This chapter contains 2 of my favourite Christmas things: a Clark Griswold quote, and a reference to the musical masterpiece that makes me go feral every time: "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" - the Trans-Siberian Orchestra version.

: ✧･ﾟ: on the 7th day of Christmas :･ﾟ✧:

"How Lovely Are Thy Branches"

Vancha was just tucking himself into a sleeping bag on the floor of the garden shed when he heard a knock on the door.

"Come on in!" He declared, grinning.

"Before you get too comfortable, I'm just going to slip in here and grab the Christmas tree. Going to put it up on the living room after supper tonight." Said Dermot as he stepped over Vancha and began to rummage in the corner. "Should've already had it up by now, but we've been so busy. Worked out nicely though. It'll sure be nice to have both the kids home to it." He seemed to be talking more to himself. Vancha watched in confusion as the mild-mannered human man finally dragged out a large cardboard box.

"Where's the tree?" Vancha asked, brow furrowing.

"It's all folded up in here!" Dermot laughed, patting the box proudly. "I do miss the smell of the real thing, but these are a lot less work."

"I see." Said Vancha. He didn't see. Not even a little bit. Artificial tree sounded like something out of a bad mushroom trip. But he smiled placidly and asked, "Shall I help you carry it up to the house?"

"Nope. It's light as a feather!" Said Dermot as he lifted the box. "Thanks, though. Are you sure you don't want to sleep in the house?"

"Not a chance. This shed is almost too plush for my liking." Said Vancha with a wink.

He slept in the shed all day long and awoke at dusk, which started at roughly 4:30 PM that time of year. That was the equivalent of 4:30 AM to a vampire but Vancha had one thing on his mind and one thing only. He slipped out of the shed and climbed up the brick siding of the Shan's house til he was eye-level with the window into the spare room occupied by Gannen, Kurda, Renley, and Shane. All four were still asleep. Gannen and Kurda were sharing the bed (in separate sleeping bags) while Renley and Shane camped out on the floor.

Vancha knocked on the window, waving smugly. Gannen and Kurda woke up right away. Gannen rolled his eyes when he realized who it was. Kurda looked alarmed for a second, but chuckled amicably and waved back at Vancha before getting up to open the window.

"Sire March. You're up awfully early." Kurda greeted him quizzically.

"What's going on?" Gannen grumbled. "You have that look on your face."

"No days off, gentlemen." Said Vancha. "Grab your cloaks. We're getting the Shans a Christmas tree."

"They've already got one." Kurda replied, yawning. "Heard them talking about it earlier. They're going to put it up after supper tonight."

"A tree that can be folded up and stored in a box is no tree at all." Said Vancha gravely. "I'm going to fetch them a proper one from the forest outside town. It's the least we can do to repay them for their hospitality."

Kurda raised an eyebrow. "Personally, I think the least we can do is not give them another thing that requires maitenance."

"Fine." Vancha huffed. "Be unhelpful. What say you, brother?"

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

"Vancha, this won't even fit in their yard." Was what Gannen said barely an hour later. The two of them were standing side-by-side staring up at fifteen foot tall spruce. As it turned out, the forest actually had far more deciduous trees than evergreens. It was either this or a sapling. Or, as Gannen kept suggesting, give it up and go home.

"It's not going in the yard, Gannen. It's going in the living room." Said Vancha as he looked the tree up and down with a critical eye. "I measured the room. It'll fit just right."

"You measured their living room? How?!"

"With my eyes. How else?"

"And to think you're the most senior Prince of the vampire clan." Gannen groaned, running his palm over his face in profound exasperation.

Vancha felt a twinge of frustration. "I'm trying to do a nice thing for a family who's suffered as a direct result of choices made by both my clan and yours. Did you come here to help me, or make fun of me?"

"You're my brother." Gannen squeezed Vancha's shoulder pointedly. But then he managed a brittle smile. "Of course I came here to make fun of you."

Vancha swatted Gannen upside the head, a wicked gleam in his dark eyes. Gannen's smile widened to a grin and he retaliated with a swift counter-strike that Vancha narrowly dodged.

"You still think you can take me?" Vancha cackled. "Some things never change. Perhaps it's time I remind you of your rightful place in the - AUGGHH!" His playful threat was cut short by a direct hit from a perfectly-formed snowball that Gannen had been hiding behind his back. Vancha only laughed harder than ever, spitting out ice chips as he did so.

For a few minutes it was all-out war. Their ammunition was mostly snowballs, but there were several instances where they resorted to old-fashioned fisticuffs. Finally they found themselves sitting side-by-side with their backs resting against the trunk of the tree, holding handfuls of snow to their bleeding noses. There was something so very magical about having a brother again. Neither of them ever said it out loud, and maybe they never would. But as long as there were little moments like this, they didn't need to say it out loud. The grins on their flushed faces spoke far louder than embarrassingly sentimental words.

"Just for the record, I think you're doing a very admirable thing. Misguided, maybe. Unconventional, definitely. But you're as honourable as they come." Gannen admitted gruffly, before getting back to business. "So, how are we cutting it down?"

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

It took an hour and a half, two wrecked dagger blades, and a few solid kicks to finally take the tree down. Their hands and feet were covered in sap and splinters by the time it was all said and done, but finally they were en route back to the house.

Nobody was home when the March-Harst brothers finally darkened the doorstep. The Shan family had gone skating in the town square. Gracie and Kurda had gone to the supermarket to pick up some food. Renley and Shane were also on a supply run of a different variety; the group's collection of blood vials wouldn't fill themselves. They'd flitted to the next town over to take care of business, though. All agreed it would've felt impolite to feed so close to where their hosts lived. Vancha was just surprised Shane was electing to feed on blood from a vial as opposed to how vampaneze normally went about it. But he'd ponder that later. The family would be home from skating any minute now. The tree had to be up before then.

They quickly realized they needed a means of keeping the tree upright. Gannen found a large bucket in the shed, and Vancha borrowed some rocks from the neighbor's front lawn. Who needed that many decorative rocks in a garden anyway?

They were trying to stuff the tree into the makeshift stand when the door opened. Both looked up in alarm but relaxed when they saw Gracie and Kurda file in with armloads of shopping bags.

"Where've you been? Thought you would've beat us home!" Said Vancha.

"Don't ask." Kurda laughed, then added incredulously "Wow. You sure got a tree."

"Someone had to!" Said Vancha.

"So you keep saying." Said Gannen, arching an eyebrow.

"I like the muddy footprints on the carpet." Gracie added as she gazed judiciously around the living room. "That's a fun festive surprise they'll love for sure."

"I told you to take your boots off at the door. Idiot." Gannen grunted, swatting Vancha's shoulder.

"I didn't even wear boots! It's just from my feet!" Vancha protested.

Gracie and Kurda disappeared to the kitchen to restock the cupboards, then returned to the living room to sit on the couch to turn on some Christmas music to set the tone as they watched the tree debacle unfold from a safe distance.

"There's a voice in my head telling me we should put a stop to this." Kurda muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"That'd probably be the right thing to do." Said Gracie. "But I kind of want to see how it plays out."

After a few false starts that resulted in evergreen needles flying in every direction, Vancha and Gannen succeeded in getting the tree right-side-up. Mostly. It had a bit of a lean that no amount of repositioning seemed to be able to fix. And the very top was bent at a ninety-degree angle because the ceiling was a foot too tall for the tree.

"I told you so." Said Gannen.

"I think it looks better that way. Adds character." Said Vancha proudly. Gannen rolled his eyes.

"It also adds needles. And sap stains. And that squirrel over there." Kurda contributed. With a completely straight face he pointed towards the corner of the room.

Vancha and Gannen pivoted on the spot. Sure enough, a bright-eyed bushy-tailed red squirrel was perched high on the bookshelf. It chattered shrilly as it peered down at them.

"Little bugger must've stowed away in the branches!" Vancha hooted, like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

"Stay still and be quiet. I'll get it." Gannen slowly advanced on the squirrel, hands outstretched. The room was as silent as a tomb as the others watched with bated breath. Maybe Gannen would've succeeded. No one would ever know, because at that moment the back door swung open with a bang to admit Shane and Renley as they triumphantly returned from their trip.

The sudden noise was all it took to escalate the situation. The spooked squirrel launched itself into the air like a rocket and landed somewhere behind the couch. It was all downhill from there. There's only one living creature on this planet that has a superior speed index to that of a vampire. And it's the red squirrel.

The satellite radio station seemed to know precisely what sort of soundtrack suited the sequence of events that unfolded. It shuffled to Christmas / Sarajevo 12/24 (Instrumental).

With Gannen's slow approach proving unfruitful, Vancha's instinct was to whip out the shurikens and go hunting.

"Charna's guts, you can't just dismember the thing!" Kurda yelped.

Vancha waved a hand and scoffed dismissively as he scanned the room for the squirrel. "Smahlt, there's a time and a place for pacifism -"

"I mean because you'll get blood all over their damn furniture, you idiot!"

"So what?! All my clothes have bloodstains on them. Doesn't hurt anyone."

While Vancha and Kurda bickered it out, Shane located the fugitive hiding out in a potted pointsettia. Renley pulled the case off a decorative couch pillow and held it like a net as he advanced. But the squirrel bolted at the last second and all Ren caught was the plant. The squirrel scuttled under the couch and Gannen saw an opportunity.

"You lift the couch, I'll catch the thing!" He barked at Vancha. Vancha obliged. He picked up the couch with such vigour he also took out the light fixture. Below, Gannen pounced on the squirrel. He hit the floor in a full belly-flop. But the squirrel had already made haste and took Gannen's dignity with it.

What happened next resembled the sort of chase sequence you wouldn't expect to see anywhere other than a Saturday morning cartoon. The living room began to resemble a battle ground. Suddenly the overlarge tree didn't look so out of place. Gracie fired off a text message to the burner phone Darren had been carrying for the past year.

[7:40 PM] GSVL: Hi. What's your ETA?

[7:43 PM] DS: We're walking to the car now. So about 10 mins.

[7:47 PM] GSVL: Haha ok. Can you stall for another half hour? And can you do it in a way your parents won't realize you're doing it?

[7:49 PM] DS: …What happened? Are you at the house?

[7:50 PM] GSVL: Don't worry about it lmao can you stall or not?

[7:50 PM] DS: Yeah I can but why?

[7:51 PM] GSVL: Thanks! See you in half an hour :):):)

[7:52 PM] DS: What's going on?

[7:55 PM] DS: No seriously what's going on?

[8:10 PM] DS: ? HELLO?

[8:15 PM] DS: GRACE ARRA SMAHLT-VER LETH

[8:15 PM] GSVL: Who's Grace? Anyway it's all good here, see you soon!

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

By the time it was all said and done, it wasn't the squirrel itself that needed the full half-hour Gracie had bought them. It took about five minutes to completely trash the living room - only for the squirrel to zip out the back door Renley had forgotten to close. The real task was the cleanup effort that followed. It was a nail biter, but by some miracle the living room was mostly back in order when the Shan clan got home.

The rest of the vampires and vampaneze were in the kitchen, leaning casually against the island like nothing had happened. Darren could tell right away they looked far too innocent. Especially Vancha.

"What happened?!" Darren mouthed to Gracie while his parents hung their coats up. She shrugged and carried on fixing herself a hot chocolate.

Darius disappeared around the corner into living room, eager to turn on the TV and see what Christmas special was airing that night. Then his small voice rang out like a sleigh bell:

"Wow! I've always wanted to have a real tree at Christmas!"

Dermot and Angela looked at each other in confusion and sped to the living room to see what the hell Darius was talking about. They'd made no arrangements to have a non-artificial tree. Annie and Darren followed suit. But not before Darren raised an eyebrow and glanced judiciously around the group in kitchen. They remained straight-face and tight-lipped. Except Vancha; he burst out laughing.

For a long moment, nobody said anything. Dermot was the one to break the silence.

"Me too, Darius. Me too."

Also hi this is a note for the folks reading this story here on fanfiction dot net. While I'm going to continue posting here til the site inevitably goes down, I wanted to let you know that I do also crosspost everything to Archive Of Our Own. My username on there is roxy_svl. (Fun fact: this site allows "." but not "_" in usernames, while AO3 allows the opposite.) Anyway if you're one of those folks that likes AO3 better than FFN feel free to pack it up and visit me over there instead. If not, no worries. I'm here til the bitter end.

Thanks for reading!