Chapter 13

Reinforcement

"You can't possibly ask for something like that." Snape seems like he instantly broke out of the hazy state the whiskey put him in, and now he stares at me with a dumbfounded expression.

"Why not?" I ask innocently, giving him a pout. "You said I can wish for anything." I repeat the facts to him, but he's still looking a bit uneasy, hearing my reasoning.

"Indeed, the laws dictate that you can wish for anything, except the defeated party's death. You could even enslave me for the rest of my life, and I couldn't say a word against it…" he trails off. Hmm, that's an interesting thought to play with… "However, I strongly advise you to reconsider your decision. I wouldn't want you to regret offering your innocence to me, when you could have a much better suited young partner, who you can explore your fantasies with and give yourselves to each other entirely." his voice takes a sad tint as he stops caressing my lower back, and unfortunately, his mood affects mine as well.

"That would be impossible." I whisper in the air, while I straighten my posture on his knee, closing my eyes with a frown.

"Why?" he asks, still not understanding my point here. I couldn't be with any other man. Not anymore.

"Because I would always think of you." I'm looking directly in his eyes with a bloody serious gaze, though my lips hiding a warm smile. If I can't give myself to Snape, then I would rather die a virgin. I don't know and I can't explain this abnormally strong attraction I feel towards him, which is not just physical anymore. I truly want this man beside me, and I noticed that I started thinking about him a lot, when he's not in my vicinity. At first I only wanted to save him from his miserable state and depression, but now, I want to save him, and I want him to stay with me after I helped him pick himself up. Somehow, I need his presence in my life, otherwise, I get the feeling like something is out of place. Like the universe is not in balance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not obsessed with him. I just want to know for sure that he will be part of my day-to-day life and keep a nice connection with him. His aura affects me in a very interesting way, and I want that mysteriousness and elegance this man holds. Also, judging by his reactions so far, I think the feeling is mutual in some way. We just can't put our fingers on it yet.

Snape lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger, then his worn-out, low voice slides into the silence between us.

"Why do you want a broken man like me? You saw my past. Do you truly think I am capable of offering any kind of genuine feelings you expect and deserve?" he mutters bitterly, hiding his eyes behind his fingers, as he slowly presses them to his forehead. He's showing me a side of him I haven't seen yet, and my jaw is on the floor yet again, seeing the well-hidden part of his character: self-hatred. Oh boy. This is my number one struggle, this part of him is my main mission to defeat and change his heart, I have to convince this side to give up the loathing and start believing again. I have to handle this vulnerability he displays in a very delicate manner, otherwise I might scratch the sensitive surface of his heart.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him in a tight hug, and rest my palm on the back of his head, like I would with a newborn baby. I honestly feel like I'm not holding his body right now, but his soul, the scarred, tortured, exhausted, dainty little soul who has been through so much, and is still standing with pride. A warrior. A few teardrops form in the corner of my eyes as I feel deeply touched by his daring moment to open up in front of me.

"I know you're capable of it, and you're capable of so much more. I saw the depth your love can reach, you just need to stop blaming yourself for what happened in the past, and trust yourself again. You possess such bravery and strength; other's only dream of having. The horrible things you had to go through made you think that you have no value anymore, but trust me, you are more precious than you think you are. You just need a little help to see it again. Let me help you, Severus…" I breathe into his hair, and press our bodies together as best as I can. There's nothing sexual behind my touch, this moment is truly a sensible one for the both of us, and I bury my face in his neck when I feel his hand start to run up and down on my lower back again, signaling the ease of his tension. We stay like this for what seems like an eternity, none of us uttering a word, just caressing and comforting each other, and when I think I will remain without getting an answer from the bat, he finally speaks again.

"Are you sure you want this? Are you truly at peace with the idea of me deflowering you?" his voice is calm and soothing, especially when paired with the monotone movements of his hand, I feel like I could fall asleep right here in his arms.

"Yes, I'm sure." I answer in the same calm tone, not wanting to disturb the serene mood. My head rests on his shoulder, I can faintly hear his heartbeat through his clothes. "Are you… alright with the idea? Does it sound unpleasant for you?" I ask him softly, concern in my tone.

"Unpleasant? Not in the slightest. I would say morally wrong describes the feeling better, however, somebody once said morality is but a perspective, so I presume, I can make peace with this part of the deal." Snape's low voice rumbles in his chest next to my ear. Is he really trying to justify taking me to bed? Wow, I never thought he would make such efforts in order to oppose his own principles. Incredible.

"I don't want you to feel compelled to do it." my tone takes a saddened turn, because somehow, I still have the feeling that I'm coercing the potioner into my knickers. Like he's forcing himself to accept my offer. Snape squeezes my side, drawing a long breath through his nose, then, with a hushed and almost sensual voice, he blows away all my anxious thoughts.

"If you are absolutely certain you will not regret giving yourself to me, then let me assure you, there's no feeling of obligation from my part. I would adore to offer you an unforgettable night." I gasp internally at his small piece of honesty, a deep blush spreading over my cheeks, and I bury my face in his collar, trying to conceal my embarrassment.

He squeezes me to himself again, then slowly pushes me away from his torso, and takes my wrist, putting my hand flat on his chest.

"If you truly set your mind on this wish, say the following words: Audi voluntas meum, then my name, and state your wish in a detailed manner. This way you make your wish official in front of the ancient forces, and their magic can take effect." Snape explains to me, keeping his palm glued flat on my hand. His eyes hold a hint of mystery and firmness, the potioner keeping me captive with his charming aura.

"Will you be forced to do it?" I ask him concerned, a deep frown on my face. I don't want the bat to be obligated to do anything, I would prefer if things flowed naturally, with him fully being able to control his thoughts and movements.

"Not in a way you imagine. I will not be forced to do anything, however, if the wish is time-based, and I fail to accomplish it before my time is up, then I get punished by the ancient magic. Say your wish is to spend time with me on the 31st, but I fail to show up for the date. On the first of January I will be punished for not fulfilling the task. And the punishment shall continue until I keep my promise." the professor illustrates, and my stomach starts to feel weird upon hearing about the consequences.

"What kind of punishment does this magic give you?" I'm scared a little, I don't want him to suffer or to get in trouble again.

"Don't concern yourself with that. Furthermore, I always keep my word, especially when it's an ancient vow." Snape touches my cheek with a reassuring gaze, calming my racing thoughts a bit, and I take a deep breath. Alright, let's do this. I wait a few seconds to silence my mind, then with a slightly trembling voice and nervousness, I reinforce my wish,

"Audi voluntas meum, Severus Snape," as I utter his name, the silver thread comes out of Snape's chest, glowing, and climbs my forearm like a snake, like the thread wants to hear and record what I have to say. "I want you to spend the last day of this year in my company, take me on a date in the afternoon, celebrate the new years privately together, then…" I stop here for a second to think of the perfect words, "…make love to me." I finish, and watch, as the little glowing thread retracts into Snape's chest, now the wish being planted inside the potion master.

Dear Merlin. I'm just realizing that now I have a guaranteed date, and a hot night with Snape. Somebody catch me, 'cause I might faint. Seeing my beet red face and rounded eyes, Snape chuckles a little.

"Your wish just sunk in, correct?" he asks with a cheeky tone, a smirk crawling onto his delicious lips. I can only nod in embarrassment, as he continues his cheeky chuckle, and places a ginger kiss on my forehead.

"Well, little kitten, I shall claim you on New Year's Eve. But until then, we have a whole week ahead of us. For now, it's only Yule, which reminds me, I haven't opened my present yet." he says nonchalantly, like there's nothing wrong in the world, like he didn't just say that he shall devour me a week from now. Dear Merlin, can't we speed up time…?

The bat takes out his wand, and simply levitates the gift in his hand from the desk, then pulling on the green ribbon, he reveals the book, and instantly freezes. A genuinely surprised but slightly concerned expression is visible on him, as he drops the velvet next to the chair, eyes still glued on the rare item, almost in shock. Snape stares at the book for a few seconds, rotating it, examining from every angle. His fingers hold the book so delicately, like it's the most precious artefact in the world, refusing to believe the book is in his hand. Then he looks back at me, who hopes her present will make him happy, or at least pleased with with her efforts. I sit impatiently on the bat's leg, mentally crossing my fingers, awaiting his answer, reaction, anything.

"How?" he asks in disbelief, holding the book up.

"It's a long story, but in a nutshell, my parents got it for me." I had to tell at least one detail about how I got the book, otherwise Snape would think I got caught up with dark magic and death eaters.

"Swear to it, that you didn't get involved in any dark matters to acquire this book." Snape says dead seriously, a frown almost appearing on his face, jaw clenched, but I can see that he's just purely concerned about me. So, I cup his cheeks with my hands and sink my gaze in his.

"Professor, I swear on my life, I didn't get involved in any dark shenanigans to acquire this book. I just got lucky, and managed to get it, so please calm down."

The potioner's features relax visibly, and he leans back in the chair, his eyelids dropping in relief.

"Thank you. This is positively the best gift I ever got from anyone." my heart jumps with joy when I see the pure excitement in his eyes as he finally accepts the book as his gift, without having second thoughts about it. "Where did the idea come from? I suppose you weren't just walking by a bookstore on Diagon Alley, and notice the rarest and strongest book about dark magic put in the shop-window?" his sarcasm actually makes me laugh a bit, and I shake my head with a wide grin.

"No, I know your interest actually lies more in the dark arts, not potions." I slide a lock of silky hair away from his forehead and tuck it behind his ear, as a caring and gentle gesture, and I simply can't get enough of this expression of his. I want to see this man ever single day this happy and excited. It doesn't show on the outside that much, but I can sense it in him, the positive vibe just radiating from his body, his eyes overflow with the warm feeling, like a child opening his presents under the tree. These moments are priceless for me, when I get to see a side of Snape no one else sees. These are our private moments.

The potioner scoffs with a small smile under his nose. To my surprise, he takes my hand and lays a kiss on top of it softly.

"First, I get a new arm from you, now, Slytherin's hand-written book. I feel, me not returning your gracious favors makes me look quite rude. I'll make sure to express my gratitude properly." he coos and my heart skips a beat as he gives me the most seductive bedroom eyes I've ever seen, and I'm fairly certain I need a change of underwear again…

I'm practically floating on a small cloud as I return to my dorm. Drax welcomes me from the sofa with a surprised noise as I close the door behind me and lean my back on it with a grin reaching my ears; I must look absolutely ridiculous like this, but I couldn't care less. I'm high on adrenaline, coming from my dear bat, and my best friend notices the ecstatic state.

"That good, huh?" the black-haired boy asks with a smirk, and I can't help but slap my palms on my face with a small squeal, sliding down to the ground in a crouching position.

"Shut your mouth, mister Casanova!" I point my finger at him with a playful tone, and he feigns being hurt.

"Dear me, what did I do?" he asks, putting his hand on his chest with a pout.

"I had to endure the thundering Snape storm because you decided to tongue-wrestle with your prince in the middle of the hall!" comes the exclamation from me with a giggle, not really mad at Drax for giving me yet another opportunity to have an intimate moment with Snape. However, Drax's face dresses up in genuine shock now, and a blush runs over his cute cheeks.

"You saw us?" he asks in a slight panic.

"Not just me. Snape saw you first. I dragged him away to leave you two to your moment, but he exploded in his office when he realized we were playing with him." I run my hand through my hair, huffing.

"Oh Merlin… did he hurt you?" Drax's eyes are full of care and concern, leaning a bit towards me curiously.

"What? Drax, come on!" I laugh at his idea "No, he would never hurt me. Actually, we managed to establish the New Year's date I told you about." a smirk appears in the corner of my mouth.

"For real? Spill everything!" the sparkling curiosity shines in his eyes, hungry for the juicy gossip; dear Merlin, how this boy manages to live for gossip so much is beyond me, but I cut in before telling any details.

"Hold it, mister. I want to hear about you first. So, what happened exactly there?" making my way to the couch, I sit down next to him, and lean back, propping my head up on my elbow.

"Well…" he begins with his blush darkening "…I saw him standing in front of the dorm, and asked him to come talk with me. He was seriously upset as I saw, and I flat out asked him why the mad face? He told me he was disgusted with our dance at dinner, but when I asked him why, he couldn't answer. He kept his nose high but a constant redness was covering his face so my gut feeling told me something was fishy. At first, I asked him if he liked you. You know, if he has a secret crush on you, of course he would be pissed when he sees us dancing like that. But he denied it heavily, saying he would never go for girls." My jaw drops as I hear that our vicious little snake kept a secret like this in his sleeve all along. How the tables have turned.

"As soon as I heard his slip of tongue, I was shocked, and he tried to save it by adding 'like her' at the end. 'Girls like her.' he said. But it was too late, I was convinced that he accidentally confessed him being gay to me. So, I gathered my courage and said, 'Well, if you don't like her, then maybe… you like me?'. He freaked out, and started calling me all sorts of things, how dare I assume disgusting things like this blablabla… So, I pinned him to the wall and kissed him. I thought, if he's truly disgusted and not gay, he will push me off and maybe I get punched. But you saw what happened." Drax smiles in an adorable way as he recalls the sweet memories, and my heart couldn't be more full as I listen to his successful love story.

"And then?" I usher him excitedly.

"Then I asked him on a date. I told him he shouldn't be ashamed, and what he feels is not disgusting. He was reluctant at first, but in the end, he said yes to come with me on a date. I plan on taking him to the lake for a small picnic, of course I'll look for a more hidden place, but as a starting idea, it's good."

"I agree. I really hope things will work out for you two. You deserve some romance in your life already, Drax." I ruffle his hair playfully and he chuckles as he tries to push my hand off.

"Alright, I'm all ears! I want all the juicy details, Miss!" Drax pulls up his sleeves in a theatrical manner, and crosses his legs like a diva on the sofa, which triggers a laugh out of me.

I tell him the outburst of the bat, and how I was shocked by him when he threw the glass to the wall in anger, but as I get to the statement of my wish I start to blush as the memory. Drax has his full attention fixed on me, his ears perk up, like a little puppy when called, and I find this trait of his unbelievably adorable. After I finish illustrating the emotionally charged moments with the potioner, Drax takes a thinking pose, and asks,

"I know this comes late, but are you sure about this wish? I mean, I know you've never been with anyone, and I'm concerned that it may not turn out exactly as you would want your first time to be. You sure you won't regret it?" he takes my hand in his compassionately.

"Drax, even if I went with another guy, I would constantly think about the bat, I would imagine Snape's hands on me instead of whoever I'm with, and that's cruel towards that person. I couldn't possibly be with anyone else." I tell him, furrowing my brows. A flabbergasted expression sits on his pretty face as his lips slightly part in awe.

"When did you sink to such depth with him?" he breathes out almost in fear, clearly not seeing the full picture, but this is the only topic I can't introduce him to, because I would violate Snape's privacy with it. And I would never do such a thing.

"Listen, Drax, there are certain things I know about the bat, that gave me a chance to see him in a light no one saw before. I'm really sorry, but I can't share these things with you, I would disrespect the bat with it, try to understand me, please." I sigh with pained eyes, I don't want Drax to think I'm holding up information from him because my trust is faltering, or some similar stupidity.

"Don't worry, I understand perfectly. I won't ever ask you to reveal the bat's secrets, I'm just surprised you fell for him this hard in just two months. I mean, that's one thing to want him sexually, but not being able to think about anyone else is on another level." I'm relieved to hear that he follows my lead, and doesn't hold anything against me.

"I think my turning point was when I found out certain information about Snape. Since then, my attraction to him changed from purely sexual to a deeper infatuation. I want the man as a whole, not just a simple fling." I gaze at the carpet before us, deep in my thoughts.

"Wow, those are some serious words there." Drax says dramatically, eyes widening with a small smile.

"Well, duh, since I've been pranking him and rebelling against him out of love, apparently!" I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air. "I'm just saying what I feel inside. And my heart tells me I want this man. More than anyone else."

Drax just stares at me for a few seconds, then leaning back in the sofa with a sigh, he says with a cute smile on his lips,

"Well, I told you I support you in anything you do, didn't I? So, I'm here for you if anything happens. Though, my Azkaban threat still stays if the bat decides to pull any funny business on you." I slide my hand on his knee appreciatively, and squeeze it.

"Thank you, Drax. The same goes for you. I'm here to help, if you ever need it. Now, let's go to bed, 'cause it's almost morning already." I pull him up from the couch giggling, and we walk upstairs for a well-deserved sleep after a tiring and emotional day.

The next few days are filled with excitement, butterflies and pink haze in my mind. I agreed with Snape to not meet up until our date, so that nobody gets suspicious, but somehow, I always feel like he's behind me, watching my every move. Whenever we pass each other in the hallway, and there's no one around us, the potioner walks super close to me in the wide enough corridor, and brushes his hand over mine, or touches me for a split second in some way. Either my hair, shoulder or arm, it doesn't matter, he makes contact. One time, I'm on my way to the Great Hall for breakfast, I stop midway to straighten my clothes a bit, and suddenly I feel a presence behind my back, then a finger tracing a line down my spine making me gasp in surprise, turning around swiftly. There he stands, looking down to me with his mischievous eyes and a small smirk, but the next second he's gone, just as fast as he appeared. I'm unable to utter a word, I can only stand there with a big shiver running down my body and with my skin burning where his fingers touched me. Is he trying to make me go insane? Because he will succeed if he keeps up this teasing. Snape keeps a sharp eye on me, and since we were found out not long ago, I don't feel bad sitting next to Drax anymore, and as I observe, the bat stopped giving us that jealous look he used to suffocate us with. Still, his eyes are always on me. I attract his gaze like a moth is attracted to light in the night, and I fidget in my seat, feeling heated and restless, but the potioner enjoys this to the fullest, his eyes shining with satisfaction at each meal. I even get to a point where I have to send him a mental message using legilimency at the table.

"Professor, please don't stare at me like that…"

"Why? I quite enjoy watching your flushed cheeks, especially when I know what kind of delicious thoughts pass through your head whenever our eyes meet." his face is emotionless at the teacher's table but in my head, I can hear his smirk. "Although I have to congratulate you for developing your legilimency to such level where you can read my thoughts as best as I can yours. This will be a useful tool for us in the future." What does he mean by that?...

I turn my burning face away from him, and try to finish my dinner in peace, but his beam kept my heart at an elevated pace, and I found it better to just get up and leave when I felt like I had enough food to keep me from starving. I can't carry my days like this.

We take advantage of our free time with Drax, and we make a detailed plan about our respective dates, coming up with ideas on how we can have a nice time without being caught or seen. Drax says I should just walk into a bar and use the Imperius curse on the bartender to shut him up, and I tell him, sure, if you want me to end up in Azkaban immediately, then I'll do it. We go over places we could visit, bars or tiny restaurants where they barely know us, Drax even suggest some outside Hogsmeade, but I think that would be too far from Hogwarts. We need to stay close, so that if something happens, Snape can return fast. So, after a long and hard debate, we come to our conclusions, and both of us settle for the perfect place, avoided by curious eyes and ears.

The last day of the year is here. I slept suspiciously calmly, and when I look into the mirror in the morning, it's a bit hard for me to believe I'll become a woman today. Somehow, I feel anxious and super calm at the same time, I don't know how to put this, it's like I'm nervous about how I will handle the date and the conversation with Snape, but meanwhile, I feel it in my gut that he will treat me nicely. That's what's keeping me calm. Drax is not awake yet, he tends to sleep in on holidays, so I make my way alone to the Great Hall. As I pace through the dim corridor, lit only by the soft winter sunrise, I notice my dungeon bat accompanied by McGonagall, making their way towards breakfast. I stay behind them, keeping my distance, but I'm close enough to overhear their conversation.

"I hope you'll join us tonight for the party, Severus. Don't pull yourself out of it again, like every year. You ought to have a little fun once in a while!" Minerva says with concern. Oh, he will have fun, Minerva, don't you worry about that. I smirk to myself as I wait for the potion master's response, who just scoffs at the witch's proposal.

"I'm sorry to disappoint, Minerva, you know very well, I'm not interested in parties, they're a bother to me. I agreed to help you decorate the Hall, however, don't expect me to be present for the New Year's." Snape refuses politely but in his usual stern style.

"And do what? Are you going to shut yourself in your chambers and spend the New Year's alone? When you could be surrounded by merry people? Maybe they would lift your mood also." the witch continues, her words served with a pressing tone.

"My mood doesn't need lifting, Minerva, thank you very much." he drawls with disgust. "Is there a problem with me wishing for privacy on New Year's? I appreciate your concern, but I must kindly ask you to stop trying to convince me about the party. I said, I will not participate, and that is my final answer." Snape closes the conversation, leaving a sighing McGonagall behind, as they enter the hall. I follow them a few seconds later, and as I sit down to eat, the room seems too empty for my liking, with Snape, McGonagall, Dumbledore and five other students already at the table for an early start of the day. My eyes meet Snape's, and I give him a barely noticeable, curt nod as greeting. He acknowledges it by raising his eyebrows, but soon after, I realize I could just speak with him via thought mail, so I send him a brash remark,

"Nice parrying out there, professor. I heard your conversation with McGonagall on my way here."

"I know. I heard your cheeky mental response to her. Were you always this backtalking with your professors in your mind?" Snape takes a sip of his coffee with a smile in the corner of his lips and my face starts to burn up from embarrassment. Crap! He heard me!? I lower my head, suddenly my salad and toast looking far more interesting.

"Well, well, well. I find out new things about my dear rebel every day. Turns out, she wasn't so obedient with her teachers as she seemed. At least not in her mind. Which points me toward the fact that I was the only one who saw your true nature all along, correct?" he nonchalantly takes a bite from a toast as he sinks his gaze in mine with a barely visible smirk. How the hell is he doing this? How can he make me want to disappear in smoke from embarrassment in just s few seconds? How is he picking me apart so skillfully?... I clear my throat at the table, and press my thighs together, because of course, his irresistible blackness in his eyes and the way he just strips me naked with them, sets my core ablaze, again.

"I-I actually wanted to request something from you, professor." continuing the mental conversation, I try to distract myself from the hot images invading my brain, which I'm sure Snape can see too.

"Other that me vanishing your knickers off you today?" the sly smile on him is so irritatingly attractive, and I hate the fact that he already managed to get me wet using only his words.

"For the love of Merlin!" I exclaim in frustration inside my head, and I hear his voice chuckle in my mental space. "I want to ask you to bring a vial of Polyjuice potion and its antidote with you on our date today. I saw a few vials in your storage when I wanted to surprise you."

"Would you look at that. Hawk-eyed, are we? And can I get an explanation as to why do you want me to bring Polyjuice potion to a date?" Snape raises his eyebrow at me, but I just pretend to enjoy my food.

"It's a surprise. Trust me, we'll need it." The potioner eyes me suspiciously, and I send him a pleading puppy face, to which he just closes his eyes with a small sigh.

"Very well. A vial of Polyjuice potion and it's antidote?"

"Yes."

Snape gives me a small nod, and goes back to eating while I make my toast and a few ingredients, make it into a sandwich, and hurry out the Hall towards my dorm. I can't eat with this much nervousness around Snape. In the doorway I run into a sleepy Drax, and I tell him I'll be waiting for him in the common room. It's time to get the preparations for the best date of my life started.