author's note: My parallel Blackdonald fic, The ocean separating us, updates on Sundays. It takes place during the same timeframe and features many of the same events, but they are a bit more dysfunctional than Jily (but I love them for it).
Lily stood on the front steps, the late afternoon sun warming the back of her neck. Sirius and Mary hung back, smoking, but Peter and Remus were already inside. James paused by the doorway and looked back at her, grinning.
"Come on." He held out his hand; she took it and followed him into the house.
The house belonged to Dorcas Meadowes. She lived in an old, musty Victorian outside of London. The floorboards creaked and the paint was peeling, but the living room was large enough to hold the entire Order, and the location was unobtrusive yet central. Lily drank in her surroundings, her eyes lingering on the window seat boasting a faded cushion and a stack of worn paperbacks. She tried to pick out the titles before they were swept into the next room along with the sea of chatting Order members.
Lily had known the Prewett brothers at Hogwarts, and she recognized Frank and Alice, although she had never spoken to them, but the rest of the Order members were strangers. Gideon and Fabian introduced them to everyone, and Lily gazed at the new faces, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. Everyone was older and seemed so experienced; beside them Lily felt naive and childish.
As she stood wide-eyed, stumbling over her words and struggling to remember everyone's names, James laughed and joked and clapped the other Order members on the back. He stood with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders thrown back, relaxed and confident beside Lily as she shrank in on herself. It's like he's known these people his whole life, she marveled, gazing at him in amazement as he shook Mad-Eye Moody's hand.
"Dumbledore speaks very highly of you," Moody said, surveying James and giving a curt nod of approval.
"He's very good." The desire to sing James's praises made Lily forget her hesitance. "Incredible duelist, and he's amazing at Transfiguration – you should hear Professor McGonagall rave about his conjuring, and she's tough to please–"
James grinned and draped his arm around Lily. "Rubbish. Evans here beats me half the time when we duel, and she can brew just about any potion you can think of–"
Sirius strolled up beside them and rolled his eyes. "Pay them no mind," he said to Moody. "They just got engaged, and they're bloody obsessed with each other. I notice nobody bothered to go on about how talented and impressive I am…" He stuck out his hand. "Sirius Black."
Lily and James exchanged sheepish smiles.
As they sat down in the row of rickety wooden chairs, a blonde woman slid off the sofa and approached them.
"I'm Marlene McKinnon," she said, flashing them a friendly smile. She wore big, heavy earrings that swung when she spoke, and when she extended her hand to James, Lily caught a whiff of a musky perfume.
"James Potter. And this is my fiancée, Lily Evans."
Fiancée, Lily thought as she shook Marlene's hand. The diamond in her ring caught the light and sent a jolt of pure happiness through Lily until her fear receded. I'm his fiancée.
"Fiancée, huh?" Marlene shook her head, her eyes traveling from James to Lily to the ring on her finger. "That's a shame."
Lily and James exchanged amused looks.
"What about the one in the leather jacket?" Marlene pointed across the room at Sirius. "Is he with the girl with the nice tits?"
Mary wandered over, suppressing a laugh. "If you mean me, then yeah, he is."
Sirius left Mundungus Fletcher and plopped down in the seat next to James; Mary perched on his lap and leaned back, sending her curls tumbling into his face.
"Lucky you," Marlene said to Mary, smirking. She turned her attention to Sirius and added, "Lucky you, too. But this is fucking rubbish. What's the point of getting new, good-looking members if none of you are available?" She turned to Remus, who had just sat down with Peter on Lily's other side. "What about you, Elbow Patches? Are you single?" Her brow furrowed as she looked at Peter. "Are you with him?"
Remus and Peter looked at each other and burst into laughter. Gideon heard their laughter and came over to lean against the back of the sofa.
"Leave the newbies alone, Marlene." He looked at the others and added, "Don't mind her – she's a chronic flirt. She'd sleep with half the Order if she had her way."
"Don't be jealous, Giddy."
"I'm not jealous." He glanced across the room at Mundungus and lowered his voice. "I told you, I'm not sleeping with anyone who's shagged Dung."
She shrugged. "I have no regrets. Gingers know what they're doing in bed." She winked at James. "You know what I mean."
Dumbledore stood up and signaled the start of the meeting, and as everyone hurried to take a seat, Lily avoided James's eye so she wouldn't start giggling.
There was an endless stream of information to absorb: patrol schedules, mission assignments, the list of suspected Death Eaters and possible gathering places. Lily and her friends would have new member training with several of the senior members to learn protocols, practice dueling, and even try a bit of Occlumency. Lily struggled to keep all the new knowledge straight, and found herself wishing she could take notes. Yet in the midst of the onslaught of information, she kept sneaking glances at her ring. The sight of the glittering stone and the shiny gold band made it all a little less terrifying, because she was doing this with James, and he wasn't the least bit scared.
She placed her hand on his leg, and he looked over at her. I love you, she mouthed, then turned to face front as Moody unrolled a map of the UK with little pins stuck all over it to represent Death Eater activity. Her ring glinted in the lamplight as she ran her finger along the stone's smooth surface. Fiancée, she thought again before turning her attention back to Moody.
Sirius's flat was stuffy and dark when the four of them returned from the Order meeting. Our flat, James corrected himself as he settled on the sofa with Lily beside him. It's our flat now. He and Lily had moved most of their things in earlier that day, and the living room was strewn with cardboard boxes and random items that hadn't yet made it into the bedroom. A Quaffle rested by his feet, and James bent to retrieve it, tossing it from hand to hand.
Sirius sat down in the armchair and poured out four measures of firewhisky, and Mary settled on the floor with her back leaning against his legs as everyone took a glass. They drank in silence, listening to the sounds of Diagon Alley drifting in through the open window. Sirius and Mary lit cigarettes, and after a moment's hesitation, James and Lily each took one, too. The smoke gathered in the air in front of them before floating upward and dissipating.
"It's a lot, isn't it?" Lily said, breaking the heavy silence as she spoke the sentiment weighing on them all.
"It's really fucking something," Sirius agreed, peering at them through a cloud of smoke. "But it'll be alright. Most of them seem okay, anyway. I liked Marlene."
Mary laughed and gave his leg a shove. "Of course you did – she tried to grab your arse." She dropped a bit of ash into the empty Butterbeer bottle on the coffee table. "Mind you, I don't blame her. It's a great arse."
James looked around at the other three – Mary with her curls falling into her face to hide her eyes; Sirius gripping his glass just a bit too tight; Lily with a worried furrow creasing her forehead and that enormous diamond nestled on her slender finger. He was overcome with affection for them all as they sat here in the flat they would share as they fought a war together.
"This is what we've been waiting for," he said, his voice strong and sure. "It seems overwhelming at first, but we'll be as confident as the others in no time." He watched the lines around Lily's mouth ease. "Dumbledore recruited us specially. We know our shit."
After Sirius and Mary went to bed, Lily and James refilled their drinks and sat on the balcony. James sipped his drink and studied Lily. She looked different somehow in the dim light spilling out from the living room, rather than curled in a common room armchair or tucked under his duvet in the dormitory – older, focused, intense. It's the beginning of a new era, he thought, then chided himself for being so sentimental. Padfoot would take the piss if he heard me say that. A current of excitement rippled through James, traveling from his chest through his limbs until he was thrumming with energy and could hardly sit still.
"How are you not scared?"
Lily's voice startled him; he looked over and realized she had been watching him.
"What?"
"How are you not scared about all of this?" She rubbed her arms to warm them. He could see tiny goosebumps on her pale, freckled skin.
He thought about the intensity on her face the first time they had dueled and the force of her spell when she had disarmed him.
"I'm going to be fighting alongside you, aren't I? How could I possibly be scared?" He hugged her, holding her thin body against his, but she didn't feel fragile. There was nervous energy buzzing in her veins, magic humming just under the surface, and she had never seemed more powerful.
Once Lily had completed several weeks of new member training, she was paired with Marlene for her first assignment. They spent hours staking out a rundown shack in the middle of the woods. The roof was sinking in some places, and some bored teenagers had graffitied the walls. She couldn't imagine snobby blood-purists stepping foot inside this dump, but Dumbledore had reason to believe the Death Eaters had used this place as a hideout at least once, so they showed up day after day.
After a week of staring at the empty shack for eight hours a day, they had their first Death Eater sighting. Lily was bemoaning the Minister for Magic's latest blunder when someone Apparated outside of the rotted door before disappearing inside. There was a stunned silence; Lily and Marlene stared at each other before turning their attention back to the shack. The occupant did not appear again that day, but they caught a glimpse of him the following day and one time after that. Marlene started referring to him as Mr. Scraggles, because of the long, unkempt hair that peaked from under his hood.
It was raining during this particular patrol. The two of them were hidden in a cluster of trees, sitting on a fallen log that gave them a good view of the shack. They cast a Muffliato and passed the time chatting, sharing stories from school and gossiping about the other Order members. Marlene had just finished detailing her suspicions about a secret relationship between Benjy Fenwick and Caradoc Dearborn when cold water began seeping through Lily's shoe.
"Ugh, I think the Impervius is wearing off." Lily lifted her foot, frowning.
Marlene performed an enthusiastic drying charm that blew hot air right up the leg of Lily's trousers.
"Oh, God, sorry!" Marlene squealed, redirecting the blast of air and splattering mud all over their feet.
They both doubled over with laughter, gasping for breath. Lily leaned against a tree, then heard a snap as a branch broke. Startled, she dropped the water bottle in her hand and watched in horror as it rolled out and bumped into the wards surrounding the shack. She froze, heart pounding, as a masked Death Eater emerged from the shack. Here comes Mr. Scraggles, she mused, forgetting her terror for a moment.
The Death Eater looked around, then shot a curse through the air. It passed inches from Lily and hit a tree behind her with a crash. Marlene put her fingers to her lips; neither of them moved. Lily's heart thumped painfully in her chest as she held her breath, her gaze fixed on the shack. The Death Eater gazed into the trees, then turned and slipped through the door into the shack. Lily let out a breath, and Marlene's shoulders slumped with relief.
"That was close," Marlene said. "We should probably go, just in case Mr. Scraggs decides to investigate further. It'll be nice to get out of this rain, anyway. Let's go have a cup of tea."
Lily gaped at her, shocked by her nonchalance. That Death Eater could have killed me if I'd been standing a few inches to the left, and Marlene is thinking about tea?
"Come on," Marlene urged. "You're soaking wet. Besides, I'm curious to see where you lot live."
Lily could still feel the spell whooshing past her, but she took several deep breaths until her hands stopped shaking.
"Yeah, that'd be nice," she choked out before giving Marlene the address and Disapparating. I hope we're not about to walk in and see Sirius naked, she thought as they landed in the hallway. Although, Marlene would probably enjoy seeing Sirius naked.
They stepped into the flat to find Sirius lounging on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table. Lily was happy to note that he was only half naked; Marlene also seemed happy about his shirtless state, judging by the smirk on her face.
"Hi, Black. You look comfy." Marlene sat down beside him and tucked her legs underneath her.
He stretched his legs out even further. "You look wet." He frowns. "Why're you all wet?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "It's raining outside, Padfoot. You'd know that if you'd bothered to move from the sofa at all."
"Hey, I was on duty all night. You'd better watch your tone, Evans, or I'll kick you out of this flat." He stood up and stretched, then headed for the bathroom. "I'm going to shower, so you two can get back to talking about what Prongs looks like naked, or whatever you two talk about." He glanced over his shoulder and winked. "And before you say anything, Evans, I won't forget a towel."
Marlene watched him leave. "I wish you would," she muttered, bursting into laughter at Lily's scandalized expression. "Don't mind me – I know he and Mary are really happy together. I don't mean anything by it. I'm a horrible flirt. Moody almost pissed himself laughing when I told him he had a nice arse once."
Lily snorted with laughter.
"What, you don't believe me?" Marlene strolled into the kitchen and began opening and closing cabinets; a moment later Lily heard the sound of the kettle.
"Oh, I believe you. I'm just trying to imagine anyone asking Moody out."
Marlene poked her head around the corner, grinning. "It'd be easy. You just ask him to give you some private training in wand safety. How do you take your tea, by the way?"
Later Lily lay in bed trying to read, but her mind kept going back to that moment in the rain when the spell had whizzed by her. The sound of footsteps told her James was home, and her shoulders slumped with relief when she saw his untidy hair and weary grin.
"You okay?" He slipped into bed beside her and plucked the book from her hands. His hair was damp as he leaned in to kiss her. They listened to the rain as he wrapped his arms around her and she told him about her day.
"This whole thing," she finished, "it's all standing around and laughing and chatting, but then suddenly it's not. If we were standing a few inches to the left, one of us would have been dead."
He rubbed her back and she closed her eyes, relaxing into his touch.
"But you weren't." He kissed her neck and the tense spot between her shoulder blades. "And I'm so bloody thankful for that, because I dunno what I'd do without you."
She reached back and found his hand, then gave it a squeeze. "You'd be okay."
"No I wouldn't." She turned to face him, frowning. "Evs, I'm serious. I don't want to live in a world without you in it."
She touched his face as something twisted inside her chest. "James–"
He smiled and covered her hand with his. "So that's why you have to get through this in one piece. We both do, and we will, because there's no other option. Alright?"
She couldn't speak. She could almost feel the spell stirring her hair as it rushed past to explode on the tree behind them.
"You still look worried." James kissed her forehead and tickled her waist, but she didn't laugh. "Do I need to resort to awful jokes? Fine. What's brown and sticky?"
The hint of a smile tugged at her lips, but she remained silent.
He raised his eyebrows and waited – insistent, expectant, unrelenting. "Come on, Evans, I know you know. What's brown and sticky?"
Her reluctant smile grew. "A stick," she whispered.
"What's green and has wheels?"
"James–"
"What's green and has wheels, Evs?"
"I forget."
He grinned. "Grass. I–"
"–lied about the wheels, now I remember." She giggled. "You need new jokes."
The sound of her laughter eased the tension in his jaw. "I'm open to suggestions, if you've got any."
"Actually, Marlene told me one earlier that she heard from Dung, but it's filthy."
"Oh, good, let's hear it. I'll tell Moony when he needs a bit of cheering up. He loves a good dirty joke."
Grinning, she began retelling the joke, the worries of the day drowned out by the patter of the rain against the window and the warmth of James's arms around her waist.
James rested his elbows on the table and heaved a satisfied sigh. Dinner had been cleared away, and the scent of coffee wafted from the kitchen as Euphemia and Lily poured over a photo album. James watched Lily, enjoying her little exclamations of joy as she paged through the photographs.
"It's like she's been a part of the family all along," Fleamont observed, nodding at Lily as Euphemia turned a page and her eyes lit up.
James smiled – he had been thinking the same thing. "You know, once we get married, we'll need to get her a matching Christmas jumper."
"No need – she can have mine," Sirius said.
"No she can't!" James said, affronted. "You are part of this family, Sirius Michael Black, and that means you wear that Christmas jumper with pride."
"That would be easier to do if it wasn't hideous."
Fleamont raised his eyebrows. "Says the one wearing a Chudley Cannons shirt – talk about hideous!" He grinned at Sirius's scowl. "You're keeping your jumper. We'll get one for Lily, and we can take a new photograph and hang it in the parlor next to the other one."
James stopped listening, because he was imagining how cute Lily would look in that Christmas jumper.
"Are you taking the piss about the Cannons again?" Lily said, wandering over to stand beside James's chair. "I'm thinking about learning to like Quidditch, just so I can tease Sirius about how awful his team is. It seems like such fun."
"And this is someone you want to give a Christmas jumper to?" Sirius demanded, glaring at Lily.
"Ignore him," Fleamont said. "I'd be happy to walk you through the finer points of why the Cannons can't win a match, if you'd like."
"Ooh, actually, I was hoping to talk potions a bit," she said. "And there's a book I've been looking for on the counter effects of poisons, but it seems Hogwarts has one of the only copies around…"
"Come on," Fleamont said, getting to his feet and leading her to the library. "If we're thinking of the same book, I managed to get a copy before it went out of print. It's terribly hard to find now, which is a pity, because it has a lot of useful…" His voice faded away as they disappeared out of sight.
"Imagine reading potions books when you don't have to," Sirius said, shaking his head in amazement. "But then again, she's agreed to marry you, so we already know she makes some, er, interesting choices."
James gave Sirius's shoulder a shove as he tipped back in his chair; he only saved himself from toppling over by grabbing the table.
"What are you getting up to now?" Euphemia said, sighing as she sat down across from Sirius. "I thought you were supposed to be very serious and adult now that you're off doing serious, adult things?"
James shrugged. "Yes, well, we spend all week being serious adults. We've got to take a break once in a while."
"How is it all going, by the way?" she asked, a guarded note in her tone.
James and Sirius exchanged looks. How was it going? For James it was still new and exciting, but Sirius's slumped shoulders and the shadows under his eyes suggested he was feeling the strain of all the overnight missions he had been doing. James wondered if he had seen Mary for more than a few hours at a time in the past few weeks.
"It's going," Sirius said, shrugging.
Euphemia rolled her eyes at his usual surly, noncommunicative manner. "How's Mary doing?"
He shrugged again. "She's fine. She's on duty today, but she said to say hello."
"But how's she doing with everything?" Euphemia persisted. "How's she holding up? It must be hard, with you away some nights, and you two not seeing each other much–"
"She's fine," Sirius repeated, a stubborn glint in his eyes that reminded James of Lily. "I'm fine. We're both fine."
"Well, I guess you're fine then," Euphemia said, an exasperated smile spreading across her face. "Help me finish the crossword, then, if you won't tell me anything useful about your life. It's a difficult one today. Reminds me of someone, actually…"
Late afternoon sun filtered through the windows as James listened to the scratch of Euphemia's quill on the crossword puzzle, punctuated by the tap of Sirius's fingers against the table. He was full, sleepy, and content; yesterday's mission seemed part of someone else's lifetime. If not for the weary tension in Sirius's jaw and the dismal story on the front page of the Prophet Euphemia had pulled the crossword from, James could pretend none of it was real. He leaned back in his chair, savoring the moment before it was snatched away.