Bella

There's a ferocious pounding at the front door.

I try to battle my eyelids open, but they won't cooperate.

The banging continues.

Tuning the noise out I start to fall back down into the empty nothingness. It might be dark and dull in here, but it's strangely comforting. No stress, no pressure, no thoughts. Just me, floating.

I'm enjoying just floating when I'm abruptly brought back to the real world by a pair of icy hands touching my cheeks. I gasp and pull backwards from them.

"Bella," Edward's scared voice says.

I blink my eyes clear from the sleep that had collected in them and look up into his face. Behind him, I see Carlisle also standing there.

"Sorry," I murmur, and scrub at my face with my hands. "What are you doing here?"

Inside, I'm still feeling numb and struggling to work out the situation.

"I called the house phone and you didn't answer." I tilt my head trying to remember if I'd heard anything, I really can't remember having heard the phone go off. "Then when I arrived, your window was locked so I couldn't get in." I nod. Charlie must have gone around and secured the entire house in response to Billy being missing. "And I tried knocking, but you didn't answer there either. It was only when the neighbour came over to question me that I was able to get in with their spare key."

"We didn't think your dad would appreciate fixing the door," Carlisle says, sending a glare towards Edward, which I know means it had been a close call. "Why didn't you answer?"

I just stare at them. They're in my bedroom.

"Ummm," I mutter, sagging back towards the pillows, utterly exhausted. "I don't know."

I close my eyes. Somewhere in my memory I can hear someone pounding on the door, it must have been them. Why didn't I answer? I want to see Edward. The dark starts to creep back over me and I relax into its warm embrace.

"Bella," Edward's voice rips through my head and I force my eyes open. "Are you alright?"

I nod, fighting to keep my eyes open.

Realising I'm not going to be able to stay alert while in bed like this, I swing myself out from under the covers and gasp as the cold air touches my bare feet.

Within seconds, Edward has my robe wrapped around my shoulders and my slippers on the floor at my feet. Slowly, even to my mind, I turn my head to stare at him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Carlisle's concerned expression, but I can't bring myself to care. Slipping my feet into the fuzzy shoes, I stand up and trudge over to the bathroom leaving both men standing there.

If they're talking about me while I'm out of the room, it's too quiet for me to hear. Not that I'm really trying to listen to what they're saying.

I sit down on the toilet and close my eyes, once again letting the warm darkness wrap its arms around me. Without really thinking about it, I go through the morning essentials and then clamber down the stairs.

Edward follows me down, concern all over his face.

Several times, he tries to start a conversation with me, but I can't do any more than grunt and nod at him. I can't even understand the words that he's saying.

I plonk down on the couch, pulling my feet up into my chest and wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. I'd much rather go back to bed, but with Edward here I don't feel that it's an option.

I watch as he crouches down in front of me.

"Bella?" he asks. "I'm worried, what's wrong?"

I shake my head at him, close my eyes and sag back into the couch.

"Please, I don't know what I've done." I want to tell him he's done nothing, but I can't bring myself to reply still. I just want to stay ignoring the world.

Something warm runs down my face and he wipes it away with a finger. "Talk to me," he begs, but I still don't open my eyes. He moves to sit next to me and pulls me into his side. I don't resist as I continue to let the tears fall.

His chest starts to rumble as he hums my lullaby and I relax into him, enjoying the gentle vibrations.

Opening my eyes, I look out the window and watch the clouds go past. Their gentle movements provide enough of a focus for me to stay awake without requiring any effort from me.

I don't know how long we're sat there, Edward never outwardly showing his impatience, when he breaks through the hollow I'd slipped into. "I'm going to get you something to eat," he says, moving me so I'm resting against the arm of the couch, and he moves into the kitchen.

As he leaves, I can feel the emptiness becoming colder and less friendly, and even when I try to run from it, I can't. My breath hitches and the agony in my chest starts. Grabbing at my shirt, I try to claw myself out. Logically I know it's not possible, but I just need the growing pain to stop.

I start to panic; not only is the pain growing, I can't breathe. It's like someone is grabbing me around my chest and squeezing.

Cold hands wrap around my clenched fists and gently free them from my shirt.

Gasping, I try to focus on his voice. It's only been seconds, but already my head is starting to go fuzzy. He places my hand flat against his chest and I feel the gentle rise and fall.

I don't understand what he wants. I don't understand what's happening.

Words drift in and out of my head and I can't understand what he's saying.

What feels like a lifetime later, my breathing starts to slow and I feel myself start to slow down.

As my mind starts to come back into itself, I get the sudden urge to run and flee.

Edward must see the changed look of panic because he places his hands on my shoulder and mutters more words of reassurance. "It's alright, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Just keep breathing."

It reminds me that my breathing is still faster than it should be. With tremendous effort, I focus everything into bringing air slowly into my lungs and then controlling the exhale too. "Good, you're doing good, Bella," he reassures.

I let his words float through me, letting them ground me in this moment.

The empty void has started to return. It's there ready for me to fall into it, to be safe, but I know I can't, not yet. I need to get somewhere away from Edward.

After several moments where the only noise is my breathing, Edward breaks the silence. "Bella?" he asks and I'm too scared to move. What will he think of me now? Why hasn't he left yet? What do I do now? "Please look at me." I don't. I can't. There's no way that I can look into his face and see the disgust there. He takes the decision out of my hand and uses his finger to lift my chin. I try my best to keep my eyes downcast, but he lowers his face to meet my gaze. "Please."

Realising I'm not going to be able to avoid it, I look up into his face. I can only imagine what he must be seeing, my blotchy face, bright red eyes and runny nose. Utter human vile.

"I love you, Bella," he says, and I look closer at his expression. There isn't a trace of the horror I'd been expecting, instead there's worry and hurt.

"I'm sorry," I manage to mutter, tearing my gaze away from him. I can't bear to see the pain there any longer.

"You've got nothing to apologise for. Can we talk about it?"

I shake my head quickly and he just pulls me into another hug. "When you're ready, I'm here." The tension in his voice makes it clear that he doesn't like my answer, but Carlisle must have said something to him.

"Carlisle," I say, suddenly remembering that he had been here earlier. "Where's he?"

"He left some time ago." Wow, observant much, Bella?

As I pull out of Edward's grip and sag back against the couch, I realise just how tired I am. What I really want right now is to curl up in bed and just sleep, but that isn't an option. I've got other responsibilities.

Groaning, I heave myself up off the couch. Just in time, Edward wraps his arm around my waist, holding me upright as the world spins. "What…"

"It's because you haven't eaten," Edward says in a lightly scolding voice.

"Oh," I say trailing off. I believe he's right, but also my stomach feels as though it's got a rock inside of it. "I'll get something on the way."

"On the way where?" Edward asks, worried.

"The reservation. I assume that because I've not heard anything, there's no good news to share, so I need to go and help," I step out of his embrace and towards the stairs.

My path is blocked.

"I don't think it's safe for you to be driving anywhere right now." I wave off his concern and move around him, heading towards the stairs

I huff, "This isn't even that bad in comparison to when you left."

I've nearly reached the top step before I realise what I've said. Turning around slowly, I see Edward standing at the bottom, a grief-stricken look on his face. I open my mouth, trying to think of something to say that will ease his guilt, but I just end up looking like a fish.

"It's all my fault," Edward says, and it's clear that were he human, he would have been crying.

"No, Edward, it's not." I turn and continue towards my bedroom. There are many things I want to say to him, but I also know that there's no point getting into an argument with him over it.

I can't quite believe that I've spent all morning wallowing when my father must be going through hell. What kind of daughter is so uncaring? Especially after everything I'd put him through over the last few months.

Quickly, I throw on warm clothes, and return back downstairs.

Edward doesn't say anything as I pick up my keys and bag, and start for the door. Instead, he just follows me. It's strange for him to not comment, and once again I wonder what has been said.

I climb into the truck and he joins me in the passenger seat.

Neither of us speak as I pull out of the drive and head off down the road. As promised, I stop off on the way and grab something to eat, though I've got no intention of actually eating it.

When I reach the border, I pull the truck over and look at Edward expectantly.

"I don't want to leave," he says simply.

Overcome by a sudden wave of frustration, I snap at him, "Well I can't keep going with you in here, so get out or I'm walking."

"I'm worried."

"Don't be, I was fine without you before, and I'll be fine now. Get out." I regret my words instantly.

Edward's face falls. I could apologise, take my words back, but something stops me. A deep protection instinct to push everyone away.

"Alright," he whispers, and exits the truck.

When the door closes, I force the engine to life and continue down the road. In the rear view mirror, I can see him still standing on the side of the road. Part of me wonders if he'll still be stood there when I come back.

Soon, I turn a bend and can't see him anymore.

As I pull in beside one of the many cars parked outside of the Blacks' house, I collapse against the steering wheel, the deep ache already building.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I say, bashing my forehead against the wheel.

Someone knocks against the window, "Are you alright?"

Composing myself, I look up and try to give them a smile. "Yeah, I'll be okay." They don't seem to believe me, but they walk off anyway, seemingly preoccupied with the search.

I grab the white paper bag containing the sickeningly sweet pastry and the cup of coffee and climb out into the mud.

The group is congregated around the same central point as earlier, but now I can see a cop coordinating the search. Careful not to slip on the heavily trodden ground, I make my way over.

"Hi," I say, not recognising the officer.

"Hello," he says back in a not so friendly manner.

"Where's Charlie?"

He looks me up and down, "You the chief's girl?" he asks in a slightly warmer tone. "He's out in the woods. Need me to radio him?"

"No, that's alright, he'll be busy searching. Is there any news?"

"Nothing yet, it's like the guy upped and vanished into thin air. We've spread the search out, put out requests on the radio and TV, but nothing at the moment. Not sure what else we can do. The team have scoured the forest, not a tyre track or anything. I suppose nothing is also a good sign… unless something found him, but then we'd have found tracks too." He groans in frustration. "I just don't know what else there is to do."

I nod. "Thanks for the update; as Charlie isn't here, do you want these?" I considered giving them to someone else, but I don't recognise anyone. He nods gratefully and takes the offered treats from me.

"You joining the search?"

"Maybe later," I say, "Is Jacob still here?"

"Not sure, last I heard one of those big lads took him away. Didn't look too good, but it's not really a surprise."

"Hopefully we have some good news for him soon." I smile and go into the house.

Old Quil and Leah are sitting in the front room and I hesitate before continuing.

"Hello Bella," Old Quil says, exhausted.

Leah snaps her head around to snarl at me, "What are you doing here? Finally decided to come help, did your leech get bored of you for the day?"

"That's enough," he retorts, sending her a look. "We welcome any help."

"I didn't mean to impose," I reply, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you. I'm merely resting before rejoining the groups. Though there isn't much more to search."

Nodding, I sit down and join them in tense silence. Around half an hour later, Quil leaves, quickly followed by Leah, and I'm left in the room alone.

Over the next few hours, I let myself drift in and out of the darkness. Several people had come through, none with any news.

Shouting from outside draws my attention and I rush outside to find out more.

As I look out, a young woman is screeching in the cop's face. When she turns to gesture madly towards the woods, I see her face and recognise her. Rachel. She's finally arrived.

"You must have something!" she shouts in his face. "All these people and more than 24 hours, and the best you can tell me is you've not found his body. It's not good enough."

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