Chapter 4

Distance

I hear my name in the distance over and over again, the tone is desperate, laced with fear, and shaky. As I slowly emerge from the dark unconsciousness, I identify the voice, it belongs to Drax, who is squeezing my hand with vigor, while I feel softness and warmth around me. I open my eyes only a rift, my best friend's silhouette coming in focus as my eyes get used to the light surrounding me. It's dawn, I can see the sky as a window comes in sight, and I notice that I'm in bed. At the infirmary. How the hell did I get here? Drax lets out a long exhale, his worries alleviated as he sees my eyes open, regaining consciousness.

"Thank Merlin, I thought you were done for! What the hell happened with you? You don't come to dinner, I don't see you all night, and when I go searching for you in the middle of the night, I find you on the edge of the fountain, outside! Your body was freezing cold! I demand an explanation from you, right now!" he says with a reprimanding face, giving a strong squeeze to my hand. Oh no, he is using formal language. That means he is super serious, and truly concerned. I can understand him. His sentence is almost a gabble in my head, as I try to piece together what exactly happened yesterday. Oh yes. My detention. It wasn't nice of me to keep the whole Snape thing a secret from him, and I think it's time he finds out exactly what is going on, since I am also quite convinced now about my feelings. I have a serious crush on Snape. I don't know why, or how, it just manifested inside, over the years without me noticing, and now I have to face my emotions. And Drax, being a huge part of my life, has the biggest right to know.

"Drax, please forgive me for not being completely honest with you, I wanted to tell you when I felt certain about my feelings." I begin softly to the boy sitting on the side of my bed, concentrating on my reactions, trying to take in every movement.

"What do you mean?" he lowers his voice also, I can see on his face, he feels relieved that I finally decided to share whatever I was keeping from him, my silence surely brought him some anxious days.

"I didn't come to dinner yesterday, because I saw a few teachers taking Mr. Moody's bloody body to the infirmary, and I decided to follow them. I was led by curiosity and a strange feeling, like something telling me that I had an important mission there with them." I explained, my voice a bit weak from exhaustion.

"They didn't see you?" his surprised face makes me smile; he was always truly immersed in whatever I was telling him. He values my friendship so much, and I can't express my gratitude enough.

"At first, no. I eavesdropped on them, finding out that Moody was attacked by death eaters, and they roughed him up pretty bad with dark magic. His body was covered in cuts and nasty bruises. He also had lots of broken bones. After I heard Poppy say she couldn't help, my feet moved on their own, and I volunteered to heal him. McGonagall was quite against it, but Dumbledore and Sprout were with me. Poppy was ecstatic when she saw the Soul Strings." I say with a smaller smile.

"You showed them the Strings? I thought you wanted to keep them a secret!" disbelief danced on his features, and I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't worry, I saved Moody's life in the end, and I got rewarded with the best feeling in the world. I've never felt an emotion so strong and so euphoric my entire life." I smile from ear to ear now, recalling the million butterflies in my chest and the intoxicating feeling my heroic act brought me. My heart is wrapped in warmth when I see Drax mimicking my smile, the boy is truly happy for my success, and he leans onto my form, sliding his hand under my neck, hugging me tightly.

"I'm so proud of you. I always knew you will do great things with your power. Ever since you healed my first scar, I knew you will be great." his whisper makes my eyes water, and my heart couldn't be more full in this moment. I reciprocate his hug, wrapping my arms around his back, staying with him like this for a few moments. Then he resumes his position on the bedside, and I slowly sit up, placing the big pillow behind my lower back.

"And then?" he ushers me on, with enthusiastic interest.

"I was late from my detention with Snape. One and a half hour late." I say, lowering my gaze, because I get to the point in the conversation, where I have to fully open up, but also place an extra protection on the information I'm about to deliver. Drax places his hand in front of his mouth with shock, he knows exactly that being this late from Snape's detention meant bloodspill. Figuratively of course. Literally, there was another liquid involved, but I choose not to disclose that particular detail, since I don't want the bed to swallow me.

"Drax, listen to me carefully. Whatever I'm going to tell you now, it's top secret, alright? No one must find out, otherwise I'll be in big trouble. I have my full faith in you, so please guard this information with your life." I whisper to him very seriously, and he nods, although having a questioning look on his face. I take his hand, and tap on it, so he understands immediately what I'm hinting at. He opens his hand, showing me his palm, and I start to draw the message on his skin.

When we were kids, we invented our own silent language during playtime in the backyard, by drawing symbols inside each other's palms, so whenever we had to discuss something that wasn't for our parent's ears, we could communicate easily without being noticed. Over the years, we perfected the symbols and signs, broadening our vocabulary, so now, we could easily open any book and sign the text to the other, word by word without being stuck. I found our secret sign-language was best for sharing my feelings with Drax.

'I pissed Snape off yesterday. Very badly. He used a medieval torture method on me as punishment, and then, he caught me in my weak moment, he read my mind and found out my secret.' I draw symbol after symbol in his palm, a little too embarrassed to look him in the eye. He doesn't seem to mind, instead, we switch positions and now I'm the one with my palm facing up, and Drax draws.

'What secret?' we switch again.

'Drax, I have a serious crush on Snape.'

My best friend freezes. He looks at me wide-eyed, the most confused look on him, disbelief returning to his appearance once more.

"Are you serious?" he barely whispers, and I simply nod, giving him a sincere look. I take his hand back.

'He threatened to expose me if I continued rebelling against him, but told me that he will keep my secret if I behave and remain top student.'

'You have to stay top student too? How cruel can he be?' Drax signals with an outrage, and I shake my head a little.

'That's not a problem for me. The problem is making sure the information never gets out, because, as he said, it will shatter my reputation to pieces. I will be marked for the rest of my life as the sick girl who drooled over her teacher. Maybe he will even fabricate details, like me trying to seduce him and stuff. It's Snape we're talking about.' Drax pauses, and takes a deep look in my eyes. Reading his face, I can see him struggling with all the emotions I just provoked in him; shock, confusion, disbelief and many more; even he has trouble sorting them out. His bright blues hold all the vertiginous feelings he's trying to dissect, and slowly, he puts his pointer finger on my palm again.

'Since when?'

'For me, since last year, before our summer vacation. However, the bat said that I've been pining for him subconsciously ever since my riot started, in other words, third year.' Another longer pause. Although I'm quite sure Drax doesn't judge me, because he's just not the type, still, his unusual facial expression worries me a bit. It's sadness mixed with confusion, and… pity? I think so, yes.

'Just what is so attractive in him for you? What caused your crush?' he narrows his eyes questioningly, as if saying, 'Really? That bastard is who makes you all hot and bothered?' A slight blush makes its way onto my cheeks, and I avert my gaze from him. If I have to list all the small details that make my nether region catch fire, we will be here all day. Instead, I simply answer,

'To be completely honest, the main thing that sweeps me off my feet is his voice and his style. The way he carries himself with such dominance that it turns my knees into jelly. The sheer number of times I imagined myself submitting to him, is endless, Drax. He can turn me on with just one word, and it drives me insane.' I rub my temple with my other hand as I write this, trying to ease the tension this thought brings. Drax buries his face in his hands, sighing loudly, then sliding his fingers in his hair, he ruffles his locks aggressively, as if this motion could lessen the weight of the newly gained information. A little frustration is visible on him, but he turns back, grabbing my wrist and writing vigorously.

'Look, you know I will never judge you and I will always love and accept you as you are. I only ask you to be very very careful with this man, ok? He is cunning, and he might use your feelings against you any time. You are literally in his grasp, and he can destroy your future with a snap of his fingers, so please, I implore you, think twice before doing anything. You have my full support; if this man makes you tingle, then may Merlin bring you together, but I swear if he harms you in any way, I will go to Azkaban for murder.' he has a determined expression while my eyes are watering, his touching words wrapping around me like a blanket, making me feel safe and supported. I will always strive to give the level of protection I get from Drax. At this point I can say he is one of the most important people in my life, if not the most important. I throw myself into his arms, whispering thank you in his ears over and over again, feeling beholden to this golden man. Anyone else would have said I was crazy for lusting over a teacher, but Drax is able to see inside my heart in a way no one else can. Our friendship is one in a million, that's a solid fact.

Interrupting our hug, Poppy walks in, quickening her steps when she notices me awake.

"Oh dear, are you feeling alright? Your friend brought you here in the middle of the night all chilled to the bone, I was afraid my warming spell would not be fast enough to save you from hypothermia!" she says with worry, stepping to me and putting a hand on my forehead. I look up at her and smile, trying to assure her of my wellbeing.

"Don't worry madame Pomfrey, I feel just fine, all I need is a Pomfrey Pick-me-up, and I'll be good as new." I wink at the matron, my words smoothing the wrinkles between her eyebrows.

"Alright then. I will leave you to rest." says Drax standing up and nodding at me, which finally eliminates the guilt I felt for keeping my mouth shut. This was his way of telling me, he is not mad, and the trust between us is not damaged in the slightest. With a much easier heart in my chest, I drop back onto my pillow, tranquility making my muscles have almost feather-like weight.

After Drax leaves, Poppy turns to me.

"Oh, I forgot to mention. I spoke with the headmaster about me handing you my knowledge on healing, and we both agreed, that since you're the top of your class in every subject, you can replace one subject with the healing class. We cannot take away your free time after all, and putting you under too much pressure will only make your learning process more difficult. The decision is up to you, however Dumbledore suggested choosing a subject easiest for you to recuperate the lessons from. At the moment, our main focus is on improving your healing abilities, we must not let a precious power like this go to waste."

This is it! I think keeping distance from the potion master will do me good after our little incident. I can do my potions assignments in my free time, without even having to face Snape, I can just ask Drax to hand in my assignment when he does his. And the practical lessons? Well, tough luck, I'll ask Drax again to repeat the bat's words, after all, he's a brilliant mind, top of class, just as I am. Not bragging though.

Yes. This is exactly what I need now. A longer pause, away from the potioner. I still have to process everything that happened in the dungeon, and being in his vicinity will make my job more difficult.

"I think I can swap potions with healing lessons. That would be easiest for me." I lie, because Herbology would be ten times easier, Snape being extra severe with our grading, but I have no other choice now.

"All right, I'll inform the headmaster about your decision. Although, I doubt professor Snape will be too happy to lose his best student for a while, but I'm sure he will understand the situation." smiled Poppy while she arranged some bottles on my nightstand. I didn't like the fact that Snape will learn about my power, but he was a teacher too, he had the right to know why a student was missing from every single potion class. Maybe he already knew, knowing that the teachers discuss everything among them. And a big miracle happening like yesterday, will not remain hidden for the bunch, that's for sure, even if they don't tell the students. So, time to jump headfirst into learning how to heal and save lives…

Two weeks have passed, and I haven't heard anything from Snape or what kind of reaction did he have upon hearing the news. It was like he didn't even care. Each time my timetable said 'potions' I went the opposite direction right to the infirmary, and Poppy started gradually teaching me her tips and tricks with healing. I wrote to my mom, telling her how my progression went, and my heart fluttered, when I got her letter expressing the never-ending pride, and wishes of good luck for me. I learned anatomy, almost cell by cell, Poppy gave me mountains of books to read and learn by heart, I sounded like a broken record, repeating the essential parts and their purpose, while we practiced on realistic dummies. Drax was doing his best, paying extra attention in Snape's classes, so he could give me back his exact words, illustrating and detailing the lessons. Each day they had a practical lesson, we would pack up after classes and go into a smaller, spare classroom. I always took my cauldron and the necessary ingredients for recreating the dungeon bat's potion of the day in a minimized form.

Sensing the pressure applied to me by having to do extra potion work, and learning books after books of anatomy, Drax sometimes wanted to lift my mood by trying to imitate Snape's way of speaking and voice. He even learned a voice changing spell just for this purpose, and I always blushed when he asked me embarrassing questions like "Did I manage to get you wet?" in a super sexy low voice during his explanation. Oh boy, he didn't know how spot on he was, because I always left the classroom with my knickers soaked through, but ending up having a good laugh about it. Honestly, I loved these days with Drax and his effort to give me nice sensations in the middle of chaos.

Until one day, about three weeks since I haven't seen Snape at all. We were heading to the small classroom, Drax telling me today's lesson is super important according to Snape, the potion being in the mid-year exam. He sets out the ingredients on the table for me, I prepare my cauldron for brewing. The teacher's desk is just a bit higher than the student's desks are, the piece of furniture being on a wooden platform. Drax steps up on said platform, takes out his wand, and places its tip to his larynx. His voice morphs, and a few seconds later he starts his lecture, exactly as Snape would, his acting being a bit too good for my liking, and I find myself closing my eyes, relishing the voice I came to adore these days. My knickers are soaked already, my dripping core living for the low vibrations coming from my friend. I place one hand between my thighs, squeezing them together, trying to feel a bit of pressure to ease my delicious torment, while supporting my head with my other hand, elbow on the desk. Drax stops for a moment, noticing my state of arousal, and lead by a playful thought, he descends from the platform, approaching my desk with a filthy smirk.

"I see you are quite distracted; Miss. Would you like to share what's on your mind, keeping you from paying attention? Perhaps my voice makes your core tingle so much, that you are simply incapable of focusing?" Oh, he knows what buttons to push. Drax knows me better than anyone, and even though I know he is only playing, I find myself set on fire, hearing Snape's voice coming from his mouth.

"Stop it Drax…" I breathe with a nervous laugh, trying to conceal my heavy arousal, which is futile in front of him, he knows exactly what state I'm in. But to my surprise and my absolute delight, he doesn't stop.

"Hm, I wonder if I can help you focus somehow…This lesson is rather important after all. Maybe if I kiss you, that will get you back to your senses." he steps behind my back, reaches around my neck with both hands, and traces his fingers agonizingly slow on my skin. The little hairs on my nape all stand on end, and a shiver runs down my spine. Merlin, how I wished this was actually Snape. "Or better yet, should I throw you on this desk and take you right here? I do believe that will make you concentrate." he trails off in a whisper, making my every cell scream with pleasure, these were words I longed to hear from the potioner himself, but could never hope that they become reality one day. And Drax knew that, blessing me with a small gift like this each session. But this time things ended up different.

"I don't think I ever uttered these filthy words in my class, mister Donovan." came a low voice from behind us. The blood froze in our veins. Drax stands mortified with his eyes glued on the actual teacher standing in the doorway, I spin around shocked, slapping my hand on my gasping mouth. Snape enters the classroom, and walks towards Drax, stopping in front of my desk.

"If you do an imitation, I suggest you stick to the original script, and not detour towards foolish nonsense. Ten points will be taken from your house, and you will serve detention tonight, mister Donovan. Now get out of my sight." he drawls his order, scaring Drax to the bone, and we both start to pack our things, but Snape turns to me.

"You are not yet dismissed. However, kind your friend was, copying my lecture to help you, only I am suited best for playing the role of myself, wouldn't you agree? Furthermore, the lesson needs to be finished." he says gesticulating with his hands, like this was the most natural thing in the universe, and he was simply commencing a class. Drax throws me a pitiful look, and mouths a 'sorry' as he rushes to the door, disappearing. Snape's behavior is irritating me beyond measure. Not only now I have to sit through his one-on-one impromptu potion class, which I desperately wanted to avoid for the past two weeks; but he scared Drax away from me with his childish behavior. We were only having fun privately, not even humiliating him in any way! My blood pressure rises, and my voice follow suit as I open my mouth to him.

"Why did you send Drax away? He wasn't doing anything wrong! We were just… studying together!" I say, not controlling my anger at all, frowning at the potioner facing my desk. He meets my furious eyes, looking down to my sitting form.

"I hardly call that studying. He was telling you unnecessary folly, flirting with you, imitating my voice on top of that!" he says sternly, furrowing his brows.

I gasp a little at his use of words. I know better than anyone, that Drax was very far from flirting with me, he did it, because he knew it brought me pleasure, and he wanted to spoil me a little. Hell will freeze over before Drax shows genuine sexual interest in me. But Snape doesn't have to know that… I stand up, now much closer to his face, and I place my palms on the desk, leaning forward, pressing my breasts together a little with my arms while looking straight into his eyes.

"Don't tell me, professor… are you jealous of Drax?" I ask him with the biggest shit-eating grin I can summon, and for a fraction of a second I see the shock of being caught on his features. But he masks his reaction immediately, showing me a deep frown instead at first, but he gets a different idea. Mimicking my posture, he slams his palms on the desk, right beside mine, and mirrors my position, leaning forward, bringing his face much closer to mine than I am comfortable with. He reaches up to take my chin between his fingers, sliding his thumb over my lower lip in the same fashion he did in the dungeon, his eyes following the movement. A full smirk is plastered on his lips, and he talks with a core-shaking baritone.

"Now why would I be jealous of your friend? Unlike him, I don't need a voice changing spell to make you tremble with desire."

I am left speechless. He actually managed to give me checkmate with a single sentence. I know very well that he's just acting to protect his ego, but that's besides the point. I never imagined he would be this bold. He gained a lot of chutzpah over the three weeks I haven't seen him. Or maybe he always had the audacity to say such things, he just keeps himself so much in check that we never see Snape out of line. His sentence raises both ire and longing towards him, and as he simply refuses to break eye contact, I am unable to come up with a comeback.

"Now sit." he orders softly, laced with authority which sends my roaring sexuality into overdrive again.

Snape starts describing the properties of my ingredients and how to brew the potion perfectly, but as he writes on the blackboard, all I can think of, is just how his clothes seem a bit too tight on him today, giving me an irresistible outline of his body, sending my thoughts spiraling into lustful bliss. And by the small smile in the corner of his mouth, I can tell, that he knows what I'm thinking about…

I sigh, reading about the nervous system first thing in the morning. My first class for today would have been potions, so I came to Poppy right as the bell rang. My mood is dropped however, the words can't seem to enter my mind, I only read them as empty shells, their meaning steering clear of my mind. My thoughts are elsewhere. I avoided Snape for three whole weeks, doing everything I was capable of to not even see him. I had meals way later than I usually did, just to evade most of the teachers in the Great Hall, I switched out his class to healing, and Drax helped me with the assignments. I didn't have to attend detention, since I wasn't present to piss him off in the first place. My plan was going smoothly, so why does seeing him yesterday bother me so much? Why the sudden lecturing? Not even bother…excite is a better word. I had three weeks in which my sex drive was at an all-time low, (except when Drax was acting as Snape, but that's besides the point) yet the moment the bat shows up, I am dripping. This is not normal. Even a normal crush is lighter than this level of attraction. I couldn't sleep much, giving the potioner stirred me on the inside, and I haven't been able to calm down since. Poppy went to visit Pomona for some herbs, we will be making a serum that helps dissipate nervous paralysis if someone is hit by a wrongly executed petrifying spell. As Poppy returns, she walks over to the desk I'm sitting at, placing a rather old-looking used book in front of me.

"Professor Snape asked me to give this to you. He said this will help you a lot, and I can only agree with him." the matron smiled kindly, turning to fetch some empty vials for the serum.

I open the lid, and I see a small piece of parchment stuck between the first and second page. I take the paper in hand with curiosity, reading the unmistakable handwriting.

'I think this book will serve you right with your studies in healing. Good luck to you. S.'

I look at the title on the inner page, Gunhilda de Gorsemoor's rarest healing potions. Interesting. The kind gesture surprises me a little, but also filling my chest with a funny and pleasant feeling. I can't pinpoint what it is yet, all I know is it feels like a safe home. It's strange, honestly, because when Drax helps me with something, I feel warm and grateful, but this feeling is different from that. It's a small act of kindness, but still. This has more… depth. I place the book in my bag, and I walk over to Poppy, watching her preparing the herbs. I have to regain my focus.

As I glance out the window, I see the sunrise dressing up the dry leaves on the trees in an orange dress, I marvel at nature's way of expressing its feelings with all kinds of colors each season. If only we humans could express our emotions in the same simple, yet gorgeous way…