She made an excuse to her agent that she just wants to explore the city for a bit and she'll be back soon. It required some convincing on her half to alleviate his fears, he seemed reluctant to let her explore a strange, foreign city on her own but later relented when she promised to keep him posted and reassured him of her proficiency in spoken English.
She entered the nightclub to a large crowd gathered to have a good time out in the weekend. Latest edm hits blasted from the loudspeakers and the air was imbued with an energy and life exclusive to young adults. The thrill and tension permeated the atmosphere, and the gaslights only highlighted it even further as youngsters rocked and swayed to the upbeat tune . The college crowd was wild and way too self absorbed to pay her any notice though, and anyway she doubted she was famous enough in international circles to draw enough attention. The thought helped her relax a bit.
A text beep commanded her attention. "Last seat to the left, 10 o' clock." Her eyes looked up to scan the crowd and finally rested on a familiar silhouette sitting on a leather couch at the far corner of the room, head bent low over a glass at the very edge of the neon lighted dance floor. A roller-coaster of mixed emotions hit her chest and for a second, she just stood there undecided, before navigating her way through the dancing crowd. She took her place next to the guy she had ended up rejecting, a boy who had once been a dear friend and later something much more, the boy over whom she had chosen herself and her career.
"Hello, Yeong gi. How have you been?.. How's college?" She couldn't quite put her finger on it but somewhere in their last three years apart, he had lost all his boyish charm and soft lines. And the person sitting next to her had a hard edge about him, an aura that was rather quite unsettling, yet powerfully magnetic. The boy, no, man, gave her her a steely gaze that held no softness, no tenderness she had grown accustomed to.
He shrugged nonchalantly. "You seem to be doing really well. Front covers of all those glamour magazines, Wogue even. Can't say I'm surprised."
Alyssa flinched and then let out a long breath. "Why did you message me?" she finally asked. Earlier that morning, she had received a message on her Instagram by her ex boyfriend, asking for a meet up.
"Didn't expect you to arrive. Why did you?" he shot back.
She felt a flush creeping up her neck, "I.. I thought that will be impolite." That was a lie. She had half hoped to hear from him when her group announced a foreign tour to UK specifically. A ten days long tour. She didn't have his new number anymore. Shin ae had half hinted that she could provide her one but Alyssa had held back. Not that it kept her from hoping. She had nearly given up all hope when out of the blue, there was a short text lying in her inbox on the last day of the tour. Why did she accept it? She frankly didn't have a concrete answer. Maybe she missed him. Maybe she was curious how he was faring. After everything that had happened. Maybe she wanted another chance to explain herself. Not that she deserved one, after breaking his heart like that.
Things had gone steadily downhill after the mega success her second album had received and squirmishes became inevitable as she rose to fame. The fans were more invested than ever in her every move and tough decisions awaited her at every corner. As the college deadline came closer, Yeong gi's behaviour became even more erratic. Career or Me? He had finally left her with the choice and she had picked the former.
It wasn't an easy decision but the choice was always clear. She wasn't only answerable to her group, but to her dreams as well. They had broken up shortly afterwards and he had left for Oxford, cutting all ties. All their plans for a long distance relationship never even got a chance to be put to test.
Sure, she had climbed to the top of her success ladder, she had little else to do after that anyway, but something always felt incomplete, missing, and the guilt refused to leave her entirely.
She looked down at the table in front of them, her eyes coming to rest on his glass.
"You sure have changed a lot," her voice was tinged with a hint of nostalgic sadness, "Since when did you start drinking whiskey?" she looked up to see his eyes were still fixated at her face.
Another shrug. "Sometime down the road. After everyone left. I craved something stronger. Developed a taste for the hard liquor."
She closed her eyes at the sharp bite to his words. It didn't feel right. This distance. This half disguised taunts. "Why did you text me, Yeong gi? The truth this time." She opened her eyes.
Something flickered behind the hard mask and then finally his eyes looked away. "I wanted to see you. I was wondering if you ever... miss us?"
Alyssa's heart ached at his words. Something she had suppressed long back stirred behind her chest. "All the time," she whispered, "but it changes nothing."
It took him a moment to re meet her gaze. He gave a small, sarcastic smile, "I just wish I would stop being the second choice somewhere, you know." He half laughed in a self deprecating manner, "Never the first choice. Always an after thought. The last resort. At least Nana cared..," his voice nearly broke at the end.
Alyssa's hand shot forward to engulf his own, her heart racing a little too fast. His words ringing in her ears. She had only met his Nana once and the day she had heard of her death, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She knew what his grandmother meant to him and she had only hoped his family would see him through that pain. She had little doubt that hers was the last face he would want to see anyway but that night she could hardly sleep.
"I'm so, soo sorry," she uttered, trying to channel any bit of comfort she could still offer. "That must have been so hard. I can't even imagine how it must have felt. Oh Yeong gi. I wish I was there. I should have been there!"
She didn't know what he saw in her face, but all colour left his, the fight evaporating out of him and then he nearly collapsed in half sobs. Right there, in the middle of the nightclub. Thankfully, no one seemed to pay them any attention.
Alyssa's heart went out to that broken boy, he suddenly looked so frail and exhausted, and after a second, she moved in closer, and engulfed him in a warm hug, letting him hide his face on her shoulders. He froze for a moment, before melting completely into her arms.
"Hey, it's okay," she murmured, "You will be okay," she gently rubbed his back, blinking away her own tears.
After what seemed like a long while, he slowly composed himself enough and looked up, disengaging himself slightly, but still close enough that she could count his every lash, his stark green eyes glistening with half shed tears were looking deep into her own with such raw intensity that it was vastly distracting, confusing even. She knew she should back away but at the same time, she just couldn't. As if the magnetic pull kept her rooted to the very spot.
Some vague memories fluttered through her mind, how those eyes lit up in a smile, cheered her up when she was down and lonely, twinkled with a hint of mischief everytime a prank crossed his thoughts, the playful glint and the fun they had in a time far simpler, less demanding, less punishing.
He drew in closer, his lips just an inch away from hers, giving her a chance to back away. She still could, right? She should but does she want to?
She covered the remaining distance, her lips clashing against his in a warm frenzy, a passion his were only too eager to reciprocate. Her hands entangled in his hair as he pulled her in even closer, his hands strong and firm behind her lower back, and his lips wild and ravenous. A hint of whiskey on his lips and tongue.
She broke away to catch her breath, unable to keep up with his pace. "We c- can't.." she stammered, trying to latch onto her thoughts.
"We can." His lips caught her own again, sweeping her under. It made her feel dizzy and she had to muster all her self control to push him back.
"No we can't! I have an image obligation to my work!" That seemed to jolt them both to their senses. "I can't be seen doing.. this in public," she quietened down to a low voice.
Yeong gi backed away, the hard glint re-emerging in his eyes. "Work, of course," he stated dryly, a touch of mockery in his tone.
Alyssa flushed with anger.Why can't he just co-operate?!"It was a mistake coming here, Yeong gi," she stood up, snatching her purse. Her fingers absent mindedly combed through her hair to make herself look more presentable. "I shouldn't have come."
Anger flashed through his eyes. "Then go. What's keeping you here so long? I'm sure you just couldn't get enough of your fawning fans."
Alyssa felt like she had been slapped. She stared and then swivelled around, turning her back to him, leaving him to his opinions and drink.
Yeong gi kept looking at her receding back as she navigated through the crowd and left the club, a half apology, he wasn't sure he should say, dying on his lips. He had no idea which one of them is more selfish. Little did he know that she had tears cascading down her face and neither did she.