Quiet.
That's all Clarke knew. Her eyes spoke enough without any sound needed. No one argued. No one sought to speak of the sins of the past. Even Bellamy was quiet, his mouth never opening to speak the horrors of the truths.
Of course, Bellamy had never been quiet before and Clarke felt like the whole world had fallen into silence with him.
The woods were still.
The ocean was soft.
The sky was quiet, because of him.
There were only a handful of them left. Murphy, the cockroach, retreated into the hillside with four other survivors of doomsday. Raven stayed with Clarke for some time but eventually made her way to the hills to be with Emori and Murphy's clan. Madi had stayed along the river with Clarke and it was a surprise to both of them when they found Bellamy had settled just on the ridge beyond their camp.
"Why wouldn't he live with me?" Clarke asked the trees as she foraged for berries, "why would he leave us, when we're all he has left?"
It had been 42 weeks since humanity had fallen for the thousandth time. The quiet was almost unnerving after years of screams and torture. Even Clarke woke in the silence of the night hearing the screams in her mind. Madi did too. Whenever Murphy came down from the hills with his small clan, his eyes never lost the hardness that came from years of fighting. The only hope was the smiling baby in Emori's arms, named Lily after the flowers in the valley.
"How's Bellamy?" Emori asked Clarke one winter afternoon as they traded furs and medicine.
"He doesn't speak." Clarke replied, her eyes looking in the direction of Bellamy's camp, "he walks through the woods like he's a ghost."
Emori reasoned, "we are all ghosts."
Clarke looked down at the baby clutching to Emori's scarf, "not all of us."
Madi went to the hills to help Emori build new traps before the winter storms about to blow in from the north, leaving Clarke alone for the first time in forever. The camp was even quieter without Madi's soft humming by the crackling fire. Clarke knew she should've gone into the hills to be with the rest of the survivors but she couldn't leave Bellamy. As long as she was alive, Clarke would never leave him alone again.
One year passed since the world became silent. The snow storm came early, covering the world in a blanket of grey and black snow. The color was a result of the pollution in the sky from doomsday. A war where they'd lost almost everyone, including themselves. The only reason some of them survived was because Murphy and Emori stole a transport ship before the bombs went off. Everyone else had died, the result of the fight to survive. All humanity ever wanted to do was survive. Clarke was lucky to be one of the last humans on New Earth.
She was lucky to have Madi, Murphy and Emori.
She lived for the moments Raven would come down for a few weeks to share in the solitude of the valley with Clarke.
She was even lucky to have Bellamy, despite his resolute decision to stay away from them.
It was like he thought they were mad at him for blowing up the other ship, eliminating the chance for any survivors that weren't on the transport ship. This time, he'd pulled the trigger, called the war and won the game. In turn, he's caused the death of both the enemy, and their own people. He made the choice to end the fighting just like she'd made the choice to end fighting in Mount Weather. They were both masters of death. They were both unable to live alone with their demons.
That's what called her to abandon her camp when the snow let up.
She had to make sure he was okay.
She had to be there for him in the way he was there for her, always.
They survived, together, even when they were apart. His name echoed out, her voice bouncing off every tree and shrub close by. She was loud, intrusive but her methods were effective as he came stumbling from his tent with a knife. The knife fell to his side when he saw her coming through the black snow. Clarke kept her eyes on his face. Bellamy stepped out with little hesitation but his face had enough hesitation to make Clarke stand still by his low fire. He wore wool and cloaks, looking older than he ever had. His beard had taken over his face.
"You need a shave." She said, her voice cracking.
"I hadn't noticed." His hand jumped to the curly hair on his chin, "Where's Madi?"
Clarke took a few more steps, "she went up the hills to help the camp, so I expect she's stuck up there until the snow finally melts enough for long travel."
Something in his eyes flickered, something like concern, "is everyone ok?"
"Fine." Clarke said, "they were working on hunting traps for bears, Murphy thought he saw one and he's worried about his kid."
"Someone let Murphy have a kid?"
Clarke cracked a smile, "I was surprised too."
Bellamy's foot sank further in the snow, "and so the life cycle starts again."
Her heart broke at the pain in his voice. He'd always been the optimistic one. He'd always been the one to show her the light. Even now, amongst the blackened snow, she ached for one of his white smiles to counteract the darkness in their souls.
"Would you like to join me for dinner?" She asked her old friend, "I have smoked trout."
Bellamy looked around at his lonely camp, then back at her, "is smoked trout supposed to entice me?"
"What would entice you?"
Bellamy shrugged, "not smoked trout, I've been eating that for weeks."
"What about deer?"
Bellamy's head shot up and Clarke couldn't blame him, it had been weeks since Madi found the animal far up near the north mountain. They still had a hind left. Clarke would use it, just to make sure she wasn't alone.
"Deer would be nice." He muttered, "I'll pack."
She waited for him, playing with the pebbles he'd collected by the shore of the river. They were pretty hues of turquoise and gold. When Bellamy came out with a small pack and caught her rolling one of the rocks in her hand, he paused.
"Do you like it?" He asked.
"It's beautiful." She said softly.
"You can keep it."
Clarke tucked the rock into her pocket. They walked silently back to camp. They cooked silently side by side. They sat together by the fire eating quietly. Then, finally, night fell and Clarke could no longer take the silence.
"I've missed you Bell."
He looked up, torcherous expression on his face, "I've—I've missed you."
"Why are you shutting me out then?"
His eyes were pitch black, "because I'd rather miss you, than lose you."
She reached out, she touched him, and in his face she saw the echoes of the screams of their family and friends. His fingers curved around hers and he stared at their connected hands. Hands covered in blood of those from different planets and different clans. Hands that had survived many an apocalypse together.
"The wars are over and we have to heal." She whispered, "we all are bleeding but we can't afford to keep losing so much when we can't get anything else back."
"That's my fault." He said.
"We all have demons, Bell." She reached up with her other hand to touch his face, "we all murdered innocents in the name of survival."
"Doesn't it haunt you at night?"
"What?"
"Everything you did."
"All of it."
He shifted "do you remember watching the sky burn from that escape pod?"
She remembered the sky burning and the smell for weeks afterwards when they hit the ground. She remembered the fire lighting up Bellamy's face as they determined what to do when they reached the ground again. New Earth was just as Raven had promised, livable. Bellamy was heartbroken then and he still was now.
"I don't like the quiet," he continued, "I just feel like I keep waiting to hear Harper laughing with Echo or Monty teasing Jasper. I'm waiting for Octavia in the river and you in the trees."
"I am here." She said, "I'm right here."
He shook his head, "you have Madi, you don't need me."
Her mouth drew into a thin line, "Bellamy, I've always needed you."
His expression softened and she snuggled into him, placing her cheek on his shoulder. In a surprising move, he hugged her with one arm. They sat in silence but somehow, the world became less quiet in that moment when she heard the beat of his heart amongst the stillness. He was alive, she was alive and they had time. Time was all they needed.
Three days after the snow melt, Madi returned to find Clarke and Bellamy skinning trout by the fire. When Madi spotted Bellamy she whooped, dropped her supplies and ran to him. He opened his arms to catch her, despite the surprise in his face at her eagerness to hug him. Bellamy buried his face in Madi's long braids, his hands resting on her neck.
"Kom graun, oso na graun op. Kom folau, oso na gyon op." Madi said, "From the Earth, we will grow. From the ashes, we will rise."
Bellamy hugged Madi tighter but his eyes stayed on Clarke.
Spring arrived, Emori and Murphy came down the mountain to find Bellamy and Madi teasing Clarke as she dyed their clothes with berries from the south. Murphy and Emori didn't question the arrival of Bellamy, they simply looked relieved to see him. When all five of them settled around the fire that night, Murphy made fun of Bellamy's beard.
Bellamy asked Clarke to shave it the next day. They sat by the river alone, Clarke using the waters to help give him a cleaner shave. Bellamy sat still under her knife, his eyes trapped on her intent expression. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she worked, staying focused.
He'd been cut open enough in his life and she didn't ever want to see him bleed again.
"I always thought it was cute when you did that."
She almost nicked him with the knife and she comprehended his words, "what?"
"The face you make when you're focused on something."
"I'm trying to make sure I don't hurt you."
"You could never hurt me."
Bellamy smiled and it was like the light was shining through the cloud banks. She loved his smile, and for weeks, it had been hidden by his bushy beard. Not anymore. He shone like a freaking spotlight. The knife dropped to the river and her hands traced the uneven stubble on his strong chin. Her eyes were soft as her fingers felt along his jaw tenderly.
"I love you, Bellamy."
There was nothing but silence. The sky was silent, the woods were hushed and the river was nothing but a hazy wave of music through her head.
This time though, Bellamy wasn't quiet, "I love you too, Princess."