Keep Breathing

Obi-Wan tossed and turned in his sleep, haunted by familiar ghosts – guilt, regret, fear, shame.

Fiery flashes of Anakin's face appear over and over again, and no matter which way he turned in bed, he was forced to watch him burn.

It seemed like the sun's light would never return as his heart remained buried under that unforgiving night.

He spends his days filled with regret, his nights struggling to forget.

It's true what they say, you either live fully, truly, honestly, or you live in life's ruins, and your ghosts are never set free.

It was as though the ghosts pried his eyes open in his sleep, forever forcing him to face his failures. They would never give him the gift of placidity. He would always pay for his blindspots... until he set things right.

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds
All that I know is I'm breathing now

"Luke, wake up." Obi-Wan gave him a little nudge.

Luke's eyes flickered open. He groaned as he stretched his arms up. "What time is it?"

"Just get up." Obi-Wan gently urged as he helped him out of bed and took him outside.

"Where are we going?" Luke rubbed his eyes, glancing around. Wondering why his uncle took him out into the garden.

"Here." Obi-Wan placed his hand in his pocket to pull something out.

"That's a – a lightsaber!" Luke gasped.

"Not just any lightsaber." One corner of Obi-Wan's mouth turned upwards. "Your dad's." He seemed just as excited to hold this weapon again. It had been so long since he used one.

Luke took the lightsaber and began twirling it around.

"It's time I showed you how to use it." Obi-Wan confirmed, watching him.

"But," Luke paused with hesitation. "mum will–"

"–Let me worry about her." Obi-Wan advised "For now, this'll just be our little secret."

Luke peered up at him, raising an eyebrow. "What about Leia?"

"You tell Leia, and come nightfall all of Naboo will know." He chuckled, and Luke's focus returned to the laser sword.

"We'll tell them in due time." Obi-Wan spoke softly, pretty much to himself as he observed Luke's skill.

"Padme, you got a minute?" Obi-Wan stood there in the middle of the living room, watching Padme rush from one corner to the next, tidying up.

"Not really. I'm supposed to take Leia to the market. She needs new shoes." She brushed past him.

"I think it's best I do that." He inserted

Padme finally stopped prancing around. "Obi-Wan–"

"Just to be safe." He assured

"Fine." She sighed. He thought he detected a slight eye roll. But instead he was met with warm gratitude. "Thanks."

He offered her a subtle, polite nod.

"You know," She began as she sunk onto the couch. "It was nice for the kids to have you here last night... Maybe, instead of going back and forth to the house, you could. . .stay."

"Here?" He asked, now joining her on the sofa.

"You did all the time when they were little." She added naturally

His eyes crinkled at the edges as he shot her a faint smile. "You needed me a lot more then."

She gazed up at him, her soulful eyes saying it all, making sure he knew what he meant to them. And her lips curved into a smile. "We'll always need you."

"Mum!" Luke called as he came running down the stairs. "I'm gonna be in the garden for a bit."

"Okay." Padme replied from the couch, looking over her shoulder.

Without thinking, he raised his hand up to the door, practicing using the force to open it.

Padme did a double-take once she figured out what he was doing.

Her eyes widened as she sucked in a quick breath. "What is that? What are you doing?!"

Luke jumped at the sound of his mother's firm voice.

"Uh–" He fidgeted

"Did Uncle Ben teach you that?" She fretted, charging towards him.

"Mum, it's just a bit of fun." He spoke cautiously.

"I don't care what it is. You're not doing that in this house." She warned. She then turned away from him, storming into the kitchen.

Luke huffed, visibly annoyed at her as he walked out.

She hated herself for the outburst. She used to be a lot better at controlling her emotions – particularly her fears. She could barely remember the great negotiator she once was. How diplomatic she was. She was now in a state of constant worry, chronic stress. And sometimes it was just easier to shield them the outside world – well, easier for her.

Obi-Wan and Leia arrived home moments later. Leia ran over to her mother proudly displaying her new shoes.

"They're perfect." Padme praised, gazing at her daughter from her delicate braids to her whimsical smile, doing her best to match her enthusiasm once Leia caught her gaze. "Why don't you join your brother in the garden, I'll be there in a minute."

Leia headed out to show Luke her new shoes.

Obi-Wan looked fondly as she ran off, only to be taken aback by a stern Padme, sitting on the couch, arms folded, waiting until her daughter was out of earshot.

"How long have you been teaching Luke about the force?" She asked in a chiding tone.

Obi-Wan exhaled, bracing himself – not too keen on having this conversation.

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear." She scolded

He gradually made his way over to her, and sat on the armchair beside her. "It's time, Padme. He's ready... We both agreed–"

"–No, you agreed." She interrupted. "I said I don't want my kids involved."

"He is our only hope." He defined.

"He is my son first." She warned sharply. "Before he is anything to any of you."

"I'm sorry." He sighed, allowing for a thoughtful pause. "I'm sorry I went behind your back. And I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it."

He now leaned back, crossing his legs. "But most of all, I'm sorry that you're afraid. And I'm sorry but I won't let your fear get in the way of Luke's destiny."

Padme shot him an icy glare. "Obi-Wan." The way she said his name cut like a razor-sharp blade, he could practically feel her tensing up, but he refused to back down on this one.

"You can't let your fear about what happened to Anakin poison your mind." He got up, cutting her off before she could say anything else. "We already know how that song ends."

"Mum!" Luke came running into the house from the garden, out of breath, his eyes wide like he had seen a ghost.

"What? What is it?" She rushed over to him, examining his head and arms, making sure he was alright.

"Leia's gone!" He cried.

"What?! What do you mean?" Padme fretted

"I went to get my skyhopper and when I came back, she was gone!" Luke exclaimed.

A wave of fear washed over Padme's face as she gasped. Obi-Wan's eyes darted rapidly from the boy to the window before they both raced out of there.

Padme ran out into the garden first, screaming Leia's name at the top of her lungs. Her heart heavy, her chest tight, as she began to panic.

Rushing from one side of the yard to the other, trembling as her worst fear was realized. Obi-Wan covered the other ends of the garden, calling Leia's name in between Padme's screams.

"She's gone!" Padme cried, anxiously turning to Obi-Wan. And he glanced around, worriedly. His own breath now mirroring the shaky inhalations coming from Padme.

They both ran out into the open field, desperately searching for her, as Luke followed – having difficulty concentrating as he grew more and more frightened regarding his sister's whereabouts.

He nervously looked up at his mother and Obi-Wan, whose voices had become muddled as they called Leia over and over again. It started to sound like an echo as his mind began to tune out, not wanting to believe this was real.

I want to change the world – instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me
But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
Now

Obi-Wan grabbed his lightsaber, attaching it to his belt, ready to leave. He took a quick glance at Padme, who was slouched hopelessly on the couch, her eyes glazed over the TV.

"I found a ride." He imparted gently. "I'm heading there now."

But Padme was silent.

He headed over to her, getting a better look at her. She was barely there. Her melancholic eyes devoid of hope. Her heart couldn't take another tragedy.

"I'll get her back." He promised. But Padme's eyes remained loosely on the TV.

"It's Mon." She pointed out, her voice a mere breath, now quiet and croaky from all her prior crying. She watched her former colleague call out the Empire at the senate conference for restricting their liberties in the name of 'safety and security.' "She's fighting back."

A fatigued Padme released a lazy exhale as each pod began to turn off their lights – almost every senator opposed Mothma's speech. "No one is listening to her. And yet she's still fighting."

Obi-Wan turned off the TV, causing Padme to sit up, surprised. He knew it did her no good to sit there, listening to bad news, hoping for some information about her daughter.

"You were right." She eventually spoke, not even bothering to argue at this point. "As much as I hate to say it. You need to train Luke."

Now that she was forced to be present, tears began to cloud her eyes. "The best way to protect those kids. . .is to teach them to protect themselves."

Obi-Wan sat down beside her, placing an arm around her shoulder. "Padme... I'm going to bring Leia back. I promise."

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand – she was sick of crying. "I'm going with you."

"No." He refused. "You need to stay with Luke."

"I have to do something!" She yelled, begging for a sense of control over the situation. "I can't just sit here!"

She now stood up, straightening out her wrinkled clothes with her hands. "I'm going to Coruscant."

"Padme, no." He followed her as she began to roam about impatiently.

He grabbed her arm to stop her from moving.

"Obi-Wan, I've been hiding for long enough." She shrugged. Her voice sounded fed up, brittle, like she was on the verge of breaking down. "Watching Mon up there. . .I should be there!" She hurriedly sniffed. "I should be pushing back against the Empire... I spend every night praying for a future that I'm not even willing to fight for!"

She looked at him hopelessly, her face stained with disappointment – mainly in herself. Blaming herself for her missing daughter because she knew... she knew it was intentional. They both knew. They could feel it.

Whoever took her may not know how important Leia is, but nothing around here gets done without the Empire's say so.

"Padme, listen to me." He urged. "You need to stay off Palpatine's radar."

"No!" She cried. "What good is hiding?"

"They have my baby girl." She blubbered. Her eyes were painful to look at, she felt completely defeated. "They don't even know who Leia is and yet they found her anyway."

She took a moment to catch up with her own breath, wiping her tear-stained cheek. "If they want to find me, they will." She realized. "At least out there I'll have an idea of what's going on."

"Just let me get Leia first." He pleaded desperately. "Stay put until then. And I promise I will help you do what you need to do. We will fight together."

He placed his hands on either side of her, holding her arms in place. "Just. . .for now, let's do things my way. We need to get you and Luke out of here in case they come back."

Padme seemed to be calming down as she started to snivel slower. "...I guess I could knock on my sister's door. Give her the shock of her life." She added with false amusement.

"No." Obi-Wan shook his head. "It's better that everyone in Naboo still thinks you're dead. Just in case someone goes sniffing around for answers."

Padme grew restless. "What then?" Agonized by the uncertainty. She needed something to do – something that made her feel productive.

Obi-Wan took a moment to gather his thoughts. "I have an idea."

"Hello." A slightly nervous Padme spoke, holding her son's hand, as the door opened.

And they were met with an awkward yet friendly smile from Beru Lars.

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing...
Now

Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson