Behind the Scenes

This story is about Colin and Jen, about what happens when they cameras turn off, about real life, their friendship and ultimately so much more! Enjoy and don't forget to drop a review and let me know what you think! I do NOT own Once Upon A Time, its characters, the script used in this story, and this is all for fun!

The clock chimed in 2:30a.m. one very early morning on set. Jennifer looked up in acknowledgement from the latest book she was reading. That's my cue, she thought to herself. Her legs dropped down from being propped up on the couch edge and she sat up. Her body felt a natural need to stretch as she stood to leave her trailer.

Out the door and down the stairs, she made her way through the lot of other trailers, passing by Ginnifer and Josh's trailer first, followed by Lana and Bex's, finally reaching Colin's. She was about to knock on the door of his trailer, walking together to set was something they did often, when she heard a loud crash from inside. Then came the booming voice of her co-worker, anger filling the silence inside his trailer.

Jen stood there for a moment, contemplating what she should do. Do I bother him, knock anyways, and see what's up? I should probably give him space…

She thought it best to give him some breathing room and stepped back down to the ground, slowly backing away. Another loud crash came from inside the trailer. What the hell is going on in there? She questioned as she looked back one more time before walking to set on her own.

Set was dark, red lights gazing down on her, as she made her way through the cave like set-up. Dark, dark like her character had been, moving away from the darkness and back towards the light. But oh, the tears had to come quickly to her again, an easy feat as she was exhausted, and this scene was taking a mental toll on her.

They were deep into season five of Once Upon a Time, deep into the underworld realm and everything that ensued in her character, Emma, finding Hook and trying to bring him back, not accepting of his death. I definitely understand where she's coming from, Jen thought, I could never lose Colin, he means everything to me. A thought she kept hidden away from the world, from Colin, because even though they were best friends, her love for him ran deeper. But it couldn't. He was married, he had kids, these impure thoughts needed to leave.

Jen shook off any thoughts that didn't have to do with the current situation, got her headspace where it needed to be, and walked into position, noticing Colin was just walking on to set. His face was crinkled with anger, she could see it from afar. He looked as though he had been muttering under his breath, but Jen bit her tongue, knowing she would give in later and figure out what was going on. She gave a small smile when he looked up, noticing her. His contorted face relaxed some and he offered a small smile back. Upon reaching where she was standing, he broke the silence, "Ready to do this, Swan" he raised his eyebrow, a favorite trait of hers.

"Always," she responded, feeling a slight flutter in her chest.

"Places…" someone from the crew shouted, a sign that filming was just about to begin. And it did. It was time for Killian to say goodbye to Emma, to stay down in the underworld, to break apart the true love that had just been proven to them, and in that moment, all of those feelings felt too real, but neither knew why for the other.

(Back in the trailer)

Colin was sitting in a chair at his desk when his phone began buzzing. He picked it up and looked at the caller ID. Helen O'Donoghue flashed on the screen. His chest sank. I don't have time for this right now, he thought as he slid the bar across the latest iPhone in his hand.

"What?" his voice was short.

"Can we at least talk about this?" Helen's voice echoed through the speaker, pain surfacing.

"What's there to talk about? I gave my life to you. For what?"

"What do you mean, for what? We have a beautiful family, a nice house, wonderful friends," she shot back.

"And? None of that matters when the woman I love….loved….decided to go fuck someone else!" his voice seethed with anger. He grabbed his water bottle from the desk and chucked it across the room, it hitting the wall of his trailer and making a loud crashing sound.

"Colly, babe, it was nothing. It shouldn't have happened…" Helen's voice was filled with regret.

"It sure as bloody hell shouldn't have happened!" his voice boomed back at her, "but it did. I'm done with you, Helen." And with that, he hit the end button, hanging up on his wife….his soon to be ex-wife….the term felt so disgusting in his mind. He stood up, realizing the time, and chucked his phone back on to his desk, harder than he should have. It created another loud crash, a crash that felt like it echoed throughout the entirety of his trailer.

He went to the bathroom, turning on the hot and cold water and leaning over the sink. His stomach felt physically nauseated, thinking about the betrayal he now had to face head on, how in all his time of staying loyal, of all the years he gave to her, she washed it all away for another man. Disgusting, just bloody disgusting, he thought to himself as he bent over further and washed away the few tears that escaped his ice blue eyes. He stood and dried his face, took a few deep breaths, and headed towards the door of his trailer.

The scene started with them running, so they had to start back behind the camera. The director reminded them of the urgency this scene had, the emotions he wanted to come from it, what kind of arc it was for their two characters.

Both nodded, reviewing their lines in their heads whilst they mixed their personal emotions into to their characters emotions to create a realistic scene.

"And…Action!" the director called. The pair took off, half running, half jogging.

"Come on, we don't have that much time before the portal closes" Jen spat out as she reached the elevator.

She felt Colin release her hand, one that in that moment felt more surreal to her than it ever had. Like she had to come to terms with actually losing him. She turned in character to face him, her face in shock, lingered with fear.

"What?" she said as she watched for Colin's reaction as Hook, seeing his face sink more than usual when he was acting out a more serious or emotional scene.

Something was wrong, Jen could feel it in the pit of her stomach, but she couldn't focus on that now. Get it together, focus! She shouted internally.

"I'm not going up with you, I never was. We're not going to find anything up there to save me."

Jen could hear sadness in his voice she hadn't fully prepared herself for. She knew Colin was so great at portraying these emotions, but this time, she was hanging on his every word.

"But you said…" she trailed off as the script told her too, becoming breathless as the scene went on.

"It was the only way I could get you to leave that chamber."

"No…" she felt a flood of real emotions starting to take hold, bringing forth a stinging pain behind her eyes. Colin! She screamed internally, I feel like I'm starting to drown! "Killian, I came to the underworld to save you. I'm not going back without you."

"I'm afraid we don't have that choice, love." His words gripped her heart, she held eye contact and could see so much more than a character speaking to her. Colin! She screamed again, I see you! I hear you!

"Look, I just want to say my goodbyes down here, without everyone watching." Colin offered a smile, he could sense Jen was panicking for some reason, unbeknownst to him, and he tried to send her a reassuring signal that they were going to get through this.

Jen took a second, hesitating on his line, looking over him as it truly sank into her what was going to happen next, the hardest part of filming this scene.

"No…"

"We've already had more time than we were ever meant to," Colin verbalized his next line, leaning in a bit closer.

"That's not true" Jen spoke, her voice beginning to shake.

"We both know it is. You should've let me go in Camelot," Colin's eyes began to tear up. Jen wanted nothing more than to hold him in that moment, but she held off. "Don't make that mistake again."

Jen let the words sink even further into her heart, truly feeling the emotions of Emma having to say goodbye to Hook, her one true love. Why was this hurting her so much more? A flimsy crush on her co-worker, really? It felt like so much more than that. But what? Why?

"I just…I don't know how to say goodbye" her voice shook as the emotions poured out through it. Her eyes stung less as the tears filled the dryness and began to fall down her reddened cheeks.

"Then don't," the tears began to fall from Colin's eyes and he didn't even try to hold back. The release of emotion from his personal issues felt so relieving in this moment. "Just promise me one thing… if I helped take off that armor, don't put it back on just because you're going to lose me."

Jen watched him, never breaking eye contact. She felt her heart break for him. This was her best friend and he was going through something, something she didn't yet know, and it was clearly tearing him apart inside. She breathed shakily and couldn't hold back the built up tears. She let them go as she felt Colin pull her in for a hug, something they both very much needed in that moment. As Jen looked past the cameras, she could see some of the crew tearing up, others holding their own mouths in awe of the raw emotions coming out of them during this moment. She felt Colin's hand slide up to her head, holding her close.

"Promise…" she spoke lowly into his ear. They held each other in that moment, tears dropping quietly from both of them. This wasn't a moment of acting where two co-workers embraced the scene, this was a raw, real moment, of two best friends needing the support of the other to make it through their own personal transgressions, and in that moment, they both knew it, though it was unspoken.

"But then you have to promise me something too…" Jen pulled back and spoke to him through her sobs, "Don't let me be your unfinished business." A line she spoke without looking directly at him, a line she felt would tear her down completely if her blue eyes met his. But she couldn't not look at him either, so her eyes raised as she spoke, "Move on from here. Don't wait for me to show up." She watched as more tears slid down his cheeks, holding back her own sobs for fear of fully releasing the flood gates and not being able to pull herself back in to finish the scene.

Colin watched her, taking in the moment and how much he just wanted to hold his best friend, to feel a sense of relief from the harsh reality that was filling his world outside the cameras. He spoke softly back to her, "Aye, love. I think I can manage that."

Jen watched even more closely to the small indications crossing Colin's face and tried to offer him a small smile, though it felt so forced. He stepped towards her, a stage direction received prior from the director, and she stepped back, just as she was told, but she hesitated, not wanting to. The worst was yet to come.

She couldn't help but let the sobs go, everything her body wanted to release forced its way out through her eyes. Feeling Colin's firm grip on her arm, feeling him let go momentarily to bring down the gate between them. She couldn't help but stop the moment, stop the gate and speak to him, not only through her words, but soul to soul. He looked at her, almost in shock, but read her face and spoke not as Captain Hook, but as Colin…

"I love you." So sincere were the words that left his lips.

"I love you too," her voice broke through her sobs.

And then their lips met. A scripted moment that should've happened a few moments later when they were cleared of the gate, a moment pushed forward in time by two lost souls longing for hope, longing for connection, some would even argue, longing for each other.

When their lips met, a warm buzz surged through both of them. Something felt different in this moment. They had both agreed that their chemistry was strong, that they worked well together, and had even separately admitted to themselves that if things were different with their home lives, they may have even been together as a couple, but that wasn't the reality, they weren't allowed to feel those feelings…but something in Colin had changed, an almost hungry urge to taste Jen's lips. Was it right? No, he knew that. His home life was crumbling, his best friend had no idea…yet…but he took her in that moment for all he could, let himself feel the pain of losing his wife while letting himself feel the full emotions of how he felt towards his blonde haired, blue eyed, beautiful best friend. She felt it too, though differently than him. She could feel more passion than she had ever felt before, and she let herself sink in to that. She felt him push harder, bite at her lip more, meet tongue to tongue just a little bit longer. She wanted this moment to last forever. But before she could lose herself completely to him, the pulled apart, making full eye contact, trying to read how the other felt as the pulled the gate down the rest of the way.

Jen grabbed his hand as he latched the gate into place, struggling to get through the rest of the scene. So many words were unspoken in the moment that their eyes met again. Colin rubbed his thumb over Jen's hand, trying to soothe her personally and in character. The elevator began lifting and Jen let out more sobs. Pull it together! She yelled at herself, but it didn't matter. She held on to Colin's hand as long as she could.

And then he leaned in and kissed it. Tried to kiss away the pain of the moment, not only hers, but his own as well. Jen felt her heart flutter for him, wanting to stop the elevator and go back down, to hug him and never let go.

His hand struggled to keep holding, he reached as high as he could, trying so desperately to keep her with him, to keep Emma Swan and Captain Hook together, the couple that fought for their love and were supposed to win, and this moment as these characters just felt like an absolute loss. They had received their scripts earlier that week for the next episode they were to film, but neither had gotten the chance to sit down and read, to learn this wasn't the end for either of them, so in this brief moment of filming, it felt like the worst case scenario.

Jen sobbed more as she watched Colin look up at her, tears dripping down his cheeks.

"Cut!" yelled the director. It was almost as if everyone in the room in that moment took a collective sigh of relief. Some of the crew wiped their eyes as others fanned themselves with scripts they held in hand. "Wow, that was….amazing, you two…let's take a break and reset, let me run through the footage because we may not need anything else!"

The elevator began to reverse and bring Jen back down. Colin hadn't moved from his spot. He was still watching, watching for her. Their eyes met and they both felt relieved. Colin lifted the gate back open and Jen walked through it, her eyes never leaving his. Without a word, Colin grabbed her hand and they both walked off set, they needed a moment. That scene was intense.