Begone, Man, From Whence You Came

Helen glanced up to see an all too familiar pair of eyes and dark, sleek hair. She smiled at the thought. Julia was here again. "Back again so soon?"

Julia sank into the chair in front of her. Helen patted her hand. Julia put her face in her hands and moaned. "Heleeeeeen."

Helen gave Julia her most angelic look. She was going to enjoy every second of this, thank you very much. Besides, this was going to be way more fun than her nursing degree. "Yes, Julia?"

Julia walked over to her liquor cabinet. Helen watched her open the cabinet and pull out the vodka and a brandy glass. Julia went for the lemonade next. She dumped a healthy amount of vodka in the glass and topped it with lemonade. "He was awful."

Helen snorted loudly. She could have told Julia that before the date, thank you very much. Herbert had a reputation amongst her classmates who were trying to become doctors. Even the men didn't like him all that much. "Mhm? What did he do?"

Julia made a noise of anguish. Helen took a sip of her lemonade. Julia took a giant sip of her drink. She leaned back in the chair. "Well, to start with, he picked me up. And then he said he'd buy me a nicer dress if this was the nicest one I had."

Helen tried very hard not to laugh at Julia's offended expression. Julia's nostrils flared and she tossed her hair. "As if! Anyways, I could have moved past that if he hadn't insulted you."

Helen blinked. Honestly, she was pretty sure that Herbert the Pervert hadn't even noticed her existence. She had been thankful that she was nowhere near his type. "He said you were ugly! And that your muscles and height made you unfeminine!"

Helen had heard it before. Muscles were very intimidating to a lot of men. Possibly because they wanted some easy to push around, but she tried to withhold judgment until they were proven guilty. And, well, she was taller than the average man. It had never bothered her much, though. Helen smirked slightly. "Well, I wasn't a big fan of his looks either. You're most certainly welcome to keep him."

Julia's eye twitched. Helen took a deliberately loud slurp of her drink. Julia continued her tirade. "And, then, we got to the restaurant!"

Helen blinked. There were very few ways to screw up a dinner outing if you had even a touch of common sense. Then again, Herbert was supposedly nobility, so maybe the inbreeding had gone to his brain. "What happened there?"

Julia let out a mild screech. She downed even more alcoholic lemonade. Helen carefully placed a bookmark in her textbook. Julia took a deep breath and continued. "Well, aside from him flirting with the waitress the entire time while I was right there, he chews with his mouth open."

Helen barked out a laugh. Julia looked like she was about to start steaming. She was far too much fun to poke about her awful dates. At least she was living with Helen during the dating learning curve. "All I heard for the entire dinner was smack, smack, smack! And his side of the table was covered in half-chewed food!"

Helen gently put her textbook back in the stack next to her. It sounded like this entire rant was going to take a while. The date hadn't even lasted that long. "Well, what happened next? You look mad enough to set him on fire."

Julia let out a huff. Helen was resisting the urge to smirk. Bad dates were always funny, as long as it wasn't you. Besides, Julia wasn't exactly in dire straits. Julia was set for life, as long as she was careful with her money. Helen was going to nursing school on her savings from a variety of odd jobs. "Well, we finished dinner and then he looked like he wanted to say something so I waited."

Helen tried not to grin. Here it went. Besides, Julia wouldn't have stormed off without-

"Then he said he expected at least a blowie after that meal. So I dumped the ice bucket on him and left."

And there it was. Helen finished her lemonade. Julia dramatically flung herself onto the couch. "Sounds awful."

Helen walked over and patted her friend on the back. Julia let out a hiss. Helen decided that what Julia probably needed was a blanket. She got out her favorite fluffy wool one. Julia was motionless as Helen draped the blanket on her. Julia rolled over and blinked slowly. "Why did I go on a date?"

Helen patted her. Julia scowled. "Because you live in hope of finding one of the two decent men in London who'll marry you and let us be together."

Julia let out a puff of air. Helen poked her. Julia let out a sigh. "I mean, I see why you decided to go to school and become a nurse. If those are your options…"

Helen grinned. Well, Julia wasn't entirely correct. She was from a working-class family. "My options were a bit rougher around the edges. I grew up near an industrial district, you know."

Julia sighed. Helen knew full well that Julia had a similar background. She wasn't sure how the other woman's late husband made his money and was pretty sure that she didn't want to know. "Oh, I figured. Besides, we both know my marriage was absolute shit at the end."

Helen looked at her. Julia hadn't exactly gotten a divorce. Helen had her suspicions. "You killed your husband."

There was a slight pause. Perhaps she shouldn't have said that. Julia giggled slightly. "I said absolute shit! Besides, a divorce would have taken far too long."

Helen rolled her eyes. Julia had a bit of an obsession with appearances. Then again, it wasn't like she didn't have any issues. "Just be glad that there are other options now."

Julia smirked slightly. Helen could tell her mood had shifted to something a bit…hungrier. "Oh, I am. Can you carry me?"

Helen rolled her eyes and put Julia over her shoulder. "Off to bed with you."

Julia tittered slightly. "Only if you're joining me."

Fin

Based on a prompt by Zyzyax (see story summary). This is the 335th work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection. We have an index of all the prompts used in this event so far and going forwards - join the discord to get access to the online index (and to take part in our events, chat about everything and anything, and meet a load of awesome people!