James stumbled through the next few days in a daze. He woke up early and ran as usual, then did his patrols or whatever Order assignment he had been given for the day, before returning home to collapse onto the sofa beside Lily. It was her turn to nag him about eating; she cast disapproving looks at his plate, yet he couldn't bring himself to eat more than a few bites. One evening, Lily stomped off to the bedroom after watching him nibble the corner of a sandwich.
"What's wrong?" he asked when he found her sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands.
"What's wrong with you?" she shot back. "You're not eating, you're not talking to me – I thought we were past this! We've got to talk to each other, otherwise we'll fall apart."
Tears sparkled in her eyes, and a stab of guilt shot through his haze of self-doubt.
"Don't cry, Evs. I'm fine, really." He put his arm around her, struggling to instill a note of genuine confidence into his voice. "I've been tired and stressed, that's all."
She frowned, and the little furrow formed between her brows that he usually found adorable. "Are you sure? I thought maybe you were upset about the protest–"
"I'm fine," he repeated. "Come on, let's go back and finish our dinner. I'll eat a bit more, if it'll make you feel better."
A reluctant smile spread across her face as she got to her feet. "I'll feel better if you finish the whole thing."
And he did, even though the bread caught in his throat and churned in his stomach. He ate every bite, taking comfort from the relief on Lily's face and wishing it was that simple to ease his own worry.
When he returned home the following day, Lily was emerging from the bedroom, levitating a cardboard box in front of her.
"What's that?" he asked, kicking off his shoes and slumping down into the armchair.
Lily's face fell. "Don't you know what day it is?"
He scrambled to come up with the answer. "Friday?"
"Well, yeah, but it's…" She set down the box and walked over to rest her hand on his shoulder. "It's December first. The official start of the Christmas season – the day you're allowed to put up the Christmas decorations without Padfoot yelling at you." Her brow furrowed as she continued to look at him in alarm. "I thought you'd be really excited to decorate the flat."
It's December first, James thought, stunned. How could I forget? Every year he counted down the days, then woke up extra early to decorate their dormitory. One year he had done the Quidditch locker room with baubles bearing each of his players' faces. Another time he had covered everything in the dormitory in wrapping paper, down to Sirius's pack of cigarettes and Remus's bar of chocolate. He had dragged his friends out to the grounds to cut down a Christmas tree, then insisted on levitating it through the common room window. It's the least we can do for our fellow Gryffindors, James would insist when Sirius complained about decorating the common room. They put up with our nonsense all year.
"I guess I lost track of time," James said, opening the box and unwrapping the first ornament. "But— shit, we don't even have a tree."
A smile tugged at Lily's lips. "Yes we do." She pointed at the corner of the room, where the bottom branches of a balsam fir poked out from under the Invisibility Cloak. "I hid it in case you came home and announced some grand plan to go cut one down."
James hurried over to the tree, marveling that he hadn't noticed it before. The entire bottom half was visible, and the air around it was filled with the crisp, piney scent that reminded James of Christmas. He pulled off the cloak, admiring the tree that brushed the ceiling, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes. As the scent of evergreen filled his nostrils, he tried to sink into the cheery, relaxed state of mind he usually sustained throughout the entire month of December, but he couldn't quite shake the doubt that had been plaguing him all week.
"It's a perfect tree, Evs," he said, crossing the room to give her a kiss before opening the box of decorations. "Are Padfoot and Mary still awake? I could ask them to join us."
Lily gave a quick shake of her head. "Don't," she murmured, shooting a look of trepidation in the direction of their bedroom. "They were arguing earlier. I think they still are, but they must've put a Silencing Spell on the door."
"Shit." James's face fell, and he set down the string of fairy lights he had just pulled from the box. "It sounded like they were arguing the other day, too, but I thought maybe I'd just heard wrong."
Lily sighed and wrung her hands together. "They'll be alright, I think. They just need to talk to each other – about their actual feelings, I mean, not about shagging or how stupid your hair is."
James raised his eyebrows. "They never talk about their feelings. This isn't exactly a new problem."
"I know." Lily took a red bauble from the box and twirled it between her fingers. "It's just that these days there are a lot more complex feelings to work through… Anyway, let's decorate. Maybe seeing the flat looking festive will cheer them up."
They set to work draping the tree with lights, then hung the ornaments from the branches, pausing to admire or chuckle at the more impressive and interesting ones. Lily exclaimed over a star made from popsicle sticks that flaked gold paint onto the floor. James was turning it over to see the year he had made it when he heard raised voices. Whirling around, he dropped the ornament and watched Mary rushing toward the door, her shoes clutched in one hand as she reached for her jacket with the other.
"If you think I'm going to chase after you like a pathetic little puppy dog, you're going to be very bloody disappointed," Sirius shouted, emerging from the bedroom clad in only pants. He clutched a half-empty Ogden's bottle, and he brandished it as he spoke.
"I'm leaving so I can get away from you, genius," Mary snapped, attempting to force her feet into her shoes without unlacing them. "Why the fuck would I want you to follow me?" She grabbed the door handle, but her attention was drawn by the twinkling fairy lights, and a hint of sadness crept into her expression, piercing her hot fury. "Oh. It's December first. We're ruining James's favorite time of year, you selfish fucking arsehole."
"You're the one ruining it," Sirius retorted as the door snapped shut behind Mary. Sirius stared at the door for one long, uncomprehending moment, then he whirled and returned to his bedroom. James exchanged nervous glances with Lily as they heard a crash and an assortment of profanity. Heaving a sigh, he crossed the room and peered through the door, taking in the broken fragments of what looked to be the ukulele Sirius had bought from a first year on a whim.
"Pads?" James ventured, preparing to dart out of the way if anything came flying at his head.
"Fuck off."
Sirius flicked off the lights, then there was a creak of springs as he collapsed onto the bed. A moment later, James saw a flash of flame and smelled cigarette smoke.
"Right." James took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, we're out here if you decide you want some company."
"What part of 'fuck off' was unclear, Prongs?"
James knew better than to answer a rhetorical question when Sirius was in this sort of mood. Instead, he shut the door behind him and sank down onto the sofa. Lily was gone – she had apparently followed Mary. When she returned a few minutes later, she shook her head and sat down beside him.
"She's going to spend the night with Peter. Well, not with Peter – you know what I mean." She pulled out her wand and muttered "Muffliato," casting a meaningful glance at Sirius's room before continuing, "She's worried about him. He won't talk to her – just says he's fine and polishes off another bottle of firewhisky."
"Don't judge Evans," James said, feeling a bit offended on Sirius's behalf. "It's how he copes."
"I'm not judging," she said quickly. "I'm just saying, Mary wants to be there for him, but she can't if he won't open up to her. This is all a lot to handle, and if they don't tell each other when they're struggling, they're going to fall apart." Her brows knitted together, and she reached out to touch his shoulder. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He picked up the popsicle stick star, covering his trousers with a dusting of gold paint, and thought about the feelings he had kept pent up for the past week. A stab of fear shot through him as Lily's words replayed in his head. If they don't tell each other when they're struggling, they're going to fall apart. Were he and Lily going to fall apart? More gold paint flaked off as he tossed the ornament onto the table and took Lily's hands.
"Evs, I haven't been honest with you. I said I was fine after the protest, but I can't stop thinking about it. Taking out that Death Eater on the roof…" He bit his lip as he heard the sickening crunch replay in his head. "It's really fucked with my head."
He gazed down at the flecks of paint on his trousers, unable to look her in the eye, then felt warm arms wrap around him.
"Of course it's fucked with your head," she murmured, running her fingers through his hair. "Listen to me – you did nothing wrong. You followed orders, and you prevented the murders of other innocent people. But seeing that, and having to actually do that – it would fuck with anybody's head. So it's okay to not be okay, James. It's okay to need some time to process it."
"I just…" He closed his eyes and emitted a soft sigh as her fingers kneaded his back. "I know we're doing the right thing. I believe in the cause – I've never doubted what we're doing. But believing in the cause didn't make it any easier to watch that man die, knowing I was the one who did that."
"James." She ran her fingers along his face, her thumb smoothing the worried lines around his lips. "None of this is easy. But you're brave, and kind, and you're a good person, and you're doing this because you're trying to make the world a better place. As long as you don't lose sight of that, you'll come out of this okay."
She pressed her lips against his, the warm pressure driving away the image of the Death Eater lying splayed out on the cobbled street.
"I don't want to let you down," he said, unaware he had been thinking this until the words were out of his mouth.
"You won't," she said before kissing him again. "Unless I ever get angry enough to storm out on you and you don't follow me."
"Of course I'd follow you." He squeezed her hand, exhaling all the tension he had been holding since the protest. "Do you think we should go after Mary?"
She shook her head. "No, she's probably smoking a joint and eating cake with Peter. If she's not back by tomorrow, that's when it's time to worry." She gestured at the box of decorations. "Should we finish decorating, then?"
He nodded and got to his feet. The simple act of hanging ornaments on the tree soothed him, and by the time the box was empty, he was feeling almost cheerful.
"It looks so nice," Lily said, standing back to admire the tree. "Some of our best work, really."
"I should've gone with you to get the tree," James said, a hint of regret puncturing the warm glow that had enveloped him with each ornament they added to the tree. "Cutting down the tree is your favorite part, and I missed it."
"You didn't miss much," Lily admitted. "I didn't cut it – I just got it from that vendor at the beginning of Diagon Alley."
"That's even worse. You deserve to cut down a tree." He studied her for a moment, a plan clicking into place in his head as a grin spread across his face. "And you know what? You're going to cut down a tree. Bundle up, Evs. We're going out for a bit."
As Lily piled on boots, coat, hat, mittens, and scarf, James gave Sirius's door a tentative knock.
"Padfoot?" he called. "Still want me to fuck off?"
There was no response except the thud of something heavy hitting the door – Sirius's boot, James guessed. Shrugging, he moved to join Lily, slipping on his jacket before leading the way out of the flat to Apparate.
A light snow was falling as they landed beside a row of evergreen trees. There was a hush in the air as they walked hand-in-hand, their footsteps marring the unbroken stretch of white. James glanced at Lily and saw a gleam of excitement and happiness lighting up her face. As his wand light reflected in her eyes, the broken fragments of last week's memories felt less jagged and easier to shove aside to be examined later. He pointed at a tree, draping his arm around Lily and drawing her closer to warm her.
"What about this one? It should fit nicely in our bedroom. Or we can put it beside the other one, if you rather – or maybe it should go in Padfoot and Mary's room, if they'll let us."
Lily toyed with one of the branches and grinned. "I love it. Do you mind if I cut it down? It's–"
"–your favorite part," James finished, grinning as he conjured her a handsaw. "I remember."
She knelt to cut the tree, her mouth set in a determined line, and snow soaked the knees of her trousers as she drew the saw across the tree trunk in steady, even strokes. When the tree teetered and fell, he caught it easily, then helped Lily up with his free hand. Snow drifted through the air, landing in her hair and on the ends of her eyelashes. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, and her hat was falling down into her eyes, and James eased the tree down onto the ground so he could wrap his arms around Lily and kiss the cold from her lips.
"Thanks for this," she whispered. "This really is my favorite part of Christmas." She removed her gloves and slipped her hands under his shirt, and he shivered as her icy fingers met his warm skin. Snow slowly coated his hair as they stood there, savoring each others' presence in the silence of the falling snow.
Apparating with a tree was more difficult than James had anticipated. He splinched a small section of the lower branches, but Lily laughed and promised they could hide that side against the wall. When they dragged it inside and brushed snow from the branches, James peered into Sirius's room to find him snoring loudly. The room reeked of cigarette smoke, and the empty bottle of Ogden's was still clutched in Sirius's hand.
"Poor Padfoot," Lily whispered, tiptoeing in to remove the firewhisky bottle before it fell and shattered on the ground. "How angry do you think he'd be if we decorate his room?"
A grin spread across James's face. "Oh, he'll be furious. But it might cheer him up, once he's done grumbling at us."
They levitated the tree in, holding their breath as one of the branches knocked a box of Bertie Bott's onto the floor, but Sirius didn't stir. In the dim light seeping in from the living room, they draped the tree in lights and added the ornaments that hadn't fit on the other tree. When that was finished, James conjured garlands to drape the corners of the room while Lily dragged her wand through the air to add fairy lights.
"Merry Christmas, Pads," James whispered as they shut the door behind them and returned to the living room. He sprawled out on the floor in front of the tree while Lily made them hot chocolate and uncovered a few biscuits Sirius had hidden behind a jug of pumpkin juice. She levitated the snacks in, then stretched out on the floor beside James to admire the decorations. James curled his fingers around the mug, enjoying the heat on his fingers and the delicate steam tickling his face. The sweet warmth of the hot chocolate loosened the remnants of the tight, hard knot in his chest, and he lay back to look at the fairy lights Lily had strung across the ceiling.
"Thanks for this," he said, trailing his fingers along Lily's leg. "It made me feel like myself for the first time all week."
Lily stretched out beside him, her foot knocking against a bauble. "You helped me feel like myself again after my parents died," she said, leaning in to kiss him. Her lips were sticky from hot chocolate, and there was a tiny biscuit crumb nestled in the corner of her mouth. He brushed it away, then kissed her again, savoring the sweet taste of chocolate on her tongue.
"You know, it's okay if you don't feel like yourself sometimes." She draped her leg across his body and looked at him with wide, earnest eyes. "It's okay if this still bothers you for a while. I know you think you have to be strong for everyone else, but I can be strong for you, too."
He thought about the thin line of blood trickling from the dead Death Eater's mouth, then pushed the image to the back of his mind and wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Thanks, Evs."
"I mean it." She rested her hand against his face, trailing her thumb along his jaw. "I can brew you some Dreamless Sleep Potion, or rub your shoulders, or hold you while you talk about what's bothering you. Just tell me what you need. We can't get through this alone."
Out of the corner of his eye, James watched a glass ornament glinting in the glow of the fairy lights. The memory still lurked in his mind, but the Christmas decorations, the hot chocolate, and Lily's gentle touch softened the sharp edges, allowing him to forget it for the time being.
"I think what I need right now is to snog you under this Christmas tree, because it's December first and I'm feeling festive."
He pulled her close and heard the tinkle of breaking glass as their shifting legs knocked one of the baubles to the floor. Her eyes widened in alarm, but then he felt her shoulders shaking as she giggled. Grinning, he shifted them away from the broken glass and covered her mouth with his, losing himself in the heat of her skin and the way her glossy hair shone in the twinkling fairy lights.
The next morning, Lily was sipping coffee at the kitchen table when Sirius emerged from his room, pale and scowling. He walked into the kitchen and ran into a sprig of mistletoe.
"Why the fuck does it look like Christmas threw up all over my room?" He grabbed the jug of pumpkin juice and took a gulp without bothering to use a glass.
"We went out in the snow to cut that tree down just for you." She cast a meaningful look at the pumpkin juice but didn't comment. "It's festive, isn't it?"
He groaned and sank down into the chair across from her. "It's bloody obnoxious, and it's making my head hurt."
"I think that might be the stupid amount of Ogden's you consumed last night, but I guess you didn't ask for my opinion."
He rested his forehead on the table and sighed. "You're right. I didn't."
She laid a hand on his shoulder, then drew it back when he turned his head to glare at her.
"I'm going to buy a wedding dress today with Mary after patrols. I'll talk to her."
"Fuck off, Evans," Sirius said as he fumbled to light a cigarette without lifting his head from the table. "Mind your own business."
She ignored him and drained the last of her coffee, then levitated her mug into the sink and stood to leave.
"Have a great day, Padfoot," she said, flashing him a cheerful grin.
Before she closed the door behind her, she heard him call, "Come home less bloody cheerful, or I'm throwing you out of the flat!"
Lily was descending the stairs to the front door when someone called out to her. Frowning, she hurried down the last few steps to find the man from the flat below, clutching a parcel and looking confused.
"Someone left this for you," he said, thrusting it into her hands. "I was outside having a smoke and she sort of threw it at me and asked me to give it to you. I told her she was welcome to go up and see you, but she didn't seem keen."
Lily thanked him and sank down onto the bottom step as the man disappeared into his flat. She didn't need to open the note to know the parcel was from her sister – she would recognize the neat, narrow handwriting anywhere. Lily's chest tightened as she unfolded the pink stationary and read Petunia's brief message.
Lily,
I got the invitation (Vernon didn't appreciate receiving post by owl, by the way). Bit last minute, don't you think? Or maybe that's just how your lot does things. In any case, we aren't coming. I found this while I was cleaning out Mum and Dad's, and thought you might want it for the wedding. Congratulations.
–Petunia
Lily traced Petunia's signature, imagining what it must have taken for her sister to travel to Diagon Alley to deliver this parcel. Her hands shook as she tore open the box and a stream of silky white fabric spilled out. She pulled the wedding dress from the box and stood up, letting the skirt cascade to the floor. Mum's wedding dress. Tears filled her eyes as she took in the long lace sleeves, the beading at the bust, the line of delicate buttons that extended down the back. She had no idea her mother still had her wedding dress. Smiling, she pictured her mother pulling it out of her closet after dinner one night. Here, try this on, she would say, a casual note in her voice as though it was just any other article of clothing. Her mother had been funny like that.
The dress crinkled as Lily pressed it to her face. It carried a slight scent of mothballs, but underneath Lily thought she could detect her mother's flowery perfume. She held it to her chest for a moment, then took a deep breath and returned it to the box. Tucking it under her arm, she wiped her eyes and walked outside to Apparate, her emotions whirling as she turned on the spot and vanished.
The dress shop was down a little side street off of Diagon Alley, tucked between a bakery and a fancy cocktail bar. Mary was standing outside smoking, her face pale and drawn in the afternoon sunlight. When she saw Lily, she put out the cigarette and hitched a smile onto her face.
"Are you excited? I've been eying this dress in the window. I know you said you weren't sure about lace sleeves, but I think you should try it on–"
"Never mind the dress. Are you coming home tonight? Padfoot's a mess."
A flicker of sadness crossed Mary's face, but then her expression hardened. "I'll come home when he stops being an arsehole. But we're not going to talk about that, because we're here to buy you a wedding dress, and this is a happy day."
Lily bit her lip, repressing the urge to continue the discussion about Sirius and Mary's relationship. "I don't actually need a dress anymore. Petunia sent me my mum's old dress. But it'll need to be altered a bit."
Mary put her hand to her chest, eyes wide. "Fucking hell, Lil, are you trying to make me cry? That's so sweet. Come on, you can see about getting it altered, and we can find me a dress."
She pulled open the door and ushered Lily into the shop's warm, hushed interior. Every corner of the small space was bursting with lace and tulle and shiny little beads. Lily sensed magic shimmering on the creamy, elegant fabrics; it rustled the skirts and whispered from the long cascading veils.
"I bet one of these costs more than everything I own," Mary muttered, stepping forward to examine the dress she had been admiring in the window.
"Well, lucky I don't need to buy a dress now. And I've already told you, the Potters are paying for your dress. They're insisting on paying for everything."
"And I've already told you, I'm not letting them do that." She slipped off her coat, and Lily noticed she wore the same trousers as last night and a jumper she must have borrowed from Remus. As Lily removed her own coat, she resisted the urge to ply Mary with more questions about her fight with Sirius, and instead turned her attention back to the display of dresses.
Mary wandered over to a rack of bridesmaid dresses. "I heard these have a stain-repelling charm."
"It comes standard on all of our dresses," said a voice behind them, and Lily turned to see a tall, slender witch smiling at them. Her long gray hair fell into her face as she leaned over to point at the beadwork on the dress Lily had been studying. "This one also has our anti-crying charm – it's in the beads so it doesn't counteract the other magic on the fabric – but if you're quite sentimental, I'm afraid it doesn't always hold up."
Mary nudged Lily and grinned. "Won't work for you, then."
The tall witch turned her gaze on Lily. "You must be Lily, then. Euphemia told me you'd be coming – we're old friends, you know. So the wedding's this month?"
"The sixteenth." The proximity of the date startled Lily as she spoke it aloud. Two weeks. I'm getting married in two weeks. "I've already got a dress, though. It just might need a bit of altering – it was my mother's."
The witch's expression softened, and Lily suspected Euphemia had confided in her about the alleged gas leak.
"That's lovely," she said, leading the girls to a small dressing room in the back of the shop. "Let's see it on you, then, and we can decide what needs to be altered."
She waited outside the dressing room as Lily stripped off her clothes and Mary helped her into the long, flowing gown. Lily's mother had been a few inches taller and had a fuller bust, but besides that, the dress fit Lily perfectly.
"It's gorgeous," Mary said, pushing Lily's hair over her shoulder to get the full effect of the dress's neckline. "Your mum would be so happy to see you in it."
Lily couldn't speak as she drew back the curtain to show the dressmaker.
"Lovely," she repeated, running a finger along the lace sleeves and pursing her lips as she peered at the slightly loose bust. "I'll need to hem it and take the top in a bit, but that won't take long at all. Your mother had good taste – this style is timeless, and the long sleeves are perfect for a December wedding."
After she had measured Lily and stuck the dress full of pins, they returned to the front of the shop to find a dress for Mary. Lily's eyes traveled over the heaps of silks and chiffon before selecting a clinging dress in evergreen satin.
"It's a bit low-cut for a wedding," Mary said once she had wriggled into the dress and stood outside the dressing room inspecting her reflection. "A bit tight, too. Your sister wouldn't approve."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Good thing I don't give a toss what she thinks, and good thing she's not coming to the wedding. Besides, Sirius will appreciate it."
Mary adjusted the strap of the dress and wrinkled her nose. "I should wear a rubbish bag, just to spite him."
"A rubbish bag doesn't go with my theme. Besides, you'll have made up by then."
Mary raised her eyebrows and disappeared behind the changing room curtain without answering.
Once Mary had reluctantly agreed to let the dress shop send the bill to Euphemia and Fleamont, the two girls went to the bar next door. They sat down at a little round table and draped Mary's garment bag over the back of the chair, sipping cocktails as they discussed plans for the wedding. Mary succeeded in deflecting Lily's attempts to bring up Sirius until she burst into tears halfway through her second drink.
"Why are you determined to make me cry today?" she demanded, wiping her eyes and smearing mascara across her cheek. "Why can't I just act like everything's fine and pretend I didn't fall asleep in Peter's bed in a puddle of tears and biscuit crumbs?"
Lily rose to embrace Mary, knocking against the table and spilling a few drops of her drink in the process. "At least you had snacks." She reached for a napkin and handed it to Mary. "Come home tonight. Just talk to each other – I'm sure you can work it out."
Mary dabbed at her face and sighed. "He doesn't want to talk to me. He's made that very clear."
"Of course he wants to talk to you." Lily gave her shoulder a squeeze before returning to her seat. "He just doesn't know how. Just like he doesn't know how to say I love you. I think the words just sort of get stuck." She sipped her drink, remembering James's confession under the twinkling fairy lights. "Even James had a hard time talking to me about how much the protest bothered him. He only just opened up to me about it last night. I'm sure you and Sirius can figure it out."
Mary leaned back in her chair, a helpless slump in her shoulders. "I dunno. Maybe. Anyway, I'm sorry for bringing down the mood. We're meant to be talking about your wedding. The dress is perfect for you. It was nice of your sister to send it." She smiled and soaked up the spilled droplets of drink with her napkin, forcing the sadness from her face.
Lily remembered her sister's curt note — In any case, we aren't coming — and the rustle of lace and chiffon when she had held her mother's wedding dress against her chest. Suddenly hot tears were dripping down her face as she thought about her wedding. Her mother wouldn't help zip her into her dress, and her dad wouldn't walk her down the aisle, because Lily's actions had gotten them killed. Her sister wouldn't be beside her in a bridesmaids dress, because any chance of Petunia putting aside her objections to Lily's way of life had been extinguished by their parents' deaths.
"Hey." Mary reached across the table to touch her hand. "What's wrong? I was trying to lighten the mood, not upset you."
"It's not you." Lily sighed and blinked away another wave of tears. "It's just, my parents won't be at my wedding. I wish my sister would be there, that's all. I know we don't get on, and I suppose I can't blame her for not wanting to come, but I feel sad that I won't have any family there."
Mary twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "I think sending the dress was your sister's way of saying she still cares about you, even if she can't bring herself to come to the wedding. She could've sold it, or hung it up in her closet, or chucked it straight in the bin, but she didn't. She must've known what it would mean to you. So even if she's a miserable, judgmental bitch, she still cares about you on some level. Maybe you'll never see each other for weekly dinners – maybe you won't spend holidays together, but you can still have a relationship, in your own odd way. Maybe you could still send letters back and forth, like you sometimes did at school."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Vernon doesn't appreciate receiving mail via owl."
Mary made a dismissive hand gesture. "Well, Vernon can sod off."
"I suppose he can," Lily said, giggling. "Alright, maybe I'll write her a letter. And if she doesn't answer…"
"If she doesn't answer, we can get drunk and talk shit about her." Mary drained the rest of her drink and wiped the last bit of mascara from under her eyes. "And not to get all sentimental, but you will have family at your wedding. You have all of us. I know we're not proper family, but we're close enough."
Lily remembered the five of them shuffling into the pew beside her at the funeral; the casual way Sirius had said We are her family; the mattress James had squeezed in next to the coffee table so he could sleep beside Lily when she refused to leave the sofa.
"I know." She finished her drink, sighing as the alcohol warmed her chest and burned away some of the heaviness, then glanced sideways and realized the woman at the table beside them was staring. "What, you've never had an emotional crisis before? Mind your own damn business."
Mary burst into laughter when the startled woman nearly spit out her drink.
Lily rose and slipped into her coat. "Come on, let's get out of here before anyone else sees us crying into our drinks like a couple of lunatics."
"You know, I think a night out would be good for you," Mary said as Lily led the way back out into the breezy evening air. "We can invite Marlene and Alice if they're off. Maybe it would help me forget what a tosser Black is being. The boys are doing a stag party for James, so why shouldn't we have fun, too?"
"Yeah, alright," Lily said, hoping they would be able to manage more than one overpriced cosmopolitan apiece before dissolving into tears.