When the Hokage - and your boyfriend - asks you if he can eat your pet pig, what's your response?

Yeah.

It's going to get messy.

And we all thought Kakashi had more tact than that.

Nooooooooooooope.

No one can blame him, of course. After all, the Hokage hours are pretty hard. Paperwork, maintaining world peace, making sure a certain Uchiha and Uzumaki don't destroy the entire village over a bowl of ramen... all the good stuff. Being Hokage was hard, and it can really, really make you forget who not to mess with.

In Kakashi's case, it was his lovely girlfriend, Shizune.

Who also happened to have a beautiful, plump pet pig.

It wasn't his fault he had a particularly tiring day, missed breakfast and lunch, and was now hungry. It wasn't his fault he never had good eyes and it wasn't his fault he had always been bad at reading situations.

Well, maybe that last part was his fault, but still, even Kakashi needed a break sometimes.

Shizune didn't think so.

So when he asked her if he could save himself the trouble of walking all the way home and "eat Tonton because she's a pig and pigs are meant to be eaten", nobody could stop Shizune when she kicked him out of the office, breaking the glass window in the process.

She let herself smile when she heard the hard thump on the grassy ground.

To further crush his dreams, she poked her head out of the window, spotting the semi-conscious Kakashi on the ground, and said cheerfully, "Sorry, Kakashi, but you're not allowed to eat Tonton~!"

The next day, when Kakashi was feeling a little less tired - and a whole lot of back pain - he apologized to Shizune.

Surprisingly, she pecked him on the cheek (Or his mask, I guess) and smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, don't worry about that, Kakashi. You were just tired, I'm sure."

And that was that.

At least, that was what was supposed to be the end before Shizune continued, "But you have to apologize to Tonton too."

"Um... pardon?"

She looked at him blankly, as if she had just said the most normal thing in the world. "Yes? Is something the matter?" She held Tonton up cheerfully. "Tonton's waiting, Kakashi!"

"I'm... supposed to... apologize to... a pig?"

Shizune furrowed her brows, tilting her head in confusion. "Um, yes. Apologize to Tonton, please. Is it really so hard?"

"But..." Kakashi stared at the plump, juicy fat on the animal. "Tonton is a pig."

"I know."

"You want me to apologize to a pig?"

She sighed, clearly exasperated. "Yes, Kakashi. Would you hurry, please? The paperwork isn't going to sign itself. We have a busy, busy day ahead of us."

"I'm sorry, I just..." Kakashi took a deep breath and regained some composure. "I just never apologized to a pig before."

Shizune opened her mouth in an "O", finally understanding. She nodded her head and smiled at him. "I see. No worries, Kakashi. Here, I'll show you how."

She put Tonton down on the ground, kneeled on the ground, shook the pig's hoof, and said, "I am sincerely sorry, Miss Tonton, for asking if I could eat you the other day. It will never happen again."

His assistant looked up at him, eyes beaming. "See? That's how you do it. Easy-peasy. The same as apologizing to anyone - except Tonton's a tad shorter, of course."

"'A tad'," Kakashi repeated, not believing what Shizune was asking of him. "'A tad shorter'."

"Yup."

"Tonton is, like nine inches!"

"And...?"

Why.

Why was this happening to him? After all the trouble he went through, after making sure the world was at peace, after saving the world alongside his students, he was about to be humiliated.

Noticing the hesitation in his eyes, Shizune sighed. "I really don't know why it's so hard for you to apologize to Tonton. But hear, listen, Kakashi. If you apologize to Tonton, I'll forgive you for yesterday, and go on a date with you. I'll even let you pay for the meal."

The sixth Hokage continued staring at the pig.

"Again, may I remind you that we have a long day of work ahead of us?"

"Uhhh... give me time to think about it...?" Kakashi hurried out the room without another word.

Shizune put her hands on her hips and furrowed her brows, thoroughly confused. "Really. What's so hard about apologizing to Tonton?"

Tonton oinked.

Kakashi was not in a good mood, to say the least.

The Hokage wasn't really supposed to be walking around the park in the afternoon, when a pile of papers was clearly stacked to the ceiling inside his office, but to apologize to a pig.

Maybe I'm making too much of a deal of this... Kakashi mumbled to himself. It's just one apology.

But no!

He was the Sixth Hokage, the Copy Ninja, the Kakashi Hatake! To stoop that low and apologize to a pig! Unthinkable.

But I doubt Shizune will let this go... and I need my sleep. Sleep or apology... sleep or apology... sleep or-

"I'm sorry, Akamaru!"

Kakashi looked up, curious by the voice.

It was Kiba Inzukua, on his knees, his forehead pressed against the dirt. And who was he bowing to?

None other than his faithful and ever-loyal dog, Akamaru.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to step on your tail! Promise!" the Inuzuka was saying, the slight crack in his voice and the brown spots on the ground evidence that he was crying. "It was a complete accident! Sorry! Please don't hate me!"

Kakashi frowned, slightly confused by what he was seeing, but he kept watching because he was curious of what Akamaru's reaction would be.

Akamaru's answer was nudging the dog boy's bend neck and giving him a cheerful - and loud - woof. He then preceded to slobber his owner with his saliva - making Kakashi turn away in disgust.

Yeah, he... liked didn't mind dogs, but seriously, how could Kiba stand their licks?

He continued watching as the Inuzuka jumped up, dusted off the dirt on his pants, petted Akamaru, and the two seemingly best friends again walked off.

Well now.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Did he just see that correctly? Did Kiba Inuzuka bow in apology to Akamaru? His disastrous morning came back to him, and he remembered how easily Shizune said sorry to Tonton, how easily she kneeled down to a pig.

And now this.

Kiba didn't seem to have any more qualms about bowing to a dog than Shizune did.

Was there a correlation to this?

A connection he wasn't getting?

Analyzing. Analyzing was something Kakashi was a pro at, after being a Shinobi for all these years. Analyzing also proved to be very, very useful during the war. Maybe his analyzation skills would prove to be useful again. If this had become a battle of analyzation, Kakashi would get a sure win.

First - compare the differences. What had been different? Shizune had been inside, Kiba had been outside. So the matter of setting wasn't the answer he was looking for. Shizune was a female, Kiba was a male. Gender played no part. Shizune was in her thirties, Kiba in his teens. Age could be thrown away. Tonton was a pig, Akamaru was a dog. Species wasn't important. Tonton was tiny, Akamaru was huge. So size didn't matter.

Kakashi nodded to himself while he memorized his findings.

Second - compare the similarities. What had been the same?

The Hokage was stumped. There weren't any similarities worth mentioning, except that Kiba and Shizune were both from Konoha... they both fought in the war... they were both loyal to Konoha. Every similarity he found could be said for him too. There was nothing that they had and he didn't.

Well... except for one.

Both Kiba and Shizune had pets.

Ah. But of course. It had been sitting right under his nose the whole time and he didn't think of it! After this, he decided that he would go tune up his analyzation skills.

Given his awesome analyzation and deduction skills, he came up with this conclusion:

Kiba and Shizune both had pets. He didn't. Kiba and Shizune both apologized to easily to their pets. He couldn't. Therefore, he would need to get a pet.

Sure, he had ninja hounds, but they didn't really count as pets. They were on pretty good terms with each other, but they didn't seem to like him that much. Not as much as Akamaru loved Kiba or Tonton loved Shizune. He would need to get a real one. One that would jump onto his lap for no good reason, one that he would play tug-of-war with, one that would love, love, love him.

And hopefully one that wasn't as slobbery or dirty as some. He didn't want to have to wipe dirt off the floor every day. And making the Hokage office a mess wouldn't look very Hokage-y.

And so, that was how the Sixth Hokage, Kakashi Hatake walked into a nearby pet store.

After a bit of "Hokage-sama"s and "Please tell me how I can help you" and a look from a kid that said "What're you doing here, dude?", Kakashi ended up looking at the cats section.

It took more of his deduction skills to come up with his decision. In the end, he decided that cats would be the best since they 1) Don't need to be walked, 2) Do their own stuff most of the time, and 3) C'mon, cats are cute.

"Um, how soon will cats die?" Kakashi asked, slightly uncomfortable. Everybody knows pets aren't his thing.

Before the manager could respond to his odd question, the door burst open, and Shizune appeared, angry brows furrowed.

"Kakashi!" she reprimanded, walking to where he stood, awkwardly examining a cat. "What in the world are you doing here? I thought I told you that we have a very, very long day ahead of us! Did you see all the paperwork? And what in the world are you doing here?"

He blinked twice, eyes blank, before gesturing to the cats sheepishly. "Well... you were telling me to apologize to Tonton... and after careful analyzation and deduction, I realized that if I wanted to apologize to Tonton, the easiest way would to first get my own pet and see how they behave."

It was Shizune's turn to blink twice with blank eyes. It took a moment to regain her posture. As Kakashi assistant and Tsunade's former assistant, she's heard weird things, seen weird things, and experienced weird things. But never had she ever correlated pets with Kakashi.

"Um... say that again?"

Kakashi bent down, offering an open palm to a cat who had waled up to him. "Getting a pet was the best way for me to grow accustomed to apologizing to Tonton," he said matter-of-factly.

A peal of laughter interrupted the silence. "Ka...kashi," Shizune burst out finally, "you're hilarious."

Crossing his arms, he furrowed his brows. "Why?"

She started coughing in a futile attempt to stop laughing. "It's just... you didn't have to go that far, you know."

He tilted his head, still thoroughly confused. "Why?"

"You're hopeless, Kakashi," she sighed, taking his hand and pulling him out of the store with a "Thank you and sorry!" at the manager.

"So... I don't need to apologize to Tonton?" he asked tentatively, daring to hope.

His question set her off on another series of giggles. Thankfully, she was able to stop herself before the sun set.

"Yeah, of course you do!"

Kakashi sighed and weighed his options. Clearly, his analyzation and deduction skills had done nothing to help him. His other skills didn't seem to be the right fit for this task either. Assassinating Tonton or Shizune... was definitely not one of his options. That only left the apology.

He stared at the black, black eyes of the pig who was standing in front to him. She pawed the ground expectantly. He glanced back at Shizune, with eyes that were pleading her to stop this punishment. She only nodded encouragingly.

So he swallowed his pride and bent down, slightly lowering his head at Tonton.

"Sorry, Tonton," he choked out. "I didn't mean what I said. I'll never ask that again."

The humiliation was even worse than he thought. Having to bow down to a pig, to say sorry to Tonton was horrible. He didn't really have anything against Tonton herself, but it was really the act that had made him hesitate.

He sighed. Was it really worth it?

Shizune beamed as he stood up and turned to face her.

The smile she gave him was beautiful, and the peck on the cheek was wonderful.

"Want to go to Ichiraku Ramen?" she offered cheerfully while taking his hand.

Yeah, it was worth it.