Chapter 3
A Drop of Liquid Lust
My heart is racing as I almost fall down the stairs leading to the dungeon corridor, I ran so fast here. I am in absolute panic, my breath unsteady, sprinting down the hallway, having the potions classroom right in my field of vision. Without even knocking I rudely barge in, the door almost opening itself for me, I stop at the very middle of the classroom, slouching forward with my hands on my knees, heaving like crazy.
Snape watches me from his desk with a slightly perplexed face, I struggle for air in my lungs, and as I glance at the clock, I see that I am late exactly one hour and a half. That's it, everyone, prepare my gravestone, this is where I die today. It's been nice knowing you.
I see no one else in the classroom, of course, why would anyone be here, when I am the almost daily visitor of this place. I can almost tell how many bricks these walls are built of; I've been here so much. To be honest I got a liking to the chilly classroom over the years. Especially since last year, when I remained alone with my professor, I felt a home-like sensation in here since that day. Snape stands up slowly from his desk, turning to me, but before he can say anything, I interject with vigor.
"I know what you're about to say, professor, and I'm sorry for being so late, but believe me, I have a perfectly valid reaso-"
"Silence!" he cuts me off angrily, my words dying early in my throat, and I'm overwhelmed by his expression of acrimony. I can see on his face that he will not listen to reason today, and fear replaces the little butterflies I was feeling in my stomach only minutes ago. He approaches quickly, backing me into the nearest wall, with the most livid expression on his features I've ever seen. He closes the space between us with only a few steps, grabbing my chin in the process, pushing me into the wall. His grip is deathly, I can sense his pure fury, and I must be the sickest person on earth for having my knickers completely soaked by his reaction. I gasp for air in surprise, not taking my eyes off him, because I can't show any weakness now, or he might eat me alive. No, I must stand my ground, at least until he calms himself a bit, until he's not clouded with the red smoke of rage.
"I don't want to hear your sorry excuses. I think you don't realize who you are messing with, young lady. I warned you not to forget about your detention, yet here you are, ninety minutes late. Here I was planning on having a conversation with you about your behavior, but apparently, you give me even less respect than you would for a dog." he says bitterly, gritting his teeth. Snape bores his gaze into mine, so many intensive emotions swirling in them, I see that he feels hurt, but the main one accentuated the most is disappointment. He probably wanted to sit down, and speak with me like two adults, possibly not even giving me work to do, but saving Moody's life ruined Snape's plans of straightening things out with me. Now he thinks I'm just a snotty brat, who only wants to give him headaches until graduation. I can understand his feelings, but if only he listened to my brief explanation, we could already be discussing more important things. But nooo, he has to show me, that he's not the teacher who I want to mess with! Merlin's sake, why must he be so stubborn and close-minded when he feels hurt?
"Well, I have to inform you, my patience towards you ends here. From now on, don't expect any pity or compassion from my part, I honestly attempted to discuss the situation in an amiable manner, but you chose not to be on my good side. I'll show you what its's like, when I'm truly mad at a student, then." he whispers the cutting words, his fatal threatening tone rips my skin to pieces, my hands are trembling next to my body. I have to gather every ounce of my remained power to answer, since the healing process drained my battery almost completely, and I'm exhausted at this point. And to think I still have long hours of detention to serve… my mood turns into an irate one, so I retort.
"If you would only let me explain what took me so long to get here, professor, then you wouldn't be this fucking mad at me!" I bite back, furrowing my brows, because his unfairness pisses me off to no end. I see his pupils narrowing with viciousness. He is behaving worse than a child now, and it's hard for me to figure out why he lost his composure to this level.
"I dare you to repeat that sentence, Miss." he growls in his lowest possible voice, sounding like a true animal, and he releases my jaw, gripping my collar instead. He blows the air out like a bull, pure rage hiding in his every pore. From the corner of my eye, I see his wand slowly ascending, stopping at my chest to point at me from below. Oh crap. Although I know, he wouldn't lay a spell on me, because he would lose his job instantly, I am still filled with despair. I've never seen Snape like this, and Merlin be damned, my aching core is not helping me concentrate any better! Well, if I back down now, I'll just humiliate myself in the worst way possible, besides, I'm not about to bow in front of a five-year-old adult throwing a fit, when I know he's at fault! I change my expression from scared to challenging and hit the gas. I stretch my neck forward a bit, so I get closer to his form. If I die here, might as well fight 'till the end.
"You heard me." I whisper to him, a mere inch from his face, my breath tickling his lips. For a moment I see something unfamiliar pass in his eyes, something that is absolutely not related to his angered state. Something that you feel when you have a thought you shouldn't be having. The next second I find myself shoved to the ground, he yanks my collar towards him, but steps out of the way, making me fall on my side to the cold floor. The air is knocked out of my lungs, and as I look up at him, Snape walks furiously into the storage, and after a loud clacking session he comes back with two silver plates.
"On your feet. Now." he orders, and I oblige in shock, still not registering that he just threw me on the floor a few seconds ago. He grabs my wrist, and drags me to the middle of the classroom; waving his wand, he makes the desks and chairs retreat to the back of the room, leaving the space open.
"Stand with your legs apart." the potioner commanded and I looked at him with a questioning look.
"Don't make me repeat myself." he hisses, his features still oozing anger. I move to stand in front of him, putting some distance between my legs, facing the teacher's desk, with my back to the entrance door. He does a few elegant circles with his wand, pointing at my feet, conjuring a metal hoop emerging from the floor, next to each foot.
"Incarcerous!" he enunciated pointing towards my ankles now. A set of ropes encircle me above the bone, and connect themselves to the metal hoops, almost cutting my circulation, tying me to the floor. I gasp as I see myself trapped to the spot, confusion creeping up my spine, making my breathing erratic and heavy. The potion master steps to me, placing one silver plate in each of my hands. He then swings his wand towards the door, making several heavy locks and locking systems appear, and my panic is slowly rising with each second. I start to seriously fear this man, not able to tell what his intentions are.
"You will serve a form of detention not quite approved by the school, but perfectly suited for extreme rebels, like you. You see, this type of punishment was often used in medieval times, and believe me, it was able to break the spirit of the strongest revolts." there's some kind of a sneer in the corner of his mouth, although he tries to keep his face stern. Here we go. I knew it! I freaking called the medieval torture! Dear Merlin, what am I to do now?
"Hold up the plates with straight arms, on your sides." he prompts, and I weakly raise the silvers, keeping them on my palms, supporting them with my fingers. My expression is frightened, now I'm in a position where I'm completely at his mercy, and seeing his current state, that doesn't sound advantageous to me. Snape forms a horizontal eight with his wand, conjuring smaller, heavy rocks on the plates, forming a pyramid on each other in my hands. I strain to hold them up, it's really hard to keep them in balance, but I struggle to keep my hands stretched out, giving a long exhale from the effort.
"You are to hold these plates up, until I deem your punishment enough. If I see just one single rock on the floor, the consequences will be so severe, you will wish you bathed in Flobberworm mucus instead. And to give you a bit of motivation," he starts, taking a few steps back towards his desk, "Serpensortia!" comes his low voice, conjuring a giant black python next to my legs, hissing dangerously at me. As soon as I see the snake, my legs start to tremble, I truly fear for my life. I look at Snape with horrified eyes, demanding some kind of explanation for his cruelty.
"Not to worry, this snake doesn't have any venom, however his bite is quite painful. He is trained to attack only when a rock hits the ground, so if you want to avoid being bitten, I suggest you keep your arms steady." disdain is dripping from his mouth as he forms the words, and with that he turns back to his desk, leaving me in complete fear and anxiety.
The rocks weigh a lot in my hands, and I curse my luck for coming here right after a very tiring healing session. I curse my own mouth, for not being able to shut itself when it matters most, and I curse my mind for never backing up and for desiring this man even now, after all these horrible things he just did to me. My eyes drop to the girthy black snake, who is slowly doing some rounds around me. On second thought, examining the slick animal better, it doesn't seem that dangerous, and after finding out it's not venomous, it's like I'm not even that afraid of it anymore. Sure, its bite will probably hurt like hell, but I won't die from it. I am desperately searching for calming reasons, to hush my horrified mind, and I seem to have a little success, because one by one, I gradually eliminate, counter, or dull my scary thoughts in some way. I sigh in defeat. I must survive this detention. And tomorrow, I'll stay in bed, reporting sick.
An hour passed. My hands are shaking, and my knees are weak. My feet are beyond sore, and I try to focus on breathing, but that doesn't seem to help much. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and skin, making my hair stick to my nape, giving me a sensation of too much heat around me. The fact that Snape started brewing a potion meanwhile, doesn't help the heat problem either, the fire under the cauldron raising the temperature gradually, as he is preoccupied with selecting ingredients and focusing on stirring. The potioner works in silence, ignoring my presence, assembling with perfect focus, and I watch his precise movements, his measuring, his pourings. His style fascinates me, my mind gets lost in the subtle ministrations, I watch his hands put together a concoction I am yet unaware of, and I can't help, but wonder how those fingers would feel on my skin. As this thought passes through my mind, Snape gives me a side glance, but quickly shifts his focus back to his cauldron. The minutes pass by agonizingly, my body is screaming for this torture to be over, and as a last resort, I try speaking to the professor again, maybe his mind settled enough for me to reason with his stubborn head.
"Professor, can we talk about this? Please, my arms hurt very much." I try, my voice sounds way too weak, and Snape answers uninterested, with a few herbs in his hand, not even looking at me.
"You could have talked with me, if you arrived on time. But since you chose not to respect your teacher's orders, you must bear the consequences. I wouldn't waste my energy on talking, we will be here for a while." the potioner throws the selected herbs in the cauldron, and I am newly enraged by his attitude. This bastard! Just how childish can he be!? One thing's for sure, they don't call him cruel for nothing. I never imagined he would go to this extent, but here I was, enduring a punishment not even approved by Hogwarts, and I can't even reason with him, since he locks his logical part of his brain away. In this moment, all the rage and frustration built up inside during the three years comes out, and it's just my rotten luck, that he caught me in one of my most tired states.
The herbs thrown inside the cauldron makes the potion give off a sweet scent to my nose, and I find it pleasantly intoxicating. The fumes progressively fill the room, breaking their way into my mind, like they're seeping under my skin, making my body tingle, as a few hundred feathers caress every inch of my heated skin. I close my eyes, relishing the small factor making my retribution just a little less horrible, and the scent somehow calms my nerves, but also stimulates my senses, sinking me in a dazed state.
"What are you brewing, professor?" I ask in a breathy voice, keeping my eyes closed.
"It's a stronger relative of Amortentia." comes the cold answer, and as I hear his voice, I wonder how can he not be affected by the smell. Then, upon opening my eyes, I see him keeping an emerald-colored handkerchief to his nose, shielding himself from the effects of the potion. I find myself eyeing every inch of him, the fumes of the love potion bringing my hidden desire to the surface, and this time, I don't even fight them, I'm too much under the influence of the fumes. I caress his form with my eyes, imagining sliding my fingers through his silky black hair, touching his neck with my other hand, I can almost feel the sensation of his smooth skin on mine. Then I would peck his cheek at first, but then press my lips to his rosy plump ones, licking over his lower lip, begging for entrance, and when he finally gives it to me, I'd insert my tongue frivolously in his mouth, sending him the message that I want him, and I want him now. I imagine our tongues sliding over each other, entangled in a heated dance, the feeling sending shivers down my spine, going right to my burning core, making me dripping wet for him. I play with the thought of pushing him back in his chair and straddling him, grasping his hair and pulling back his head to give myself access to his neck, which I would abuse with my tongue until he is a panting mess under me. I would mercilessly grind into his painful erection, being in pure extasy from hearing his moans, but I would keep him on the edge for a long time, just so I can have my fill of his shaky breaths and guttural groans. Then when he is driven to his absolute limit, I would rip his cassock off his upper body, but gingerly raking my nails over his chest; I would circle each one of his nipples, relishing the small tremble of his chest as he inhales, all the while driving him insane by palming him through his trousers, but denying him release until I drop to my knees and take his throbbing cock into my mouth, swallowing him in one swift motion…
Snape violently raises his head to look at me with a shocked expression, staring at me for long seconds, then he leaves his cauldron hastily, approaching me with speedy steps. Once right in front of me, he grabs my chin, and lifts it, so I look him in the eye. My eyes are half lidded, reflecting the lava coursing through my veins provoked by my impromptu daydream, being high on the potion fumes. He left his handkerchief on the table, which puts him too at risk of inhaling the concentrated smell. He pierces his gaze inside me, a searching look on his face, like he urgently wants an answer to a question he didn't even ask yet.
"So, this is what you've been hiding… all along…" he whispers super close to me, with a perplexed face, all his anger vanished from his features, only a puzzled light was placed on them. "You are attracted to your teacher… and madly so." Snape says softly, not a single facial muscle moving, I am purely unable to read his face. Oh no! Did he read my thoughts? I know he is a skilled Legilimens, but… oh Merlin, this is messed up. His thumb slides over my bottom lip, and his proximity snaps me out from my daze for a second, processing his sentence, I feel shame swallowing me whole. An angry blush appears on my cheek, and I try to save the little pride I have left inside me.
"No, that's not true! How can I be-" I try to whimper out the words, but am interrupted by the sound of a drop hitting the stone ground, and as we move our heads to the source of the sound, we notice that it came from me. More specifically, from between my legs. I am absolutely mortified as I look at the white-ish opaque droplet, realizing my body's utter betrayal, as my gaze follow the glistening line running down my thigh. Tears fill my eyes, as I can't take the embarrassment, and I whimper as I practically throw the plates to the ground. I would rather be bitten by a giant snake at this point, than to face Snape about my mad arousal for him. The snake doesn't hesitate, as soon as the first rock hits the floor, it recoils to jump and bite my thigh, however, the potioner is faster.
"Vipera Evanesca!" he vanishes the snake, the creature disappearing in smaller flames. His gaze comes back to me, still a total empty expression, impossible to read.
"Now, we talk." he states, vanishing the ropes binding my legs, and I collapse to the ground, finally able to relax my muscles a bit after more than an hour of strain. My face feels like it's about to combust, and I am sure that the following conversation will be the most embarrassing of my life. Snape walks to the desk, covers the cauldron with a lid, and does a cleaning charm, refreshing the air in the room. He moves a chair next to his desk, and gestures for me to sit on it, while he occupies his own chair. One can cut the tension in the air as I stand up with shaky legs, and drag myself to sit face to face with him, with racing pulse and my heart threatening to burst out of my chest. I sit down pressing my legs together, feeling the slickness on my skin where my thighs meet, I am sure my blush quadrupled only in the past two minutes. The professor is sitting with his legs crossed, slightly leaned back, no sign of intimidation whatsoever. I find his sudden change of behavior strange, but I don't say a word yet, I don't dare to meddle with his idea of settling the conversation's rhythm. His eyes are on me, not moving an inch, watching my every move like a hawk, and his neutral face starts to creep me out a little. Just what plan is riping in his head now?
"For how long has this been going on?" the quiet question comes out of nowhere, and I jump at the sudden voice, my ears already used to the silence around us. I am way too embarrassed to answer, so I just bite my lip, and drop my head in shame. I never imagined he would find out this way, when even I am not completely sure what is going on inside me. I know he is a mind reader, but I didn't expect him to be this skilled.
"I promise not to punish you in any way, so I suggest you take part in this conversation, because I wouldn't like to force my way inside your head." he raises an eyebrow elegantly, keeping the calmest voice he didn't use in a long, long time.
"Did you see my thoughts?" I choke out the question.
"Since they were such a graphic description of you putting me in compromising positions, yes. I saw them. It's easier for me to see thoughts when they carry such heavy feelings, the more intense the emotion tied to the thought, the easier for me to sense them. Especially if they are about me." he leaned forward, trying to find my turned-down face. I exhale sharply, the fact that Snape saw every detail of my daydream setting a knot in my abdomen. "So?" he ushered me to answer his first question. I have to think about this for a second. Should I be honest with him, and tell him that I had been feeling weird since last year? That some of our engagements, well most of them, leave me aching and hot, and I don't even know the reason why? Maybe if I just give him a piece of the truth will be enough for him, and he will let me leave only with embarrassment, hoping he will never search my brain for more information. I take a shaky breath, and attempt looking in his eyes.
"I've been feeling… weird, since last year. The ink-spill incident if you remember." I start cautiously, I'm not sure just how much can I trust him yet.
"Yes, I recall. The very first time I let you off without assigning detention." he stated softly, keeping eye contact.
"Yes. Well, I don't know how to explain this… but since then, whenever I had class with you, or you sent me in detention, I always left with… butterflies in my stomach." I am trying to coat this as thickly as I can, using the mildest words, he must not know of all the raging-aroused states I was in since that moment. In the summer following the ink-spill was the first time I touched myself to the image of him, and for a week I was barely eating anything, I felt so disgusted with myself. Of course, in front of Drax I blamed it on a heatstroke, so he wouldn't be so concerned about me. I felt guilty about that too. Snape messed my life up in so many ways, that I just felt anger bubbling up inside me every time I saw him or thought about him.
"So, you mean to say, since last year, you've felt butterflies in your stomach after you left my classes? And what, pray tell, was causing you butterflies to appear?" he put his foot down, clasping his hands together with his elbows on his knees, a curious but smug expression on his face.
"Please professor, don't make me say embarrassing things like that out loud…" I clenched my hands into a fist on top of my knees, dropping my gaze to his shoes, running from his all-knowing gaze.
"Let me guess. It was my voice, wasn't it?" he says lowly with a smirk, and I raise my eyes back to him in surprise and unease.
"How did you…?" I whisper, my jaw on the floor.
"Let me prevent you, no, I wasn't reading your thoughts just now, and to answer your question, I saw your reactions. Every. single. one of them." the potioner caught my eyes with his, a dead serious light on his features giving me a feeling like an anchor was tied to my waist, he pinned me down mentally in the chair, rendering me unable to move. All I could do, was listen to him, with my lips parted in befuddlement, trying to take in shock after shock, as Snape picked me apart calmly, meticulously.
"The first time I noticed, was when you started your rebellion against me in your third year. Perhaps you weren't even aware of your feelings, the emotions still stored only in your subconscious. You saw an enemy in my persona, because your personality is an insurgent one, and me, being a teacher prompting children to follow the rules, I was your complete opposite. Naturally, kids have some level of mischievousness inside them, but most children would stop after they are disciplined a few times. But you seemed like you couldn't get enough of my detentions, so I had to view the case from another perspective. I thought you were rebelling against rules in general, but soon I realized I was mistaken, when I saw you abiding by all the other teacher's rules, except mine. Then you took it a step further, and became my best student, while still rebelling against me. This was such an unnatural behavior, I was forced to think about your situation quite a lot actually, and then the idea of your potential attraction towards me crossed my mind. It is obvious that you're not a masochist, so the only explanation for you liking being in my detentions was your behavior seeping to the surface from your subconscious. You didn't like the detention, no. You liked being around me. I deliberately behaved in a particular way with you, to see what kind of reaction will you show." he explains matter-of-factly and I am too busy picking up my broken pieces from the ground.
"Particular way?" I ask, but I already fear the answer.
"I thought you noticed." he said with an innocent face "All those times I stood a little too close to you, or when I did kind acts that were absolutely out of my range of personality…" he trailed off. Suddenly Drax's' voice is in my head, when we were in the astrology class, he saying that Snape's act was too unnatural… holy shit.
"But the most reactions I could get, were the times when I lowered my tone while speaking to you. Your eyes had an unmistakable light in them, screaming desire, and your lips always parted just enough for me to confirm your aroused state." Snape has a small smirk in the corner of his lips, and I sit there utterly destroyed. Three years' worth of effort just flew out the window, now that I found out, that he was aware all along. No! Even before I knew anything, he was already halfway to figuring me out. I simply sit there, unable to choke out a word, shock dancing on my features, my hands having a minimal tremble. I look at him for what seems like an eternity, and when he notices my blocked state, he continues.
"Well, me seeing you have certain reactions weren't enough, those could have been provoked by anything else, really. So, I needed a more solid proof for my suspicion. Let me also tell you, I intended for you to assist me in brewing this particular potion today, I planned on putting you under the love potion's fumes, knowing that it brings to the surface the person's most hidden, deepest desire. This is not quite like Amortentia, it is far more potent. But I never expected you to be this late, so I had to change the plans a bit, but I still got the desired results." he has a full smirk now, and tears are already choking me as I listen to this brilliant but heinous chess game, each word a knife in my chest, and at this point, all I want is to run back to my dormitory and cry myself to sleep. This is too much humiliation for me in one day, and I feel like he is giving me back three years' worth of humiliation in one sitting. A single tear makes its way down my face, and I clasp my hands together, as if I was praying for this nightmare to be over.
"Now," his tone dropped to a mere whisper, but held maximum authority in it "I think you are well aware that if anyone learns about your feelings toward me, your reputation will be quite literally shattered in this school, not enough for expelling, but enough to permanently damage your image even after graduation. Of course, I wouldn't want you expelled, you're my brightest student. And not just mine, every teacher takes pride in you. We wouldn't want that pride destroyed, now, would we?" he raises an eyebrow, sending me a meaningful look. He has the upper hand now. No questions asked.
"I am willing to keep your secret with me, on the condition that you stop your foolish riot against me, and stay a model student. I know you have the capacity to rule over almost all students, since you are already doing that, however, I would be more glad to give you good grades without being humiliated in front of my students and my blood pressure being constantly sky high." the professor did a small pout at the end of his sentence, leaning back a little, sighing.
"Don't forget, your whole reputation is in my hands, so behave, and you will have a peaceful graduation, being top of your class. Fail to do so, and support the consequences. I don't think judging eyes and nasty rumors following you everywhere would do you good, so play nice." he says placidly, standing up, approaching me, and again, stopping exactly before my form.
"You are dismissed." he drawls with a small smile, saying the words exactly as he said them on that fateful day before summer. My heart sinks in my chest. This was the final blow. I am totally disarmed, picked apart, cooked, chewed up and spit out. When he said the punishment was sure to break any kind of rebel spirit, he wasn't referring to the rocks. No, he was referring to this. This utter destruction of a human soul, the pinnacle of humiliation and shame, a cruel act, possibly done only by the biggest snake of Slytherin, the dungeon bat himself. I stand up, nullified, my chest feels empty and numb, somehow, I'm not capable of forming any emotions at the moment. I slowly make my way to the door, Snape removing the locks with a swish of his wand. Before I step out in the cold dungeon corridor, I glance back to the teacher I used to prank so eagerly, just to see his face show intense emotion.
"Good night, professor." I say, my voice is hoarse, my body feels like I carry a lead armor on me, and I silently make my way down the chilly hallway, and up the stairs. However, I don't go into my dorm yet. I can't go there like this. I feel if I saw anyone I would break out in a series of uncontrolled sobbing, so I need a space where I can be alone, and possibly not even inside. I know its way past curfew, but I simply don't know what to do with myself at the moment. I must pour everything out that's been building up these past hours. I decide to go to the fountain in the schoolyard, so I can lie down on the edge, and let the stream of my tears flow into the water below the stars, letting the gentle unconsciousness take over my mind in the autumn night air…