Act III
"Okay, I'm sure you want to get back to all your important studies, Lisa. So, I'll make this quick. With you, the accolades speak for themselves. We've spoken with some of your colleagues in the scientific community and we must say, the facts are quite astounding." Joey said as the estemmed four-year-old genius and her infant sister sat on the couch.
"Your acclaim is most gratifying, Mr McGill." Lisa replied.
"Of course. Anyway, I was wondering how these abnormally early achievements have affected your everyday life. Must it not seem a little pointless and redundant, for example, for you to continue your regular school studies after already obtaining a PhD?"
"I have thought that myself at times, but then I'm reminded about all the other 'life skills' that I'm told I still need to learn."
"Yeah, like her clear lack of social skills." Lola snarked.
"Quiet!" Katie said.
"Actually, she's correct. My social skills were deemed unsatisfactory for a time. Thankfully, that changed when I befriended Darcy Homendollar. We still socially converse on certain occasions." Lisa clarified.
"I see. Is it fair to say that you have difficulties relating to children your own age, Lisa?" Joey asked.
"I think that's an understatement. Here I am, working on projects such as human cloning and discoveries concerning the existence of the multiverse, while my fellow students, or as I sometimes like to think of them, 'colleagues', are thinking about cookies, cats, and toy dinosaurs." the young prodigy remarked.
"Do you ever worry about missing out on the more normal parts of life, like going out to theme parks, arcades, or restaurants with your friends as you grow up? I mean, having such high career status and responsibilities at your age must come with its fair share of hardships." Joey then brought up.
Lisa then thought to herself briefly before answering. "I have contemplated adjusting my behaviour in the past to resemble that of a more 'typical' child my age, it's true. But I found that I'm happy enough following the path I'm on. Besides, I wouldn't say I completely lack all the 'normal' behavioural traits of a five year old girl. I still enjoy chocolate and candy as much as the next child, I'm not above engaging in foodfights and pillow fights with my siblings when I'm in the right mood... and to be honest, I have acquired myself a rather unexpected fondness for west coast rap."
Lincoln actually thought to himself about what his sister just said, and he started to feel a little guilty. He remembered the time Lisa actually tried to emulate normal childlike behaviour, but he ultimately convinced her to revert back to her old self. He wondered if she really meant it when she said she was happy with the way things are...
"Well, I think that settles that." Joey stated. "I guess you're happy with the status quo." he said through gritted teeth. "Dang it, why is this kid so emotionless?!" he quietly muttered to himself before continuing. "Well, we finally have ourselves the last sister. Lily, isn't it? Aww, aren't you a little cutie?" he then perked up and playfully asked the youngest sibling.
"Lily wanna be on TV." she replied with her cute little voice.
"I guess there isn't much to say here. I mean, who could ever stir accusations about an innocent little baby? I bet you're the sane one of the bunch." he then said.
Lisa, still sat beside her infant sibling, then thought to herself before saying "Well..."
She then recollected a lot of instances where Lily was anything but sane and sensible. She remembered the time Lily terrorised the family with her aggression because Lynn Sr's cheese made her feel constipated, as well as the time she copied her older sister Luan's April Fools pranking routine, and even the time she gave everyone in the family sleeping issues because her bad dreams kept them all awake at night...
"Actually, there are a few factors I should address." Lisa then began to tell him.
After Lisa was done telling the production team about Lily's quirks, the two youngest sisters stepped down and walked away from the sofa. As she bypassed Lincoln, he turned and asked her "Lisa, that stuff you said about being happy with the way things are, did you mean that?"
"Why do you ask?"
"It's just that I remember when you tried to be normal, and I was the one who convinced you to go back to being smart."
"You had good reason. It turned out everybody was better off with me using my intelligence to their advantage."
"Yeah, but I still have to ask... are you really happy?"
Sensing that her brother was looking out for her emotional well-being, Lisa briefly dropped her stoic front, expressed a warm smile, and told him "I'm happy enough." Joey happened to overhear them conversing as this was said.
Lincoln smiled back at Lisa before she regained her stoic front and told him "It's your turn now, brother." She then stepped aside for him.
Lincoln then looked over at the couch, before turning back to his siblings.
"What are you waiting for, dude?" Luna questioned.
"I'm still not so sure about this." he said out loud, his scepticism once again rising to the surface.
"Well, if you want to be left out..." Joey said.
Once again, this triggered that side of Lincoln that feared being overshadowed by his sisters. He glanced at the trophy cabinet, and reminded himself of the golden opportunity he was being presented with to bathe in the spotlight. Against his own better judgement, he said "Fine, let's do this!"
"Atta boy." Joey quietly said to himself, as Lincoln had fallen for his bait.
Lincoln finally sat down in front of the camera, ready to be filmed.
"So, we finally get to speak to the only boy in the house. How's it feel to live under the same roof as ten sisters? I mean... One boy, ten girls, huh?" Joey asked him.
"Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it can be a little hard to handle at times, but at the end of the day, I love my sisters and I wouldn't trade them for the world."
"Yeah, yeah, we've all heard the theme song..." Joey then joked, before continuing. "But come on, I bet it can be pretty challenging being surrounded and outweighed by such a large group of sisters, right?"
Lincoln knew exactly what game Joey was playing, and was quick to try and shut him down. "Look. I've seen the way you've been getting my sisters riled up all day, and I'm not falling for it. Let's just keep things nice and easy." he told him.
"Sure." Joey replied. "But let's be real for a second, you can't deny the fact that it must feel emasculating to be the only brother in a predominantly feminine household."
"Not really." Lincoln non-chalantly answered. "I'm quite comfortable with who I am. I'm a boy who, admittedly, has a few qualities some might deem 'girly' or whatever, but I don't care. I am who I am, and I'm cool with that." he stated. "Besides, this house isn't really that feminine when you look at it. I mean, would you call Lynn or Lana girly?"
Slightly irritated that his tactics weren't working, Joey decided to intensify his approach. "Come on, kid. No need to hold back here. Tell us what's really on your mind. Because it's not just the fact that you have ten sisters, is it? Each one of those sisters excels at something, they're great at it! You've got a sports champion, a pageant queen, an expert golf player, a scientist prodigy, an internet sensation, and an aspiring rockstar all living with ya... surely it's got to hurt being so shockingly... 'ordinary' compared to those around you, right kid?"
"Actually, I have had feelings like that. I've sometimes thought that I've been overshadowed by all the awesome things my sisters have done." he admitted. "But I got over it." he said, still maintaining a calm and composed front.
Katie then interceded the discussion. "But it must be troubling to not have any special talents or skills of your own, especially compared to all the overwhelming talent that your siblings have."
Emily then added "Yes, always in your sisters' shadows, just where you belong, it would seem."
While this last line initially sparked some suspicious thought in Lincoln's mind, he quickly supressed it and decided to remain level-headed and focused. "Pfft. Somebody once told me that before, and I'll say the same thing to you guys that I said to them... you're wrong."
"Oh, is that so?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, I'm the fifth best junior magician in Royal Woods!" he said before pulling a wand out of his pocket and asking his sisters "Hey, pass me a hat!", to which Luan obliged.
"Ugh! Not this again!" Emily remarked.
Lincoln then waved his wand before pulling Lana's pet Hops out of the hat.
Lana clapped along with her sisters before commanding her pet to leap up in the air. "Go on, Hops!"
Hops then leaped towards Joey, who quickly reacted by shrugging the little animal off his shoulders. "Ugh! Seriously, kid! Quit screwing around and answer the dang questions!"
"I am answering them." he calmly yet sassily replied.
"Well, maybe we could also talk about your..." Timmy then went to speak, but was cut off by Lincoln.
"Look, you people, I know you're trying to make me go on a rant because that's what you consider juicy content for your show, but I'm not going to do that! So go ahead, talk about how I'm overshadowed by awesome, talk about how I'm ordinary, or outnumbered, or not that much of a man or whatever. Talk about how I've done plenty of stupid and selfish things or even how many times I've been allegedly mistreated... I don't care. I've heard them all. You've been playing with my sisters' emotions all day just for the sake of your little show, and I'm not playing along with it. I've lived under a house with ten siblings my whole life. You think I haven't dealt with my fair share of banter? You think I haven't developed a thick skin after all that time?" he bragged proudly. "So do your worst, because I'm not giving in!"
"Well, Lincoln. That's quite a mouthful." Joey replied.
"It's the truth, Mr McGill, and so is this. My sisters may get on my nerves sometimes, but there isn't a dang thing that I wouldn't do for them! So there, that's your headline!" Lincoln boldly stated as his sisters grew heartfelt expressions on their faces.
"Erm, headlines are for newspapers kid, not TV shows." Katie corrected him.
"Whatever. You get the point." he said. "So, any other questions?" he then smugly asked them.
Joey then looked at the other members of his crew, who stared back at him and shrugged their shoulders. It appeared that was all they were going to get out of Lincoln Loud. Joey then begrudgingly turned back around to face the boy, and told him "No, that will do just fine."
Despite the troubling tensions between the production team and the Loud family, both sides did their best to remain calm and civil as the filming came to an end. Joey and his team prepared to leave while the Loud family relaxed and did their best to wrap their heads around everything that had been said that day.
"Well, thank you for your co-operation, Louds. Be on the lookout for this show to air in a few weeks. We'll take it from here." Joey told them as his crew started disassembling the equipment.
"It was our pleasure." Rita said.
"Goodbye." Timmy said as he and the production ladies waved them farewell and left the house.
"Well, that Joey guy sure was a jerk. Still, at least it's over now." Lynn Sr said.
"And we're gonna be on TV!" Lola ecstatically yelled.
"I'm so stoked for when this thing airs, dudes!" Luna announced excitedly.
"Me, too!" Lana followed.
"Yeah, it will all be worth it when the whole state sees moi on their screens!" Lola claimed.
"I'm glad we're done now. I could see the whole thing was beginning to get to you kids." Lynn Sr said.
"Yeah, I think that Joey guy could have been a little less harsh with his criticisms." Rita argued.
"Like with Luan, dude." Luna pointed out.
"Yeah, are you okay now, sis?" Lana then asked her older sister.
"I'm fine. I'm used to getting harsh comments hurled my way. You?" Luan then asked her back.
"Eh, it's all good. I'm not worried about germs or anything. My health is just fine." Lana claimed before letting out a loud belch.
"Well, you could do with being just a tad more couth." Lola remarked.
"Yeah... when pigs fly." her twin replied.
"That could actually be arranged." Lisa then stated, much to the surprise of both twins.
Luna and Leni noticed Lynn walking into the kitchen. They decided to quickly speak with her. "Hey LJ. Are you okay?" Luna asked.
Lynn simply shrugged her shoulders in response.
"We had no idea about all that stuff you said. Is that guy you were talking about the reason why you're so aggressive all the time?" Leni brought up.
Luna then nudged her sister in the elbow for blurting that comment out so bluntly. "Leni!" she told her off.
"Nah, don't worry about it. I wouldn't have talked about all that stuff if I was too cagey about you guys bringing it up." Lynn claimed.
"We're sorry you went through that, Lynn." Leni said sympathetically.
"Eh, it's not your fault. All that stuff that happened to me is just something I have to live with." she told them before opening the back door and walking outside.
"LJ, that dude who made you think that way... who was he?" Luna then questioned.
Lynn briefly stopped in her tracks and said "Doesn't matter. He's history to me." before continuing to walk off.
While his sisters felt excited for their upcoming televised appearance, Lincoln began walking upstairs, still with a troubled look on his face. Lucy noticed her brother walking upstairs alone and asked him "What's wrong, Lincoln?"
He stared downward at her and said "Something still smells fishy about those guys."
"Huh?"
"It's just that... it seems weird to me that a production crew would want to film a documentary about us, but only want to talk about our flaws. I just don't trust them, Lucy. I think they had other motives."
"What do you mean?"
He wasn't sure himself. He didn't know how to best explain his perspective in that moment. He just thought to himself that something was amiss...
Outside, the production crew were loading their equipment back into the van. Once they had done that, they got inside and immediately drove away. Once the Loud house was out of sight, Joey McGill removed his top hat and pulled off his fake grey beard.
"Ah! Finally, my head can breath!" he remarked as he revealed himself to be none other than Jeff Miller.
Katie and Emily then also took off their sunglasses and fake raven-haired wigs, revealing themselves as Carly Miller and Morag respectively.
"It's such a relief to be out of that calamity of a house!" Morag said.
Timmy then did the same, removing his red-haired wig and glasses, showing himself to be Jeff and Carly's son, Ryan. "What a bunch of idiots! They had no idea it was us the whole time!" he mockingly stated.
"Dang right, son! Those Louds are such suckers, we just played them for fools!" Jeff said. "That little brat Lincoln thinks he's so smart, but even he gave up his biggest weakness without even knowing it... his love for his sisters!" he sinisterly stated.
Carly then dialled a number on her mobile...
"Good afternoon, Mrs Miller. Is it finished?"
"Yes, Doctor Linnaeus. Everything ran smoothly, just as planned." Carly answered.
"Of course it did. Everything is going just as he said it would. Those cretins spilled the beans, now we know all their weaknesses and vulnerabilities! Now we have exactly what we need to bring those wretched Louds down once and for all!" Dr Linnaeus said excitedly before ending the call.
The doctor was sitting at a large round table with a number of guests. She was surrounded by various individuals whom had all been thwarted by members of the Loud family at some point. Joyce Crandall, Guy Grazer, Doug and Michelle, Mayor Davis' former campaign manager Vic, Hank and Hawk, Taylor, Pablo, Anderson, Chandler, and even alternate universe Albert/Pop Pop were all sat at the table with her. They were all sporting devilish grins on their faces as they overheard her conversation with the Millers.
"So, it worked?" Joyce asked.
Dr Linnaeus cockily told her new allies "That's right. The plan is coming to fruition! Soon we will strike vengeance against those obnoxious, rancid Louds! Their pasts will finally catch up to them... in a big way!"
Author's Footnote:
So, that concludes this story, which will lead into my next big one. The next story, which I've now aptly called "The Loud's Finest Hour" will be a 6-10 chapter long FanFiction that will, as you now know, be about the Loud's taking on the faction of antagonists, whilst dealing with multiversal conundrums and personal struggles throughout. Consider it as an amalgamation of all the different escapades of the show, as well as a homage to all my own previous FanFiction works. That's all I'll say about it for now. Expect it either during Christmas break or after the New Year. Depends when I get round to writing it.
In the meantime, let me know your overall thoughts on this story, and have a good Christmas.