Chapter 4

In the following weeks, while Jack was recovering and going through rehab, Ianto stayed with him and helped him as much as possible. He was able to work remotely, and John Smith allowed him to stay with Jack, because he didn't have anyone else to care for him. Jack was frequently grouchy, a shell of his former cheerful, larger-than-life persona, from constantly being in pain.

Ianto stayed patient with him, only losing his cool a little a couple of times when Jack was being especially difficult. Even if he wasn't able to admit it again, he wanted Jack to at least feel that he was loved.

OOOOO

It was the day before Jack was due to go back to Torchwood. Ianto had been back for a week already, Jack having been able to be on his own. He still stopped by every evening to check up on him. Tonight was no different, however Jack planned to bring up what he had overheard when he was waking up from his coma.

He let Ianto in, and after chatting a bit, Jack decided to get to the point.

"Ianto, I have to ask you something about what you said shortly before I woke up."

"Okay…." he responded, a bit apprehensive. He thought he knew where this was going, and was nervous, but decided to hell with it, he was done being scared and using it as an excuse.

"I overheard some of what you said - that you said you loved me. Did you mean what you said?"

"I did. I still do. I do love you, Jack."

"Like you meant it when you called me cariad?" He knew it was a bit of a low blow, but Ianto had broken his heart, and even though he was in love with Ianto, he was still hurting and not quite ready to forgive him.

"Cariad, it's true! What will it take for you to believe it?"

"Don't call me that!" Jack was really upset now. "Just- just leave. Please. I need some space and time to think, so just go."

Ianto started to protest, but stopped at the expression on Jack's face. It portrayed anger, but there was strong pain in his features underlying the anger. Instead, he kissed Jack gently on the forehead and left.

In addition to being hurt and angry, Jack was confused. Ianto had been hot and cold with him, and he didn't know what to expect next.

As the days went by and Jack returned to Torchwood, they fell back into their old routine of not speaking to each other. Well, Jack did. Ianto called and texted Jack, but Jack didn't answer. He wasn't sure he wanted to give Ianto a second chance.

Many nights Jack found himself roaming different bars and clubs, looking for a casual hookup, but he always left alone. Eventually, he stopped going altogether, the thought of being with anyone other than Ianto left a bad feeling in his stomach, and felt distasteful. Almost as though he was being unfaithful to the Welshman. But in order to be unfaithful, there'd have to be a relationship. And there wasn't any.

For his part, Ianto didn't attempt going on the pull, spending his nights lost in writing, or trying to come up with ways to get Jack to stop ignoring him, and to believe him. He truly meant it, and didn't understand why Jack wasn't believing him. He didn't know what to do, it's not as though he had anyone to talk to, and he felt so alone.

He never realized anyone could have such an effect on him, much less a man. Hell, if you had told him last November that he'd be in love with Jack and he'd try anything to get Jack to believe him, Ianto would've laughed and said you were crazy.

The thing was, he knew Jack harbored deep feelings for him. He didn't know if Jack loved him too, but it didn't matter. So he was utterly confused by the way Jack was acting. Many nights, Ianto found he was crying himself to sleep. Although now instead of being an identity crisis, it was because of Jack.

Jack cried himself to sleep many nights too. His feelings for Ianto were deep - deeper than he'd ever felt for anyone, even Estelle. And Estelle was someone he thought he'd love forever. He still cared about her, but she broke his heart too. After that, Jack had put a wall around his heart. His feelings for Ianto hadn't developed until he and Estelle had gone their separate ways, but there was no denying he had fallen hard and fast.

He had no idea how, but Ianto had broken through every one of his heart's defenses. And now, now he wanted Ianto to love him too. Ianto said he did, but he didn't think he could believe it. After that first time after he had gotten back from the research trip, Ianto had practically admitted that he believed Jack to be the one. Until Jack had confronted him, and he had changed his mind and broken Jack's heart. Jack cursed his stupidity from that night. He was so close to getting somewhere with Ianto, but had ended up nowhere. He didn't know what to think at this point anymore.

After two and half weeks had gone by, Ianto made up his mind to just confront Jack. He couldn't do this anymore. Either he told Jack again, and begged him for a chance to prove it, and Jack would let him, or he'd break Ianto's heart and they'd go their separate ways.