Bella

Edward hasn't arrived when I pull in at home, so I don't hesitate to exit the car, but, as the evening progresses, I can feel my anxiety steadily rising.

When I'm serving dinner, I can see Charlie wanting to say something, possibly in response to my earlier breakdown, so I hand him his plate and then head to eat in my bedroom. As much as I want to reassure Charlie, I don't have the capacity for two conversations today and Edward needs to take priority for now.

I still haven't reappeared downstairs when Charlie comes to bed and he gently wraps his knuckles on my door. "Bells?"

I consider feigning sleep, but that wouldn't be fair on him after everything. So, dragging myself off the bed towards the door, I open it a crack.

Charlie's eyes meet mine, and I can see the worry glistening.

"You ok?" I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off. "Please, don't lie to me."

Deciding on a partial truth, I say, "I've been better."

"If.. if you want to talk, I'm here."

He must realise that I don't want to talk right now and thankfully sends me a smile before heading off to get ready for bed.

I close the door softly, my hands lingering on the handle. He'll be here soon. Most likely he's already outside, waiting for the go ahead to come in.

Shuffling my feet over to the wardrobe to grab a warm jumper, I then go to the window and open it. I've barely stepped back when Edward's form is in front of me.

Nothing can hold back the floods of tears that overcome me in that movement. I grasp my mouth with my hand, trying to stem the sobs hoping not to alert Charlie.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" Edward asks. I can't bring myself to look into his face, not knowing what I'll find there.

I nod and Edward picks me up, carefully manoeuvring me out of the window. We barely land on the ground, then the world is rushing past me.

Feeling woozy, I bury my face in Edward's shoulder and take a deep breath.

Being here in his arms feels so right, I feel home and safe. He reciprocates my movement by holding me closer and caressing my back. "We're nearly there."

He's right as moments later he stops in the open clearing. It's our meadow, dark and cold, but the stars shining overhead give me hope. I lean backwards against Edward and stare at the stars, not knowing which constellation is which.

"They're beautiful," I say, but the words don't feel good enough to express the beauty.

Edward stands with me for several long minutes as I stare up at the stars. "Are these the stars you saw as a boy?" I ask, breaking the silence as gently as I can.

"Yes. Carlisle saw these stars too. They are always there, always shining, even when we on earth cannot see them."

I think about his words. Right now everything feels so dark, will the stars come out once again? Do I trust the world enough to give it another chance?

"Thank you for coming back," I whisper, a lump coming to my throat. "I didn't know if you would. I… what I said-"

"-was true, and you had every right to say it."

"It was spiteful, I was angry, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Everything is so confusing at the moment, I don't know if I'm up or down. It's not fair to take that out on you, though."

Edward spins me around and I look into his face for the first time. In his eyes, I can see the torment and pain.

"There's no need to apologise. We are in this together, I promised you that long ago. I've broken your trust and it's my responsibility to build that back. Anything that happens as a result of that healing is for me to take. I'm here for you."

I fall silent, letting my head drop. After everything he's done for me, I should be able to do all of this better, I need to be better, that's what he deserves. Yet, he's saying this and he doesn't even know how broken I am. Sure, he's seen me go a little crazy, but what if he finds out the truth?

"I want to trust you. I'm just so scared that when you know everything, you'll leave. You'll think being away is better for me."

"I can't leave," he says, his voice quieter than before. "I can't leave you again. I thought I could do it, that you were worth it, but when I was in Italy, I swore that if I got a second chance, I wouldn't blow it. I prayed to a god that I wasn't sure was listening for a moment to apologise to you, but clearly someone was listening. I won't waste this second chance. If you'll let me, I will be with you for eternity."

My breath catches. He wants me. He actually wants me forever. Slowly, I look up towards his face, his eyes glistening with unshedable tears.

"I'm sorry I never said it before. I hadn't realised how my reluctance may have been perceived by you. I never intended to live in a world without you. Please, I know I don't deserve your efforts, but I want to find a way through this, together."

"I want to trust you," I say trailing off. "But the fear. The constant never-ending feeling that I'm about to fall. I've made mistakes. I worry that when you find out, you'll leave me again. You'll realise how broken and useless I really am and, rightfully, find someone better."

"One day I will prove to you that you can trust me, and when you do, I'll show you that I'm here for you, and only you. There is no one better for me. The universe's hand chose you and fated us to be together. I was running from the idea of being mates, I didn't know what it would mean for you. I, mistakenly, thought you had a choice and I didn't want to take that choice away from you. It doesn't excuse my actions, and it never will."

Not quite knowing what spurs me to do it, but I start telling my story, from the beginning. When I start, I can't stop.

Several times, I think Edward is going to lose control and run from me, but he reigns in his control and stays with me. When I talk about the hurt and pain I'd experienced and how I'd managed to cope, he breaks down in gut wrenching sobs.

"I'm sorry," I say, not continuing.

"I should have been here. I will prove to you that you can trust me. I will earn your forgiveness, even though it's undeserved. I'm yours forever."

Giving him a few moments to collect himself, I look around the clearing once again.

There's no sign of life, not that there ever is when around any of the Cullen's. Animals instinctively know to avoid them, all animals except me.

I drop down to the floor, burying my fingers in the long grass. It's cold and dewy, but it's a welcomed distraction.

Edward sits down next to me, wrapping his jacket around my shoulders as I start to shiver. "Please, continue."

So I do, I tell him about everything. To my surprise, by the end of the story, he's still there.

"There are no words for the failures I've made. I didn't know."

I want to reassure him, tell him it's all in the past and that everything will now get better, but I can't. There are no reassurances that I can give him.

Stifling a yawn, I stand and start to walk away from him.

"Wait," he says, grasping my wrist lightly. "I need you to know that I'm not leaving you. How can I help?"

"You can't, no one can. It's my stupid head that has the problem. I'll just have to find a way, somehow."

"No, you don't. I'm here, we will fight this together. What has Carlisle said?"

I suspect that he has an inkling about our conversations. I know well his experience with med school and that he'll currently be trying to work out the different options.

"Initially, he said it was the mate bond. That being back together would help."

"And has it?" he asks, a small amount of hope in his voice.

"I suppose, but I'm still crazy. Maybe Charlie had the right idea, he should have admitted me."

"No, you aren't crazy, you're just hurting. If my presence helps, I'll stay as long as you welcome me. You're calling the shots." He pauses, uncertainty on his face.

"Just ask."

"You said initially, so you've spoken again?"

I go ahead and tell him the events of today, his lips curling up into a snarl at the mention of Rachel punching me. "I'm fine now, but I spoke to Carlisle again. He's been keeping it to himself. I asked him to."

"He kept your confidence. And I ummm… I didn't make it especially easy for him."

I smile slightly at his sheepish expression.

"He mentioned some things to try, but I'm not sure."

"What aren't you sure about?"

"All of it. It's still hard to admit that there's something actually wrong and I'm not just being an overdramatic teenager. Then there's all the stuff that comes with them, side effects, trying different things. It just feels too much."

"Have you asked about them? Found out some more information? It seems like you're guessing at the moment."

"I suppose. It's just so hard."

He just hugs me in response. "Thank you for trusting me, but I think it's time to head back now. You need to sleep and it's getting cold."

I nod to him and he pulls me back into his arms.

There's nothing more to do than hide my face in his shoulder as he runs me back to my house.

"Charlie is asleep," Edward says, slowing down at the edge of the woods. "Hang on." I pull my arms tighter around me as he springs to catch hold of the tree and slide me though the window.

"Thank you," I say, feeling the warmth of the room and rubbing my hands together. "Will you stay?" I ask, uncertain about how he'll react.

"Of course, as long as you want me to."

I go over to my closet and pick out my warmest pair of pyjamas. Edward settles himself on the rocking chair as I take my bundle into the bathroom, being careful not to wake Charlie with my movements.

On the way back in, the clock shows me that it's well past midnight. No wonder I'm so exhausted.

Snuggling under the covers, I pat the sheets next to me. "Can you come join me?"

Edward's face looks just like the cat that has got to the cream, and his grin makes me smile too. Moving at a human pace, he comes over to the bed, kicks his shoes off and lays down on top of the covers next to me.

"I've missed this," he says, rubbing small circles on the back of my hand.

Over the last few hours, the pain in my face has been slowly increasing, and as I put my head down, it intensifies further. He must notice my scrunched up face, "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just sore. I'll live." Even as I'm brushing off his concern, I know that I'm going to struggle to sleep through the pain.

"I can go and get you some pain killers?" he offers but I refuse with a small shake that has me gasping in pain again.

Thankfully not pushing the matter, he shimmies further down, rolls me onto my side facing away from him and he places his hand gently over my bruised flesh. The cold fingers instantly soothe the ache and I let out a small mew.

"Thank you," I say. "I suppose cold hands are good for something, especially around a clutz like me."

I don't know if he responds as the pain relief has settled my body enough to relax into sleep.

The night isn't without its stresses. Several times I wake up trembling and being comforted by Edward who every time has a worried face that, despite his best efforts, he doesn't hide.

By sunrise, I'm just glad that the night is over. If Edward hadn't been there encouraging me to sleep more, I would have just given up and started working.

Neither of us have any desire to get up, but when we hear the slightly staggering footsteps of Charlie going to the bathroom, it's time for Edward to leave.

"I'll be just outside in the trees. I promise I won't go far."

I bite my lip, in the last hour the rain has started to fall and I feel incredibly selfish making Edward stand out in it. I want to do the right thing and tell him to go home, but I also can't bear to be away from him.

Gently, he pries my lip out of my teeth and runs a thumb over it.

"I love you," he whispers, placing a delicate kiss on my lips and then standing up to leave. "Phone me later?"

"Sure. The search was called off, so I'm not sure if we'll be going back down to the res today. I might… Shit! School - I completely forgot!"

He chuckles lightly. "I'm sure they'll understand given everything that has happened."

"No," I cry louder than I'd intended but not stopping to check if Charlie heard, "I'm so behind already. You don't understand. I can't miss anymore, I won't catch up."

"Bella, breathe. I promise you, we'll find a way to get you caught up. You will graduate. And even if you don't, it won't matter to me, there is plenty of time for you to learn about calculus."

I've always known how easy it is for vampires to learn anything, so to him it must seem such a frivolous concern, but for me it's genuine. Even if I were normal right now, that amount of catching up in such a short space of time feels impossible.

"There are plenty of options, Bella. If needed, we can always repeat the year."

Blinking up at him, my mouth falls open. "Why would you repeat the year?" I ask, puzzled.

"I didn't exactly spend the time away in classrooms. Money will get me graduating this year, but I'll happily wait for you too." His hands are cupping my face. "We'll find a way, together."

Pulling out of his grasp, I launch myself at him and wrap my arms around his middle.

"Thank you," I manage to choke out.

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