Past

Poe Dameron jerked awake, sitting up in his bed, sweating heavily despite his bare chest. He took a deep breath, trying to focus on what was real. He was in his tent on Ajan Kloss. It was raining outside, which was typical, and it was warm without being hot. It was a very different environment from a transport in space, where his nightmare had taken place.

Oh, call it what it is, he chastised himself. It hadn't been a nightmare. It had been a memory.

It wasn't the first time he had dreamed of being aboard the 'life pod' shuttle, cruising away from the Raddus and toward Crait, and watching the other transports blow up, one after another, all because of him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing back the tears that threatened. The self-hatred he had been slowly overcoming swept over him once more, and his chest spasmed painfully as his anxiety shot up. A familiar mantra began rolling through his brain.

What if he had trusted Holdo? What if he had not been so hot-headed? What if he had not sent Finn and Rose on that suicide mission? What if he had kept his 'head out of his cockpit' and been more patient?

What if? What if? What if?

"Stop," said a soft voice from behind him. A warm hand grasped his shoulder lightly, and the touch made him shiver. "No more 'what ifs' tonight," Rey whispered.

How much had he been saying aloud, he wondered? He knew she couldn't read his mind, and even if she could, she wouldn't do so. But she could feel his emotions, and he was sure the same panic and dread that had awakened him had woken her as well. They were still getting used to sharing quarters, sharing a bed. This was the first nightmare he had experienced since she moved in with him.

He took another deep breath, then cleared his throat. "I'm okay," he croaked.

She was silent for a long time, then he felt her hand slide down his arm, grasping his elbow lightly. She kissed the back of his shoulder, then lay her head against it. He could feel his pulse slow and the anxiety lessened. Just having her near, feeling her presence, calmed him.

"What if I hadn't allowed myself to be caught by the First Order?" Rey said suddenly.

Poe tensed once more.

"What if I hadn't stupidly thought I could turn Kylo Ren and had instead stayed with Chewie and the Falcon? What if we had been there to help protect the transports, to see them all safely to Crait? How many more would still be alive?"

He sighed, knowing what she was doing. "You didn't know," he answered her. "You were doing what you thought was the right thing at the time."

"Hmmmm," she hummed, and he could feel her smile against his bare shoulder. "The past is the past, Poe. We both know we can't change it. But I do think we've both learned from it, and are better people because of it." She paused. "You know that Leia is grooming you to take her place, and she wouldn't be doing that if she didn't think you were worthy. Just as she wouldn't be taking so much time to train me, even though I still think every day that I'm never going to be good enough to be a Jedi. Either she's gone senile or she knows us better than we know ourselves."

Poe smiled. "I trust her."

"So do I," Rey responded.

Poe finally turned to look at her, cupping her face in his hand as she lifted it from his shoulder. "You are going to be an amazing Jedi," he told her.

"And you are already an amazing leader," she replied.

He leaned in and kissed her.

Squeezing his shoulder gently once more, she whispered, "Let's get back to sleep."

He nodded, and they both lay back down. Rey stayed curled up next to him as he put his arm around her shoulders. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that the nightmare would return. But not tonight. Tonight, his Rey had chased the demons away and he would sleep well.

"I love you, Kuutamo," Rey mumbled, already half asleep.

"And I love you, Sunshine."