TITLE: Pride Falls
AUTHOR: Eleri McCleod
CONTACT INFO: elerimc at gmail dot com
STATUS: complete
CATEGORY: drama, crossover, AU
PAIRINGS: hints of Harm/Mac, Mac/Webb mentions
SPOILERS: way too late for spoiler warnings on either show
SEASON: JAG season 9; Stargate SG-1 season 7
SERIES/SEQUEL INFO: 4th in the "Honor Bound" series
CONTENT LEVEL: T, 13+, FR13, take your pick
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Harm had never been very good at swallowing his pride. But the recent upheaval of his life was forcing him to reevaluate exactly what friendship means to him and what he would sacrifice to keep it. JAG/SG-1 crossover; 4th in the "Honor Bound" series.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of JAG or Stargate SG-1. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and will return them unharmed. No copyright infringement is intended.
ARCHIVE: Fanfiction, AO3, LJ, any others please ask
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was the second scene that came to me when I started this series and I couldn't wait to get it written. The first was Jack and Harm meeting. I hope this gives a sense of resolution that I don't think we ever got in the series. Huge thanks to all of you for reading, commenting and kudo'ing.
This is the last completed story in my stack. Story #5 decided it wanted to be much longer and still has another scene to add before it's complete. I'm hoping to have it done in time for next week's scheduled posting, but I can't guarantee it. If not, I'll dust off a few of the random stories languishing on my hard drive and give them a posting polish to have something new for you.
Still unbetaed so any mistakes are all on me. I try to catch as much as I can, but something always escapes my notice. As always, any and all feedback is appreciated.
Exhaling purposefully, Harm turned the handle to open the door. Sarah MacKenzie stood in the corridor like any other of the hundreds of times she'd come over. This time, however, her stance was guarded, her expression closed, and her hands white-knuckled where she held them at her sides. She was still as beautiful as the first time he'd seen her outside of the White House Rose Garden. "Thank you for coming. Please." He waved her in, stepping back to give her plenty of room.
He'd almost left for Colorado without calling her. The temptation to hold on to anger and regret and disappointment had been nigh overwhelming. But he'd never run away from a battle that needed fighting in his life. He and Mac had been friends far too long to let bruised egos and broken hearts destroy what they had. All it would take was one of them swallowing their pride and starting the conversation. Harm had nursed his resentment for months, all the time he'd flown for the Company, stubbornly refusing to bend, waiting for Mac to call. Yet now that he was leaving, that they would no longer be based in the same city, it all seemed juvenile and foolish. It didn't matter who reached out first, just that one of them did.
After closing the door, he watched her take in the boxes neatly lined against the wall and the clearly empty shelves that normally held his few pictures of family and friends. Her expression didn't change, but he would have sworn he saw disappointment hidden beneath the mask. "What's all this?" she asked.
"This is why I needed to talk with you tonight. I got offered a job I can't pass up." A hint of curiosity fluttered through her eyes before she glanced back down at the boxes. "It's in Colorado."
"Oh."
"It was really sudden. I just returned from touring the facility." Both were truth and yet both were totally inadequate as descriptions. He wished he could tell her about the Stargate, that other worlds filled the galaxy full of peoples and dangers and wonders. That Earth was even more beautiful when viewed from the deck of a spacefaring craft that very few people knew existed. One day, hopefully, he could.
"I thought you were flying for the CIA?" she asked, a crease appearing between her brows. "We saw the ZNN report about that incredible bit of flying you pulled off on the Seahawk."
"Yeah, that's why I'm no longer flying for the Company." It didn't surprise him that Clayton Webb had failed to mention his termination to her. Why would he want to remind her of a friend that had been potential competition? Especially one that had been AWOL from her life for months.
"What?" The indignation in her voice warmed a little ball in his chest. "Harm, that was an amazing accomplishment. They fired you for doing the impossible?"
"No. They fired me for getting caught on camera after doing the impossible."
"What does that have to do with anything? You were on camera all the time with JAG." Mac's fervent defense, despite the burned bridges left behind in Paraguay, confirmed not everything was lost between them. "Seems like an asinine way to thank someone for saving people's lives."
"The CIA isn't JAG," he said, moving into the kitchen to pour them both a glass of water. "Publicity is verboten for them. I knew that, but I didn't even think about trying to stay away from the cameras. I was just happy to be alive."
Mac slid onto one of the stools as if no time had past since her last visit. "I'm happy you are too."
He set her glass on the island near enough for her to reach and rested a hip against the counter. Her carefully blank expression had softened into a far more familiar half-smile, though a trace of discomfort hovered beneath it. "I thought my copilot was going to strangle me when I first suggested it. Thankfully, we were a little short on time so she never got the chance."
Laughing softly, she tugged the water closer, as if needing something to do with her hands. "I'll just bet she did. Only you would think to even try something so crazy."
Harm almost expected her to ask who the 'she' was since he'd been deliberately vague, but a tiny voice whispered that she had to have more than enough experience in not asking those pesky questions since her relationship with Webb had started. He went on quickly before he could let the thought sink in. "I couldn't have done it without her, though. She's a hell of a pilot."
"Then I'm glad she was there with you," Mac said, no trace of jealousy in her voice, but something Harm thought might be regret. She took a sip from the glass, setting it down with a clumsy clank. She looked up, shoulders suddenly straight and head held high. "Harm, I'm sorry."
He had to replay the words in his head three times before they registered. Thankfully he stopped himself from voicing his initial thought. He'd called her to try to fix their friendship, not aggravate it all over again. Instead, he waited, forcing an inquisitive expression onto his face rather than the sarcasm he'd shoved down.
"I know I've spouted off with that stupid line about never apologizing." Her words almost tumbled over themselves, yet she never looked away. "But that's just an excuse to be selfish and ungrateful. You risked your life to come to South America to rescue us. I don't care if you were only thinking of saving me. You saved all three of us. And I never even said thank you."
A burning lump filled his throat, sending waves of heat radiating down his chest. No, she hadn't. That was the thing that had hurt the most. He could get over the Webb thing, though it was a difficult pill to swallow. Harm and Mac's relationship had always been underscored by a tension that had continually bubbled over at the worst possible times. Yes, he'd been hurt that she'd rejected him and immediately thrown herself at Webb. But it hadn't been the first time she'd done that to him. Mac's entire relationship with Mic Brumby had appeared to start much the same way, minus the captivity and torture. That shouldn't and probably wouldn't have affected their friendship if all else had been equal. It had been the casual way she'd tossed his sacrifice in his face. He'd given up everything for her and she hadn't cared enough to so much as acknowledge what he'd lost.
"Then I just stood there like a lump while the admiral was tearing into you for being the person you'd always been." Blinking rapidly, her fingers knotted themselves together, the white appearing around her knuckles again. "I think I was still in shock. I hadn't even begun to process what had happened down there. That's not an excuse, because there is no excuse. But once I accepted what I'd been through, I realized what an awful person I'd been to you. No one treats a friend how I treated you. You saved my life. Thank you. And I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to tell you."
The only thing he could do was reach out a hand toward her. She flowed into his arms like she was meant to fit there. Her arms wrapped tightly around him, fingers digging into his back. Without thought, he laid his cheek against her hair, tucking her into his chest. Harm felt her heart beating against him through the layers of cloth separating them and the hard ball of buried anger cracked under its rhythm. He knew a few words and a hug wouldn't eradicate the ugly emotions that had festered between them for months, but for the first time in a long time Harm allowed hope a free reign. Hope that their friendship would survive. Hope that he hadn't lost his best friend. If that was all he could salvage out the disaster that had been Paraguay, he'd gladly accept it.
"I've missed you, Mac."
She pressed her head a touch more firmly against him for a long moment, before loosening her arms. He let her step away, instantly feeling colder without her. Looking up, she smiled, a bit watery at the edges. "I've missed you, Harm." She swiped her fingers beneath her eyes, letting out a short bark of laughter. "Although typical 'us' timing. You're leaving." Again. She didn't say it, but he heard it loud and clear.
He refused to keep making the same mistakes with her. When he'd left for the Patrick Henry, when he'd left JAG that last day. This wasn't going to be the third time, if he had a say in it. "Only the D.C. area. They have phones in Colorado, Mac. Phones and texting and email. I've even heard that there are multiple planes a day that travel between here and Colorado. I'm not going to vanish on you again." It was a promise he shouldn't make, knowing the dangers inherent within the SGC, but he made it anyway. Now he'd do everything in his power to keep it.
"And I won't let you," she said, sliding back onto the stool. She downed the rest of the water and handed him the glass.
Without needing to ask, he refilled it, giving her a moment to compose herself. It was a rare occasion when Mac let him see her so emotional and coming on the back of their months-long estrangement he figured discretion couldn't hurt. When he turned back, she appeared to be her normal self, the one who could make him smile with a few simple words. He knew not all was smoothed over, that there would be more than one road bump in their future, but at least he could be sure there was a future now.
"What's so fascinating in Colorado that they were able to entice you to move you halfway across the country?" she asked, with no hint of malice or anger. There was, perhaps, a lingering note of regret, but even if she didn't feel happy for him she was making an attempt to appear so.
"I accepted a position with NORAD." It was the cover story he'd been briefed to use whenever he needed an explanation. Officially, SGC personnel were attached to either NORAD, the nearby Peterson Air Force Base or Fort Carson. Some were even assigned to the Air Force Academy since it was also close. General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill were two of a handful that were assigned to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex itself. There were far too many personnel assigned to the SGC to justify for what was officially labeled as an alternate command center. Harm's specialties and Navy position had necessitated the North American Aerospace Defense Command over the other options.
"NORAD's almost exclusively Air Force. What do they need with Navy personnel?" He could see the wheels already turning in her brain. They had been on far too many investigations and classified missions of their own for her to not start putting the dots together.
He scrunched his face into a semblance of offense and put his hands on his hips. "I do have a degree in aerospace engineering, remember?"
"No, you've never told me that," she said, the laugh he'd expected morphing into a frown instead. "I mean, I've always known you'd gotten a degree from the Academy and you'd gone to George Washington for law. But we never got that far into specifics, I guess."
Turning her words over and over in his mind, he realized she was correct. "Well, now you know. I do." How had it never come up in any of their numerous aircraft mishap investigations?
Mac smiled broadly, a teasing light appearing in her eyes that he hadn't seen in far too long. "And all these years I thought you were just a pretty face with a knee-melting smile."
He couldn't help it. That smile lifted his lips at the familiar banter, something deep inside settling within him. "I knew you kept me around for a reason."
They laughed together, their voices mingling in the air between them. "Harm, don't worry. I won't dig. I can read between the lines as well as the next person with a clearance. Can you tell me if it's a civilian contract position?"
There was more than one reason she was, and had been for many years, his best friend. "No, I've been reinstated. Again."
"I'll bet the SECNAV fought that. How'd they swing it?"
"Hey, I'm a hot commodity."
Mac didn't smile at the line, but her eyes softened and she stared at him for a long heartbeat. "Yes. Yes, you are, Harm."
He looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with so many emotions battling for supremacy within him. "I, uh, I didn't ask how many favors or how much blood was spilled to make it happen."
"No gift horses in mouths, right?" She accepted the shift seamlessly, as if she also felt it veering into bad waters. "What are you doing with the apartment? You're not selling, are you?"
"No. Bud has a key and power of attorney. He'll keep an eye on it."
"Will you have time to go by and see little A.J. before you leave?"
"Yeah, I'm dropping by tomorrow morning."
"Mind if I tag along?"
"The more the merrier, Mac."
Her stomach, always the arbiter of the dinner hour, rumbled loudly enough he could hear it from three feet away. He raised an eyebrow and she merely shrugged. "You have plans for dinner? One more meal for old times' sake?"
"I'm picking the restaurant. None of that noodle stuff you always try to take me to. I need protein."
"Flip a coin?" When she gave him a look he'd seen turn grown men into puddles of fear, he laughed. "Fine, yes, you can pick."
Harm turned off lights as they moved toward the door, the shadows enveloping them in a bubble. A sudden thought had his hand reaching out, tugging her arm so she faced him. "Mac, I meant it when I said I wouldn't vanish again. But I'll be out of contact down there, sometimes for days at a time. No cell phones and sometimes they need to limit communications for various reasons. No matter what leave a message. I'll always reach out when they let me surface for fresh air." It was the one concern he hadn't worked his way around yet. Even at sea his mom had always had a way to contact him. O'Neill had already hinted Harm would be joining the Prometheus and her air squadron on her next mission after he completed off-world training. Sea duty was a far cry from interstellar duty, especially regarding communications access. He had to trust the SGC had some sort of plan in place to keep families in contact.
He found his arms full of marine once again, although this time the hug was far less fraught.
"Thanks, sailor."
The words encompassed so much more than just her appreciation and the ball of anger he'd harbored for months cracked a bit more under their weight. "Always, Sarah."
** end notes
I've never found a resource that explicitly states Harm's degree from Annapolis. Obviously, he got the law degree at GW after his ramp strike, but he would have graduated the Academy with some sort of degree useful to the Navy. Throughout the series, Harm says plenty of things regarding the construction and design of aircraft. He also displays a high knowledge of aeronautics. So in this AU, Harm officially has a degree in aerospace engineering.
Continued in "Honor Bound" Pt. 5