
But first…he had to call witnesses...
"Everyone, I have gathered you all here today because we have a serious problem." Verne stated to the rest of the hedgies. "Is there a problem with the log?" Stella asked. "Is there more construction happening?" Lou piped in. "Is there a monsoon coming?" Ozzie spoke up.
"No, no, and we live in Virginia." Verne spoke. "There's no way a monsoon would hit us." Ozzie was not deterred. "You don't know that, just like you may not know that apparently, the rats are mind-controlled by the government."
"Ozzie, please, not now." Verne spoke. "Right now, our issue is that someone has been teaching the porcupine bad words." A murmur of surprise would rush over the group. "Bad words, like saying that humans are trustworthy?" Stella asked. "No, someone has been teaching them about ejaculating!"
Another murmur rushed over the group, but this time there was a bit of something that sounded like suppressed laughter. Verne heard it and scanned over the group, seeing nothing but Heather and RJ with their paws over their mouths. Verne ignored it though.
"So, who here taught them about ejaculating?" Verne asked. "Lou, Penny, do you know where they learned this from?" He asked. "Goodness me no." Penny replied. "I haven't learned to ejaculate yet like that." She replied, and that just resulted in more muffled noises that sounded like two pebbles rustling together in a bag.
"What about you Lou?" Verne asked. "I haven't, I haven't learned how to ejaculate at my best in a long time." More noises occurred, although it only seemed to be coming from two sources.
"Stella, what about you, did you teach them about ejaculating?" Verne asked. "Nah, I don't even think I even mentioned it to them." Stella replied. "All I know is that Tiger ejaculates a lot near me." Once again, more of those noises, and Verne knew Stella would never teach them that word.
"Ozzie, did you?" Verne asked. "No, I haven't taught them anything about ejaculating, although I have helped Heather quite a bit with it when we get some free time." This time a new noise, that sounded like a dying whale that's been muffled by a plastic bag, and coincidentally enough, RJ was now blowing into a bag of "Creme Betweens". Yet he didn't go for RJ yet, instead deciding to ask Heather, who looked like she was about to pass out.
"Heather, did you tell them about ejaculating?" Verne asked. Heather took a moment to respond this time, to the confusion of Verne, which automatically made him very suspicious of her.
"No…I didn't teach them that." Heather replied. Verne was about to turn his attention to RJ, but then he noticed that Hammy was looking away sheepishly. Maybe he was the one?
"Hammy, did you do it?" Verne asked. Like Heather, Hammy took a moment to answer. "Hammy, come on…spit it out." Verne said, and even more of those noises occurred. Verne knew he had to resort to…drastic measures…
"Hammy, if you tell me the truth, I'll give you a cookie." Verne replied. "With the white cream?" Hammy asked, and this time, the sounds of some dying bird began to become more apparent. Looks like all the wildlife was out today.
"Yes, with the white cream, now please tell me the truth." Hammy paused for a moment. "I didn't tell them how to ejaculate, but I do love ejaculating when it comes to cookies!" Hammy replied, and while Verne sighed, RJ's breathing into the bag became faster and faster. "My favorite ones are the cream ones, the way it melts into your mouth…" Hammy continued, and Verne's patience started to thin, while RJ was about to have a heart attack.
"Hammy-"
"You know, ejaculating is actually very fun alone, but together, it's so much better." Hammy droned on. Verne continued to try to interrupt, but Hammy kept going.
"We could all take turns ejaculating for each other, like I can go first and show you right now!"
And this is where Verne had enough.
"Hammy, if you don't stop trying to ejaculate right now, I'm going to ejaculate on you!"
Suddenly the bag RJ was breathing into burst, and with that, the source of the sounds had become apparent.
RJ and Heather had burst out laughing at this point, with RJ doubling over clutching himself, while Heather was slamming her paw on the ground. It was clear just who was responsible for this insanity.
"Stop it, stop it, stop it, please, I can't breathe anymore!" RJ burst out between laughs, before going right back to his surprisingly high-pitched laughter. "Please, make it stop, I can't take it anymore."
"Was it you RJ?" Verne asked. "Yeah, it was me." RJ replied through his cackling. "I'm sorry, I didn't think they'd catch on, but I'm so glad they did."
"RJ, do you really think that's funny?"
"Hey, it's better than telling them what jerking is?"
"What's jerking?" Quillo asked.
All Verne could do was sigh.
I swear, I could not keep a straight face while thinking of this idea. I recently played the Over the Hedge game again and I adore that Mr. Ropeley fellow, and I thought to myself that he seems to be very loud and have these weird sayings, and I think just the idea of Verne being the one to unintentionally cause this event would be hilarious.
I also wanted to write this because I was bored.
Anyways see you when I see you with the next heist chapter.