What I Like About Spike

by RavenLove12

She said she liked him sometimes, what were those times? Following the departure of the Finns at the end of ‘As You Were’ Buffy decides to hear Spike’s side of things, and makes a decision that will change everything between them forever.

Written for the 2022 EF Secret Santa Event

Gift For: Electric Heart

Rated for Language and Sexual Content

The prompt: "She said she liked him sometimes, what were those times? (s6)"

The prompt was fairly open so I decided to do a rewrite of the end of "As You Were" and take things from there. I really hope you enjoy it! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Betaed by Geliot99 who is an amazing human and you should definitely read her work!!!

---

The Finns, Riley and his annoyingly likable wife Sam, who Buffy wished she could hate but couldn't, were gone. Buffy stood out in the street watching until the helicopter was out of sight before heading inside with the others. It had all been a bit much for her. Maybe a shower would make her feel better. Maybe she would go to bed early, maybe she would even let herself have a good cry.

Once Dawn and Willow had gone to bed, Buffy got into the shower. The day had been so emotionally draining and the hot water helped to at least relax her shoulders a little. After everything with Riley and Sam, after stressing out about work and even after realizing that there was a good chance she might not even have a job after just walking out the way she had. Even after all that, the only thing that really kept popping into her head was Spike.

A million little things kept bombarding her mind. The way she had begged him to tell her he loved her. The look of genuine surprise at her request and the way he answered without hesitation as though the answer was obvious. She knew he thought it was obvious. He had told her as much, time and time again. Even so, she just needed to hear it. She needed to hear that sensitivity in his voice; to feel loved.

Then it all went wrong.

After Riley found them together and she had handled it so horribly. He had called Spike "The Doctor" which Buffy didn't fail to notice he never admitted to and had denied at every turn. She was used to Spike coming up with some random schemes over the years but nothing like this. This was definitely out of the ordinary. Not to mention the fact that the eggs definitely weren't there the last time she had been down in his bedroom less than two days ago. That had to mean something didn't it? Or was she just being ridiculously hopeful?

For all of his faults, Spike had always admitted to his crazier schemes when she asked about them. Especially since she had been back. It was true that he could've been putting on a show because Riley was there, but something about the situation just didn't sit well with her.

She shook her head under the water trying to clear her mind, but her thoughts were just as jumbled as they were before. Buffy turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her slender form and padded to her bed. Flopping down onto her side, still wrapped in nothing but the towel. The look on Spike's face when he told her all she ever did was play games with him invaded her mind. He looked like she felt now. Broken inside. Had she done that to him? Of course she had, she was already painfully aware of the fact.

She gripped the pillow close to her chest, clawing her fingers into the soft material as her body racked with sobs. Her chest was tight and felt far too small for all of the emotions roiling inside of her. It was enough to make her want to throw up. Had there been anything in her stomach she might have. It felt like an age before she was able to get her breathing under control and compose herself.

She thought she would be crying over Riley, but no. The hurt in Spike's eyes. The look on his face. God, it was too heartbreaking. She knew him. He never hid who he was. Maybe some of the things he had done, sure, but never who he was. Soulless as he was, he didn't deserve what she had been doing to him. Using him. She could feel the tears still running down her cheeks and she wiped them away in frustration. She sat up abruptly with the intention of pulling out clean clothes when an envelope on her desk caught her eye. The breath caught in her throat as she remembered what it was and in that moment she made up her mind.

Buffy gathered her clothes, jeans and a pale purple peasant top. She did her makeup and combed her hair. All the while the letter kept drawing her attention. Her heart pounded in her chest. She had never intended on giving it to him. She had only written it a few nights ago but it seemed longer somehow.

She thought back to the fresh memory. How they had ended up UNDER the rug will forever remain a mystery even though she was there and VERY present in the moment. God, the things that vamp could do. He frequently left her unable to use her legs, in the very best ways.

He had asked her "Do you even like me?"

And she had answered glibly saying "Sometimes, I do".

Looking back on it her answer had bothered her every moment since. The more she thought about it the more the truth prickled at her. The truth was that she did like him, mostly. She liked many things about him and that scared the living hell out of her.

So the other night she had sat down and tried to make a list. "Things I like about Spike" topped one column and "Things I Hate about Spike" topped another.

She thought of all the times she found herself genuinely enjoying his company, and all of the things she liked about him and the things she hated too.

That list had turned out much more feeble than she thought it would:

-When he is doing evil vampire things

-When he kidnapped my friends

-When he annoys me

-The whole Buffy-bot thing

-When he got all stalkery

-When he was murdering people

-The fact he is a vampire

That's weak, come on Buffy there has to be more than that. He's evil. Yeah an evil bastard that watches Charlie Brown? She shook her head at the thought.

The list, half hearted and lame as it was, still pretty much covered it. Okay Buffy, so the first one kinda covers some of the other things… and I don't actually hate that he's a vampire. He's really good in a fight. And it's not like he can hurt or kill anyone right now— he has actually been helping my friends— that needs to go on the like side. She scratched her pen across the paper with a sigh.

-When he is doing evil vampire things

-When he kidnapped my friends

-When he annoys me and won't shut-up

-The whole Buffy-bot thing

-When he got all stalkery

-When he was murdering people

-The fact he is a vampire

Stupid list…

Then just for good measure she added:

-When he has ashtray mouth

-When he's super drunk and being an idiot

-When he seems to know exactly what I'm thinking

-When he's an obnoxious ass

-When he is right

Fuck I hate it when he's right…

She read over the list of things she liked about him and realized it was incomplete.

How can there be this many things I actually like about this guy? Shit.

With that thought she had sat down to write a letter instead. If for no other reason than to help her work through her own feelings.

She never intended to give it to him. So why did she even keep it?

She kept thinking about him, about everything that had happened that night, about those stupid eggs and that damn letter she had written. He said he had been holding them for a friend. Like he even had friends other than Clem. Although, she knew he still had a few poker buddies. He also had poker debts… it was entirely possible that he really was holding them either for a "friend" in that respect. At least that would be something she could believe.

Or he was just lying to her. She could also believe that; she had automatically assumed it when Riley was here but now she had a little time to think, it just wasn't adding up. When was the last time she had caught him in an outright lie? Not the "Did you steal the last of the Berber weed?", kind of lie either but rather the big evil, current situation kind of lie. Certainly not since she had been back. No. No way.

She needed answers and for once she was willing to hear him out. What's more, depending on what he had to say, she was going to give him the letter.

Buffy pulled her black coat around herself tightly against the chill of the night. It seemed colder now than it did earlier in the evening, and she wished she hadn't worn the cute little purple top underneath it now, but it was too late. Fashion choices had been made. She was over halfway to his crypt, on her way to confront her vampire. Her vampire? When the hell had she started to think of him like that? The idea seemed almost ludicrous.

She reached into her coat pocket feeling the letter there and steeling her nerve before quietly pushing open the door.

"Spike?"

The upper level looked the same it had earlier, even the blankets on the sarcophagus were just as they had left them. There was no sign of him. Then she heard something from the lower level. Of course.

Buffy shrugged off her coat, laying it on the back of his chair. Somehow it was warmer in here than it was outside which didn't make much sense to her but she was still glad for it. Unless it was only warmer because everything got burned downstairs. Guilt tugged at her at that thought.

Clutching the letter in her hand, she made her way down the ladder. The first glimpse of him sent pieces of her heart scattering. He looked so lost, so dejected. Even his quip about the bed seemed hollow. God what did she do to him?

For a minute she thought about just ending it. A clean break might be the best… Either way, it's make or break time.

"Spike, we need to talk."

"Do we? Is that something we do now? Talk?" He let out a manic little chuckle that did nothing to cover his obvious distress.

"I want you to tell me your side of the story. And don't lie to me."

He huffed and clenched his fists in frustration, "Tried that earlier. See how bloody well it worked out, don't you? Just look at my sodding records," his voice cracked slightly as he made a wide gesture towards his destroyed vinyl collection Buffy had shot by accident.

"You're still sticking to the 'holding them for a friend' story?"

"More of an acquaintance if you want to get technical but yeah."

"How do I know you're not lying about this?"

"Bloody hell, should've known you'd want proof…" he hung his head not looking at her.

"Can you blame me?"

"What can I say? You said don't lie. I'm not bloody lying. Not that I really expect you to believe me… So unless you're here for a reason, Slayer, maybe you should just shove off because I'm really not in the mood to keep hashing out the same old rot," he added kicking a charred mess that had once been a throw pillow. "Guess you'll just have to take my sodding word for it."

"Say I do? Let's say that I believe you. Why would this friend, or acquaintance, ask you to hold them and not tell you how to care for them?"

"Probably hoping one of the nasty little blighters would rip my sodden head off no doubt."

"Nice friend."

"Yeah well I won't be worrying about that bastard anymore."

"You killed him?"

"I try to pay off a debt by doin'em a favor and that wanker pulls a stunt like that? Damn right I did! Not gonna be played like that again anytime soon either I tell you that. Had witnesses, don't think any of them will be messin round with me like that for a good long while. This bloody mess was a setup from the beginning. No one else knew I had the things. Ergo he was the one that told your Toy-soldier and got him to blow the place up. Probably figured if those things didn't kill me then he would. Get rid of the Slayer's pet vampire once and for all."

"Pet vampire?"

"Just talk. Been called worse things, Slayer."

"You think this all happened because you've been helping me and the Scoobies?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, "Not the first time something like this has happened. I'm just normally faster than they are and nip it in the bud. Should've seen this one coming."

Buffy's heart sank, he had been suffering for her worse than she had even suspected. Her hand tightened on the letter. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Right, like you need that too?"

She blinked and looked around. He noticed her wandering gaze and followed it. His eyes landed on the bed and he looked longingly at it, "Not going to be easy to replace the mattress. Really liked that one too."

Buffy tried not to take note of the weariness in his tone. He sounded exhausted. "Was this guy the Doctor?"

"Bugger if I know. I wasn't playing before. Trying to get your knickers down, sure, but I wasn't playing. Would've had to do some investigating into that one. If he was then he never mentioned it."

Buffy nodded and again looked around the wreckage that had once been a surprisingly comfortable room. "For what it's worth I'm sorry about all this."

Spike stared at her, a little stunned, "You're sorry?"

"The grenade was sort of my fault."

He gaped at her like a goldfish, "You?" He shook his head and held up a hand, "Just stop there. As much as I'd love to be mad at you, fact is you just did what you had to, Slayer. I wouldn't have wanted the damn things getting out anymore than you would. Didn't even know what the hell they were. That was stupid on my part I know, should've asked questions."

"Why didn't you?"

He let out a long frustrated sigh, "Thought it was a good deal, cancel my debt for egg sitting. Should've known it was too good to be true. If I'm guilty of anything here it's that I didn't do my due diligence like I normally would."

There was something in his tone that made her believe him. She looked down at the letter gripped in her hand. His eyes flickered to it and back to her face.

His voice was barely audible when he asked, "That my 'Dear, John' letter then? Round out my perfect day?"

She cleared her throat, "Not exactly. I—" she stopped biting her lip, then thrust the letter towards him, "Go on, take it before I change my mind and burn it."

He looked at it dumbfounded then stretched out a tentative hand, as though it might be his death warrant. "Buffy, I— I swear, I'm not the most honest bloke there is but I'm not lying about this. I'm not lying about how I feel about you. You must know that by now."

"I know. I believe you. Just— promise me you'll read it. I just can't—" Buffy stopped. "If you wanna talk about it later, I'll be home, I'll probably be up. I don't think I'll be able to sleep knowing you have that… I just can't be here when— I'm sorry William," She took a deep steadying breath before turning up the ladder, leaving Spike awkwardly staring at the letter in his hand.

Spike turned the thick envelope over. His throat constricted. She hadn't even written his name on it. God, he was going to need a drink for this. He shoved the letter roughly into his pocket and after hearing the front door clanging shut, he climbed the ladder to the upper floor. After the day he had, he wasn't going to bother with a glass. Spike grabbed his last full bottle of bourbon, thankful it hadn't been downstairs when the grenades had gone off.

He pulled out the letter and sat down in his chair. Then took a swig from the bottle before unfolding the off white lined stationary, all three sheets of it.

Oh god, I'm in for it. Bloody hell she should have just staked me and got this done with. He thought before starting to read her bubbly handwriting.

Spike,

You asked me if I even liked you and I've been thinking about that a lot. I mean, a lot.

I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to give you this letter. Hell I might just burn it when I'm done like I did the others, but I'm writing it anyway. This started as a way to help me figure out what my feelings toward you are. I think I've written term papers that were easier to get through than this but apparently you're not the only idiot who likes pain in this… relationship or whatever this is because writing this might be one of the most painful things I've ever done to myself. In fact this is the fourth time I've written this damn thing and I still can't make the Buffy-brain-soup congeal into something recognisable as the English language. Sorry.

Spike snorted out a laugh, "Bloody hell, Slayer," he muttered before taking another drink and continued reading.

The fact is that you are an arrogant, egotistical, asshole, a murderer and an evil soulless vampire and that's just off the top of my head. I don't even want to know what else. Someday maybe I will because I know I'll need to know, but right now I'm not sure if I want to. I think I like you too much to hear about all that right now. Not yet.

"She actually likes me?"

Yeah you read that right you're not going crazy and your eyes are not playing tricks on you. The fact of the matter is, there are lots of things I like about you. I even kinda surprised myself with that one. I guess that's why I keep writing this damn letter over and over again.

You probably think this is the funniest thing you've ever read. I know this thing is screaming for the garbage can. Maybe you're right, but if I'm letting you read this at all, it's because I've come to a decision. Well here I go… all the things I like about you.

He blinked several times. All the things she— when did I walk into 'The Twilight Zone'?

I like that you are good in a fight and you back me up whenever I need you.

I like that I can depend on you. I never thought I could depend on someone the way that I can depend on you. I thought I could depend on Angel and then Riley too but I was seriously wrong about them both. Hell, of all the men in my life you are somehow the most dependable. How fucking screwed up is that?

"Not exactly a high bar to hurtle, Pet."

I love the way you were the one that was there for Dawn, even though you didn't need to be. Your part was done. You could've left and it would've been fine because that was all that was expected of you. Dawn was home safe and that was the end. It was my end anyway. You could've left town, that should've been it. But you stayed. And don't tell me you just stayed around for a dead girl. You didn't need to stay to help them but you did.

And you didn't just do that. Dawn told me how you helped out with things around the house and I like knowing that you did that.

More importantly, I like knowing that you chose to do that. You made the decision to help out even though I was gone and you had no reason to think I'd be back. You didn't do it for me or to get in my pants. You did it for her and I really love that, Spike.

I like that you helped her with her homework and that you made sure she got to bed on time and she was safe.

That's huge and for that I will always be grateful.

He looked up from the letter and ran a hand through his hair, breaking apart some of the curls but not caring. His mind was swimming with her words.

When Dawn told me about everything you did… I definitely didn't hate you then. I think you should know just how much it means to me and to Dawn. As a matter of fact, I have something else to say that I actually do plan on telling you: I was wrong telling you to stay away. I think she needs you, now more than ever.

Especially with me, trying to figure things out. My life is such a mess right now. I haven't even told you half of it. I just— when I'm with you it's nice to not have to think about everything. I don't have to think about anything because you make it all go away. I know that's not right. I'm using you to help me cope and that's not right. I hate myself for doing that to you but at the same time— I need you. I need to be able to escape this crushing weight I can't budge. I feel like I'm itty-bitty-ant-Buffy trying to take on Anya's ex, remember that troll dude? And I'm just going to stop that right there before I end up wasting more stationary. I keep forgetting I'm not giving this to you and I start rambling. So what if I really got off topic there! I'm leaving it because I'm never going to show you this anyway and if I do then… well maybe it's time I apologize for being so horrible to you.

"Bloody fucking hell, Slayer."

Sure I've been a sodding wanker but hell, you could have said something before now. Shits just gonna have to change is all.

He took a long pull from the bottle before he got up and began pacing with the letter still in hand.

Another thing I like about you, you're not demanding where it counts. Annoying when you want something, but not demanding. Not— not when it really counts. You've never pushed when I needed space. You just let me have it and that is huge because I don't get a lot of that in my life. I kinda love you for that. Everyone just wants me to be happy, everyone just wants me to be okay and carry on as though nothing happened. I can't just do that! And I think you know that. You understand. Somehow, you get me and I thought I hated that but the more I'm with you, the more I like you for it.

I like your mouth, it's a very good very talented mouth. Even if annoying things usually come out of it. Then sometimes you say some really good things too and I like that.

I like the way you try to hide the fact you have curly hair and it still escapes sometimes. It's wild and sexy and it suits you. Don't get me wrong, I still like the gel, just not quite so helmety. I like the way it looks all messy after sex and I'm just going to shut up now.

That made him grin and he ran a hand through his hair, breaking up more of the gel and releasing more of his unruly curls.

I like the way we fit together. It's comfortable. You're all cable and wire and hard edges and yet I love the way we just sort of melt into each other so perfectly. I love how you know exactly what to do and when to do it. I like the way you hold me and I love how you feel inside me. I've never had that with anyone else, not even Angel or Riley and definitely not Parker. You're right, I probably did bruise him… Riley too if I'm honest… and Angel… well I'm sure you heard all about that.

Spike grimaced. Angelus hadn't spared the details. It's how he knew about the spot on the back of her neck that made her turn into putty. Not that he wouldn't have found it quickly enough on his own. He'd discovered much more interesting erogenous zones that Buffy didn't know she had. Which wasn't really much of a surprise considering the sources. He knew for a fact that Angelus was a greedy bastard and Angel wasn't any better from the sound of it. The one night stand wasn't worth an honorable mention, and then there was Major Missionary with his cornfed Iowa ideology. It was a wonder the Slayer ever got any satisfaction at all.

Girl is right, it really says a lot when the cream of the crop is the likes of me.

Spike, I really like the fact that you have never left me alone after we do what we do. Look, I know I'm less than cuddly and I don't really tend to stick around and I've been– kinda mean… okay, really mean… but I— I think I'm just scared. Fuck that sounds so pathetic. If you ever do read this you'll probably be laughing your ass off and saying something stupid about how we're "meant to be in the dark together". Well you can just shut your smart ass mouth and wipe that stupid smug smile off your stupid face. I mean seriously, you definitely should not be that damn pretty…

Spike had to go back and read through it again. He hadn't been laughing and he definitely didn't feel smug, okay, well maybe a little. Until he had gotten to the last line at least. He let out a bark of laughter, "Madder than Dru, if you say you hadn't been throwing back a few while you were writing this."

Really glad I'm not letting you read this. This one almost started getting as bad as the last one I burned.

I like that you have a hidden mini library in your bottom drawer that you don't think anyone knows about. Yes, I snooped, like you wouldn't!

I like that you mostly have poetry in there and can I tell you a secret that I'm pretty sure only Willow knows? I actually like poetry. Not that I'm an expert or anything but I do like poetry.

I like that you still keep a journal. No, I have not read it. I've only seen it, but the idea that you keep a journal is nice. I am afraid to find out what's actually in there because well, what the hell does a vampire write about? I'm probably an idiot and it's actually a ledger or something keeping track of your poker winnings and losings, but thinking it's a journal and the fact that you keep it is something I like.

I like that you fixed up your place when I started coming over more. Well I guess technically when Dawn started coming over more but still. I like that you care.

Did I mention that I like how you were taking care of my sister? Yeah, that's a big.

I know it's been a while now, but I really like how you seemed to get along with my mom and you genuinely cared about her. It still totally freaks me out, but in a good way. She liked you and I don't know, it's just weird. I mean how is it that you were so good with her? Like are you secretly a reformed mama's boy or something? It's still wiggy to me that she liked you and maybe she knew that you were different. Maybe she knew what I didn't at the time. Maybe she knew how I would start to feel about you. Which I am only really realizing now, it scares me.

What?

He stopped reading. There was still a good bit of letter left to read and he was suddenly afraid of what might come next. Spike set the letter down on top of the sarcophagus, took a drink and went to the fridge for some blood. He warmed it in his battered little microwave and pretended it was comfort food. Black pudding, just like mother used to make. Well not his mother, the cook made it, but he and his mother would certainly enjoy having breakfast together. Buffy had no idea how close she was to the truth.

And what the hell was this? She was starting to have feelings for him?

"Could have fooled me." He growled, glaring at the letter like it might bite him. He gulped down the last of the blood, and went back to the bourbon before picking up the letter again.

I'm afraid of what these new feelings mean, and that maybe I'm wrong for having them. Tara says that I didn't come back wrong but… I still can't help it. If I can feel this way for someone without a soul then does that mean I– I don't even know how to say it… and it's about this point where the first letter met fire. Spike, I"m fucking terrified. I don't know what this means… you are a soulless evil murderer with a bug zapper in his skull and somehow you claim to love me. I keep thinking about Drusilla saying that vampires can love even without a soul and I know you agree with her. But if that's true then I have to admit that maybe you are capable of love. That Angel was capable of love even without a soul. Then I think, if that's true then why didn't Angelus love me too?

Not that I want Angelus to love me, he's the king of all the evil assholes but it still raises more questions than I can think about right now and it scares me and a scared Buffy is a bitchy Buffy. I've been lashing out at you because of it. I know I have and it's wrong. I'm so sorry, William. I'm so sorry that I'm having such a hard time with all of this. I'm falling in love with you—

The letter slipped from his fingers mid sentence.

She's sorry AND she's falling in love with me? She's actually- Oh god…

His thoughts started to race as he scrambled to the floor to pick the letter back up and find his place again.

I'm falling in love with you and it scares me and it's making me second guess everything in my entire life. I'm such a mess as it is and then this and… I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm a big Buffy mess right now and the only thing that makes anything alright at all is the one thing that shouldn't. You.

I don't know if I want it to be like that any more. I know something has to give before I break. I think I love you, and hell if I know what that means. If you're reading this it's because I've decided I want you to know about all the crazy that has been rolling around in my head. I don't know where we go from here. I just know that I can't keep treating you the way I have been. I need to get my head and my life figured out and I… have I mentioned the big toxic waste dump that is my life right now?

I'm sorry I've been taking my anger and my frustrations out on you. You don't deserve it. You really don't.

~Buffy

Spike collapsed into his chair, the letter still clutched in his hand. "Bloody hell, Slayer. Drop a sodding a-bomb on me why don't you?" He rasped. He looked around at the gray walls of his crypt aimlessly. His eyes stung. A million thoughts rushed through his head at once converging into one single thought. She loves me.

He shook his head and looked back at the letter. No, she's falling in love with me. There's a difference. Got to play this right…

He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

Now what? Slayer said she'd be awake to talk. So we'll talk.

Making up his mind, he plunged his hand down between the chair cushion and the armrest, pulling out the small black leather journal he had stashed there. The same one Buffy had found. He shoved it and the letter into his duster pocket and stormed out of his crypt.

They definitely needed to have a nice long chat if they were going to make this work.

Buffy sat in the kitchen with a cup of tea. She had changed into a pair of comfortable pajamas, a pair of flannel sleep pants with kittens on them and a long sleeved white top. Cozy enough for sleep but not so embarrassing if Spike showed up. Part of her thought he would have been here by now and another part of her thought he might not want to see her at all. He had told her he loved her so many times that she wanted to believe him but maybe today had changed things too much. What if he couldn't forgive her? She took a deep breath trying to ease some of the tension in her chest.

I knew that letter was a bad idea.

Several minutes later a quiet tapping on the back door nearly knocked Buffy off of her stool. She let out a groan when she looked up to see his familiar face. He had obviously seen her. Fantastic.

"Took you long enough," she murmured as she opened the door for him.

"Took me a bit to pick myself up off the floor after that one, Slayer."

Her stomach twisted. "Did you read it?"

"Rather thought we established that."

She looked around awkwardly, "Do you want some tea?"

He scratched the back of his neck as he closed the door behind himself, "Watcher, ever teach you how to do it proper?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Seriously?"

He gave her a look that said he was very serious. Then he pulled out the letter and slapped it on the counter, "I couldn't possibly discuss this with anything less than a proper cuppa, whiskey would be better but I doubt you got any."

Buffy blanched slightly at the sight of the letter then rolled her eyes, "No, no whiskey. Yes, I can make a 'proper' cup of tea. I'll just refill the kettle."

"Ta, Luv," he took a seat at the kitchen island watching her with rapt eyes as she busied herself with tea for each of them.

She started, nearly spilling the hot liquid when she turned around and noticed his piercing gaze, "Are we going to talk or are you just going to stare at me like I've grown an extra head?"

"Not really sure where to start to be honest."

She fidgeted with her tea cup nervously taking a tentative sip.

"Did you mean it?" He asked, taking a drink as well.

"Mean what?"

"What you said in the bloody letter of course, what am I here for? Not tea."

She swallowed hard, "Yeah, I did."

"All of it?"

"I— Yes, Spike. Every last word." She mumbled to her cup.

"Is that why you can't even look at me?"

She looked up at him in defiance, "Are you mad at me?"

"Am I— You're off your nut, you are. Yeah you were using me as an out. I get that, and yeah if you're serious about this then you better believe there'll be some changes going forward. I ain't gonna keep being your dirty little secret for one. Think you'll be a whole lot happier out in the open too, know I will." He took another sip of tea and looked back up at her, "Bloody hell, Buffy, is it so hard to just tell me? I'm right here. I've been here. If you can't even say it to my face, how am I to believe you'll let your friends in on it? If you really mean it, what's stopping you from saying the words?"

She picked up a tea towel and started playing with the edge, "I don't know. You read the letter. That's part of the problem."

He nodded. "It's like that little ditty I sang you ain't it? You're ashamed of what you feel. Except this isn't quite the same is it? It's not just you that's hurting is it?"

"I don't want to keep doing this, Spike."

He scoffed, "This? Please, do be specific."

"You know what I'm talking about. This thing we have, it isn't good for either of us. If—" she spread her hands in front of her on either side of her tea cup, "You're right. We have to make a change."

"Glad we're on the same page, Pet." He picked up the letter and waved it, "Buffy, I've dreamt of you saying half of this. I could re-read it until my eyes turn to dust, but it don't mean a damn thing if you can't say it to my face and continue to keep me locked in your closet! You bloody well know how I feel. You wanted me to know what's going on in that head of yours and now I do. But I need to hear you say it. Is that really too much to ask?"

She shook her head. Things couldn't keep going the way they had been, she couldn't take it anymore. If things were really going to change, she had to make a move.

Buffy slid off her stool, abandoning her tea and went over to him. He turned in his seat to face her and let her position herself between his knees. Her hands were warm as she laid them on his thighs.

"I really hate it when you're right," she took a deep breath and swallowed a lump in her throat. Then stared at her hands before looking up into the soft blue of his eyes, "I'm falling in love with you, William, and I'm afraid of what that means." Tears started rolling down her cheeks and Spike brought his hands up to cup her chin, wiping the tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"Does it have to mean anything? Can't we just figure it out together? That's what real couples do isn't it?" He murmured.

Buffy gasped out a short sob, "You really mean it?"

"Course I do, Pet, don't be daft. As long as there's a chance you love me, I'm all in. Hell, who am I kidding, I'm yours no matter what. Love's sodding bitch, that's me."

Something snapped in Buffy's chest. Like a steel band that had been wrapped around her heart suddenly breaking and she let out a little gasp.

His face grew concerned, "You alright, Slayer?"

She nodded and her eyes widened, "I do. I love you."

Spike drew her in for a kiss. It was passionate but not rough. Firm but soft and it left them both wanting more.

"You're sure?" He panted needlessly, "You're not just saying it to get into my pants?"

Buffy couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, "Don't ruin it, Spike." She kissed him again.

After a long moment they broke the kiss, "So what now?"

"I can think of a few things."

"I bet you can."

"I know what I want. I want to make this bloody thing between us official."

"You want to be my boyfriend?"

"Could probably think of a better name for it but yeah. What is it you want, Slayer?"

Buffy looked at him squarely then nodded, "I'm getting tired. I think I want to go to bed," she patted his leg and turned to leave the kitchen when he grabbed her arm gently.

"Don't think we're done here. I asked you a question."

She turned to look at him, "And I said I want to go to bed. Are you coming, or would you rather sleep on the sarcophagus?"

"You want— but Dawn and Red—"

Buffy shrugged, suddenly feeling a little more confident, "I think I just want you to stay."

"And?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe try the cuddling thing since I know you're a cuddler and I haven't really let you be super cuddly."

"You really mean it? You really want to change what we've been doing and make a real go at things. Just like that?"

Buffy hesitated, so much of what had been holding her back was in that letter. Now it was in the open between them, a few of the things she was worried about were starting to melt away a little. She nodded, "I think we both had a really bad day and I just need my boyfriend to stay over."

Spike swallowed the lump in his throat, "This is definitely not the direction I saw this day going after Finn walked in on us."

"Me either."

"You know I haven't got an overnight bag."

"You sleep naked, Spike… if you're worried about Dawn, I think I have something you can use."

He eyed her pajama bottoms, "Does it involve kittens?"

She gripped his hand and pulled him to his feet easily, "Very funny, I think my gray sweatpants would be just fine."

"I can handle that for the Bit's sake. Lead the way, Pet."

In the entry Buffy turned to him, "Why don't you hang up your coat?"

He had hung it on one of the hooks there many times but somehow this seemed different. Like she was asking him to stake his flag and claim his prize. The thought was both encouraging and terrifying. For all his talk about wanting to come out to her friends, this wasn't exactly what he had in mind and it was a little daunting.

"Spike?"

He cleared his throat, "Sure, course I will."

He hung it on his usual hook and when he turned back around, Buffy was staring at him with those wide green eyes as though she had just realized what was going through his mind. "If you don't want to stay—"

"You know I do. It's just, I've been hiding in the shadows for so long, I thought you'd stake me before you'd invite me in when they were about."

"Yeah well don't make me regret it."

"Just a tic, Luv," he turned back, pulling his journal out of the pocket of his duster before gesturing up the stairs with it.

Buffy eyed the small black leather book but didn't say anything. They were both quite on the stairs and in the hallway outside of the bedrooms. Buffy didn't speak until they reached her bedroom and had the door closed behind them. "You brought your journal?"

"Said it was one of the things you liked about me. Thought maybe I'd share a bit," it was his turn to avoid eye contact.

"It's not a poker ledger right?" She asked as she opened one of her dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and tossed them onto the end of the bed.

He chuckled softly, "Nothing of the sort."

She stood up suddenly after folding down the covers, "Oh god, it's not like Jeffrey Dahmer's cookbook or anything, right? I didn't just decide to become one of those crazy women who marries a serial killer in prison did I?"

"Bloody hell, Slayer. First off, slow down. You know what I was then and you know what I am now. Can't hurt, can't kill. Would I go back to it if I got this sodding chip out of my head tomorrow? Not on your life, or Dawn's. If there's anything I'm good at, it's adapting to survive and I'm not about to do anything that's going to cause you more pain, that includes having to stake me because we both know you would. I know you Buffy, you're no death-row groupie. Far from it."

Buffy relaxed her shoulders, "How do you always know what to say?"

"I really don't," he chuckled and sat down on the side of the bed to kick off his boots. "I just know you, that's all. And stop going all Schrödinger's cat on my sodding journal, because that's all it is. Some rambling, much like your letter, but with some poetry thrown in."

"Poetry?"

"Told you what I was before I died, don't pretend you forgot."

Her mouth was suddenly dry, it wasn't really that she had forgotten, more like she had disregarded it as a lie. Oh god, that's why the poetry books were hidden.

She had told him she liked poetry in the letter. Her heart suddenly sped up at the thought of him sharing something so personal. Then it hit her, he was trying to even the playing field.

Buffy barely registered what she was doing before she found herself pressing her lips against his in a tender kiss as she slowly moved to straddle his lap. Spike let his hands explore her lower back and hips. He pushed up her top allowing his hands to play over the soft skin underneath and ran into something deliciously lacy. Buffy pulled back a little to catch her breath.

"Thought you just wanted to cuddle," Spike smirked wolfishly.

"Cuddling can wait," she whispered as she gripped his shirt and pulled it over his head. They resumed the kiss, Spike falling back onto the bed laying down with his feet still on the floor.

"Say it again, Buffy."

She stopped and pulled back a little to look into his eyes, "I love you." The words were already coming easier.

"And where do you want me to stay?"

"Right here, in my room."

Spike watched her eyes for signs of doubt, "And you're not going to change your mind and toss my ass out when you're finished with me?"

In reply, Buffy pressed her lips against his in a slow kiss that was more like the first kiss they shared after Glory had taken him, but soon deepened. The kiss turned into something new. Reverent.

An odd little moan escaped Spike's throat and they deepened the kiss further, breaking only when Spike pulled her top up and off. She was wearing a little white lace cami underneath and he froze at the sight. "Haven't seen that before."

"You're too destructive. Can you really blame me for not wearing my good stuff for you?"

"You weren't expecting some other bloke were you?" He asked, fingering the lace and kissing a line from her collarbone down to her sternum.

"Don't be stupid," she gasped as he pulled one of her straps down, exposing a breast and taking it in his mouth.

"A fella might wonder under the circumstances." He murmured against her skin.

"You talk too much."

"Always did have a problem with words."

"Shut-up and just make love to me, Spike."

"Can do that."

Buffy rolled off of him pulling her kitten pants down revealing lace trimmed panties that matched the top.

"Bloody hell you're going to be the end of me, Slayer," he murmured, as he reached for his belt buckle and pulled his pants off.

"Kinda my job."

"Funny girl. You gonna lose those sweet little knickers for me or do I have to rip them off?"

Buffy quickly but carefully made a little show of removing both the top and bottoms. Then laid back against the pillows.

Spike ran a hand reverently up her leg to her knee, gripping gently he shifted himself up onto his knees in front of her. "Spread for me, beautiful."

Buffy let out a little gasp of pleasure as he ran his fingers up her thighs and positioned his head down between her legs. He kissed her inner thighs sweetly, before separating her folds with his tongue, tasting her gently at first but quickly picking up the pace as she pushed herself into his mouth.

She bucked, stifling a moan, and it came out as something more like a squeak. Buffy could feel his smile against her and it was almost too much. She was trying so hard to be quiet, it was almost like a silent challenge.

He delved into her further. And she let out a curse, "Spike—" whatever she was about to say was cut off with a moan, and she started to tremble. He pushed his tongue deep within her, tasting her release and lapping up her essence as she came down.

He pulled himself up and over her body with a sly grin, "We're not done yet, sweetheart," he breathed in her ear and trailed kisses along her neck. He continued along her throat then back up to her lips, letting her pull him into a deeper kiss. She had one hand at the base of his neck and the other gripping his back.

She could feel him hard against her and she couldn't help but press herself against him. The contact from the movement pulled a moan from deep within his chest. She reached a hand between their bodies, taking him firmly and rubbing his hard length against her slit. It was all he could do to hold still as she positioned him at her opening. He pulled back from her a little, looking at her expectantly.

"What's wrong?" She gasped, her eyes wide in anticipation.

"Do you really love me?" His voice was full of barely contained emotion and Buffy realized that this was the moment. This wasn't just sex anymore. He wanted this to be as real for her as it was for him. This was the moment when everything would change and nothing would ever be the same.

"Yes. I love you, William. I love you."

With that he kissed her tenderly, exploring her mouth with his tongue as he pushed into her slowly. Savoring each and every thrust until their bodies were fully interlocked like pieces of a puzzle.

Spike pumped into her, taking his time to really feel her. She met his thrust, kissing him deeply. They knew each other well enough to know what the other liked. However, this time was so different. This time they moved slowly and deliberately, taking their time, and making a conscious effort to solidify their relationship. Forging something meaningful and much stronger than they ever imagined having before.

She ran one hand through his hair, gripping his curls tightly and pulling him into a hard kiss. Spike pulled their bodies slightly to the side so he could release one of his hands and ran his hand over her body. He teased her breast, making her moan into his mouth, moving down her stomach until he reached her lower abdomen and he pressed in with a flat hand increasing the pressure as he glided inside of her.

She hooked a leg around his back, digging her heel into him and pushing him into her even further, filling her completely. A strangled scream clawed at her throat as the pressure increased and she felt her second orgasm build. He covered her mouth with his as he moved his hand to cup her mound and rub her clit as he continued to push into her. She screamed into the kiss as her inner walls clamped down on him and they came together in a rush of ecstasy and emotion.

They stayed entwined as they came down together. He ran a hand over the side of her face tenderly, "Do you have any idea how amazing you are?

"You're pretty damn amazing yourself," she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. Something she had rarely done and he purred at the contact. A real leonine purr that made Buffy giggle, "What was that?"

"Nothing!" He said a little too quickly and pulled her closer to him.

"Are you part cat or was that just some kind of a happy vamp sound?"

"Might've been," he sighed, clearly embarrassed.

"It's kind of adorable, I might have to add that to the list," she grinned at him.

"Is that so?"

The next morning Buffy's bedroom door flung open wide without so much as a knock, "Buffy, can I borrow your red sweater? It's kind of cold out, and—" Dawn's eyes grew wide as her brain made sense of the scene in front of her.

Buffy looked up at her sister groggily, thankful the duvet was still covering them. She was on her back, turned slightly towards Spike with her legs wedged in between his. Spike laid on his side with his head resting against her collarbone with his arms still wrapped snugly around her as though he was afraid she would leave him. She brought a hand to his head stroking his hair and he let out another little purr in his sleep.

The sound seemed to pull Dawn from her shock, "Buffy? Is there a reason why Spike is curled up in your bed purring like a cat?"

Buffy ran her hand over his neck and shoulder absently, "Just a weird happy vampire thing."

"That is so not the weirdest part about this."

Spike gripped Buffy a little more tightly and she moved her hand back to the back of his head, "Spike spent the night."

Dawn blinked, "Buffy, I know Riley coming back and all was really wiggy but—"

"We've actually been sort of seeing each other for a few weeks now," Buffy admitted quietly.

"Is this why you haven't been around a lot?"

"Sort of, yeah… are you okay with that?"

"You two are like, really a couple?"

Buffy cleared her throat and smiled down at the still sleeping vampire, "Yeah, I guess we are."

Dawn squealed, waking Spike up with a start, "Bloody hell Niblett, what are you doing?" He managed to get out just before she threw herself at the two of them, apparently not noticing their state of undress. She gave them both an extremely awkward hug before backing away quickly.

"Sorry! Eekk! Okay, you two just— okay, I'm going to get breakfast started. I want to hear everything! Eh, maybe not everything but definitely the good stuff! I can't believe you guys are actually together!" She squealed again and shot out the door leaving both Buffy and Spike stunned.

"What are the chances the rest of them will take it that well?"

"Don't hold your breath, Slayer. Although Dawn is the only one of the lot I was worried about. Piss on the rest."

Buffy glared at him and started to pull on her pajamas, "Play nice or I will kick your ass."

"Wouldn't expect anything less." He reached for the sweatpants Buffy had tossed onto the bottom of the bed the night before, they had landed on the floor at some point and he was in full naked glory when there was a knock at the door.

Buffy shot him a nervous glance, "Not exactly dressed in here!" Buffy answered.

"Buffy? Everything okay in there? I thought I heard you talking to someone," came Willow's voice.

"Everything is fine, Dawn is making breakfast, I'm just going to go make sure she doesn't burn the house down."

"Her eggs have gotten a lot better, count me in. I'll be there in a few minutes, I want to get in the shower."

"Okay, WE will see you down there!" Buffy said pointedly as she watched Spike pull on the pants. They were big on her so they actually fit him relatively well.

Either Willow thought Buffy was referring to her and Dawn, or she didn't catch Buffy's use of words because she didn't reply. But Spike did and returned her gaze with a firm nod, "Right then, on with the show."

Buffy tossed him an oversized Sunnydale University t-shirt that she had used as a nightgown. "Here, you might want that. I don't think I want my baby sister drooling at breakfast."

"Oh please."

"Just humor me." Buffy looked at the spot where his clothes had landed the night before and felt another pang of guilt. "We're probably going to have to replace all your clothes too, huh?" She asked.

"You're throwing around that 'we' word awfully fast."

"Is that a problem?"

"Not as far as I'm concerned. I'm just afraid you're gonna give yourself whiplash, Slayer."

"I'm just sort of trying it out, see how it feels."

"And the verdict?"

"A little early to tell… but so far so good I guess," she shrugged. "Are you ready for this?"

He looked down at the borrowed clothes, "If these don't speak volumes then I don't know what will. I imagine I probably do have to find some new clothes, not sure though. You kind of interrupted me when I was starting to assess the damage. I'd only just got back from Willy's when you came in last night."

"Maybe we'll head over to your place later and check it out. See if anything is salvageable."

He reached out for her, drawing her in, "You don't have to do that."

"Kinda do. I feel really bad about your place getting destroyed and it's not like I can afford to replace any of it but at least maybe I can help with a few things."

He pulled her into a long lingering kiss, "I love you."

"I love you too, but my tummy is hungry and I don't know if I trust Dawn in the kitchen by herself for too long so we better go."

Dawn was bouncing along happily to some teenage pop song when the two of them padded into the kitchen. She had just laid plates of eggs and toast down on the kitchen island. She looked up at them with a wide grin, "Perfect timing!"

They slid onto the stools in front of the offered plates, Spike eyed his plate dubiously.

"Don't worry, Spike. I got you covered. I froze the last of the blood you had here before Buffy came back, it should be just about done warming up."

A few seconds later the microwave beeped and she retrieved it, setting it next to his plate. He stared at her a moment, touched by the consideration. Dawn shifted uncomfortably, "I couldn't see letting it go to waste and I thought it might be a good idea if we had some on hand in case you got hurt or something. It's not exactly fresh. Probably taste like toaster waffles or something but–"

"Right thoughtful of you Nibblet. Thanks."

Buffy wrapped an arm around his back, "We should probably start keeping some here again."

"Planning on keeping me round?"

"Much of the yes."

He turned towards her for a kiss just as Willow came into the kitchen behind them and let out a squeak of surprise. "I swear I didn't do this!"

Spike chuckled, breaking the kiss, "Not a spell, Red."

Buffy hummed, "Spike's place kinda got destroyed."

"Okay, so you're kissing him in the kitchen over breakfast?"

"They've been secretly dating." Dawn chimed in. Neither Buffy or Spike were about to explain the distinction of their relationship prior to last night to Dawn. If she wanted to believe they were dating and lead everyone else to that much more healthy assumption, then they would let her.

"So this has nothing to do with Riley coming to town with his new wife?"

"Wife? Didn't tell me about that bit, Love. Is that why you—"

"No— absolutely not. That had almost nothing to do with it."

"Almost? Is that what last night was about?"

"Yeah I had a lot going through my head and maybe it had something to do with giving you the letter but I wrote that way before they came to town."

"Right…" he took a drink of blood from his cup, eyeing her intently.

"Spike, I meant what I said."

"You willing to back that up, Pet?"

"You know I am."

"Do I?"

"I'm sorry, what letter?" Willow asked.

"Buffy here wrote me a very nice long love letter detailing all the things she likes about me. Very touching it was."

Dawn giggled, "Buffy wrote a love letter?"

Buffy groaned, "You couldn't have kept your mouth shut could you?"

"Wouldn't love me half as much if I did. Be honest. Think I recall my mouth being one of the things you like about me as a point of fact," he couldn't help his smirk.

Willow's cheeks went red and she nudged Dawn when she looked like she was about to ask questions, "So this is what? Your coming-out party?"

Dawn squealed shrilly, "Can we? Can we have a party? Just a little one! Pizza and the gang?"

Buffy and Spike glanced at each other, "Your call, Slayer." Spike said coolly.

"I don't know how happy Xander is going to be about it."

"Told you, I don't give a toss about what that berk thinks."

"I know Tara will be happy. Okay, fine, you win Dawn. Spike and I have some things we need to take care of today. We have to go over to his place and then probably the mall. Spike needs some replacement stuff."

"Wait, Tara knew?"

Buffy hesitated, "Yeah, I sort of needed to talk to someone and she isn't judgey…"

Willow looked stricken as she watched Spike wrap an arm around Buffy's shoulders and kiss her tenderly on the temple. The fact that Buffy felt she had to hide from her stung, maybe not as much as finding out she had been in heaven, but it definitely stung. She tried to think about how Buffy had reacted when she had come out to her about Tara and her heart sank. "I'm sorry I haven't been the bestest bestie lately. If you're happy, then I'm happy. Count me in on the party planning." Willow said solemnly as she reached out to her best friend for a hug.

That night, they were back at Buffy's house after salvaging what they could from Spike's crypt and moving it to the upper level. Buffy still felt guilty about the damage and she was apprehensive that the impromptu party tonight could potentially set the tone for their relationship moving forward.

It was almost like her birthday party all over again. Except this time there was no surprise blind-date or extra guest. It was just Dawn, her friends, and the man she loved. They were finally going to come clean to her friends, tell them about their relationship and see where things went from there. To say she was nervous was an understatement.

Buffy pulled on a pretty light pink dress with length sleeves that she hadn't had a chance to wear yet, it was definitely more appropriate for the colder weather. They had managed to get Spike a few articles of clothing from his place and he was dressed decently enough in clean pants and a button down black shirt.

Everything he now owned fit neatly in a duffel bag he had brought with him. Neither one of them had said anything about it. It seemed a bit soon for Spike to move in but at the same time there was something natural about it. Maybe that was just the guilt from leaving him with next to nothing. She tried to shrug off, the thought.

That was a problem for another day and it would definitely have to be something she would have to talk to Dawn about before she asked Spike. Although she was pretty sure she knew what the answer would be considering Dawn had already asked if he would be staying overnight again and insisted that Willow went to get blood for him.

Tonight's problem was going to be her friends. Her sister had accepted Spike with open arms which had been bolstering. Willow's reaction had thrown Buffy slightly. She almost seemed a little too quick to accept everything, or maybe that was just her brain working against her.

It was possible that she had built up the scenario to such a point that it seemed utterly impossible for them to accept Spike when that wasn't the case at all. It had really been a matter of whether or not they would still accept her. Then that brought up the question if it was just her fear of accepting her feelings for Spike? Now that she had, things seemed to be falling in place. So what if Xander didn't wholeheartedly approve? It wasn't like he was dating the guy. Same with Giles. He had left her to make her own decisions after all and if he didn't agree with those decisions then maybe he should have stayed.

She was also pretty sure that her sister would have a few words to say with any of them if they caused trouble.

Dawn was turning into a regular little guard dog in regards to Buffy's happiness. The thought made Buffy's heart swell with affection for her sister. Until now she had always thought of herself as Dawn's protector. However, Dawn was proving to be just as fierce a warrior protecting her in return, in the only way she knew how, by supporting her life choices.

The last guests to arrive were Xander and Anya. Buffy stood with Spike by her side in the living room while Willow set the pizzas down on the coffee table and smiled broadly at her friend. "Everybody is here."

Xander looked around curiously "Okay well not that I'm complaining, I like pizza but what's the deal Buff? What are we celebrating? And why is Living-dead here?"

Buffy cleared her throat and shot Spike a look. He gave her absolutely nothing in return. In fact, he tried not to look at her. The ball was in her court and he was not about to influence her decision. He wanted this more than anything, but it had to be her call.

Buffy recognised his resolve and nodded her head once. Okay, that's how we're gonna play this.

"Funny you should mention Spike. He's actually the reason I've- We have asked you here tonight. We wanted to make an announcement."

"This sounds very official, go on!" Anya chirped as she grabbed a few pretzels from a bowl Dawn had set out.

Buffy took a breath and grabbed Spike's hand, "Spike and I are a couple," the words spilled out of her in a rush.

Tara immediately went over to hug them both, "Finally! I'm so glad I don't have to keep that one in anymore. It's about time you two came out!" she exclaimed happily.

Zander looked mildly horror struck.. He looked at Tara, then looked back at Buffy and Spike. "So wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, no, wait… Okay Buffy, you are the real Buffy, right? You're not a robot? Because you know the last time I thought you were sleeping with this guy, it turned out that you were a sex robot and it wasn't you at all…" he said awkwardly.

Buffy glared at him. Spike rolled his eyes, "No, she isn't a bloody sex robot thank you very much for that horrifying reminder. And for your edification, I spent more time sparring with that thing than I did anything else–" he cut himself off. "Like any of us needed that little reminder."

Buffy tried not to grin, "No Xander. Spike and I have actually decided to let everyone know we've actually been together for a while now.'

"Okay so this has absolutely nothing to do with Riley and Mrs Riley?" Xander asked.

Spike gave Buffy a pointed look, which she returned with an eye roll. "Oh my gosh guys, no. Yeah that might have something to do with why we've decided to tell you guys now. I'm not gonna lie, that was kind of a blow. But we've been together for a while."

Xander looked around at the faces of his friends. He had already gathered from Tara's reaction that she knew about the relationship, and Dawn didn't seem surprised in the least, nor did Willow. Although she seemed a little bit more like she was still getting used to the idea. He finally turned to his fiance, "Anya, did you know about this? Was I the only one that didn't know?"

Anya shook her head, "No I didn't know, but it's not a surprise. He's rather good looking and Buffy deserves to have a little fun. I imagine Spike provides very good orgasms."

Spike tried to look embarrassed, but sort of fell short with a poorly suppressed grin.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "There's a child in the room."

Anya glanced at Dawn as though she hadn't realized she was there. "Oh yes, sorry Dawn. I suppose you don't really need to hear about that, do you?"

"Humm, no I really don't need to hear about that."

"Well I imagine if Spike starts staying here you probably will anyway. The walls can't be that thick."

"Oh my gosh guys, okay that was a turn I wasn't expecting…" Buffy said trailing off.

Tara cut in, "Well I think it's great. You deserve to be happy."

Buffy sighed and let Spike pull her into his side, "Thanks Tara. The fact is that Spike and I want to make this work and we can't do that if we keep hiding."

"Well said, Pet. No more hiding."

"No more hiding." She agreed, kissing him in front of everyone.

As the kiss ended, Spike noticed Buffy's drink was empty, "Need a refill, Pet?"

"Sure, thanks," she hesitated a moment wondering if it was too soon to start calling him "Honey" or "Babe" or something equally as saccharine. Her heart sped at the thought, the only other non-insulting thing she had ever called him was his name. Buffy's train of thought derailed as Dawn shoved her glass towards Spike.

"Can you refill mine too?"

"Sure, Bit."

"Xander, I would also like a refill," Anya declared, looking at him expectantly.

"Yeah, okay. Anyone else? Menfolk going to the kitchen, anyone need anything?"

"I'm good," Tara smiled in Willow's direction.

"Me too," Willow said as she returned the smile and moved a little closer to her estranged girlfriend to chat.

Spike set Buffy and Dawn's glasses down on the counter and pulled open the fridge door to pull out the soda. "What's Anya having there?"

"Same as Dawn I think."

Spike nodded and pulled out the orange soda for them and the Diet Coke for Buffy. He was just waiting for Xander to say something snarky and decided to make conversation instead, "The witches seem to be on the mend."

"Yeah, things seem to be getting better between them." Xander cleared his throat, "Look, I—"

"I know you're gonna bust my chops or give me some sort of a big brother talk or some nonsense but Buffy is a big girl. She knows what she's getting into with me and—"

"That's kinda the point I was going to make. I might not trust you or your shock collar, yet, but I'm willing to give you a shot. Look, I don't like vampires. It's nothing personal, I just really don't like vampires. Angel—"

Spike snorted, "Well there's your problem."

"Let me finish. With him we were always waiting for him to lose his soul and go all Apocalyptic on us. And as much as it pains me to say it, you don't pose that kind of threat. You are very much non-soul having and you've helped us out way more than Angel ever did. What I guess I'm trying to say is that we sort of know the worst stuff about you already and, well, as long as you're all chip-having you're really more of a help at best and a nuisance at worst. You've worked with us for a while now, even done some good. If you really think you can make her happy then I'm willing to let bygones be bygones."

Spike cocked his head to the side, "Alright then. Are we talking about a clean slate here?"

"Baby Steps, Evil-dead, baby steps."

The two men walked back out into the living room. Spike handed Buffy and Dawn each their drinks. Buffy wrapped an arm around Spike's waist as she accepted hers, "Everything okay with you and Xan?"

"Would seem so. How are you feeling bout all this?"

Buffy took a deep breath and leaned into him, letting him wrap his arms around her, "Never better."

Fin