Lonely
I left and now I'm waiting. Waiting for someone to notice I'm gone. I don't know…I guess I just feel like I'm drifting away from everyone. Why is this so hard? I should feel better, no I should be better. I told everyone the truth and they forgave me. So why do I still feel so alone?
Luz sits at the edge of the cliffside. Behind her is the Grom tree she created with Amity the night they had their first dance. And the night she told Amity about the anniversary of her Dad passing away and how much it affected her. So much happened and so much has changed.
Looking out at the cliffside and staring out at the starry night sky, Luz can't help but wonder what The Collector has done. Everything seems normal in the demon realm so far, but it's so empty and quiet, like there's no life anywhere.
Luz looks down at the ground, the plant glyph patterns she drew in the grass with Amity to make flowers are still there but faded. She misses those times. Even though they all faced dangerous situations before, nothing compares to the fear of the unknown. She has no idea if Eda and King are okay and that's what's tearing her apart inside.
"Eda, King, I'm so sorry. If you're out there, I promise I'll do whatever it takes to find you. We've got to stick together." Luz said.
Luz starts crying, tears streaming down her face as she lets all of the guilt and sadness out. It hurts, but it's necessary.
Standing up, Luz looks over the cliffside, watching as the boiling waters ebb and flow against the rocky shore below.
Luz closes her eyes, ready to take a step forward and finally escape this painful reality.
Suddenly, Luz feels someone pull her back and hug her tight. A familiar sense of safety comes over her being in the arms of someone she missed.
Luz doesn't open her eyes yet, afraid this may all just be a dream yet not wanting to let go of hope. Then she hears a voice.
"Hey kid, are you okay?" Eda asked.
Hearing that familiar and comforting voice, Luz opens her eyes, shocked and relieved to see Eda again. Tears fall as they hug, crying and smiling as they sit atop the cliffside together, finally reunited.
"Eda, I'm so happy to see you again. I missed you so much!" Luz said.
Once they stop hugging, Luz notices part of Eda's arm is missing and grows concerned. She's surprised she didn't notice when Eda hugged her.
"Eda, are you okay? What happened to your arm?" Luz asked.
Eda looks at Luz with concern and sympathy.
"What this? I've been through worse. Raine had to do it to save me. It's fine, I'm used to it. Now, I need you to tell me what you were doing up on this cliffside alone. No lies to protect me, okay? I need you to be honest because this seems serious." Eda replied.
Luz looks away and stares back at the night sky. Eda knows her too well, but she's unsure how to explain how much she's changed since they last saw each other. How dark her mind has become. She feels nothing most of the time except this deep sadness that never goes away. She thought the only way to escape was letting go.
Luz looks at Eda and takes a deep breath to calm herself.
Before they talk, Eda walks with Luz back to the Grom tree, far away from the cliffside. Then they sit down, Eda patiently waiting for Luz to open up.
Luz is anxious about all of this, but knows she needs to tell Eda the truth, even if it hurts.
"I…I don't want to exist anymore. Ever since we got separated, I've felt this overwhelming guilt and sadness. I wasn't myself back in the human realm. I thought things would be better after everyone said they forgave me, but it's not. Believe me, I'm so happy to see you again, but the sadness, the pain and emptiness, is still here and I thought the only way to escape it was to let go. I'm sorry…" Luz said.
Eda gives Luz another hug, then looks her in the eyes with a serious yet empathetic expression. Luz knows Eda understands her more than she knows, so she's not afraid to open up to her.
Eda had to have discussions with Luz about the value of self worth before. Back when Luz risked her life multiple times because she thought it was her responsibility to make up for the mistakes she made, but it's not. And, this time, Eda's going to make sure Luz understands that.
"Luz…I know you're going through a lot right now, believe me, I get it. It feels like things will never get better and that's a dark and lonely place to be. I've felt everything you're describing, that sadness and emptiness, it's scary. But just look at all of the support you have, you said everyone forgave you, and you have so much love and support around you. You just need to let us in." Eda said.
Luz takes in Eda's kind words. She knows this, but it's so hard when her mind gets in the way of her accepting help. Her emotions clouding her perspective on reality yet again, but this time it's a lot harder for her to get out of the fog she's lost in.
Luz starts to cry again, looking away from Eda and back out at the cliffside.
Eda takes Luz's hand, making sure she stays close.
"I wish it was that easy. To reach out and have everything be fine again. I just can't do that right now. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I keep hurting everyone and I have to live with that. That's why I think it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared." Luz replied.
"Luz, look at me." Eda said.
Luz turns around and is shocked to see Eda in tears. To see a strong and independent woman like Eda so broken down yet trying so hard to hold it together is painful. So Luz nods and listens.
"Do you really think everyone would be better off if you were gone? No, of course not! Look, if you can't see the value of your own life and how much you mean to everyone, you need to at least try to let someone else do that for you for a while. Someone you trust." Eda said.
Luz thinks about this, a tiny spark of hope reigniting inside of her. It's not much, and she knows the dark thoughts will come back, but it's a start.
Eda notices that slight smile on Luz's face and continues.
"So, who's it going to be?" Eda asked.
Luz knows right away. It's the witch she began her fantasy journey of self discovery with in the first place.
"I know exactly who that is. She's the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles. And someone I consider my second Mom. It's you, Eda." Luz replied.
Hearing the word Mom, Eda tears up again. To be considered the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles was always her self proclaimed title she was proud of, but that all changed when Luz came into her life.
Eda wipes her tears away and smiles, the biggest heartfelt and tearful smile she's ever expressed.
"Sorry for getting all mushy, it's just…I'm so proud of you, kiddo. Of course I'll be your rock. I'll always be here for you and we'll get through this. Remember, us weirdos." Eda said.
"Have to stick together." Luz added.
Eda smiles, wrapping her arm around Luz as they look up at the night sky together, slowly filling with warm colors as the sun starts to rise.
"Hey, Eda? A lot has changed and I don't know if I can do this. I'm not that bright, optimistic kid I used to be. I'm afraid and I feel lost. I don't know…It's just, I'm not the same and I don't think I'm ready to face whatever lies ahead." Luz said.
"That's why I'm here. Remember, I told you I'd be your rock. Sure you've changed, but I think change can be good or bad, depending on your perspective. From what I've seen so far, you're wiser and you're not afraid to be vulnerable. That's what makes you strong. I'm proud of you, kiddo." Eda replied.
Luz smiles, watching as the sun comes up with hope.
"Thank you. I really needed to hear that." Luz replied.
Eda stands up and helps Luz up too. Then they start walking back to the campsite where everyone else is together.
"So, a lot has changed here since you've been gone. Are you ready to face the unknown?" Eda asked.
Luz's confidence returns as she lets herself surrender to whatever's coming next. She knows whatever lies ahead, she'll have her friends and family by her side, no matter what.
"I'm ready. Let's do this!" Luz replied.