Lost

Dreams fight with machines
Inside my head like adversaries
Come wrestle me free
Clean from the war
Your heart fits like a key
Into the lock on the wall
I turn it over, I turn it over
But I can't escape

Reva entered Vader's throne room, kneeling before him, ready to defend herself.

"My lord, I–" Her words were immediately silenced as he force-choked her in the air. He watched her struggle, her legs wriggling about, as he refused to accept that he is the one who let Kenobi slip through his fingers.

He couldn't bear to admit it to himself. He failed again. His blind rage, his arrogance, his obsessive passion for winning left him weakened by a strategic Kenobi.

And the only thing worse than that was his own mind. His mind constantly tormented him with his innermost fears when he was Anakin, and it still continued to do it now. That's the problem with a powerful mind – you can't control it when it turns on you.

So instead, he chose to punish her for it all. It was her initial plan and she failed to capture him after luring him in. And Vader really needed to take out his frustration on someone.

"I–" She croaked. And Vader loosened his grip on her throat through the force, giving her one chance to speak. "I put a tracker in the little girl's droid."

He let out a fierce breath, eventually lowering her down to the ground.

"I will handle this myself." He scowled, shooing her away with a flail of his hand.

Shortly after arriving at Padme's old apartment in Coruscant, Padme took a moment to appreciate her children being happy and healthy, as she watched them play on the carpet.

"I can't thank you enough." She began once Obi-Wan joined her on the couch.

Obi-Wan smiled to himself as his gaze settled on the children. "...I knew she'd be okay. They both will. The ball told me everything I needed to know."

Padme turned to face him, confused. "The what?"

"The Ball." He repeated. "The book I read to them."

Obi-Wan crossed his legs and leaned back on the couch, his fingers playing with his beard.

"Their responses to this book gave me all the insight I need. Leia's response was," He paused, chuckling to himself. "–analyzing how good the boy was at hiding the ball. She was gauging whether she could find a better way to do it. She's extremely efficient. She's ambitious, she's fearless, impulsive, and ready for a challenge. She's. . .like Anakin." His eyes shifted as he said his name.

Padme allowed herself to finally embrace it. All the great things about Anakin were in her children. And it was no coincidence that Leia's sassy remarks were inherited from her dad. "Don't I know it!"

"And Luke," Obi-Wan continued with a proud smirk. "–he was far more observant. He paid attention to the characters, particularly the father and son. He can gauge people's emotions. He's very compassionate and he's an adventurer but. . .he always thinks before he acts. He takes his time to understand people and situations first before making a judgment call. He's like you."

Padme got a glimpse of her son's bright blue eyes and she could see all of that. She could see his compassion, and how he was always full of hope even on the tough days. He's the first one to apologize to his mother when he and his sister did something she didn't approve of. Leia would be stubborn, trying to find a way out of it. But Luke would always choose peace – he'd always try to talk it out, finding a way to make things right.

"I uh – I went to see Mon and Bail." Padme spoke after a moment's reflection. "At the senate. Told them I'm staying. . .and gave Mon the money I got from selling the estate in Varykino."

Obi-Wan released an empathic sigh. "I'm sorry you had to give up your home."

"My parents believe it was sold anyway. This makes it true." She shrugged.

"But the money could've helped you."

"It is. It's helping all of us." She assured. Her voice sterner than it was before. "I told you, Obi-Wan, I'm not going down without a fight. Next time they come for one of my kids, I'll be prepared. And I will do everything I can to rebel against the Empire. And one way is to help Mon fund an alliance to restore the Republic."

Obi-Wan fidgeted in his seat. "I don't know. I still feel uneasy... Your apartment is right in the middle of it all."

"That's the point." She affirmed. "The one place you never look is right under your nose."

Obi-Wan quickly came to the realization that it was pointless to argue with her. She had made up her mind long before they got here. And she was definitely set on taking her life back, and that included her home in Coruscant. But that wasn't going to stop him from finding safer alternatives for housing.

"Hopefully we won't have to stay in Coruscant for too long. I'll be in Tatooine tomorrow. Owen said he'll help us find a place big enough for the four of us."

He got up and left the room, still consumed with the glaring truth that he hadn't confessed yet. With Anakin alive, they were far safer in Tatooine than here.

He wondered when the right time to bring it up would be because, at some point, he knew he'd have to tell her. But every time he looked into Padme's eyes, he was reminded that she'll never get over him – and telling her the truth might just kill her.

I don't want them to know the secrets
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
I don't think they'd understand it, no
I don't think they would accept me, no

Vader was shocked to find out where the tracker led him. Stepping out onto the landing platform of his and Padme's old apartment conjured up painful memories. He couldn't ignore the sense of familiarity as he took a gander.

It all looked the same. The warm, homey shades of blue and beige – the colours were as vibrant as they were ten years ago.

It was awful standing there, he was afraid to head in. His head was clouded enough as it is, he didn't need any more of Anakin's feelings messing with him.

Why would Obi-Wan be here? He clenched his fist the more he thought about it. Was Obi-Wan hiding right under his nose the whole time? Why would he bring the little girl here of all places? Vader grew more and more irritated – was Obi-Wan taunting him?

"Obi-Wan!" He growled.

From the bedroom, Padme overheard the grating voice. She quickly shushed her children, trying to eavesdrop.

"Stay here." She hurriedly whispered, discreetly grabbing her gun. "Don't open the door."

She closed the door behind her quietly. With her back pressed up against the wall, she glided through the hall, gun in hand, ready to shoot.

"Obi-Wan's not here." She finally made herself known, pointing her blaster at the tall, dark figure – as terrifying as the sight was in her house, she did a good job at disguising her fear.

Vader's eyes locked with hers, and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't believe it. Scanning her eyes, her hair, her mouth, her body, blinking a couple of times, thinking his vision was poor or his mind was viciously lying to him.

He studied her intently as his sinister breaths sped up, trying to slow them down and figure out how she could be standing before him.

It was her. He could feel her again.

The towering man in the metal suit involuntarily took a step forward, and Padme felt a shortness of breath, which caused her fingers to tremble as she tried to maintain a steady grip on her blaster. Her elbows kept lowering, succumbing to her anxiety. Her heart raced, shackled by her fear – doing her best to swallow that fear to protect her family. Despite feeling overwhelmed with worry and dread, she mustered up the courage to aim her gun higher.

"Padme." He rasped.

"How do you know my name?" She quivered in a panic. "What do you want?!"

He continued to walk slowly towards a fearful Padme. Her finger inches away from pulling the trigger.

And the gun went off. Vader quickly blocked the shot by igniting his lightsaber just in time. She kept on shooting but he caught them all.

Using the force, he stole the blaster out of her hand. Her shaky hands now empty, and all she could do was hesitantly look up at him – he was so close to her now.

He tossed the gun aside on the floor and with a twitch of his finger pushed it further away from them.

He was now standing right in front of her. His chest in her face – her eyes peering up at his helmet.

He still couldn't make sense of it as he stared at her face through his mask.

All this time, she was alive.

She summoned as much effort as she could to find her voice, as brittle as it may be. "Who are you?"

He wanted to reach up and touch her cheek but he knew he wouldn't be able to feel her physically. Instead, his eyes skimmed her neck, her lips, and up to her hair and the way it was perfectly slicked back in that signature bun of hers. And finally he looked deeply into her big brown eyes.

Vader released that slow mechanical breath. "You're in me. . .and I'm in you."

How can I say this without breaking?
How can I say this without taking over?
How can I put it down into words
When it's almost too much for my soul alone?

I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
And it hurts like hell