AN:

Mercenary: Thank you! You know I knew it was gonna go this way but I got more attached to Taul than I thought while writing so I didn't wanna kill him off in the end :( But... it's my tribute to the movie Dangerous Minds I guess. He "died because he didn't knock." :D

Burned Bridges

This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
Who blew me away, blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, buried them away

Padme lied awake in bed in the middle of the night. She couldn't get the sight of Taul's lifeless body out of her head.

She hated the bed she lied on, she just wanted to be back home in her own. She hated everything about this place. The walls made her feel so confined. The room was stuffy. Most of all, she hated seeing the soulless man Anakin had become – if she could even call him Anakin anymore. He was all Vader. She didn't think there was any of Anakin in there.

Some would say she loved him too much without rhyme or reason so she wondered if this pain was her punishment. But a woman in love with a man sees all his greatness – sometimes, only his greatness. And she wouldn't apologize for that – for if she didn't allow herself to fall madly in love, she would have gone mad in the absence of it. She'd rather be lost in something than lost without it. And one look at Luke and Leia proved that even in the worst of times, you can find the most precious gifts.

But Anakin, or Vader she should say, seems to have lost his mind. And she's lost hers too. But it was so much better when they lost them together.

Padme ran up to Anakin after his typical reckless behaviour got him his arm cut off by Count Dooku. Her heart almost stopped when she saw the state of him. She didn't care that Obi-Wan and Yoda were in their field of vision. All she could think about was that she almost lost him today.

"Why did you do that?! Why didn't you listen to Obi-Wan?" She whined anxiously. Her pleading eyes now staring into his after inspecting his arm.

Anakin rested his forehead on hers once he felt her arms wrap around his neck, her soothing fingers stroking his hair behind his ears. It felt safe and comfortable to be able to lean on her, she numbed the pain. Trying to distract himself from the pain, the touch of her hand and the scent of her perfume helped him breathe steadily.

"Does it hurt?" She finally asked

"Not at all." He replied with a sarcastic smile.

She shook her head hopelessly, full of worry, wishing he wouldn't put himself in risky situations but knowing that he'd do it anyway.

She shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you."

After a deliberate pause, he smirked teasingly. "You could. . .try telling me you love me again."

And just as he expected, it riled her up. She pulled away, her instinct was to hide her vulnerability. "I thought we were about to die!" She said with exaggerated insistence. "And with the way you're going, you won't be around for much longer."

"Padme." He called, soothingly. The sound of her name leaving his lips made her heart flutter. His left hand reached out to rest on the small of her back, pulling her back in... One touch, and she came back.

"What?" She muttered, almost in a sulk – refusing to look him in the eye.

"Padme." He drawled once more, and this time his eyes held hers. She couldn't look away with how fervidly he gazed at her.

Drowning in her beauty. Knowing that one look into those big brown enchanting eyes would have him do anything for her – driving him mad for her, he felt like he had dreamed her up. She had everything he wanted and everything he lost. There was a purity to her made obvious by the way she saw the world. She focused on what she wanted the world to be, regardless of what it was, and those ideals carried through her work. She was the quintessential nurturer, like a mother – you felt her warmth the minute you were in her presence.

"Marry me." He said finally. His voice quiet and firm.

"You're crazy!" She cried. She was equally as shocked as she was amused, doing her best to conceal a giddy smile.

As much as she tried to brush off his words, she couldn't deny that there was a powerful current between them. They may seem like polar opposites but they had one thing in common: a dream. They dreamed of the same madness, the same pleasures. They shared a desire to feel pure happiness, to embrace the kind of intimacy that could only come from a lover.

Anakin softly chuckled at her as she turned away from him, knowing he made her blush. But his smile soon faded. He now had that look in his eye – a reckless, daring, determined impulse that you knew no one could talk him out of.

"Marry me anyway." The words rolled off his tongue like he was simply asking for her to join him on a spontaneous stroll in the park.

But the warmth of his voice in her ear made everything seem possible.

And everything was possible, even the worst things. Padme still couldn't believe it as she tried to reconcile who Anakin was and who Anakin is now. Perhaps it was a natural progression – it's not like he didn't have all the dangers (his sudden caprices, his arrogance, his temper) of his dark side back then too – but they were balanced out by his light side – his thoughtfulness, his gentleness and his generosity.

But all the fear and anger he held onto, that was triggered by his dark side, eventually took over the light – the hope, confidence and the calmness – within him. And somehow their dream turned into the galaxy's worst nightmare.

I can't stand the state that I'm in
Sometimes it feels like the walls closing in

Try and burn my troubles away
Drown my sorrow the same way
It seems no matter how hard I try
It feels like there's something just missing inside

Vader stepped out onto the terrace, watching Leia sitting there, reading one of her books. He saw so much of Padme in her, except when she smiled, then he saw his old face. It was days like these where it wasn't so easy to keep old feelings suppressed in a tight bud – some feelings were patiently waiting to blossom.

From the corner of her eye, Leia spotted the dark towering figure. She didn't bother to look up at him.

"Go away." She kept her voice firm and her eyes on her book. But Vader wouldn't budge.

"You think one training session has changed anything?" She added. "I don't forgive you. . .you never even apologized."

"I'm sorry." He uttered bluntly.

Leia shook her head. "You forget that I was there. I remember how you tried to kill Obi-Wan."

"No." Vader stopped her, joining her to sit on the other patio chair beside her. "You don't have to worry about that."

"What, you don't wanna kill him?" Leia asked, doubtful.

"No, I do." Vader exhaled deeply, embracing a moment of honesty. "But I won't. We need each other... He needs me alive to absolve him of his guilt. And I need to hate him. It fuels me, and I'd probably get too much pleasure out of beating him once and for all... " He paused, taking a good look at his daughter. "Guess I'm not ready to say goodbye."

Suddenly, Padme slid the terrace door open, forcing them both out of their thoughts.

Standing there in a deep blue, embroidered maxi dress with long flowy sleeves, Vader looked her up and down, taking a moment to appreciate her breathtaking beauty. She didn't look a day older with the top half of her hair loosely braided up, leaving two face-framing tendrils, as the bottom half of her hair toppled down her shoulders like silky chestnut coils.

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known, you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Padme folded her arms, and Vader was aware of her scrutiny.

"Leia, get inside." She ordered sternly.

Leia glanced up at Vader, like she was analyzing him and the words he said earlier. If she didn't know any better, she'd guess that he missed Obi-Wan.

"Now!" Padme's voice raised. And Leia dragged her feet over.

Once Leia was inside. Vader's eyes met Padme's, whose were looking daggers at him.

"I know what you're doing." She warned once Leia was out of earshot.

"Talking?" He said smugly.

Padme released an irritated sigh and proceeded to close the door behind her.

"Just can't let it go can you?" She began walking towards him. "You still have this need to control everything."

"Well, if that's the case," He gazed down at her, "I'm not doing a very good job with you."

"This is funny to you?" She scowled. "For the last time, stay away from them!"

Vader puffed his chest. "For the last time. . .no."

"You don't care about them!" She insisted, getting frustrated.

"That's not true." He drawled.

"If it wasn't, we wouldn't be here!" She snapped, taking a moment to let out an agitated breath, trying to keep her voice low so the kids wouldn't hear. "What you did to Taul..." Her forehead crinkled – she still couldn't stomach the sight of it, even in her memory. "–you have no respect for anybody!"

Her eyes fell to the floor. "Not even me."

She started to grow annoyed with herself. Why did she bother? What answer was she hoping for? It seemed as though she was desperate for a miracle – like somehow Anakin would emerge from some hole he was buried in, and take it all back, say everything she wanted to hear. He would bring back exaltations and fantasies.

"Why'd you do it?" She finally asked, knowing that it didn't matter how often she clung onto logic, desires of the heart were always going to get in her way. She was going to probe and push, hoping he would snap out of it, and show her just a hint of the old him. Maybe he would realize how heartless he had become. Maybe he would wake up and decide to leave the darkness. Or maybe the logical part of her brain should just get her to shut up and walk away, leave him alone to lie in the bed he made.

"Because he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or. . .because you think you own me." Her voice was harsh, and he could sense her disdain for him.

But the more bothered she got, the less he did. He knew better than anyone, the angrier she was with him, the more hateful her words, it all just meant she wasn't over it.

He leaned in, knowing she couldn't see the smirk on his face. His whispers came out in a deep synthetic voice. "In the heat of passion, you would've begged me to say that."

His words sent a shiver down her spine, throwing her off balance.

But she quickly snapped out of the haze he swept over her.

In an attempt to hide her flushed cheeks, she screeched out. "Oh you are just disgusting – y-you're horrible!"

She stormed off, and he knew he had riled her up.

Once she shut the door behind her, though, he stopped smiling. It was getting harder to keep up with the incessant lies he told himself about how Anakin was gone, and how he didn't hate himself for everything he has become and everything he destroyed.

He looked up at the sky. It was getting dark, and the only light left came from the apartment Padme and the children were in – the part of the window Padme hadn't covered with the curtain. Perhaps, there were some cracks in the dark after all, some cracks to let the light in.

How many rules can I break?
How many lies can I make?
How many roads must I turn
To find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned?

The next couple of days, Vader kept his distance, but watched them whenever they were on the terrace from his throne room. He waited until Padme was indoors to get the chance to talk to them – he didn't need Padme yelling at him.

He stepped out once he saw Luke by himself, working on his use of the force. He reminded him of himself, as Luke managed to keep a pear in the air without touching it.

"How long has Obi-Wan been training you?" Vader asked, now standing behind him, making Luke jump up – almost losing his control of the pear.

"Not long." He replied, now taking a bite of it.

"Do you enjoy it?" Vader made his way in front of him.

Luke didn't look up, just gave off a casual shrug. "Yeah. It makes me feel like I share something with my dad."

Vader exhaled slowly. "Your dad."

"Yeah." Luke lifted the pear in the air once more with the force. "He died before I was born. Didn't make it 'til the end of the Clone War. . .but they say he died a hero."

"He was quite the Jedi." Vader acknowledged, and Luke could tell it wasn't another question.

Luke then observed him. "You knew him?"

"No." Vader paused. And Luke turned to face the view outside.

Vader, now looking at his son, felt a sudden familiarity. All this time he hadn't felt it yet. He knew what Padme and the kids meant to Anakin but he couldn't emotionally connect to them. He wanted to soulfully feel it. And now, he felt a slight connection. A connection he hadn't felt since he believed Padme had died. A connection that was severed so abruptly, he had forgotten what it felt like once he burned all his bridges. But in this moment there was a hint of it. Deep, deep down, he wondered if he'd ever be able to fully feel it again... Then he would no longer have to live with the one fear he never wanted to come true – his fear of abandonment.

"...I am him." He murmured eventually.

Luke's wide eyes slowly and hesitantly faced him.

"What?" His voice was barely audible.

"I am your father."

Oh, Lord, what can I say?

I'm so sad since you went away
Time, time, ticking on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be

Brandi Carlile (Mashup) – What Can I Say / Hiding My Heart Away